Original subtitles

Please, Steve. No more farm animal impressions.

Okay, sugar pants. I'll find somebody else to entertain.

Hi, big guy.

Hello, Steve.

Hey, want to hear my impression of a chicken yodeling? No.

I'm warning you, Steve. I'm in no mood for this.

Okay, pause the hombre grande.

Eddie is an hour past his curfew, and it's a school night.

Oh, well, I don't blame you for being perturbed. Why, my father always says

curfews are like prostate exams.

Unpleasant, but necessary.

Do you have a curfew?

Oh, my, yes. Why, my curfew is written in stone and strictly enforced by both

my parents.

Oh, good, it's midnight.

I'm allowed to...

It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Cause all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of every scene.

It's the bigger love of the family.

Come on, Eddie, I'm hungry. Give me a sandwich.

No, Waldo, I can't.

Hey, wait a minute. Why are we whispering?

I'm late.

Don't you have a curfew?

Nah, I'm lucky. My parents don't care about me.

What about you, Waldo? You got a curfew?

No.

But I had a hamster once.

Edward!

Hi, Dad.

Sorry we woke you. We've been hanging out down here since 1058.

Oh, really?

Yeah. No, we weren't. We just got here.

Thank you, Waldo. No problem, Bob.

You're in big trouble, mister.

Major trouble.

Um, um, excuse me, but in Edward's defense, Mr. Winslow, it's my fault that

violated his curfew. Oh?

See, he completely lost track of time watching me moon meter maids.

Say goodnight to your little friends, Edward. I'll be over on the couch making

out your will.

is 11 o 'clock.

Not 11 .30, not 11 .45, and certainly not 12 .22.

Oh, come on, Dad.

I'm a senior in high school, and 11 o 'clock curfew is ridiculous.

Well, maybe you're right.

Let's say we change it to 10 .30.

Come on, Dad. I gotta have a social life.

Social life?

You call mooning meter maids a social life?

I didn't do that. I would never do a thing like that.

Edward, it is completely inappropriate behavior, and I don't want you

with it in any way. Now go to your room, young man.

You treat me like a little kid, Dad, and you embarrass me in front of my

friends. Oh, well, pardon me.

I'm sorry that I embarrassed you in front of a guy named Weasel.

That's what's going on. What?

You heard me. You were grounded for one month, Edward. A month? Just for being

late? That and your snotty attitude.

Mom, say something.

I want both of you to just calm down. Oh, sure. Take his side.

Edward, you messed up.

And you're going to have to suffer the consequences.

Oh, man, all you ever do is nag me, criticize me, and put me down.

Well, I'm sick and tired of it, Dad, and I'm not going to take it anymore.

Oh, yes, you are.

You may not like it, but you're going to have to take it.

Oh, no, I don't.

Excuse me?

I'm moving out.

Edward, you don't mean that.

Oh, yes, I do. Edward, you are not going anywhere.

Oh, yes, I am. I can't wait to get out of this prison.

Eddie, are you still upset with your father?

Yes, Grandma.

I mean, he's just being totally unreasonable.

I can't wait to find my own apartment.

Now, Eddie, I know you're frustrated.

But this is your father's house.

And he's got a lot of rules and regulations.

But there's one thing you've got to admit.

What's that?

You can't beat the rent.

She's right, you know.

You can't find a studio apartment for under $400 a month.

One bedroom started at $5 .25.

How come you know so much about apartment prices?

I think about getting my own place every time Steve drops by.

I'm absolutely panicked.

Well, what's the matter?

My father has forbidden me from doing any...

Sounds like a winner.

Oh, it is.

Why, you could wipe out a platoon with a single meatloaf.

Anywho, I stored some egg grenades in the fridge.

Dad went to make himself an omelet and blew himself into the garage.

What are you going to do?

I'm getting a place of my own.

We'll see how cocky he is when he stops getting my rent check every month.

From now on, this puppy's going to be a lone wolf.

Yeah.

A lone wolf.

A lone...

Steve.

I've also been thinking of leaving the nest.

You mean we could be roomies?

Why not?

If we combined our cash, we could get a really fresh pad.

Gosh, Shadow, I can only afford about $300 a month.

Oh, no problem. I mean, we'll just look for something in the $310 to $320 range.

Yeah,

this apartment hasn't been rented for... quite some time, we've been waiting for

just the right tenants to come along.

