Original subtitles

Don't open that door!

Honey, I went wild.

It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition... Of the grand design.

Some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams. Real love bursting out of every scene.

Days go by.

It's the bigger love of the past.

a movie, but you're here now, and that's much more frightening.

Gosh, what a witty wench.

Steve, go home.

I know,

I know, I know.

You all need your dash of slash and gas, but I've got somebody I'd like you to

meet. It's my Aunt Una.

Aunt Una? From Mount Una.

Well, where is she?

Well, she's outside hiding in your bushes.

Uh, why is she doing that, Steve?

Well, because she's shy.

You see, the truth is, unlike me, my aunt is a little...

Well,

that was nice.

things in Altoona.

Oh, not so good.

I've had a streak of bad luck.

Oh, but what happened? My kitchen exploded.

Oh, how did it do that?

The gas line broke when my living room flooded.

Well, how did your living room flood?

The water pipe snapped when the roof collapsed.

But if you... Don't give it up, Carly. It's quicksand.

I think I'm getting a headache.

Well, Una, hey, sit down, relax.

Here. Thank you.

helping Waldo fix his snowmobile. What's wrong with it?

Two things.

The accelerator keeps sticking and Waldo's hair is caught in the treads.

Let's see.

They a man in your life?

Well... Oh, come on. Tisha, Tisha, Tisha. Something going on there.

Well, there's this guy, Barney Merkel.

He's the change man at the laundromat.

All right. I'd like a man with a dime in his pocket.

Just between you and me, I wouldn't put up a fuss if you made me Mrs.

Gracious, no.

We've never officially met.

You haven't?

Nope.

Unfortunately, I've never needed change.

Well, only if it were me and I was interested in Barney, I'd get me some

whether I needed it or not.

I had your confidence.

Well, maybe we could build you some confidence.

How? There are lots of ways.

You know, a new dress might make you feel good.

Would you like me to take you shopping and help you pick out something?

Hot diggity dang and a do -want diddy.

I'll take that as a yes.

And then after we shop, we can go and get our hair done.

Professionally?

me want to strut my stuff.

And you got some great stuff to strut.

Well, so do you. Come on. I got some new eyeshadow that'll look great on you.

son yeah then I suggest you

with some serious ducking.

I'm not an idiot, you know. Teeth ball.

Oh, that's me.

Okay, Waldo, what's your idea?

Karaoke contest.

Waldo, I can honestly say your idea isn't completely terrible.

Okay, go ahead and say it.

I just did.

Wow, that was fast.

I think Waldo deserves a reward.

I do believe you're right.

to see your sexy smile.

Oh, that's nice.

It would be nice if you had one.

Harriet, wait.

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

Everything's great.

I mean, you might not believe this, but up until now, I've always felt a little

bit dowdy.

Oh, yes, yes.

But thanks to you, now,

You are pretty. I didn't do anything.

Oh, yes, you did. I mean, you paid attention to me.

Almost, almost like a friend.

Una, I am your friend.

And I just want you to realize that you can be as beautiful outside as you are

inside. Oh, thank you so much, Harriet.

Now, come on.

You look great.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for karaoke.

Say hello to your host for the evening, a real gem, Mr. Mel.

here for cheap entertainment.

Kidding. Joking. Stop. Don't make me come over there.

Hey, you.

Yeah, you.

What? Race you to a donut.

It doesn't matter, kid. You're too late.

Yeah. Folks, we have one last contestant.

Put your hands together and give a big welcome to Aunt Tuna.

Aunt Ona.

Like it matters.

Amen.

Stop this check.