Original subtitles

Attention shoppers, Steve Urkel is about to enter the mall.

I repeat, Steve Urkel is entering the mall.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say it's even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of every scene.

It's the bigger love of the family.

David's Bridal announces a $99 gown sale.

Kids, always watching music videos.

We still got it, babe.

Yes, just in different places.

Hey, wait a minute.

Why are you all dressed up like that?

Well, the employment agency called me and I've got a job interview.

Well, I hope it's better than your last job.

Proofreading M &Ms.

Me too.

And listen, while I'm gone, you're going to have to watch Richie.

Oh, Harriet, come on. Now this is my day off.

Why can't Eddie or Laura babysit?

They're at the mall.

Well, they're always at the mall.

Why doesn't everybody in this house just move into the mall?

Oh, Carl, calm down.

I know.

I'll call my mother to babysit. She can't. Why not? She's at the mall.

Hi, Harriet. Hi, sweetie.

Uncle Carl, this is Little G.

He's new to the hood.

Well, hello, Little G.

When you guys get your new uniforms, what are you going to do with the old

Toss them, I guess.

That's wasteful.

You should give them to the homeless cheerleaders.

Hi, how much are your tickets?

Hi, um, they're a dollar.

But a book of ten is only nine dollars.

Okay, I'll take a book.

That's my girlfriend.

And if you smile at her one more time, we're going to have to play rip the nose

off pretty boy.

Oh, I'm shaking.

Hey, I don't care what religion you are.

Scram.

Waldo, stop being so jealous.

I have a right to be jealous. That fancy pants was flirting with you.

He wasn't flirting with me. He smiled at me.

Oh, please.

Think, Max. When you rearrange the letters and smile, you get the word lies

I am left over.

Sometimes he worries me.

Do you like my dress?

Uh -huh.

It's on sale. Just $49 .95.

It's Spoon.

Spoon?

Yes, that's S -P -O -O.

She wants you, man.

What? She's too old for me.

So learn from your elders.

Why don't you do some tango?

Hmm.

Well, she did kind of give me a little look when she said, spools.

Yeah, I saw that look. It melted the elastic in my underpants.

Hi, my little wraparounder.

Oh, Joy, it's Steve.

Now, I'm having a little problem with Myra.

Well, what's wrong now?

That new viral wench is a mother...

Your wife, she follows me around like I'm a sick puppy.

What should I do, Laura?

Just do what I do to you.

Ignore.

Well, obviously that doesn't work.

Well, okay, then just tell us the truth. You're too young to get so serious. You

need a little space.

Ah, the truth, huh?

Hmm.

That's just crazy enough to watch.

water guns?

Don't shoot them in the house and only get Eddie wet.

Right.

Now, why don't you two go do something dry?

We're bored, Uncle Carl. We want you to play with us.

Well, what do you want to do? Want to go role -playing?

No. Want to play soccer? No. Want to shoot some hoops? No.

Don't you want to do anything?

Sure. Come up with something.

I bet you just want to plop on the couch and watch TV.

Okay, you win.

Ow!

What's the matter?

It... It... It's my back.

Does it hurt?

Well, let's see.

I'm sorry, guys.

Looks like I'm not going to be able to play with you.

And little Richie, would you hand me that clicker, please? Okay.

Thanks.

Oh! Ah.

Oh, yeah.

Real bad.

Stinging pain.

Really?

I'm good.

Stevie Poo?

Yes, A -Poo.

Well, we've been seeing each other for a while now, and don't you think it's...

time that you made a commitment to me?

Well, I believe I have.

I let you buff your car with my old boxer shorts.

Yes, and my head is still spinning.

Actually, I was hoping that we could go steady.

Steady? Yes.

So if you wanted to get your ring or an ID bracelet, I'd be willing to pay for

it.

Maybe we could sort of see other people for a while.

Steven?

Steven,

I don't understand.

What's wrong with me? I'm not smart enough? Oh, no, it's not that. Oh,

brilliant.

I'm not pretty enough?

Oh, no, you're gorgeous. Why, haven't you noticed the way middle -aged men

at you?

is what you get.

Sweetheart, I'll tell you what.

I'm going to buy a whole book of those tickets.

Thanks. But I'll buy two books if you'll go out with me.

Uh -huh.

Who are you?

I'm her steady, Freddy. Oh, yeah?

Says who?

Don't make me get out of this trash can.

Look, you'd better go. He's very jealous. She's also crazy.

Crazy? Crazy. I'm so crazy.

