Original subtitles

Stop that.

They're not for you. They're for Laura.

Laura, would you hand me that magazine, please?

Here you go.

What?

There was a bug on your head.

for two more days.

No problem, Bob. I'll wait.

This is my life.

A pig and a pest.

This day and age to read any good news on the newspaper page.

And love and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of...

drive -thru window and have your money ready. And as always, exact change would

be appreciated.

Thank you,

sir.

No, no, no, no. Thank you, sir.

tattoo parlor they were but well did you know there's only one owen mom

i need a job man my family counts on my paycheck

we have nine fathers at the dinner table and three more eating over the sink

i'll tell you what waldo i'm gonna give you a job here mighty win really

the least i can do is hire my best friend

be touched and i thank you so much oh it's okay i'm just glad i can help out

when do i start tomorrow at noon

Casey, you should be here any second. We're gonna go over some new cheers.

Oh.

Okay.

Wanna rap about hunks till they get here?

Uh... Oh, love to, but they're here.

What's shaking with you?

Just my booty in the breeze.

Mom. I gotta go, honey. It was just a joke.

Well, hey, before we get started, you guys have to see a picture of my

baby.

Oh, what a cutie.

She's darling.

Oh, you know, Laura was a beautiful baby, too.

Really?

What happened?

people would stop and tell me what a beautiful baby I had. Well, listen, sit,

sit, sit, sit, sit.

She was so cute. She had the fattest little cheeks I'd ever seen. We used to

call her Chipmunk Face.

You can't see that.

Mom, nobody wants to know what I look like as a baby.

I do. Yeah, me too. Don't you, girl?

You know, I remember the first time I took Laura to the mall to see Santa

She was scared to death.

First she wee -wee'd in his head.

Then she spit up on one of them.

Oh, but she was crazy about him.

Waldo. What's up, sir?

Waldo, you don't have to salute, okay?

Okay. It's just that I'm so grateful for this job.

You're the best friend a guy could ever have.

Hey, buddies help each other out.

Listen, did you do that inventory for me?

You betcha, boss.

Uh, just read it to me.

When you do an inventory, you're supposed to give specific numbers.

Oh, man, I messed up again. No, no, no. Take it easy. It's your first day.

You'll learn the ropes.

Thanks, Eddie.

You're a boss with a capital B -O.

Here.

What are these?

IOUs. Some people didn't have enough money to pay, so I insisted that they

their name and number.

Cool down.

That would be me going from here to the sofa.

How you doing, son?

Uncle Carl?

Huh? How come you get tired so easy?

Well, I'm weak from eating far too many salads, Richie.

Time for me to increase the old pie intake.

Want me to give you a slice now?

Oh, bless you, son, bless you.

Sweet kid.

Dad. Huh?

I need advice.

Here's some.

Never go jogging in new underwear.

Uh, I'll remember that. But actually, I have a problem at work.

Waldo Faldo?

The guy that thinks Mount Rushmore was carved by lightning?

Well, Dad, he really needed a job, and I wanted to help him out.

Well, your heart was in the right place.

Thanks, but Waldo is messing up big time.

I think I'm going to have to fire him. But if I do, he'll be devastated.

Any advice?

Joe Miller.

Who?

Joe and I would beat cops together.

I loved the work, but Joe just wasn't cut out for it.

His feet would swell up, he was impatient with people, and he hated

So did he get fired?

No. The lieutenant transferred him to the undercover unit as a mugging decoy.

Turned out once you put Joe in a dress and high heels, he couldn't be happier.

I don't think Waldo would look too good in a mighty weenie skirt.

No, Tom, that's not what I'm saying.

You see, you are the restaurant manager.

And part of your job is to find out what your employees' strengths are and then

figure out a way to utilize them.

Yeah.

I'm gonna give that a try.

Thanks, Dad.

You're welcome. Hey.

Oh, dude!

mind you'll hurt yourself boy these new dancers are great but

have you ever tried the mashed potato the mashed potato the great dance from

60s the 1960s

I may be old but I'm quick.

a funky chicken.

No!

We don't want to see the funky chicken or any other stupid dance.

Um, I just remembered. I promised my mom I'd cook dinner tonight.

Look, Ma, the next time my friends come over, I would appreciate it if you would

just leave us alone.

Hi, Steve. Hey, Steve.

Oh, my teeth full of honey.

Here you go, sweetie pie.

Thanks, Wally Pop.

Hey, as long as I'm the chef here, your food goes on my tab.

That's so sweet.

Casey, yours is four bucks.

Gotta go, babe.

Steve, tell me the truth. How's Waldo doing?

Massey's a smash. Ever since Edel made him the cook, business has been booming.

Waldo, the sauerkraut tastes great.

What'd you do to it?

Put some honey in it. Now sweet and sauerkraut.

But what about the buns?

I steam them, then toast them. Makes them fluffy.

But why do the Wheaties taste so much better?

Ah, ah, ah.

Chef Waldo Faldo does not reveal Aldo.

Well, keep it up. It's great to see people actually finish their food.

What was that for?

For not firing me.

I was messing up real bad.

But you stood by me and found me a job that I'm real good at.

You're the best friend a guy could ever have, and I love you, buddy.

Well, you've always been a great friend to me.

The least I could do is be one back.

Hey, Eddie.

Think you could raise my salary ten cents an hour?

No. Why not?

Because then you'd be making as much as me.

Just driving around, thinking.

Oh, Dad called. He said he's bringing home some barbecue ribs for dinner.

Well, let's just hope there's something left when he gets here.

Mom, can we talk?

Yeah.

That's something we need to do.

Ma, I am so sorry I flipped out. I don't know what got into me.

I do.

I was embarrassing you in front of your friends, wasn't I?

No.

A little, yeah.

Went over the line with the funky chicken, right?

No, it's a great dance. It's just... My friends came over to see me,

and you sort of... Horned in.

I bet Maxine and Casey think I'm a fool.

No, they think you're cool.

They do?

Yeah, they wish their moms were more like you.

And why did I get so upset?

Because you're at a stage where not being embarrassed is the most important

thing in your life.

Really?

Yep. It ranks just above food and shelter.

I went through it, too.

Did your mom embarrass you?

Ooh, comfortably.

My sweet 16 birthday party was at a roller skating rink.

My mother did something there that upset me for years.

Really? What did she do?

She had fun.

She rented a pair of skates and...

went out on the floor and skated with my boyfriend.

They went backwards and even did some of those little twirly things.

Well, that's cool.

Yeah.

Everybody thought so except me.

I was horrified.

Well, I can relate to that.

Honey, I told all those baby stories about you because I'm proud of you.

And I showed you those dances because...

I enjoy being with you.

I know, Ma.

And I appreciate that.

Friends.

Best friends.

Hey, Ma.

Show me that funky chicken again.

Sure. Put it on the box.

Tonight at 6, a woman insists her daughter pay her rent, but she says her

just being vindictive on an all -new Judge Judy.

Then at 7, a car gets damaged when neighbors brawl over parking on an all

Judge Joe Brown.

Now stay tuned for Dance 360, coming up next on UPN 27.

Matters is a Miller -Moyette production in association with Warner Brothers

Television and is distributed by Warner Brothers Domestic Television

Distribution.