All language subtitles for Family Matters s04e09 The Oddest Couple

Please, Steve. No more farm animal
impressions.

Okay, sugar pants. I'll find somebody
else to entertain.

Hi, big guy.

Hello, Steve.

Hey, want to hear my impression of a
chicken yodeling? No.

I'm warning you, Steve. I'm in no mood
for this.

Okay, pause the hombre grande.

Eddie is an hour past his curfew, and
it's a school night.

Oh, well, I don't blame you for being
perturbed. Why, my father always says

curfews are like prostate exams.

Unpleasant, but necessary.

Do you have a curfew?

Oh, my, yes. Why, my curfew is written
in stone and strictly enforced by both

my parents.

Oh, good, it's midnight.

I'm allowed to...

It's a rare condition, this day and age,
to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the
grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.

Cause all I see is a tower of dreams,
real love bursting out of every scene.

It's the bigger love of the family.

Come on, Eddie, I'm hungry. Give me a
sandwich.

No, Waldo, I can't.

Hey, wait a minute. Why are we
whispering?

I'm late.

Don't you have a curfew?

Nah, I'm lucky. My parents don't care
about me.

What about you, Waldo? You got a curfew?

No.

But I had a hamster once.

Edward!

Hi, Dad.

Sorry we woke you. We've been hanging
out down here since 1058.

Oh, really?

Yeah. No, we weren't. We just got here.

Thank you, Waldo. No problem, Bob.

You're in big trouble, mister.

Major trouble.

Um, um, excuse me, but in Edward's
defense, Mr. Winslow, it's my fault that

violated his curfew. Oh?

See, he completely lost track of time
watching me moon meter maids.

Say goodnight to your little friends,
Edward. I'll be over on the couch making

out your will.

is 11 o 'clock.

Not 11 .30, not 11 .45, and certainly
not 12 .22.

Oh, come on, Dad.

I'm a senior in high school, and 11 o
'clock curfew is ridiculous.

Well, maybe you're right.

Let's say we change it to 10 .30.

Come on, Dad. I gotta have a social
life.

Social life?

You call mooning meter maids a social
life?

I didn't do that. I would never do a
thing like that.

Edward, it is completely inappropriate
behavior, and I don't want you

with it in any way. Now go to your room,
young man.

You treat me like a little kid, Dad, and
you embarrass me in front of my

friends. Oh, well, pardon me.

I'm sorry that I embarrassed you in
front of a guy named Weasel.

That's what's going on. What?

You heard me. You were grounded for one
month, Edward. A month? Just for being

late? That and your snotty attitude.

Mom, say something.

I want both of you to just calm down.
Oh, sure. Take his side.

Edward, you messed up.

And you're going to have to suffer the
consequences.

Oh, man, all you ever do is nag me,
criticize me, and put me down.

Well, I'm sick and tired of it, Dad, and
I'm not going to take it anymore.

Oh, yes, you are.

You may not like it, but you're going to
have to take it.

Oh, no, I don't.

Excuse me?

I'm moving out.

Edward, you don't mean that.

Oh, yes, I do. Edward, you are not going
anywhere.

Oh, yes, I am. I can't wait to get out
of this prison.

Eddie, are you still upset with your
father?

Yes, Grandma.

I mean, he's just being totally
unreasonable.

I can't wait to find my own apartment.

Now, Eddie, I know you're frustrated.

But this is your father's house.

And he's got a lot of rules and
regulations.

But there's one thing you've got to
admit.

What's that?

You can't beat the rent.

She's right, you know.

You can't find a studio apartment for
under $400 a month.

One bedroom started at $5 .25.

How come you know so much about
apartment prices?

I think about getting my own place every
time Steve drops by.

I'm absolutely panicked.

Well, what's the matter?

My father has forbidden me from doing
any...

Sounds like a winner.

Oh, it is.

Why, you could wipe out a platoon with a
single meatloaf.

Anywho, I stored some egg grenades in
the fridge.

Dad went to make himself an omelet and
blew himself into the garage.

What are you going to do?

I'm getting a place of my own.

We'll see how cocky he is when he stops
getting my rent check every month.

From now on, this puppy's going to be a
lone wolf.

Yeah.

A lone wolf.

A lone...

Steve.

I've also been thinking of leaving the
nest.

You mean we could be roomies?

Why not?

If we combined our cash, we could get a
really fresh pad.

Gosh, Shadow, I can only afford about
$300 a month.

Oh, no problem. I mean, we'll just look
for something in the $310 to $320 range.

