Original subtitles

You know, two can play this game. I may just flirt with the very next man I see.

Come here, baby.

Huh?

John, I'm running my fingers through his hair.

I'm gonna blow in his ear.

Oh, no.

Irene, I'm warning you.

Now I'm gonna tickle his manly chest.

Oh, no, don't do that. Oh, no.

Come on, Irene, that's enough.

Oh, no, I'm just getting started.

I'm almost finished.

I'm gonna kiss him, John.

You wouldn't.

it with you.

this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper page and love and

predictions of the grand design some people say it's even harder to find

Okay, Max, the sports column and Ziggy's interview with the principal, I do

today. Then we can put this issue to bed.

Right, Chief.

Don't call me Chief. Call me Publishing Diva.

So how's the Ask Max column coming along?

Laura, it's the best idea you've ever had.

Hey, you're always giving me lots of advice I don't want, so I figure it's

natural for you to share that gift with others.

stole your clothes again yes i'm tired of being bullied by those girls is that

your science article for the paper oh yeah but for obvious reasons i can't

it in

Hello, Ziggy.

Hey, Steve.

Brought your clothes back for you, bro.

Oh, thanks, Ziggy.

Hey.

Hey, where are my boxers?

Oh, up on the roof.

Thanks to you, the school's got a new windsock.

give to women every time i try to have a conversation with them we always end up

arguing hey he's up on his dick man i like the bloke that's a change you

trash all the popular guys

print is junk, okay?

Oh?

Well, what about this riveting article?

Are the fashion police after you?

That is a valid and helpful piece on how to dress.

And it wouldn't hurt you to glance at it.

Hey, look. I wear these clothes because, see, I'm not caught up in shallow

materialism. Shallow materialism? Yeah.

Like colors that match and clothes that fit?

I'm not going to let you mess with my story, Laura.

Vicki, look.

It's my call, and I'm trimming it. Period.

Then I'm going over your head.

I'll talk to Ms. Jennings about this.

We'll see if she confirms your authority over the universe.

Girl, I know you wouldn't go over there.

We're packing order.

We're packing order, people.

Laura. What?

Slap yourself.

Harriet!

Harriet!

Oh, for goodness sakes, Carl, what is it?

We need you to be the referee again.

Oh, no. Why do you make me take part in this pointless activity?

Because we're men.

And we thrive on pointless activity.

Let's get this over with. Put your hands right here. Watch out now. I'm ready.

I'm ready. Give me your hands. Okay, okay, all right. Okay.

One, two.

That's why we need a referee.

Come on, come on, come on. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. All right, Dad.

go. Come on.

Okay.

Can't make up my mind.

Laura, we need to talk.

Ziggy, I'm still going to trim your article. Forget about that. I'm on to

things. Look, I was at Quigley's supermarket and I started rapping to one

checkers. I was telling them how grateful we all are for the computers

donated to our school.

Yeah, they're gossip.

Yeah, well, the school should send them back.

What? That check has slipped me a few facts.

Quigley's has been selling me with false expiration dates. It's actually older

than what the package says.

Did you check that out with Quigley's management? Look, I tried to, but they

refused to see me, so we gotta force the hand, and we'll demand that the school

return their computers, and we'll print explosives. Boom!

Slow down.

We need these computers. It took us years to get them. So what are you

We just ignore what's happening at Quigley's?

Look.

I'll let you do the story on this, but we're not returning these computers.

Laura, open your eyes.

Climb down off of your editor's pedestal and get involved.

I am involved. It is my job to be rational and examine every point of

don't have the luxury of behaving the way that you do.

And how is that?

Like a pushy, egotistical, pompous jerk.

I resent... that if it didn't come from a stubborn, uptight, fishy little brat.

Yeah.

I've had them for the past two days, and they're driving me crazy.

What if you tried holding your breath?

Maybe I did that. Nope, didn't work.

Well, maybe you didn't hold it long enough.

Go ahead. Take a big, deep breath.

Well, how long should I hold it?

Until I say when.

pictures. Oh.

Wow, look at that beautiful beach.

Hi, Steve.

And look at that water.

It's so blue. You didn't see anything so blue?

Mom, didn't Eddie used to date Emily's daughter for a while?

I think you're right.

Now, what was her name?

Brenda?

I am fresh out of cures. Oh, Tom.

You've got to help me, big guy.

I mean,

I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I don't dare practice my sword swallowing.

All right, Steve.

One last try.

Take a deep breath.

You sure?

Trauma? Oh,

yeah.

You survived.

I know you feel miserable, but at least you're alive to feel that way.

Well, that's true.

I mean, the only thing that you did wrong was to hide your feelings about

happened.

Well, of course I hid them, big guy.

Those feelings are painful.

Well, painful feelings only get worse when you bury them.

The best way to get rid of them is to express them.

lucky to have a friend like you to express them to. Oh, come on now.

Not really.

You're the best, big guy.

Well... And you, Steve, you're here a lot.

And to show my appreciation, I'm going to come over a lot more often.

I've been thinking about that Quigley supermarket situation.

Let's not go down that road again. It just leads to a cliff.

Just hear me out.

All right?

You were right. I mean, getting these computers has nothing to do with whether

or not they rip off their customers. No, no, no. You were right to care about

the customers.

We should follow that up.

Maybe we should. No, you were right and I was wrong. No, you were right. I was

wrong. Okay.

Talk about what we really need to talk about.

What are you talking about?

There's something happening between us.

I know.

But what's happening just can't happen.

You're right.

Yeah.

Why am I right?

opposites i mean i'm spontaneous spur of the moment pulled by the horn kind of

guy and i'm a patient practical think it through kind of girl we're completely

wrong for each other it will be a disaster nuclear meltdown so then we

friends yeah friends

I think it calls for a celebration.

Dinner? I'd love it.

Luigi's? Perfect.

Okay, I'll call for a reservation. No, no, let's just go.

Well, what if we can't get in? Yeah, we'll go somewhere else.

That's that spontaneous thing, isn't it?

Yeah.

I'm calling for reservations.

I bet you always do practical stuff like that.

Yeah. Mm -hmm.

This will never work, woman.

Never. See, I just can't deal with you.

Me? You're the problem.

Why? Because you're a pushy, egotistical, pompous jerk. Look who's

Brittany Uptight Brat.