Original subtitles

Harriet.

Harriet, you're supposed to paint with the grain. Everybody knows that.

Oh.

You mean like this?

No.

Actually, I meant more like this.

I'm ashamed of you two.

Instead of fighting, you should be cooperating.

Show a little teamwork, for goodness sake.

Oh, real mature.

I'm

outnumbered

here.

I don't want to get any paint on this uniform.

Well, can I do that?

It's a rare condition this day and age.

To read any good news on the newspaper page.

Love and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's been harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams.

Real love bursting out of every scene.

We're going to fill our house with happiness.

But we'll smother the blues with tenderness.

There's room for you, room for me, for gentle hearts and opportunity.

What are you doing?

Oh, just a Winslow tradition.

It's called breakfast.

No, no, no. See, you're supposed to be taking me to get my driver's license

today. I think it might be wise to take a little test drive first.

Why? You checked me out a billion times and you said yourself that I'm a great

driver.

Yes, but that was the opinion of Carl Winslow, super dad.

Now I'll pretend to be.

Joe Blow, super picky DMV examiner guy.

What? Sure.

These DMV types can be real tricky.

I mean, either they try to rattle you or they're stickless for the rules.

Now you, you've got to be rattle and stickle proof.

Really? Sure.

Son, I realize how much you want your license.

And I'm going to make sure that you get it.

Thanks, Dad.

You're the best.

Hey, I tried.

So, uh, you want to get dressed now? Oh, no can do.

Why not?

Because I'm way ahead of you.

How are we doing, Dad?

Fine, fine, fine, fine.

But I'm not your dad.

Oops. The bond, though.

And I just docked you two points for inappropriate levity.

Yes, sir.

All right, make the right turn here.

Right turn.

I'm on it.

Hitting the blinker.

Gently applying the brakes.

Hanging the route.

And yes, the kid does it.

Very good, very good.

Watch out for that bread truck!

What bread truck? I didn't see a bread truck.

But there could have been a bread truck. And if there had been a bread truck,

you would have hit the bread truck. Because your turn was wise.

I'm deducting five points.

I'm down seven points already?

Yep.

Man, you're tough.

Hey, I didn't get this job by being pretty.

Anyway, you lose two more points, it's back to your bicycle for you.

All right, come on, come on, come on, come on.

All right, mirror check.

Eyes on the road.

Watch your blind spot.

What's your speed?

Eyes on the road.

Okay, now pull over.

Up 12 inches from the curb. Watch the fire hydrant.

Okay, stop, stop, stop.

I'm proud of you, son. You hung tough.

I think you're ready for the real test now.

Thanks. But just one thing, Dad. What's that?

Could you drive us there?

none of your business.

Oh, you flunked, huh?

Big time.

Didn't Dad tell you?

No, he just came home all upset, but he didn't say why.

We had a fight at the DMV. Because you flunked?

Because he made me flunk. Laura, Dad got me so nervous that all through the

test, I kept seeing runaway bread trucks.

Didn't the examiner try to calm you down? Nope. He made me let him out, and

took the bus back.

Jolene, hi.

So?

So?

Oh, oh, the test, right.

Well, did you pass? Did you get your license?

Did I get my license?

Did I get my license?

She wants to know if I got my license.

Did you get your license?

What do you think?

Congratulations, Winky Bear.

Thanks, Winky Bear.

Let's go for our first ride together.

Right now?

Yeah, now, now.

Sorry, got a rain check that one day.

Why?

Because I want everything to be perfect for our first ride.

Uh, I gotta get some new clothes.

I gotta wash the car. I gotta go to the dentist.

Eddie, you're stalling. Take me for a ride.

Hop in.

Eddie, are you nuts? Dad's gonna kill you.

Not if he doesn't find out.

And he won't find out.

Willie.

Not for me, stinky bear.

Laura.

Laura, please. Please, my little Rapunzel.

For the last time, Steve, I will not give you a lot.

It's a gift.

I'm going to my bedroom.

Don't even think about it.

I'm sorry.

Is there anything I can do for you while I'm down here waiting?

Let me know when Eddie gets back.

pull in the driveway and we get passed by a bread truck next thing i know we're

start swiping a coffee table oh man oh man oh you look at the time

dad is gonna kill me when he sees this

i'm dead meat

Dad would understand.

