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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,910 --> 00:00:22,510 That was a fun date. 2 00:00:25,090 --> 00:00:26,510 It wasn't a date. 3 00:00:26,870 --> 00:00:31,650 I went to the movie alone, and you sat down next to me right after it started. 4 00:00:31,910 --> 00:00:35,210 Uh -huh. But this time, you didn't dump your soda all over me. 5 00:00:37,050 --> 00:00:38,790 I'm wearing you down, baby. 6 00:00:49,930 --> 00:00:50,930 Let's get comfortable. 7 00:00:56,910 --> 00:00:57,910 Hey, baby. 8 00:01:00,410 --> 00:01:01,470 Let's get comfortable. 9 00:01:06,750 --> 00:01:07,970 What are you doing? 10 00:01:09,050 --> 00:01:10,430 Making a move, sweetheart. 11 00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:16,290 Feel free to make one back. 12 00:01:22,380 --> 00:01:23,380 Okay. 13 00:02:00,810 --> 00:02:06,990 It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper 14 00:02:06,990 --> 00:02:13,250 page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even 15 00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:14,430 harder to find. 16 00:02:15,650 --> 00:02:21,490 Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls. 17 00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:26,290 Because all I see is a tower of dreams. 18 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:53,240 Don't lose that thought. 19 00:02:58,240 --> 00:02:59,240 Hey! 20 00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:05,900 Waldo! What's up? 21 00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:09,040 Uh, uh, uh, Vonda's here. Oh, cool. 22 00:03:11,820 --> 00:03:12,739 Hey, Vonda. 23 00:03:12,740 --> 00:03:13,960 Hello, Waldo. What's up? 24 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:18,500 Waldo. What's up? 25 00:03:24,530 --> 00:03:27,290 Waldo, I'm kind of busy right now. You know. 26 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:29,250 Oh. 27 00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:30,990 No problem, Bob. 28 00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:32,250 All right. 29 00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:34,710 All right. 30 00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:39,950 Waldo. What's up? 31 00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:44,010 Yo, man. 32 00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:46,210 Check out my lady Vonda over there. 33 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,790 Look at those sweet lips. They're just begging to be kissed. 34 00:03:51,470 --> 00:03:52,550 You got it, Bob. 35 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:01,340 told me to 36 00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:14,960 waldo 37 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:19,440 you just kissed my girlfriend yep now you got some tough lips to follow 38 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:26,400 i don't want you to kiss her for me i wanted you to leave so that i 39 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,400 could kiss her you idiot 40 00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:34,900 Yeah, I understand. 41 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,880 I understand something else, too. 42 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,000 What? 43 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,200 My best friend thinks I'm an idiot. 44 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:02,700 Need a little bit more oomph. 45 00:05:07,150 --> 00:05:08,150 More oomph. 46 00:05:10,130 --> 00:05:13,710 Hey, Carl. 47 00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:16,250 Did you fix the ice maker yet? Oh, yeah. 48 00:05:16,530 --> 00:05:17,530 Good. 49 00:05:17,830 --> 00:05:19,310 You better call a repairman. 50 00:05:22,050 --> 00:05:23,050 What for? 51 00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:28,610 Carl, fixing things is a talent. A talent you don't have. 52 00:05:31,950 --> 00:05:35,250 Well, now, I fixed the dryer, and it works just fine. 53 00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:37,940 Yes, and then it exploded. 54 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,140 Your mother was beamed by the lint trap. 55 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,020 Well, she was only out for a few minutes. 56 00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:50,100 Let's see. 57 00:05:51,580 --> 00:05:52,580 Refrigerator repair. 58 00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,360 Excuse me. 59 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,240 Would it kill you just to give me a little support? 60 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,480 A teeny tiny vote of... 61 00:06:09,179 --> 00:06:12,040 Explosions. You dredge up the ancient lint trap incident. 62 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:14,840 Well, you know what, Harriet? 63 00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:18,340 There should be a country called Naysayer. 64 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:22,120 And you would be queen of the Naysayers. 65 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:28,200 Well, I am the king of this household, Queenie. 66 00:07:10,890 --> 00:07:12,370 Nice work, old mighty king. 67 00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:19,470 Well, let's see. Refrigerator repair. 68 00:07:24,890 --> 00:07:25,890 Vonda, baby. 69 00:07:25,990 --> 00:07:26,990 Baby. 70 00:07:27,770 --> 00:07:30,410 Vonda, I swear I will never be rude to you again. 