Yeah,

this apartment hasn't been rented for...
quite some time, we've been waiting for

just the right tenants to come along.

Oh, I see. You guys are perfect.

Sign here? Sure.

Hold it, hold it.

Perhaps we should see the apartment
first.

Well, I guess we could do it that way.

Here we go.

So, nice, huh?

$325 a month. I need first month, last
month, and a security deposit.

Well, we only have enough for first
month.

Deal. Sign here.

Not so fast.

I assume if anything goes wrong with the
apartment, you will handle the

situation personally?

No way. I got a guy with a pot belly and
a lot of tools to take care of that

stuff for me.

I live way out in the suburbs in a
really nice house.

Sign here.

Hold it, Adam.

Aren't you sure about this?

Oh, come on, Steve.

We've looked all day, and this is the
only place we can afford where the

cockroaches don't outnumber the tenants.

Well, I guess it'll do.

Here you go.

And here's your money.

curious at all, but why is such a nice
and expensive apartment vacant?

That L train may be a clue.

Too sexy for my shirt.

Too sexy for my clothes. Too sexy for my
friend.

On the catwalk. On the catwalk. I shake
my little tush on the catwalk.

Yo, Mommy.

Hey, buddy.

What's up? I just made scientific
history, you know?

What do you mean?

Well, I've done some genetic engineering
and...

Steve, don't let them escape.

Yeah, you're right. Can you imagine
those babies crawling around in your

lunchbox?

This is my way.

a shopping list. You promised you'd stop
at the store.

Oh, I know, Steve. I ran into Cheryl
Hudson.

I took her to dinner and a movie.

So you squandered our money on a hottie?

Well, I wouldn't say squandered. It was
more of an investment.

get into an argument with you, all
right?

It's late. Let's get some rest, okay?

A dental brace.

You see, I have a slight overbite.

Uh -huh.

Please don't tease me or make sarcastic
comments.

I'm very sensitive.

Oh.

Far be it from me to mock anyone with a
medical abliction.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, but one thing, though.

What's that? Well, we'd get much better
reception if you sat on the TV. Oh.

night shift and nice little place you
got here

it's not that little and it's a great
place i

see

what you mean

Your mother bakes you a cake and she
asked me to bring it to you.

No, thanks.

I'm not hungry.

I had a big dinner.

pastry king getting along.

Great. Just great.

I should have moved when I was ten.

Oh, I see.

So how's Mom?

Your mother is fine.

Just fine.

Look, Ed... What is this?

It's our new lawn chair.

Well, it needs watering.

So what's new?

Well, what's new? I bought myself a
snowblower.

That figures. I begged you for years to
buy a snowblower.

I didn't have to. I had you.

Look, Edward, next Wednesday is Judy's
birthday, and we're going to have a

little party at the house for her, and
Judy and the rest of the family would

like to see you there.

You know, what about you? Well, it's
your decision.

Okay, fine. Okay, so long. So long.

Wait a second, Carl.

Eddie Winslow, you're my best friend,
and I've always looked up to you.

But right now, you're acting like a
horse's patoot.

What?

That man is your father.

The same blood that courses through his
veins flows through yours. Oh, I know.

Do you think he came all...

you a dry, inedible cake?

I think not.

Am I right, Carl?

Well, uh... He was offering you an olive
branch in his own awkward, portly way.

Listen, you Winslows are proud, proud
men.

But right now, it's your pride that's
keeping you apart.

Hey, he started it. Hey, I am not the
one who waltzed into the house.

I love this man.

Yeah.

Carl, tell your son how you feel.

Well, I miss him.

Don't tell me.

He's right there.

Edward,

I miss you.

Well, I miss you too, Dad.

Son, the house just hasn't been the same
without you.

You know, last night I woke up in the
middle of the night and I went into your

room.

I got kind of misty -eyed.

You miss me that much?

That and... I got a whip of one of your
dirty gym socks.

Son, I'm sorry that I yelled at you. No,
Dad, it was my fault. I shouldn't have

come home late.

Edward, I love you with all of my heart.

I love you too, Dad.

It's entirely up to you.

But I would like it very much if you
came home tomorrow.

No, I don't think so, Dad.

Well, suit yourself. Can I come home
tonight?

You got it.

sunk to a new low.

You begged me to come over here and help
you move your stuff out of this place,

but you really brought me here just to
get a kiss.

Well, that's true, Sweetum, but don't
you think you're overreacting just a

Well, no.

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