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All language subtitles for Family Matters s05e08 Dr. Urkel and Mr. Cool

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,870 --> 00:00:02,870 What do you think of this skirt? 2 00:00:03,010 --> 00:00:04,010 It's fine. 3 00:00:04,030 --> 00:00:06,810 Why? I don't know. She says it's too short. 4 00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:10,830 Ooh, girl. 5 00:00:20,050 --> 00:00:21,050 It's perfect. 6 00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:25,450 Hey, buster. 7 00:00:25,750 --> 00:00:27,970 Keep alerting and you'll be hurting. 8 00:00:28,450 --> 00:00:29,450 Yeah, right. 9 00:00:29,870 --> 00:00:30,870 What? 10 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:45,020 too short 11 00:00:45,020 --> 00:00:59,860 it's 12 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:06,260 a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper page 13 00:01:06,260 --> 00:01:12,540 and love and tradition of the grand design some people say it's even harder 14 00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:13,540 find 15 00:01:21,930 --> 00:01:24,710 It's all I see is a tower of... 16 00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:27,160 was having delusions of adequacy. 17 00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:35,320 Steve, you are the clumsiest person in the world. 18 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:56,720 cheerleader, aren't you? 19 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,080 Help me out here, Steve. 20 00:03:02,020 --> 00:03:03,640 Why are you the way you are? 21 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:08,460 Well, for the same reason you're gorgeous and Eddie is loaded with 22 00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:13,780 V -like strands of recombinant DNA called genes arranged along the 23 pairs 23 00:03:13,780 --> 00:03:14,780 human chromosomes. 24 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,120 Right. 25 00:03:16,980 --> 00:03:18,680 But what happened to yours? 26 00:03:21,820 --> 00:03:25,260 Well, it might have something to do with the fact that... 27 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,040 I was conceived, a road flare went off in my father's pocket. 28 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:37,460 Steve, is there anything you can do to change yourself? 29 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:39,600 Well, why? 30 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,720 I like myself. 31 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,560 I'm comfortable with me. 32 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,500 Well, that makes one of us. 33 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:49,780 Because I'm not comfortable with you. I've got three flavors of milkshake 34 00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:50,860 dripping down my leg. 35 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:55,000 Steve, it would be nice if you tried to change. 36 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,860 And it would be even nicer if you did it soon. 37 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,290 for me? Nope. Just bills. 38 00:04:34,810 --> 00:04:37,230 Well, I'm glad to hear the bills make you happy. 39 00:04:37,770 --> 00:04:40,170 Why? Because I'm going shopping at the mall. 40 00:04:41,690 --> 00:04:44,450 By the time I'm done, you'll be thrilled. 41 00:04:46,110 --> 00:04:47,110 Good one, Harriet. 42 00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:48,570 Hey, you want some company? 43 00:04:48,790 --> 00:04:49,790 Wait a minute. 44 00:04:49,810 --> 00:04:52,110 You're volunteering to go shopping with me? Sure. 45 00:04:52,370 --> 00:04:54,170 And I'll even treat you to lunch. 46 00:04:55,190 --> 00:04:58,090 Okay, that's it. Who are you and what have you done with my husband? 47 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,360 It's me, your little binky -poo. 48 00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:06,020 And why is my little binky -poo in such a good mood? 49 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:11,020 Well, because it's been one whole week since I've seen Steve Urkel. For seven 50 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:13,740 whole days, I haven't heard, Did I do that? 51 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,079 Oh, look. 52 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,220 I'm being audited. 53 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,000 Hey, 54 00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:24,780 guys. Hi. 55 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,000 Can Eddie and I have a party here next Saturday night? 56 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,700 Sure. if it's just the two of you. 57 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,740 Oh, Laura, you and Eddie can go ahead and have your party. 58 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,020 Excuse me? 59 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,120 Yeah. Go ahead and party down. 60 00:05:44,820 --> 00:05:47,000 Okay, who are you and what have you done with my daddy? 61 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:50,080 It's me. 62 00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:52,300 I'm just footloose and Urkel free. 63 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,040 Come on, Harriet. 64 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,900 Let's go out to the bank and get you some extra money so you... I ain't... 65 00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:03,699 the bank book. 66 00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:06,600 Spin, spin, spin, spin, spin. That's all we do around here. 67 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:10,720 And look, there's going to be some strict rules for that party of yours. 