71 00:07:33,090 --> 00:07:38,050 Steve! Anno, you can sweet -talk the hottie some other time. Right now, we've 72 00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:40,230 got an emergency on our hands. Now, come on. 73 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:43,799 talking about? 74 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,240 I just got a phone call from Fort McGee. 75 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:47,880 Waldo's there. 76 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,500 Fort McGee? 77 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,300 Well, why would Waldo be in Fort McGee? 78 00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,400 Waldo joined the army. 79 00:07:54,460 --> 00:07:57,520 What? Come on, we gotta go talk him out of this. 80 00:07:57,740 --> 00:08:00,260 Why would Waldo do such an idiotic thing? 81 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:04,700 It was your insensitive use of the word idiot that caused this whole mess. 82 00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:09,360 Waldo joined the army because I called him an idiot? 83 00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:12,040 Hey, strong emotions and a weak... 84 00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:13,570 We make a dangerous combination. 85 00:08:40,909 --> 00:08:42,210 Eddie, were you guys drafted? 86 00:08:44,350 --> 00:08:45,390 No, man. 87 00:08:45,590 --> 00:08:49,730 We snuck on the base. We got to... Hey! Are you ladies having a little trouble 88 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:50,730 finding the door? 89 00:08:51,290 --> 00:08:52,290 See you in there. 90 00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:53,890 See you in there. 91 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,510 All right. 92 00:09:00,370 --> 00:09:01,810 Who are you two? 93 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,189 Prang and Erica. 94 00:09:03,190 --> 00:09:04,190 In private, Winslow. 95 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,600 of pasture paddies doing in my platoon. 96 00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:57,240 Excellent use of alliteration, sir. 97 00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:02,920 I don't believe I've had the pleasure of... Sergeant Robert Shishka. 98 00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,940 Hey, get on your name backwards. It's Shishka Bob. 99 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,600 Shut up! Yes, sir. Shut it up, sir. 100 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,000 I'm not a sir. 101 00:10:12,380 --> 00:10:15,260 You're not, sir? No, sir. I'm a sergeant. 102 00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:32,220 Call me Sarge. No problem, Bob. 103 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:41,980 Urkel, Winslow, you are not on my list of new recruits. 104 00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:46,040 Oh, well... You mean the Army screwed up the paperwork again? 105 00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:49,160 Gosh, I'll bet that's never happened before. 106 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,400 Don't insult my Army. 107 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,560 I love my Army. 108 00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:56,320 I'll take this up later with the Lieutenant. 109 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,240 moment with Private Waldo privately? 110 00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:08,220 Well, no! 111 00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:14,000 You see Sarge, he's our friend and you know... 112 00:11:32,810 --> 00:11:33,810 Very nice to meet you. 113 00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:40,630 Eyes are here. 114 00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:43,030 What are you looking at? 115 00:11:45,630 --> 00:11:46,730 Suck in that gut. 116 00:11:47,910 --> 00:11:49,090 Square those shoulders. 117 00:11:50,450 --> 00:11:51,450 Chin up. 118 00:11:52,230 --> 00:11:53,690 Now stay that way. 119 00:11:54,870 --> 00:11:57,050 Welcome to basic training, maggots. 120 00:11:58,070 --> 00:11:59,750 During the next six weeks... 121 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,620 six weeks... Stop that! 122 00:12:21,220 --> 00:12:25,340 Well, I have to breathe. Excuse me for being a mammal. 123 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,080 At ease. 124 00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:40,940 During the next six weeks, it 125 00:12:40,940 --> 00:12:47,180 will be my job to turn you... 126 00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:52,710 spread jackasses into soldiers in this United States Army. 127 00:12:56,830 --> 00:12:57,830 What? 128 00:12:59,010 --> 00:13:02,370 Why all this gratuitous name -calling? 129 00:13:04,290 --> 00:13:08,750 You know, you catch far more flies with honey than you will with incense. Shut 130 00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:09,750 up! 131 00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:14,570 You probably don't have too many friends, do you? I... 132 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,820 reasonable displays of anger are occasionally caused by an impacted 133 00:13:24,060 --> 00:13:26,800 I'm going to have to... That does it, mister. 134 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:30,500 Give me 50 push -ups. Without stretching first? 135 00:14:05,550 --> 00:14:08,330 A 20 -mile field hike with full field packs. 136 00:14:08,750 --> 00:14:11,910 Oh, no, no, no. Don't thank me. 137 00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:14,770 Thank Private Urkel. 