Original subtitles

Boy, that was great. A family weekend in the wilderness.

No phones, no traffic.

No surprise business from Steve Urkel.

Surprise!

Hi, Carl.

Hi, Laura, my little sweet potato.

Did you think of me while you guys were camping?

Yeah, every time I used the bug spray.

Oh, gee, we wanted to, Steve, but they were overbooked. The forest was full.

Maybe next year.

Hey, you've got some first -rate equipment here, Carl. Thank you, and I'd

to keep it that way, so don't touch anything.

I'm going to put this in the garage.

Hey, let me get the door for you.

No, watch out for the red cord!

It's the rare conditions this day and age to read any good news on the

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of every scene.

No, why?

We like to stay out of your way when you pay bills. You get a little, uh, what's

the word?

Psycho.

That's the one.

For your information, I am doing our taxes.

Oh.

Let's get out of here.

Hi, honey.

Hey, babe.

How was work?

What a day.

I'm head of security.

I have keys to 300 offices, and I'll lock myself out of mine.

What's all this?

Harriet, this year, I'm doing our taxes.

Carl, those forms are too complicated. Let a professional do it. All you need

know how to do is add, subtract, and read.

All I need is a little peace and quiet.

I guess I shouldn't have told Eddie that his band could practice here.

What band?

That band.

Dad,

don't yell. You can damage my hearing.

You boys are going to have to take this someplace else. You're just too loud.

What's going on here?

Hi, I'm Rachel.

We're rehearsing. No, you're not. You're leaving.

Dad, we've got to get my song together for this video.

We're entering a contest.

Oh, you mean the one? on Chicago Teen Tracks? Yeah. I love that show. If we

the locals, we could get on MTV.

You guys, what's important is if we win, we can get a thousand bucks.

Hey, well now, if you're really serious, I'd be happy to write you a script.

Great. You're hired.

Now remember, think hip, think cool, think fresh.

Any other instructions?

Yeah, think fast. We need it by tomorrow.

Think hip, think cool, think fresh.

That idea's so fresh, I haven't even thought of him yet.

You know, Eddie, we decided to write this video ourselves.

How come we're changing the plans?

I put this band together, and I wrote the songs.

Therefore, I make the decisions.

Well, this is the Winslow household.

I'm Mr. Winslow, and I say that you go make your decisions someplace else.

What's going on, Dad? We're really in a bind.

The video's due Monday morning.

Come on, Mr. Winslow. Please, Dad.

Well, look, I'll tell you what.

You can use the garage.

Thanks, Dad.

All right, guys, move this stuff into the garage.

Kyle, break down the drums. Jerry, back up the air.

Where's Rodney?

We got to get going on this video.

The contest ends in a couple of days.

a private rehearsal.

Perhaps like an audition. This looks like a polka crowd.

You

just

squeezed all the air out of my pillow.

Steve, we don't need an accordion player.

Why?

hysterical that's always your problem hi guys rodney it's about time

where's your video camera oh i was shooting my documentary on unsafe

in the girls locker room everything was fine until a couple girls jumped me they

smashed my camera and threw me in the showers it was great

How do we shoot a video without a camera?

Well, you see, when we win the thousand dollars, we can buy a new camera.

Just a thought. I am in the audiovisual club at school.

put this to a vote. I vote no.

Urkel's a dweeb.

Well, I vote yes.

Congratulations, Urk. You're our new cameraman.

Where's 27B?

27, 28, 28B?

No 27B.

Here are you, you stinking little lion. Hi, honey, how are you?

Oh, just fine, just fine.

You wouldn't happen to see line 27B on there, would you?

On this form?

Tax form for government -subsidized poultry farmers?

You picked up the wrong form, didn't you?

No, I did not.

Investing in a small flock of ducks.

Carl, it's still time to get our taxes done right. Call your brother.

Harriet, I don't want to call him. Forget it, Harriet. Once Carl has made

mind, the best thing to do is stand back and watch him fall.

Man, Urkel, what did you do?

Take every piece of equipment in the school?

surgery guys guys guys guys here it is here it is the script you've all been

waiting for and if i do say so myself it is hip to the bones listen fade in a

thick layer of fog rolls in surrounding a silhouette of the band we fade where

are we going to get a thick layer of fog from dry ice and a wind machine i know

a place downtown where we can rent everything

I hate to disappoint you, but our budget is only $20.

Uh -oh.

I already spent that on videotaping cheese.

So that leaves me with a budget of nothing.

Well, I can work with that. I'll have to make a few changes, cut a few corners.

I guess the camels are out.

You guys, um, we're gonna forget about the script. We'll just wing it, okay?

Great. Here it goes.

You got to get shots of my killer keyboard solo.

Be sure to get a close -up of me twirling my sticks.

