Original subtitles

He's at the ten.

He's at the five.

He's at the concession stand.

Mom, come on. I'm Emmett Smith.

I just scored a touchdown.

Yeah, but I'm calling it back for holding.

Holding?

Honey, that was upstairs.

Oh, honey, you look great.

Thank you.

I'm the perfect cat woman.

Meow.

Hi, guys.

I'm these twins. What a great costume.

Thank you.

Eddie, what if you meet a pretty girl at the party?

No problem, Dad.

in the 1920s. Yeah, back when she was little.

Let's move it before all the candy's gone.

Okay, grab your bag.

much for trick -or -treating oh come on mom we can still go oh no way richie

it's pouring and there's a blackout only a crazy fool would be out on a night

like tonight trick -or -treat

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say it's even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams.

What are you doing out in weather like this?

Getting wet.

So, who are you supposed to be?

Well, listen, Matthews.

Sam Donaldson.

Gene, if we can't go out, this is gonna be the worst Halloween ever.

Oh, sweetie.

There's more to Halloween than trick -or -treat.

Hey, I got an idea.

Let's play Pass the Ghost Story.

Sounds like fun.

I'll start.

It was a dark and stormy night.

In a creepy old castle. This castle was the home of the tall, dark,

handsome. Fearless and dynamic Count von Winslow.

The Count was very popular. In fact, the peasants all worshipped him.

Hey, Count, we worship you.

The Count was all... Also, the world's greatest swordsman.

And then, something incredible happened.

Take it, Harriet.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, the, uh, the Count's wife.

The Countess?

She came down the stairs.

She was not only a knockout. She was the woman who ran the castle.

The brains of the family.

Brains of the family?

Hey, I'm running this whole castle by myself.

The Frankensteins have help.

I should have married a doctor.

And the peasant loved her, too.

The most frightening thing was the fact that Count Von Winslow and his wife were

both vampires.

Yes,

the Von

Winslows were vampires.

The undead. The thing that kept them nourished was blood.

Suddenly, a bat flew into the room.

Oh, hi, fangsters.

Well, mother, how good it is to see you.

Thank you, sugar fangs.

Can you stay for dinner?

Oh, no. I've got a hot date. I'm seeing a younger man.

Oh, really?

Yeah. He couldn't be a day over 400.

fun, Mother. I always do.

Now keep my coffin warm.

Take it, Eddie. All of a

sudden, down the stairs came Devon Winslow's incredibly handsome

teen heartthrob son.

Like many teenagers, he rebels.

And he refused to be a vampire.

Son, I don't understand you. You don't roam around at night. You don't

the townspeople. And you don't use your torture chamber.

Dad, what makes you happy doesn't necessarily make me happy.

Oh, this modern -day faking.

They were gonna argue some more. But then, suddenly...

There was a knock at the door.

Someone's at the door.

Take it, Steve.

Standing there was Sir Stephen, the royal Duke of Britain, the world's

handsomest, and most eligible bachelor.

to bother you.

But I'm Sir Stephen, the royal duke of Urquhart.

My carriage broke.

Can I stay the night?

Of course.

We'd love to have you for dinner.

Why, thank you.

Now, what about my horse?

He won't fit at the table.

I'll fix your carriage for you.

Why, thank you. And then I'll test drive it into town.

My, what a lovely home you have.

I simply love how you've mixed the 10th century stuff with the modern.

Well, I must admit I stole some ideas from Better Homes and Dungeons.

The guy who showed up for that bell ring was their faithful butler, Valdo.

Ah, Valdo.

There you are.

Where have you been all day?

Doing my laundry.

I ran my socks through the wringer.

Next time, I'll take them off first.

Valdo, would you please show our guest his room?

You got it.

Well, it depends on how long it takes us to find a victim.

I mean a chicken.

You can go now.

No, I can't.

Why not?

You're standing on my foot.

Take it, Laura.

The royal duke checked out the room.

He looked under the bed.

He looked out the window.

Then he played a song on his armpit.

Then he hung his cape on the wall.

ghost story is really fun.

What happens next?

Well, Laura, the lovely, sweet peasant girl, explains to Sir Stephen, the royal

duke of Urkel, how she wound up chained to a castle wall.

My carriage broke down and I was invited to stay the night.

That was three weeks ago.

Boy, don't you just hate it when that happens?

Both carriage mechanics tell you it's going to be done in one day, and then

three weeks later, you're still waiting.

Don't drink the wine.

Why? Is it a bad year?

No. They'll drug you, suck out all your blood, and then mess up your hair.

Now it's my turn.

Just then, the Countess's sister entered the room.

Her younger sister.

She was a sultry victim with a pair of fangs that could knock a man's eyes out.

She worked in town as a torch singer, and the peasants loved her.

Be careful. This is the one with the drugs in it.

Sir Stephen, do you like this painting we just recently plundered?

Tell me, Sir Stephen, do they have armor like that in your country?

I am thirsty for blood.

the greatest swordsman in the world.

Watch.

Enough of these tricks.

Tricks are for kids.

Tricks. And Perry.

My firms don't scare me.

Say it, Rob.

Let me see.

Don't drink the wine. Check.

Kill the vampires.

Check.

Save the girl.

Be gentle.

And so, Sir Stephen prevailed.

He won the fair lady and he vanquished the vampire.

Or did he?

And so, the handsome Sir Stephen and the lovely Laura got married and had

four boys and two girls.

You can get some trick -or -treat time in, little guy.

No way.

Uncle Carl, can we tell another pass -the -go story?

Sure.

I'll start.

It was a sunny day when Grandma came to visit her family.

Hey, that's not scary.

Oh, yeah?

You haven't seen my Grandma.