138 00:14:17,330 --> 00:14:22,650 You see, men, an infantry unit is only as strong as its weakest soldier. 139 00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:27,230 And this soldier is the weakest man in America. 140 00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,710 Oh, yeah? Yeah, they bet my dad. 141 00:15:14,570 --> 00:15:15,570 It's a nice place you got here. 142 00:15:15,770 --> 00:15:16,749 Thank you. 143 00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:17,970 How much you pay for it? 144 00:15:19,610 --> 00:15:22,330 I really don't think that's any of your business. 145 00:15:23,710 --> 00:15:24,870 Take a bath on it, huh? 146 00:15:26,990 --> 00:15:28,150 How much do I owe you? 147 00:15:28,870 --> 00:15:29,870 $285. 148 00:15:30,270 --> 00:15:32,310 What? For a little motor thing? 149 00:15:34,570 --> 00:15:35,590 I'll wait, dearie. 150 00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:38,750 You want to get on the horn there and call your little old hubby. 151 00:15:40,850 --> 00:15:41,850 Why would I do that? 152 00:15:42,110 --> 00:15:43,270 Well, he controls the buck. 153 00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:55,240 We control the buckaroonies. We share the buckaroonies. You got that? 154 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:56,560 Yeah, okie -dokie, sure. 155 00:15:59,260 --> 00:16:02,640 Furthermore, I'm authorizing this repair myself. 156 00:16:03,740 --> 00:16:05,940 Understand? Okie -dokie, sure. 157 00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:11,240 I'm also authorizing you to pull up those pants. 158 00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:15,580 This is an old house, and we got enough cracks in it. 159 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:28,920 Relax, men. 160 00:17:13,470 --> 00:17:14,470 Hello. Hello. 161 00:17:14,930 --> 00:17:16,030 Do me a favor. 162 00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:18,569 What? Shoot me. 163 00:17:21,329 --> 00:17:22,630 Leave him alone, Winslow. 164 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,329 Why don't you lay off, Sarge? 165 00:17:25,690 --> 00:17:27,310 I mean, sure, Steve is annoying. 166 00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:47,520 company so you and faldo can stay here with your buddy urkel while the rest of 167 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:54,440 us go for chow and while we're gone you three will scrub this entire floor 168 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:58,320 where are the mops right here 169 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:05,100 all right men fall out it's chow time double time 170 00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:08,400 now it's wednesday that means powdered fish 171 00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:30,850 Why'd you guys come here anyway? 172 00:18:31,430 --> 00:18:33,930 To stop you from making a big mistake. 173 00:18:40,590 --> 00:18:46,450 You know, Waldo, the only reason you joined the Army is because... because I 174 00:18:46,450 --> 00:18:47,450 hurt your feelings. 175 00:18:47,950 --> 00:18:49,290 It's not the only reason. 176 00:18:51,070 --> 00:18:52,770 But you shouldn't have called me an idiot. 177 00:18:53,350 --> 00:18:54,350 Yeah, I know. 178 00:18:54,490 --> 00:18:55,890 You're supposed to be my friend. 179 00:18:56,310 --> 00:18:57,390 My best friend. 180 00:18:58,510 --> 00:19:02,330 When you call me that, I never felt so bad in my whole life. 181 00:19:03,650 --> 00:19:04,870 Really? Yeah. 182 00:19:05,490 --> 00:19:06,890 I mean, I admire you. 183 00:19:07,570 --> 00:19:08,770 I respect you. 184 00:19:09,610 --> 00:19:11,130 And I've always looked up to you. 185 00:19:11,910 --> 00:19:14,270 So when you call me an idiot, you hurt me. 186 00:19:15,010 --> 00:19:16,010 Here. 187 00:19:17,550 --> 00:19:19,430 No, Waldo, you're not an idiot. 188 00:19:20,130 --> 00:19:24,510 An idiot is a guy who loses his temper and hurts his best friend's feelings. 189 00:19:26,650 --> 00:19:27,650 Waldo, uh... 190 00:19:29,550 --> 00:19:30,590 I'm really sorry, man. 191 00:19:34,870 --> 00:19:36,530 Ian, will you be my best friend again? 192 00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:42,810 Who? 193 00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,110 Mission accomplished, Dean! 194 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,180 Yes, sir, Sergeant Fisker, sir. 195 00:20:05,540 --> 00:20:06,820 Let's go home, guys. 196 00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:09,220 Wait a minute. 197 00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:13,140 Getting Waldo out of the army is easier said than done. 198 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,820 Well, let's just talk to the serge. 199 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:21,420 Oh, good idea. Yeah, he seems to be a caring and compassionate individual. 200 00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:28,000 Well, maybe if we explain the situation and beg real hard, he'll rip up Waldo's 201 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,000 enlistment papers. 202 00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:30,300 Papers? 203 00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:37,900 Yeah, Waldo. 204 00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:41,680 You signed enlistment papers, right? 205 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,120 No. I just saw a long line and stood at the end of it. 206 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,800 Listen up, maggots. Prepare for drill. 13903