68 00:06:11,340 --> 00:06:13,180 Come on, sunshine, let's go. Good Lord. 69 00:06:14,420 --> 00:06:19,060 Malls, park in hell, baby strollers, feed her, life stinks. 70 00:06:21,620 --> 00:06:23,560 Who put the starch in his tutu? 71 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:27,240 What do you want, Steve? 72 00:06:27,540 --> 00:06:30,860 Well, I wouldn't thumb my nose at the Nobel Prize, monkey doodle. 73 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:33,840 What are you talking about? 74 00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:35,860 And don't ever call me monkey doodle. 75 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:41,920 Clarence, a week ago, I locked myself into my basement and embarked on a 76 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:45,140 of experiments that will revolutionize the science of genetics. 77 00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:47,160 Steve, what is that stuff? 78 00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:50,560 This chemical compound will make me cool. 79 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:56,580 Oh, well, you go on and drink that, and then I'll show you my toothpaste that 80 00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:57,660 turns me into Janet Jackson. 81 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:09,320 It was hiding behind my jeans for hammer toes and nasal drip. 82 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:13,120 But still, I found it. 83 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:17,660 So I took my cool jeans and I doubled it. 84 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:23,200 And I doubled it again and again until I had a hundred trillion cool jeans. 85 00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:24,900 Steve, 86 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,080 you're scaring me. Oh, sorry. 87 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:35,020 Mama, this elixir will improve my coordination. 88 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:42,360 My posture, my vocal intonation, and I might even sprout a chest hair or two. 89 00:07:49,180 --> 00:07:50,820 First, you better sprout a chest. 90 00:07:54,980 --> 00:07:56,520 Steve, is this stuff safe? 91 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:57,719 Who knows? 92 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:01,980 Steve. Tired of Steve Urkel, were you? Wanted someone better, did you? 93 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:06,640 Well for 94 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:35,580 There is no Steve here. 95 00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:38,260 I'm Stefan, sweet thing. 96 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,460 Stefan or Kells. 97 00:10:20,110 --> 00:10:21,110 ago the world's cool 98 00:11:56,490 --> 00:12:00,910 We have some serious honeys in here. Oh, this party is the bomb. 99 00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:10,750 Baby, 100 00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:15,610 you are worth another trip. 101 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,120 Wait, say my name again. 102 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:28,920 Stefan. 103 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:33,960 There's nothing sweeter than the sound of my name upon your lips. 104 00:12:36,140 --> 00:12:37,380 Hey, yo, Stefan. 105 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:38,900 Yo, Eduardo, my man. 106 00:12:40,820 --> 00:12:43,300 Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know that handshake. 107 00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:47,160 How could you? I just made it up. 108 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:53,720 Harriet, that... 109 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:55,920 That dress. 110 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:59,300 If Carl knew what I was thinking right now, he'd arrest me. 111 00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:01,340 B .G. 112 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,820 B .G.? Well, big guy, of course. 113 00:13:08,540 --> 00:13:10,400 Hey, are you losing weight? 114 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:26,800 Right. 115 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:29,160 Are your parents happy with the new you? 116 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,460 Oh, they love the new me. 117 00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:35,020 In fact, they finally introduced me to my grandparents. 118 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,960 Stepfather, would you like to dance? 119 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,280 Oh, of course. 120 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,000 But later. 121 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,520 I'd like to first dance with my lady lover. 122 00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:08,300 It's nice to know that you remain comfortable. 123 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:13,000 Thank you for being 124 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:17,940 so cool. 125 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:20,300 This is for the cool. 126 00:14:39,010 --> 00:14:41,810 Thank you. 127 00:15:39,050 --> 00:15:40,050 Hi, sweetheart. 128 00:15:40,930 --> 00:15:41,930 What's the matter? 129 00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:44,690 Joey Gonzalez got shot today. 