You guys get the picture.

Come again.

Thanks. I didn't think you'd invite me after this.

Steve.

Steve.

I think for your sake, you, you, you better go home now.

Quickly. I can't, sir.

And Steve, I will be calling your father on this.

Okay, but I have to warn you. My dad's latest hobby is pantomime, so if no

one... It's him.

Steve, wait.

Yeah?

Why did you take the rap?

Well, a quick appraisal of the situation led me to believe that Carl's about to

become a human Krakatoa.

So I decided to be the sacrificial oracle.

But Dad's gonna call your parents. Won't they punish you?

Yeah, they might ground me.

They may even cut off my allowance.

They even canceled my bagpipe recital.

But I can handle it.

But still, why are you sticking your neck out for me?

Because we're buddies, Eddie. And buddies help each other out, right?

Farewell, my wee bunny laugh.

blame is a new halo.

Look, I'll figure out a way to pay his parents back for all the damages.

Relax, everything's cool.

Hi, guys.

Steve, what's with the uniform?

It's my punishment.

Weren't you old?

My parents have decided to send me off to military school.

You're kidding.

Tis no jest, my fair maiden.

I'm afraid Ma and Pa and Uncle were pushed over the edge by this unfortunate

in the living room thing.

Isn't that some way to change their minds?

I tried.

I begged, I pleaded, I mined.

But I failed.

And you can't let this happen.

No, Laura, no.

Don't believe, mon cheri.

But perhaps four frightening years of military school can actually be

beneficial. I can pump up the old bod.

Here, Eddie.

A new mitt?

Yeah, I bought them a couple of years ago and hoped that we could play catch

sometime.

Unfortunately, you were never able to fit it into your busy schedule.

So now I want you to have them as a little going -away gift.

Thanks, Steve.

Laura.

Well, it's so hard for me to say goodbye to you.

My heart knows the words. They just won't pump up.

I guess I'm just clogged with emotional cholesterol.

I love you, Laura.

Goodbye, the murder on the sinuses.

Wait here.

I have a few precious mementos I'd like you to remember me by.

have my first pair of baby shoes.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You busy?

No, just blowing up this balloon for little Richie for the last half hour.

Um, do you remember that hole in the living room?

Oh, you mean the one the size of a station wagon?

That's it.

Steve didn't put it there.

I did.

Oh.

Steve was covering for me, Dad.

to tell you only that I flunked the driver's test.

I didn't want to lose her respect.

Instead, I really messed up and now I've lost yours.

Edward.

Edward James Arthur Winslow.

Son, you haven't lost my respect.

Messing up is a part of growing up.

Edward, it's a process that never ends.

Actually, I think I messed up too.

How?

Well, I... I don't think I should have given you that last -minute test.

I wanted to help, but I think I shook you up instead.

And I'm sorry.

Well, I guess we can both learn from this.

Thanks, Dad.

Good talk.

Edward.

I'm the father.

I learned from this.

You're the son.

You learned from this.

And you get punished.

Okay, what's it going to be?

Well, you are grounded for one month.

Plus, you have to wait two months before you can take your next driver's test.

Two months?

That's fair.

And I also want you to tell Steve's parents what happened.

Then, you ought to do odd jobs around the house until every cent of the

is paid off.

At $4 an hour, it shouldn't take you more than two or three years, tops.

Dad, doesn't it count that I did come in and tell you the truth?

Okay.

$4 .10 an hour.

And last but not least, a jar of Mom's homemade catfish jam.

Your baby shoes?

Your grandmother's dentures?

Fist jam?

And I didn't get a thing for you.

Steve, I need to talk to you.

Oh, fine.

I'll just go put these dentures in some water.

Look, Steve, you won't be needing that uniform.

I told my dad the truth.

What?

Wasn't looking forward to military school.

You know, I heard they don't allow nightlights.

Listen, Steve.

You put your stuff on the line for me. And I want you to know that I really

appreciate that, man.

Hey, anytime, dude.

Because I'm your buddy. And buddies stick by each other.

You know what us buddies do?

What?

They play catch.

Let's break that puppy in.