Original subtitles

Hey, Harry.

Put down those coupons.

Eddie and Laura finally gave me that language tape they've been promising us.

Great. We're going to be a bilingual family.

Daddy Mac, a good -looking guy.

Daddy Mac, a good -looking guy.

Fly, honey, a good -looking girl.

Fly. Honey, a good -looking girl.

Yo, let's kick it with the homies.

Hey, let's relax with our friends.

You know, this is amazing.

This is a whole different language.

Yep, and when we learn it, we'll be able to talk with our kids.

Ready for more? Fly, honey.

Let's kick it, Daddy Mac.

It's all I see.

The tower of dreams.

Real love bursting out.

Uncle Carl?

Uncle Carl!

Oh,

Richie! Morning, Uncle Carl.

You knocked the wind out of me.

Sorry. I had to wake you up.

I made you breakfast in bed.

Oh. Well, that's very thoughtful.

Hey, it's the least I can do for the best alcohol in the entire whole

Wow. Here, fresh orange juice.

something, young man, aren't you?

See, there's this hot new video game called Super Space Donkeys. I need that

game, Uncle Carl.

Well, have you asked your mother for it?

Nah, she's hip to the old breakfast in bed trick.

Well, okay.

I'll have a talk with her and see how she feels about that particular video

game, okay?

Thanks, Uncle Carl.

What's the matter?

I got a loose tooth. It hurts when I chew anything harder than pudding.

Open up. Let's take a look.

Oh, yeah.

That baby's almost ready to come out.

Mom says all my teeth are going to fall out.

Well, she's right.

Sometimes some things have to fall out to make room for new ones.

You must be getting a lot of new hair because there's plenty of...

Once we pull that tooth, we'll put it under your pillow, and the tooth fairy

will bring you money.

If you lose enough teeth, you'll be able to buy your video game.

What do you mean, pull my tooth?

Well, Rich, that permanent tooth is all ready to come in.

It'll grow in crooked if we don't get rid of that baby tooth.

Let's wait and see if it falls out by itself, okay?

Well, okay.

We can wait for a while, but not too long.

Deal?

What's the matter?

Laura, the most humiliating thing happened to me today.

Let me guess. You only had enough lipstick to do one lip.

This is serious, Laura.

Oh, sorry.

Does this have anything to do with Roger?

You mean that stuck -up, conniving, jerry -curled, plastic -cap -wearing

Yeah, him.

What do you want, Steve?

I just got back from yodeling class, and I couldn't wait to come home and hop on

the phone and share my latest yodel. Steve.

basket case. Roger just dumped her.

Oh, no.

Why, he must have finished fixing up his car.

You got it. Well, you go soothe your A -ring friend, my bodacious brat, first.

Speak to me.

back next week.

Never mind. I'll just come over and talk to you in person.

Oh, good news. You're coming in loud and clear now. What's up?

Listen, I've got some juicy gossip that you didn't hear from me.

Comprende, compadre? Out with it, Steve. I got calories to burn before I sleep.

Why'd you dump Max?

No. Yep.

Oh, he must have finished fixing up his car.

Yep. Poor Maxine. She always picks the losers.

Listen, I got...

Is it upside down?

What's up?

Big news, buddy.

Roger and Maxine are incommunicado.

Wow. Is that in Mexico?

No, they're not speaking to each other. Roger dumped her.

He left her in Mexico?

They're not in Mexico. They broke up.

chance, man.

I don't want to go to Mexico.

Waldo, didn't you tell me you had a big crush on Maxine?

Hey, that's a secret. That's just between you, me, and the West Sea man I

it in.

I know that. Look, all I'm saying is you like Maxine and now she's available.

So make your move, man.

Get real.

Maxine is drop -dead gorgeous.

She never go out with a chucklehead like me.

Well, you never know unless you try.

Then I'll never know.

I really like her a lot, and it would hurt me bad if she shot me down.

Hold on, Waldo.

Incoming call.

Speak to me.

Hey, I know.

Earthman again.

Listen, I've got Laura on the other line, and she wants me to warn you not

blabbering about what happened between Roger and Maxine.

Oh, don't worry, I won't.

Anymore. What?

Well, you see, I told Waldo because he's got a thing for Maxine. I'm trying to

convince him to ask her out, but he's afraid she'll say no.

do Lieber. Hang on.

Swims, guess what?

What?

Waldo likes Maxine. He wants to date her, but he's too chicken to ask.

You're kidding.

Hey, I ain't never a kid when it comes to a lot more.

Waldo? Yeah.

Waldo Faldo?

Yeah.

Waldo Geraldo Faldo?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Listen, would you ever consider going out with him?

I don't know.

Maybe.

If he asked... Hold on.

See?

Maxine said she might go out...

She can't wait to go out with you.

Hmm? What are you doing?

I'm tying a string around this doorknob.

It's time to pull Richie's tooth.

Oh, Carl, don't do this.

Well, why not?

I pulled Eddie's teeth this way.

Right. And until he was 12 years old, he screamed every time he heard a door

slam.

