Original subtitles

Bring the world's appliances to your home.

Hey, Steve.

My money pie.

Check out the thong on this, babe.

No, I bet they call it a thong because when you pull it off, it goes thong,

thong, thong, thong, thong, thong.

Harold.

What is it, Steven?

Well, I need some extra time on my science fair project. Can I stay after

Well, I suppose.

Oh, thanks, Peach.

When I publish, you're an acknowledgment.

Say, Anna, want to skip lunch and do a little lab work with me?

Apparently not.

How you doing, yuckle?

Oh, what do you want, Thornhill?

Fair warning.

Don't waste your time on a science fair project this year, because I'm going to

win first prize.

Yeah? Well, you better lay out the pickles before bedtime, Thorny, because

you're dreaming.

Don't you ever point a rubber glove at me.

You're around a little tight, Dexter.

Grab a nap.

All right for you, Mr. Brainy Pants.

One of these days you're going to mess up, and I'll be there to rub your face

it. Oh, I'm just shaking in my lab coat.

encapsulated the speed at which a body projected horizontally from the top of a

mountain will leave the earth and begin revolving around it.

Isaac Newton.

Who found in modern chemistry a means of experiments leading to a theory of the

nature of combustion?

Antoine Lavoisier.

Who assigned a motion to the earth after the manner of a wheel being carried on

its own axis?

Love and tradition of the grand design Some people say it's even harder to find

Well, then there must be some magic clue Inside these gentle walls

That's all I see

these shoes are.

Ma, I gotta talk to you about Steve.

Oh, you mean the explosion?

Well, Steve says he didn't do it, but nobody believes him.

They want to expel him.

Really? For a little explosion?

It wasn't that little.

One of the lab tables hasn't come down yet.

Well, I really feel bad for Steve.

Yeah, me too.

That may be something I could do to help.

What is it?

Well, Steve could act for a student trial and I could represent him. Oh,

a great idea.

Yeah, I think I'll do it.

But if I win the case, I'll ruin the party.

What party?

The one the kids want to throw the day Steve gets expelled.

You sit together.

Relax. I'll handle it.

Hey, Snuggress, I thought I just saw you outside.

Oh, that must have been somebody else kissing on your girl.

You're saying it wrong.

Enunciate. Bay leaf.

Okay, so you're the bay leaf.

Why are you wearing that outfit?

Because bay leafs are supposed to wear a uniform and I didn't want to look

stupid.

All right.

You've seen him in the halls. Now here he is live in our courtroom playing our

judge.

and family.

Order!

Order!

Another outburst like that and I'll clear the cafeteria.

Miss Monkhouse, you blew up the science lab?

Guilty as charged, sir.

take the fall for you?

But why?

If you get expelled, your life will be ruined.

But what about yours?

Without you, I have no life.

I won't let you do this.

I'm innocent, and I must clear my name.

You're so brave.

You're so noble.

Mr.

Thornhill, call your first witness.

The prosecution calls Mr.

Harold Sweeney.

ready to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, and

and health of death do you part.

I'm not getting married.

Well, chin up. You'll find that right girl someday.

Mr. Sweeney, it was your classroom that exploded.

That's true. And the last person you saw in your classroom before it exploded

was... Steve Urkel.

Thank you.

Your witness.

Explosion? No, I didn't. Then you don't really know who caused it, do you?

No, I don't. No further questions.

I call Officer Carl Winslow.

Officer Winslow, you're Steve Urkel's next -door neighbor?

Yes.

And has Mr. Urkel ever caused any damage to your home or property?

bit but nothing major.

those things, Peter?

Well, I still have my health.

You'll eat me.

Officer Winslow.

Yes, honey.

You've described several of Steve's so -called disasters.

Did he ever deny causing any of these mishaps?

Well, no.

So he always accepts responsibility for his mistakes.

Oh, well, it's simple.

He didn't do it.

