Original subtitles

No, Carl, it's a weeknight.

Harriet, wake up.

What?

Steve Urkel just walked into our bedroom and bopped me on the head with a

newspaper.

Carl, you're dreaming. Go back to sleep.

But Harriet... Carl, I need eight hours of sleep and I need them in a row.

Go back to sleep.

think he's sleepwalking.

Really?

Thief?

Come, come, come, come. Don't. It's dangerous to wake a sleepwalker. Oh, no

problem. I think that I can kill him without waking him up.

You don't mean that. Oh, yes, I do.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. Love and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams.

The moon may cry, but we'll smother the blues with

deadness. There's room for you, room

for me, for gentle hearts and opportunity.

Last night you walked into our bedroom.

In your hand was a rolled -up newspaper.

And you repeatedly hit Carl over the head with it.

Let me get this straight.

I walked into your bedroom in the middle of the night.

That's right.

With a rolled -up newspaper.

That's right.

And did this.

Sorry. Steve, you were sleepwalking. Hmm.

Well, that might explain why I woke up this morning in the dairy case at the 7

-Eleven.

Well, apparently I require professional help from a qualified therapist.

How much longer are they going to be in that kitchen?

As long as it takes, Carl.

Chill out.

Dr. Goodrich said that he can't put Steve under hypnosis until he gets some

sense of his psychological makeup.

That's easy.

The kid is nutso.

Dr. Goodrich was nice enough to come over here, so let's just leave the

diagnosis up to him.

After all, he is one of the most brilliant and highly respected

the country. He will definitely be able to help Steve.

And then, when I was seven, I started stealing candy bars.

Of course.

You were compensating for a lack of attention from your mother.

A cry for help.

Yes, and as you grew older, it manifested in other ways. And that would

your compulsion for nude skydiving.

Yes. Oh, yes.

Thank you.

If you'll take a seat, we'll put you under hypnosis.

All righty.

Doctor, can you make him quack like a duck every time the phone rings?

I am a medical doctor, not a carnival act.

He's not going to make him quack.

Ready, Steve?

Give it your best shot, but I've got to warn you, you won't be able to hypnotize

me. Oh?

Oh, yeah.

Hard to intelligent to fall for the old keep your eye on the watch routine.

Actually, the higher the intelligence, the easier it is to be hypnotized. Ah,

you say, but so.

Now, Steve.

Hmm? You are sitting in a chair in the Winslow living room.

Hmm.

You're here with wonderful friends.

Hi, sugar.

my bell.

Hi, Steve.

Rachel, the world's most beautiful boss.

Hi, Steve.

Hmm, interesting.

Steve, it's me, Carl.

I think he's mad at me.

Yes, the question is, why?

Steve, why are you angry at Carl?

Because he hates me.

And he wants me to move away and never come back.

Is

he making

this up?

Most people under hypnosis don't lie.

But I never told Steve that I hate him.

Well, he got that idea somehow.

Can you find out what happened?

We can try.

Steve, I want you to go back in time. Do you understand?

Yes.

I... I'm being born.

Too far back.

Go back to the time when you felt angry at Carl Winslow.

It was about a month ago.

A couple of hours before the costume party.

Costume party.

Now, Maxine's parents are chaperoning this party tonight.

Oh, no, Mom. They're out of town. But don't worry. Three kids are dressing up

responsible adults.

I'm just kidding, Mom. Max's parents will be there.

Good. And if I were you, I wouldn't tease me while I'm holding a needle.

Yes!

What is it, Dad?

I finally finished my clipper ship.

It took me four and a half months to do it, but I finally did it.

Oh.

That's all you can say?

Oh, it's nice, Daddy.

Hear ye, hear ye.

Make way for Sir Steve the Earl of Urkel.

Giddy up, giddy up.

Hail Winslow, well met.

Cute horse.

Get it out.

As well as that.

Come on, horsey. Giddy up. Giddy up. No, giddy out. Giddy out.

Oh, boss, no big guy.

Oh, look out. Thank you very much. Stay away from it.

M 'lady.

Thy beauty, doc.

my sister for a Mars bar.

Steve, I'm not going to the party with you.

Well, okay.

I'll meet you there.

But hey, save a dance for me.

So I think that you just better leave.

Okay?

Yes. Yes.

Look at this.

Would you look?

This is my boat, my little boat.

Can you fix it, Dan?

No.

Four and a half months of work, and now this is junk.

I wish he would just move away and never, never come back.

Yeah.

Well, hey, I was upset.

I mean, I worked hard on that clipper ship, and I didn't even realize he was

the room when I said it. Well, he was, and it hurt him.

Way to go, Carl.

Steve, when I snap my fingers, you will awaken.

You will remember everything you told us. You will no longer sleepwalk because

you will no longer be suppressing painful memories.

Three, two, one.

Darn, I could never do that.

See, I told you, Doc, you just can't hypnotize me.

I'm afraid I did, Steve.

Do you remember what Carl said the night of the costume party?

I most certainly do.

Oh,

wait

a minute. Oh, Harriet.

Well, where are you guys going?

I'm going to check your birth certificate and make sure you're really

Gee, Doc.

Everybody's mad at me.

A normal psychological reaction.

But I feel terrible about it. Normal as well.

Well, what do I owe you, Doc? Forget it. I wouldn't touch your filthy money.

Okay, see you soon.

Bye now.

Good news, Harriet.

I just talked to Steve.

Did you apologize?

Even better. I asked him to come over so I could apologize face to face.

That's more like it. Yep. I'll just tell Steve that I don't really hate him.

In fact, I'll tell him how terrific I think he is. You know, laid on real

Hello, Harriet.

Sergeant Winslow.

What is that?

Polygraph. You brought a lie detector?

Correct.

Why?

Oh, come on.

Who do I look like, Herbie the Hick?

Why, it would be easy for you to say that you don't hate me.

Why, you could even say I'm terrific. You know, lay it on real thick.

Oh, I wouldn't do that.

Buddy here is going to make sure that you don't.

Oh, okay.

Let's get this over with.

Now, cop, it's only fair to warn you that I have improved this particular

polygram. What do you mean, improved?

I've adjusted it so that every time you tell a lie, you'll receive a blank

electric shock.

as long as you tell the truth.

No Phoebe, no Sharky.

That's right.

You don't have anything to hide, do you, Carl?

Okay, okay.

Well, go ahead.

Carl Winslow is an honest man.

Okay.

Here we go.

Yes, it is. Are you happily married?

Yes, I am.

How old are you?

35.

38. 38. I'm 38.

Let's get to the heart of the matter.

Carl Winslow, do you hate me?

No.

is not broken.

I really do care about you.

Yeah? Yeah.

Look, let's talk for a moment.

When you smashed my ship, I flipped out.

I said what I said out of anger.

Now, that doesn't excuse it, but I hope it explains it.

You know the saying, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never

hurt me?

Sure. Well, It's wrong.

Words do hurt.

They sure do.

You know, when I was your age, I was a tad overweight.

Okay. I was fat, okay?

But a lot of...

Mean kid said some really mean things that hurt a lot.

Yeah.

Steve, when I said that I hated you, I said it out of anger.

And I honestly did not mean it.

And I'm sorry.

Apology accepted.

Thanks, big guy.

Everything worked out just fine. I'm glad.

So, Carl, how many women were you serious about before me?

None, dear.

Uh,

three.

Steve, get these things off of me!

Oh, come on, Carl, how many?

Uh, twelve.