Richie's tooth needs to come out.

I know, Carl, but he's scared. Can't we find a less traumatic way to do this?

What?

You are doing it again, Harriet.

You are doing it again.

Doing what, Carl?

You're behaving like a mother.

And what's that supposed to mean? You're being overprotective.

Harriet, have you learned nothing from the tragedy of the sea lion?

Don't start with me, Carl.

The massive female sea lion lies on a remote beach.

contentedly nursing her pups.

Without warning, a seagull makes a darting dive.

The mama sea lion rolls her blubbery tonnage over onto her pups.

Disappointed, the gull wings away.

But the mama sea lion heaves her humongous belly off of her young.

But alas, it is too late.

The pups

Have been mother smothered.

Harold. Yes?

Take a long look at me.

And then a long look at you.

Who's more likely to smother something?

You better get back out here when I think of a snappy comeback.

easy.

I'm going to use a very simple method that my father used on me.

What method?

Well, take a seat right here on this piano bench.

Uh -uh.

Okay.

I'll tell you what.

I'll demonstrate the whole thing for you, okay?

Now, first I want you to notice that the front door is open.

See? And around the doorknob is a little piece of string attached to it. See?

right there on the piano bench, like this.

See?

Now, on the other end of the string is a little slipknot. See?

Now, we'll just slide the slipknot over your tooth just like this.

See?

It was a date I'll never forget.

Ooh, girl, tell me everything.

Every single detail.

Okay.

What's up?

Waldo? Yeah, what's up?

I mean, you said you were gonna call me as soon as you got home from your date

with Maxine.

Yeah, but I went to shave first.

Waldo. You're supposed to shave before you go on a date.

Well, thanks a lot, Mr. Too Late Now.

Just tell me about your date.

Okay. I didn't want to be late, so when I rang the doorbell, it was exactly 7 o

'clock. Good for you.

Unfortunately, it wasn't Maxine's house.

It belonged to some cranky old man who didn't like being interrupted.

It took me five minutes to pry his pit bull off my butt.

Oh, man.

Hey, but I didn't lose my cool.

I just used the old noggin. Oh, what'd you do?

I drove around the block honking my horn and screaming her name.

Good thinking.

Hang on, Waldo.

Incoming call.

Speak to me.

Hello? Earthman.

Steve, I'm busy.

Me, too. But counting rack chromosomes is tedious work, and I needed a break.

Goodbye, Steve.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Have you heard from Waldo yet?

collection isn't the only thing on pins and needles.

He's on the other line now. He was telling me about his date with Maxine

was rudely interrupted.

Oh, you'll call me and tell me what happened, right?

Uh, yeah, absolutely.

Uh, bye.

Hello?

Hey, baby cakes.

date with Waldo.

I'm on the other line with her right now.

Oh, you'll call me and tell me what happened, right?

Oh, uh -huh, sure.

Absolutely. Bye.

Maxine, I'm back.

Where was I?

Waldo was driving down your street, honking his horn and screaming your

So all of a sudden, Maxine runs out of her house. She jumps into my truck and

says, shut up and floor before the neighbors kill us.

Great. So what movie did y 'all see?

Waldo said he was dying. to see Malcolm X.

Malcolm X.

Yeah, don't you know your Roman numerals?

Malcolm X is Malcolm X.

So what happened after the movie?

It must have rained because when we left the theater, we had to cross a big mud

puddle. Oh, Lord, don't tell me he fell in. So I took off my jacket and put it

over the puddle so Maxine's feet wouldn't get all muddy.

Nice move. Very gallant.

And then he picked up the jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders.

Mud all over your dress.

Mud all over her dress.

Man, disaster big time.

I started to get mad, but then Walter did the strangest thing.

What did he do?

I sat in a puddle so we could match.

That made her feel a lot better.

It's weird, but somehow it actually made me feel better.

And that's when he kissed me.

Get out!

Yep. I just took general aim at her face, closed my eyes, and fired with

lips. Got her smack dab on the cheek.

Laura,

every guy I've ever gone out with has tried to take advantage of me, but not

Waldo.

I always thought he was so dense.

But there's a lot more to him than I thought.

He's really sweet, and I like him a lot.

Do you think that's crazy?

No, that's not crazy. That's terrific.

Eddie, Maxine is the first girl I've ever dated who doesn't make fun of me

I mess up.

I kind of think she likes me, and I'm crazy about her.

I just think I was almost too chicken to even ask her out.

Now, you see, sometimes you just got to go for it.

Laura, thanks for listening to my troubles.

You're a good friend.

Don't mention it. Hey, y 'all, what's up with me?

Eddie, I appreciate your help and advice, and I'm lucky to have a buddy

you. Ah, forget it. Takes one to know one.

Well, good night.

Stephen? It is 3 .27 a .m. Why is family watching in bed?

Annie and Laura promised to call me back.

It would be rude of me to miss their call, Mom.

Family Matters is a Miller -Foyer production in association with Laura

Television and is distributed by Warner Brothers Domestic Television

Distribution.