Objection! Calls for conclusion.

And makes me look bad.

Sustained. And it's your suit that makes you look bad.

Thank you, Officer Winslow.

Anytime, sweetheart.

At this time, Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

After a job well done.

Is the defense ready to proceed?

We are.

The defense calls Stephen Q. Urkel.

MasterCard presents a new ABC Family original... Mr.

Urkel. Yes, baby cake?

Will you please tell us what you were doing in the lab on the day in question?

I was working on my project for the state...

revolutionary graffiti remover.

I call it Tag Be Gone.

Yes, and are any of the chemicals in your solvent flammable? Oh, yes, yes.

But I'm a scientist, and I treat all my chemicals with R -E -S -P -C -T.

Please tell the court in your own words exactly what happened.

Well, I was mixing a batch of salt when our Cracker Jack janitor, Mr. Looney,

entered the room.

Well, we exchanged pleasantries and rented out my...

storage room to get a bigger, better beaker.

And a few moments later, I heard a loud explosion.

Thank you, Mr. Urkel. I don't know, swipe my pen.

Mr. Urkel, the explosion occurred at your lab station.

And cheese was found on the Bunsen burner.

Tell the court what your favorite food is. The food you live for. The food that

is often found on your breath.

I think I speak for all society when I say, you make me fat.

The defense calls Mr.

Alfred Looney.

Mr. Looney. Uh, that's Looney.

It's French.

I see.

You are the janitor here at Vanderbilt High?

Oui.

charred lunchbox found in the rubble that used to be the science lab.

Is it yours?

Yeah.

tell us what really happened that day?

Well, I was emptying trash and Stephen Urkel interrupted me.

He bugged me with a bunch of stupid questions about mops.

Cotton, sponge, who cares?

Finally, he went in the storage room and I decided to heat my sandwich

on his Bunsen burner. Oh. So you blew up the science lab. No, no, no.

Just as my cheese started to melt, my beeper went off.

It was an emergency.

Roadkill in the parking lot.

So I tossed the sandwich back in my lunchbox and skedaddled.

A couple minutes later, the dad -blamed place exploded.

But I swear the lab was fine when I left.

Sir, why didn't you come forward with this information?

I was afraid if I got in trouble, they wouldn't let me be in the school play.

I'm Billy Bigelow in Carousel.

My boy Bill will be strong and as tall as a tree.

No questions for the singing janitor.

Get a haircut.

The defense calls its final witness.

Dexter Thornhill.

you've won second place in the annual science fair.

Who took first place?

Yuckel.

Yuckel. You don't like Steve Urkel, do you? No, I don't. In fact, you hate him,

don't you? That's right.

Enough to blow up the science lab yourself and frame him for it?

Here's what really occurred that tragic day.

Steve was in the storage room when Mr. Looney was called away.

That's when you entered the scene.

You added explosive chemicals to

Steve's beaker and turned the Bunsen burner up high.

hightailed it out of the room, and moments later, it exploded.

Nice story, but it's pure fiction.

Oh? Well, what if I told you I could prove it?

How?

Your Honor, this is a black light.

It detects phosphorescent paints or chemicals.

Lights, please.

Laura, what's the relevance here?

Simply this.

The explosive chemicals in Steve's graffiti solvent are phosphorescent.

they come in contact with human skin, traces remain detectable for several

Mr. Thornhill, show me your hands.

Light, please.

in last year's science fair. Me.

I'm tired of studying until four in the morning while Urkel does glasses at a

page and gets A's.

How does he do it?

Start you, Urkel.

Start you to hack.

Your Honor, in light of this dramatic development, I ask that all charges

against Steve be dropped.

Case dismissed.

It's coming.

Kyle XY returns Monday, June 11th with an all -new season.

And tomorrow.

You can find out if those dreams that you're having are real. An astonishing

clue. It's you.

1985.

Leads to a forbidden place.

In just three weeks, the all -new season.