Original subtitles

Laura, the most beautiful sister in the world.

Forget it, Eddie.

Laura's savings and loan is closed.

Laura, that's cold. I gave you a compliment, and what do I get back? An

I'm sorry, Eddie. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

That's better.

So can I borrow 50 bucks?

What happened? Another speeding ticket?

No.

They got me on some obscure technicality.

Did you know they expect you to stop at a stop sign every single time?

Sorry, I can't help you, Eddie. I'm saving up for a new computer.

That's just like you, to think only of yourself.

Steve, I realize people ask you this every day of your life, but why do you

like that?

Well, I've been working in my basement nonstop, and I decided it was time for

our fish stick break.

Mmm.

Now that's flounder.

ocean taste?

So, uh, you still trying to perfect those radio -controlled garbage cans?

Nah. Not since I had to pick Mom up at the dump.

I'm working on something much more important now. A robot.

I've entered the National Robotics Contest. I'm on the verge of creating

artificial intelligence.

It's a discovery that will change the world.

Steve.

Amigo. Compadre. Oh, boy.

Does this contest have cash prizes?

Nope. First prize is a computer.

Oh.

Computer.

Did you say computer?

Oh, yeah. Top of the line. Fate of the art.

Well, Steve, if you win that computer, could I maybe borrow it sometime?

Oh, for sure.

I already have a computer. I got a used one from NASA.

My Uncle Colonel Colonel Von Urkel gave it to me.

Look, if I win the computer, you can just have the silly old thing.

Thank you!

I'm together now.

I'll be leaving.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. Love and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

All I see is a tower of dreams. Real love bursting out of everything.

We'll smother the blues with tenderness.

It's room for you, room for me, for

gentle hearts and opportunity.

It's the bigger love of the family.

Blank, blank, now.

Oh, I give up. It's too hard.

Um, if they could see me now.

Yep, Shirley MacLennan, sweet Shirley.

Very good.

Now beat it.

I watch too much TV.

Oh, Winslow, is that a new dress? Yep.

Oh, it is gorgeous.

Oh, I'm glad you like it.

It was so expensive, I had to write you out of my will.

Where are you going?

I'm going dancing with Fletcher Thomas.

Again? Mama, that's twice in one week. So?

Mother, I just plain don't like that Fletcher guy.

I mean, I see the way he looks at you when you walk by.

Really? Oh, that walk you showed me is pay it all.

Sorry, honey. Scrunch your stuff.

Freak those hips.

Step and sway.

Step and sway.

Gotta take his breath away.

Oh, great.

Terrific. My wife and my sister -in -law are giving my mother floozy lessons.

Carl, I'm 80 years old and Fletcher is 83.

We're spending a lot of time together because we don't have a lot of time

And that's it, Mom?

Oh, no.

We also get two -for -one discounts for the hot tub club.

Mother.

Oh, well, well.

The paper's not here yet.

Mother. It is 6 .15 in the morning. Where were you?

I was with Fletcher. What?

Was he there?

Um, was he ever.

Lighten up.

Okay, Mother, that is it.

I don't want you to see that Fletcher ever again.

What?

You heard me. He is off limits.

Carl, I'm your mother.

But, Mama... You show me respect.

But, Mama, you... I know your stubbornness on you, but you don't have

like a jackass.

Waldo, my traffic ticket has to be paid by tomorrow, or I could lose my license.

Do you think maybe you could borrow the money from your sister?

Sorry, my whole family's saving up to send my brother Ronaldo to the Olympics.

Oh, what's his event?

You mean you have to pick one ahead of time?

Well, that's usually the way it works.

Oh. He was just gonna go to Barcelona and get in the shortest line.

Have you guys seen Laura?

Nope. Sure you have. Pretty girl, dark hair.

Your sister, for God's sakes.

I meant I haven't seen her today.

Oh. Cool.

achievement. The one, the only.

His intelligence doubles every 20 minutes.

Every 18 minutes and 35 seconds to be exact.

I like it, Lily.

This is Urkelbot.

If you did it, you'd build a robot.

Oh, yes.

Yes, yes.

He talks and everything. Steve, you're a sister in first prize. And you'll get

your computer, baby cake.

Urkelbot's kind of cute.

And you, my dear, are a fight for sore optical skin.

And you and Steven Q. Urkel formed a human emotional attachment.

What?

for each other's minds.

We're being replaced by machines, man.

Now listen, Mother.

I'm afraid I have to lay down the law.

No more Fletcher Thomas.

No more discussion.

Don't argue with me.

sorry mommy i

hate it when you're mad at

me ma i don't know why i'm so crazed about you and fletcher thomas you don't

well it's just that when he looks at you it's obvious that he really likes you

and respects you how can you trust a man like that

Let me ask you something.

Did you trust your father?

Absolutely.

Everybody did.

My father was the finest man who ever walked this earth.

Yes, he was.

And that's why I chose him.

And I might add, I had plenty to choose from.

I was a knockout, honey.

Mama, you still are a knockout.

Son, if I had the good taste to choose your father, shouldn't you trust my

judgment now, huh?

Yes, ma 'am.

Well, then, come here and hold me.

I love you, you little devil. I'm sorry.

That was me.

I can be anyone.

Steve, go home.

Steve, go home.

Steve, go home.

Steve, go home.

function than happily ever after.

Come on, baby.

Let's energize.

Mom!

Mom! Is that you?

Let me see. Where are you?

In my closet.

No, I'm not.

I'm in New York on a business trip.

I want you to turn this thing into a go -kart.

But, but, but Laura, all he needs is a little reprogramming. I'll make a few

minor adjustments to his personality circuits.

But he was a monster!

Well, I will grant you subtlety wasn't his strong point.

But Laura, Ergobot was a machine with feelings.

He fell hopelessly in love with you.

So let's be honest. The only thing he was really guilty of was having good

taste.

sweet Steve.

Well, I'm a sweet kind of guy, Laura.

And it's my fondest dream that someday you'll realize that and marry me.

Oh, yeah.

We'll build a clever house on the banks of the Susquehanna River and we'll have

3 .2 children and 1 .7 dogs and a kitty and a dog. Oh, and you'll make me lunch

every day and I'll barbecue every night.