130 00:15:45,370 --> 00:15:46,470 Oh, my God. 131 00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:49,850 Is he okay? Yeah, we think he's gonna make it. 132 00:15:50,270 --> 00:15:51,270 Well, what happened? 133 00:15:51,730 --> 00:15:53,210 A routine traffic stop. 134 00:15:53,650 --> 00:15:57,650 Joey asked the driver for his license and registration, and the guy just shot 135 00:15:57,650 --> 00:15:58,650 him. 136 00:15:59,430 --> 00:16:00,430 Unbelievable. 137 00:16:00,630 --> 00:16:02,470 Yep. Joey was lucky. 138 00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:06,570 The doctor said if it had been an inch to the left, Joey would have been dead. 139 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,180 Are you going to be all right? 140 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:11,240 I guess. 141 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,400 Now, come on, sweetheart. Tell me the truth. 142 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:20,300 Do I look better at 131 pounds or 132? 143 00:16:22,620 --> 00:16:25,540 Stephon, I told you at dinner. I prefer 132. 144 00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:29,060 Really? Because I feel so bulky. 145 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,120 What's wrong? 146 00:16:37,770 --> 00:16:39,310 A policeman was wounded tonight. 147 00:16:40,070 --> 00:16:41,350 He's a friend of your father's. 148 00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,290 Oh, Daddy, I'm sorry. 149 00:16:44,010 --> 00:16:45,510 Carl, would you like to go over to the hospital? 150 00:16:46,430 --> 00:16:47,409 Yeah, I would. 151 00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:48,590 Some of the guys will be there. 152 00:16:52,890 --> 00:16:55,230 Mom, call me if there's anything I can do. 153 00:17:01,210 --> 00:17:02,210 Well, 154 00:17:02,970 --> 00:17:06,470 the storm clouds are gone. Care to cuddle up with a little ray of sunshine? 155 00:17:08,980 --> 00:17:11,599 Don't you care at all about what happened to my dad's friend? 156 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,260 Don't you have any feelings? 157 00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:14,980 Well, of course I do. 158 00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:20,280 But when I find myself burdened by the troubles of the world, I try to cheer 159 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,220 myself up by thinking about all the wonderful clothes I own. 160 00:17:25,819 --> 00:17:27,240 Stefan, we have to talk. 161 00:17:27,619 --> 00:17:28,620 Oh? 162 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:34,380 I never thought I'd say this in a million years, but... But what? 163 00:17:35,060 --> 00:17:36,360 I miss Steve Urkel. 164 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:37,800 Why? 165 00:17:37,980 --> 00:17:40,920 Because he had feelings. He cared about people. 166 00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:42,240 Face it, Stefan. 167 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,760 Numero uno on your list is you. 168 00:17:45,780 --> 00:17:47,020 Can you blame me? 169 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,900 Yes. Look at me. 170 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:54,200 I'm incredible. 171 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:58,180 Good -looking, charming, suave, and cool. 172 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,860 That's it. I want Steve back. 173 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,080 Steve was an annoying, clumsy nerd. 174 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,440 A man would have to be crazy to go back to that. 175 00:18:11,740 --> 00:18:12,740 Oh. 176 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,120 Or in love. 177 00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:18,540 What do you mean? 178 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,800 This is the antidote to the cool elixir. 179 00:18:24,380 --> 00:18:27,040 I call it the elixir fixer. 180 00:18:30,740 --> 00:18:32,180 Will that make you Steve again? 181 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:33,680 Well, the village idiot. 182 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,220 It's never been tested. 183 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:38,580 Wait, don't do it if it's dangerous. 184 00:18:39,980 --> 00:18:43,280 Laura, I've been Stephon Urkel for a week. 185 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,620 And I've got all the things I've always wanted. 186 00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:49,400 Friends, fame, and popularity. 187 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,860 But if I don't have you, I have nothing. 188 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,000 I forgive you. 189 00:20:46,380 --> 00:20:53,260 Tonight at 8, after defeating the Zendi, Archer and his crew are 190 00:20:53,260 --> 00:20:57,900 thrown back into the 1940s where the Nazis have invaded the United States 191 00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:00,460 the help of an alien race on Star Trek Enterprise. 192 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:04,940 Then at 9, it's a special encore of America's Next Top Model. 193 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:09,000 Stay tuned for Family Matters coming up next on UPN 27. 194 00:21:13,460 --> 00:21:20,320 Family Matters is a Miller -Boyette production in 195 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,460 association with Warner Brothers Television and is distributed by Warner 196 00:21:23,460 --> 00:21:25,040 Brothers Domestic Television Distribution. 13568