Oh, I see. You guys are perfect.

Sign here? Sure.

Hold it, hold it.

Perhaps we should see the apartment first.

Well, I guess we could do it that way.

Here we go.

So, nice, huh?

$325 a month. I need first month, last month, and a security deposit.

Well, we only have enough for first month.

Deal. Sign here.

Not so fast.

I assume if anything goes wrong with the apartment, you will handle the

situation personally?

No way. I got a guy with a pot belly and a lot of tools to take care of that

stuff for me.

I live way out in the suburbs in a really nice house.

Sign here.

Hold it, Adam.

Aren't you sure about this?

Oh, come on, Steve.

We've looked all day, and this is the only place we can afford where the

cockroaches don't outnumber the tenants.

Well, I guess it'll do.

Here you go.

And here's your money.

curious at all, but why is such a nice and expensive apartment vacant?

That L train may be a clue.

Too sexy for my shirt.

Too sexy for my clothes. Too sexy for my friend.

On the catwalk. On the catwalk. I shake my little tush on the catwalk.

Yo, Mommy.

Hey, buddy.

What's up? I just made scientific history, you know?

What do you mean?

Well, I've done some genetic engineering and...

Steve, don't let them escape.

Yeah, you're right. Can you imagine those babies crawling around in your

lunchbox?

This is my way.

a shopping list. You promised you'd stop at the store.

Oh, I know, Steve. I ran into Cheryl Hudson.

I took her to dinner and a movie.

So you squandered our money on a hottie?

Well, I wouldn't say squandered. It was more of an investment.

get into an argument with you, all right?

It's late. Let's get some rest, okay?

A dental brace.

You see, I have a slight overbite.

Uh -huh.

Please don't tease me or make sarcastic comments.

I'm very sensitive.

Oh.

Far be it from me to mock anyone with a medical abliction.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, but one thing, though.

What's that? Well, we'd get much better reception if you sat on the TV. Oh.

night shift and nice little place you got here

it's not that little and it's a great place i

see

what you mean

Your mother bakes you a cake and she asked me to bring it to you.

No, thanks.

I'm not hungry.

I had a big dinner.

pastry king getting along.

Great. Just great.

I should have moved when I was ten.

Oh, I see.

So how's Mom?

Your mother is fine.

Just fine.

Look, Ed... What is this?

It's our new lawn chair.

Well, it needs watering.

So what's new?

Well, what's new? I bought myself a snowblower.

That figures. I begged you for years to buy a snowblower.

I didn't have to. I had you.

Look, Edward, next Wednesday is Judy's birthday, and we're going to have a

little party at the house for her, and Judy and the rest of the family would

like to see you there.

You know, what about you? Well, it's your decision.

Okay, fine. Okay, so long. So long.

Wait a second, Carl.

Eddie Winslow, you're my best friend, and I've always looked up to you.

But right now, you're acting like a horse's patoot.

What?

That man is your father.

The same blood that courses through his veins flows through yours. Oh, I know.

Do you think he came all...

you a dry, inedible cake?

I think not.

Am I right, Carl?

Well, uh... He was offering you an olive branch in his own awkward, portly way.

Listen, you Winslows are proud, proud men.

But right now, it's your pride that's keeping you apart.

Hey, he started it. Hey, I am not the one who waltzed into the house.

I love this man.

Yeah.

Carl, tell your son how you feel.

Well, I miss him.

Don't tell me.

He's right there.

Edward,

I miss you.

Well, I miss you too, Dad.

Son, the house just hasn't been the same without you.

You know, last night I woke up in the middle of the night and I went into your

room.

I got kind of misty -eyed.

You miss me that much?

That and... I got a whip of one of your dirty gym socks.

Son, I'm sorry that I yelled at you. No, Dad, it was my fault. I shouldn't have

come home late.

Edward, I love you with all of my heart.

I love you too, Dad.

It's entirely up to you.

But I would like it very much if you came home tomorrow.

No, I don't think so, Dad.

Well, suit yourself. Can I come home tonight?

You got it.

sunk to a new low.

You begged me to come over here and help you move your stuff out of this place,

but you really brought me here just to get a kiss.

Well, that's true, Sweetum, but don't you think you're overreacting just a

Well, no.

Family Matters is a Miller -Boyette production in association with Lorimar

Television and is distributed by Warner Brothers Domestic Television

Distribution.