Original subtitles

It's the coldest time of the year. Did you pack enough sweaters?

Three. Well, what about socks?

I'm wearing socks.

Look, you guys, stop worrying. I'll be fine.

Laura, this is the first time you've gone on a trip without us. Yeah.

I mean, yeah.

It's only for three days, and we'll be shopping around the whole time.

Well, why couldn't they hold the Midwest Cheerleading Championships here in

Chicago? Why go all the way to Bemidji?

Well, Bemidji's a famous cheer town. They invented the phrase, sis -boom

Well, that's helpful. We don't want you to miss your flight.

Hey, Laura, wait.

You almost forgot your pom -poms.

Oh, I'd be lost without those.

How can I ever thank you, Richie?

A box should cover it.

You know, I'm surprised Steve didn't come by and embarrass you with one of

melodramatic goodbyes. I warned him that if he did...

I'd stipple his lips together.

Hi, sweetums.

Oh, I'll pack these for you.

It's a rare condition this day and age.

To read any good news on the newspaper page.

And love and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams.

Real love bursting out of everything.

Hey. Hey, Dad.

Just the man I wanted to see.

Grab a seat, son.

Okay, sure.

What's up?

I'm going to give you a haircut.

What?

How come?

It'll save me money.

No way.

No, no, no, no, no. I know that I may botch the first three or four haircuts.

But, hey, I'll learn. And over the years, think of the savings.

It's very important to Eddie that he look good.

You're both overreacting.

Now, come on, son. Let me take a whack at that head.

I'll even shave you one of those designs you young people like.

Something cool, like a happy face.

Mom, Carl, he doesn't have time for Hacker now.

He doesn't? No. He has to clean his room and wash the car and take out the

trash. Right, Eddie? Oh, right.

Right. I got to go do those things right now. Bye.

Now, you see?

I told you I'd get him to do his chores.

Listen to this.

Janet and I wanted to do something really exciting. Something daring.

So we got fake IDs and went to Club Buff.

The male strip club. Yes, girl.

The dancers there are drop -dead gorgeous.

The kind with their clothes.

Come on.

Look,

I'm going again this weekend. You guys have got to come with me. Hey, count me

in. Great, I'll get the IDs for you. It's just 50 bucks and a recent picture.

$50 is a lot of money.

Maxine, we're talking near -naked hook.

I'll have the cash tomorrow.

So how about you, Laura?

I don't know.

Hello. I forgot who I was talking to. Miss Laura, goody two -shoes, Winslow.

Now, wait a minute. I am not a goody two -shoes. Right, Max?

Yo, Max, jump in here any time.

Well, the kids at school do think you're kind of squeaky clean.

Well, does everybody think that?

No, not everybody. There is one guy who thinks you're wild and crazy.

Who?

Steve Urkel.

I have the money tomorrow.

Carl. Hmm?

Isn't it strange how different our children are?

What do you mean, sweetheart?

Well, with Eddie and Judy, we have to beg, threaten, and trick them into doing

their chores.

Yeah, but not Laura.

Laura always does exactly what she's supposed to.

You know, we're really lucky, Carl.

These days, it's tough to be a good kid. There's a lot of temptation out there.

A lot of peer pressure.

You know, honey, you're right.

We should reward Laura.

Carl, that's a good idea.

I'll tell you what.

Tonight, we'll give her first crack at the pork chop.

Last week, the poor kid didn't get any.

All right.

Let's kick it.

Babes, beware. Two dudes on the...

Well, what is it?

It's a combination nose hair trimmer and flashlight.

I mean, let's be honest, there's a lot out there we'd like to see.

Now, remember, Waldo, if we find two girls together, I get the ugly one.

Hey, how come you always get first pick?

Be fine, dear.

Sorry I had to grill you about your ID. You know, you don't look 28.

Oh, I get that all the time.

Here you go, miss.

Oh, it's Mrs. I'm a divorcee.

Caught my husband with a babysitter.

with muscles.

I mean, ice.

Laura, get a grip.

Yeah, if you're like that with the waiter, how are you going to handle the

dancer? I'm not. I'm going home.

What? We just got here.

Max, I am not good at this. I'm too uptight to enjoy myself.

Just be cool. Yeah, don't worry. Nothing bad's going to happen.

Steve, what are you doing here?

Having a pop, huh?

Where you been?

We went to Bubba's Barbecue, if you must know.

It was all -you -could -eat night.

Ah.

I'll bet poor Bubba broke into tears when he saw you.

barbecue breath.

Where are the Winslow women folk?

Well, Rachel talked my mother and Harriet into going to a nightclub.

Oh, girls night out.

How cute.

What club was it?

Club Buff.

Club Buff?

Well, it bothered me at first that Harriet went, but then I realized it'll

make her appreciate what she has at home.

Sure, those dancers have A few muscles and a lot of hair, but do they have

charisma?

Huh? Steve?

Steve?

Well, I don't know what I did, but I'm sure glad I did it.

you can't

Such a stick in the mud. Yeah.

Get with it, sugar.

This place is a blast.

So you've been here before?

Once at times.

Hi, Estelle.

Oh. Hello, Derek.

How are the kids?

Oh, just great.

Would you like the usual table?

That'll be just fine.

No man allowed.

And you're close enough. Scram.

I think she was a scientist.

That's a good outfit. Just one question.

Yeah? You're going to use that body?

Well, hey, it's not how many muscles you have. It's how you use the ones you've

got.

All right, get behind the curtain. You're on next.

Oh, but I need time to pump up. Well, you often need plastic surgery, but we

don't have time for that either.

I normally do this about once a month, but I'm doing it now.

like Club Buff.

I suppose I could ask you the same question.

But I'm no fool.

I went because Rachel dragged me there.

She was dying to know what a place like that was like.

She should have asked your grandmother. She has a lifetime membership.

idea and snuck into that place.

I know.

Why?

It was the only way I could get in.

You know what I mean.

That kind of behavior is not like you.

That was the point, Mom.

I want him to be as little like me as possible.

Did I miss something?

Mom, all the kids think I'm a Miss Goody Two -Shoes.

I wanted to prove to them that I could do something wild and crazy.

What?

Well, I guess we're two peas from the same pod.

Laura, when I was your age, I was Little Miss Perfect.

Rachel was the daring one, and she teased me constantly.

And then one time I wanted to show her that I could be daring, too.

Well, what'd you do?

Well, the Motown Review came to Chicago.

The Temptations, The Supremes, Little Stevie Wonder, and my all -time

Smokey Robinson.

Anyway, I did school and went down to their hotel.

I waited four hours for them to come out.

Well, did you get the autograph?

Better. When Smokey walked past me, I grabbed him, bent him back, and

planted a kiss dead smack on his lip.

What a kid.

Found out why they called him Smokey.

Mom, that is so cool.

I thought so, too.

Until my mother turned on the late night news.

There I was.

Crazy fan, Smoochie Smokey.

Ouch.

Were you grounded?

Until disco came in.

Laura, you want to be cool.

Then keep resisting temptation.

Keep doing what you know in your heart is right.

That one's really cool.

You're right.

That's my girl.

You know what, Mom?

What?

Every time that I start to think that nobody in the whole world understands

I feel...

It turns out that you know exactly how I feel.

Why is that?

Simple. I'm your mom.

The best mom.

Tonight at 6, a woman is accused of inappropriate behavior during a

visit with her child. On an all -new Judge Judy. Then at 7, a woman claims

mother opened up a credit card in her name and ran up the bill and ruined her

credit. On an all -new Judge Joe Brown.

Now it's Family Matters coming up next on UPN 27.

Distributed by Warner Brothers Domestic Television Distribution.