I love your ideas, guys. Really, really.

Why don't you take five and think up some more?

Steve, can I talk to you for a second, please?

Amateurs. I know. You want to hear some of my ideas.

No.

Here's how the video's going to go.

You're shot in a shot of me.

Then you cut to an extreme close -up of me.

Then when I go into my dance, you cut to a close -up of my feet.

Then you tilt up to include my hips.

Then you cut to a close -up of my face.

Is it just me, or am I detecting a theme here?

I don't know if the other guy's going to like this.

Forget about them.

I'm the money. If this band is going anyplace, it's because of my talent.

Whatever you say.

This is going to be the biggest bombs in tower than...

Who's watching?

My video, Rachel.

It's all finished.

What? You shot it already?

I'm still working on the script.

Well, we decided to go a different direction.

Um, we'll use your ideas in the next video.

Turn it up. I want to feel the face in my face.

My name is Eddie. I'm a hip, cool guy.

The girls come running when I give them my eye.

My name is Eddie and I'm headed for fame. Party in front of the name of my

I am the Wiggle King.

So come all you girls and hear me sing.

Cause I'm the new king.

I can't believe it.

Eddie's instructions.

Exactly what were Eddie's instructions?

To keep the camera on him and forget about the other meatheads.

His words, not mine.

Eddie, you've got an attitude problem, man. I'm walking.

I'm walking, too.

Can you give me a lift?

better off without them.

Their egos were getting way out of control.

No. You're the one who's getting out of control, man.

It's supposed to be a band, not a one -man show.

I quit.

What's wrong with them?

The video was great.

You liked it, didn't you, Laura?

They're stuck.

On ice.

Oh, you're just jealous because you weren't in it.

No one was in it, except you.

You can't blame them for walking, Eddie.

That wasn't a rock video.

That was a love letter to Eddie Winslow from Eddie Winslow.

Like they say, if it ain't on the page, it ain't on the stage.

What did you think, Grandma?

Eddie, you know I love you.

And I'd never say anything to hurt you.

Good night.

Okay. Now, all I do is subtract line 17 from line 11.

There. Our taxes are done.

We only owe the government $94 ,000.

How are our taxes coming?

Harriet, it is a disaster.

We have hit bottom.

You would not believe how much money we owe the government.

Carl, you've suffered enough.

We've all suffered enough.

Here.

Well, what is this?

Our taxes. I went back to your brother.

After I specifically asked you not to?

Uh -huh.

How could you do this to me, Harriet?

How?

Tom, we're getting a $700 refund.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

So

how

you doing?

Okay.

Uh, Steve, could we be alone?

Sure. Eddie, would you mind stepping outside for a second, please?

No, Steve. I meant I'd like to be alone with Eddie.

Oh, I get it. A father and son moment. I'll just tiptoe out.

Well, fogging the spotlight like you did wasn't exactly the best thing you could

do.

But I'm the lead singer.

I mean, I did write the song.

Well, son, that may be true.

But being in a band is a group effort, and that means everyone is included,

though it was your song.

You know, when a man decides to go on an ego trip, he usually ends up traveling

alone.

So what should I do now?

Well... apologizing to Rodney and the rest of the guys would be nice for

starters.

That's a good idea.

And who knows?

Maybe you can even resurrect your band.

You know, Kyle's gone solo and Jerry went with him.

So much for my career as a rock star.

Well, son, we all make mistakes.

The important thing is that we learn from them.

Thanks, Pat.

Excuse me.

I forgot my tripod.

Just keep bonding. Keep bonding.

He's still a man without a ban.

Major Boomer.

But you know, I've been thinking.

With the talent that we have in this room, we could all pitch in and help

make a new video.

We might even still have time to enter the contest.

That's a good idea.

You know, it could be lots of fun. And who knows, we might win a thousand

dollars. I mean, sounds good to me.

Rachel, what about you?

I don't know.

Eddie's very difficult to work with.

I'm glad you're here.

Son, what do you say about the whole family making a video?

Okay, but only on one condition.

See? What did I tell you?

I want Aunt Rachel to rewrite the lyric.

I'd be happy to.

I love working with this guy.

Wouldn't it be great if we finished in the top five?

Are you kidding? We're going to win this thing. We got this puppy locked up.

And that was our second place finisher, the Toxic Argyle from Whitefish Bay.

Well, this is it. They're down to the number one video.

Mom, we don't have a chance.

All the finalists have been heavy metal.

Oh, look, guys, who cares if we didn't win? The point is, we did it as a

and we all had fun.

And now, our grand prize winner.

$1 ,000 goes to the Rappin' Winslows.

One, two, three, four.

If you're thinking you'd like to be a rap star, I got a personal tip that'll

help you get far.

So when you got a problem that's complicated, follow my tip and never be

deflated.