Original subtitles

I found some more pictures in the closet.

Carl must have been looking at them.

He left a Twinkie in the box.

Oh, look, here's a picture of Laura at the hospital.

Just after she was born.

What's that on the floor?

That's Carl. He passed out.

Oh, here's Laura at nine months.

Oh, so sweet.

Where does the time go?

Look, Carl at his fifth birthday party holding his very first one dollar

bill. Yeah, and he still has it.

And

Richie

told me you boss chicks were eyeballing photos.

Yes. We've been meaning to update our family album for years.

Well, since I'm practically family and our righteous next -door neighbor, I

brought you this.

It's one of my baby pictures.

Huh?

It's, uh... It's nice, Steve.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of every scene.

It's the bigger love of the family.

nice of you.

Are you feeling okay?

Of course.

Now that Steven and I have declared our eternal love for each other, the new me

is able to put our differences aside.

Well, actually, Lampikin, we just agreed to go steady.

Go steady, eternal love.

No diss.

Laura, I need to powder my nose. Can I use your porcelain palace?

a time when I would never leave you alone with Steven.

I would just let my bladder swell to the size of a watermelon.

So this is a relief in more ways than one.

Back in the gym.

So how are things going between you two?

Oh, we're getting along like hornpipes and clog dancing.

In fact, she has a birthday coming up, and I could use your advice on how to

make it a special one for the little me.

convention in wiscogee or the museum of natural history is proud to be a primary

festival

My parents invoked a noise clog in my lease. They nearly had me evicted.

All right, I'll ask my parents if we can have the party here. I'll get it then.

I'll think.

What were you two chatty Cathy's talking about while I was away?

And they're smacking them upside the head with a pipe.

Is now a good time at Harriet?

Yeah. Your Uncle Carl is in a good mood. He's watching people hurt each other.

What's going on?

Every week, my class takes a field trip to visit where a family member work.

Oh, that's nice.

I was thinking, can I bring my class down to the police station?

I want them to see you in action.

Really?

Hear that, Harriet?

He wants to see me.

in action.

Richie, I would be honored.

Thanks, Uncle Carl.

The kids will love it. You have the most awesome job in the whole world.

Well, police work is pretty exciting, Rich.

You know, I don't blame you for bragging about me.

I guess I would, too, if I were related to me.

Well, I'm going to call Lil G and tell him the good news. Okay.

Don't you want to watch the Three Stooges?

Nah, too juvenile.

Let's see.

I took care of the invitations and decorations.

I started doing a gigantic cake I'll be jumping out of.

And for music, I was lucky enough to get Warren.

possibly be doing it, Lauren?

Oh, um, algebra?

Uh -huh, yeah, Steve was tutoring me in algebra.

Oh, then where are your algebra books?

Books?

She's asking about our books.

Oh, yeah, uh, we don't need them. Don't need them.

Uh -huh, yeah, uh, Steve is, um, doing algebraic word problems.

Word problems? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's making them up as we go along.

60 miles away.

He drives for 65 miles per hour for three hours.

And then he slows down at 55 miles per hour. How long does he have to drive

speed?

Oh, three hours.

Stevie, I get the feeling you're hiding something from me.

Nonsense, my little worrywart.

Trust me, Ryra, there's nothing to be suspicious of. Oh, so you say.

But trust me,

I find you're messing with my honey bunny buns.

Things will get sticky.

Come on, Steven.

Am I right? I think you are terribly rutalara.

Rutalara, rutalara.

poster to anywhere in the country.

You told us that already.

I did?

Yeah, three times.

And it was very interesting, wasn't it, children?

Yes, Mrs.

Melville.

Uncle Carl, tell everyone what happens at the booking desk.

Well, when someone gets arrested, we take their picture and their

then we clean them up, and we put them in a uniform, and we keep them in a

little tiny room.

In other words, when you call out a perp, you take the prince and mugshot,

and louse him, and shove him in stir.

Right.

You've been watching NYPD Blue, haven't you?

No. My uncle's done time.

dangerous. No, kids.

You see, I'm a lieutenant now.

And this is where I work.

That's right.

Helping to keep our city safe.

So you don't want to arrest people? No.

I used to.

Well, maybe you still could. If you cut back on the donuts.

I have.

Now, Tori, it's not Lieutenant Winslow's fault? His job is boring?

I didn't mean boring. I meant less hectic than others.

My dad's job is more exciting, and he's an insurance adjuster.

I'll tell you what.

I'll get some blank arrest warrants, and then we can all fill them out together.

You've been ragging about your uncle the cop, and he's nothing but a desk

jockey.

Man, now, I don't do high school parties anymore.

Don't be desperate, girls.

Party!

I still don't understand.

If it's a surprise party, how come I know about it?

Because the party is not for you, Wally Pop.

It's for Myra.

Well, this isn't a good plan. When she sees the decorations, she's gonna know.

I call it sick.

Would you do the honors?

kind always came.

But, Beetlebutt, you don't understand.

Oh, poor Steven, you don't understand.

Once again, you've been blindsided by this heinous hussy.

Now, you don't mean that, Myra. Take that back.

She's been trying to hook you for years, but she just doesn't have the proper

bait. Oh, sure, when I'm around, she's all prim and proper.

But the second my back is turned, it's boom, bye -bye.

trusted you, Laura, and you betrayed me.

You're nothing but a lying man stealing tart, and I never want to see your

backstabbing face again.

And now she is not.

Steve and that cake together, it was like you shish kebabbed my heart.

Myra, I just hope this proves once and for all that I have no romantic interest

in Steve whatsoever.

I know.

I messed up everything.

I ruined the surprise. I embarrassed you.

I humiliated Laura.

All because I'm a jealous Jenny.

It's obvious I'm not worthy of wearing your science club pin.

I'm sure you are.

You can keep it.

at the police station for our field trip, and we weren't exactly having much

fun. And finally, this blue form is used to order

more of these yellow forms.

And of course, these yellow forms are our main weapon in our war against

Any questions?

I have one.

Oh, great. What is it? Can we go home now?

Children, please.

Winslow has been a very gracious host.

Now, what do we say?

Thanks, Lieutenant Winslow.

Hey, Robinson.

Come here for me.

Robinson here was arrested on a pickpocket charge.

Didn't you understand?

Son, think about what you're doing here.

Hey, I know what I'm doing.

Do you?

Right now, you're just a petty thief.

A guy who stole somebody's money.

But if you kill this man, you'll be a murderer.

Someone who stole a man's life.

Now, I don't think that you're ready to make that leap.

Come on.

Give me the gun.

Please, son, give me the gun.

You did the right thing.

I guess I really screwed up.

You made a mistake.

We'll talk about this tomorrow.

Yes, sir.

Hey, Richie, your uncle's really cool.

Uncle Carl, you were great. Thanks, Richie.

Carl, you really are a hero.

Oh, Harriet, I was just doing my job.

You really do have the most exciting job in the world.

Well, Richie, things like that don't happen every day.

Lucky they didn't waste you, big guy.

Yeah, that would have put a real damper on the party.

way.