Hello again, boys.

This dress is also on sale at Spoofs.

Did you see that?

What? She gave you a little extra lip action when she says Spoofs. See, like

this.

That's all right.

You really think she's interested in me? She came back, didn't she?

She's hoping for you.

Make your movie, man.

me miss uh garcelle ah garcelle beautiful name i'm edward what can i do

edward well i think you are fabulously fly and i was wondering maybe baby if

you'd like to have dinner with me sometime that's really sweet edward but

go out with men my own age i never date college kids well what about high school

kids

We hit it off instantly.

She shot you down?

Yeah.

Too bad, man.

I led you astray.

Must have been me she wanted.

Step aside, Eduardo.

Hey, yo, tall thing.

How'd you like to buy me lunch?

Hey, come here!

I'm a get -off.

For the next two weeks, I'm in charge of security for the Mr. Universe contest.

Well, congratulations.

How's the pay?

Lousy. But I get to frisk everyone.

Why aren't you kids playing?

Oh, Carl heard it back.

You did?

Oh, Carl.

Oh, well.

Hey, guys.

I got a little confession to make.

I, uh, I tricked you.

What do you mean?

Well, there's nothing really wrong with my back. See?

I just said that so you guys would stop bugging me.

Tom, that's dishonest.

No, it isn't. It's using the old noggin.

Actually, Uncle Carl, we tricked you.

What do you mean?

We knew all along there was nothing wrong with your back.

You did?

Sure. Well, then why didn't you say so?

He wanted you to be in a good mood when we told you that we broke your bowling

trophy.

Richie, that is dishonest.

No, it isn't. That's using the old noggin.

I was in the parking lot chasing lover boy when out of nowhere came this bus.

You got hit by a bus?

Not me.

Just the bike.

Fortunately, I flew off and landed on a nun.

Now, would you excuse us?

Gladly.

Don't worry, Max. My dad can fix the bike.

But who's going to fix us, Waldo?

What do you mean?

I've had it with your jealousy.

You get mad at every guy that comes near me.

And I can't stand it anymore.

We're through, Waldo.

What?

You heard me. It's over.

No, Mac.

You gotta give me another chance.

Please.

Why do you act so crazy?

I don't know.

Come on, Waldo.

Did you act like this with your other girlfriend?

Truth is, I haven't had a whole lot of girlfriends.

I mean, There's been girls I like, but you're the first one that ever liked me

back.

Oh, Waldo. I don't want to lose you, Mac.

I don't want to lose you either.

But you have to trust me. And you have to believe me when I tell you I'm only

interested in you.

I'll try, but it's not easy.

Why not?

Because I honestly don't know why you like me.

Because you're a kind soul with a good heart.

I am?

Yep. What else?

You make me laugh.

I do?

Thanks, man.

But I still think I should be number two on the all -time hot I get so lucky

list.

Well, who's number one?

Loud love it.

How is Myra? I know I saw her run off crying.

How it made me feel awful.

Now maybe you see how I feel when I try to get rid of you.

What do you mean?

Well, you always look so sad and pitiful and it makes me feel sorry for you. And

I always end up apologizing.

I just can't figure out why I do that.

You love me, don't you?

Lucy, would you mind returning to your silly raffle?

I'll see you two later. And if there's a God, much later.

Myra, are you okay?

No, Stephen.

Please change your mind about dumping me.

I've tried living without you, but it was simply unbearable.

My God, woman, it's only been 20 minutes.

I'm sorry, but I just have no shame when you're concerned.

Now, listen.

I'm so sorry I upset you. I never meant to hurt your feelings.

You're such a noble man.

Well, I've been thinking.

Perhaps we could continue seeing each other.

But only occasionally.

I just can't.

And that hurts your feelings.

You love me, don't you?

Okay.

New game plan.

It's not that I've been pursuing you too hard.

It's that I haven't been pursuing you hard enough.

What? I want you, Stephen Q. Urkel, and I won't rest until I have you.

My reputation. You're a 12.

Point buck, and you're staring down the barrel of my 30 -odd six.

Bang.

Are you okay?

No, I'm not. The woman's wacko, la.

Why, she simply won't take no for an answer.

What do you do when someone is just obsessed with you?

Beats me.

It's coming.

Kyle XY returns Monday, June 11th with an all -new season.

And this Monday. You can find out if those dreams that you're having are

An astonishing clue.

It's you.

1985.

Leads to a forbidden place.

In just three weeks, the all -new season begins.