Original subtitles

Steve, what are you doing here?

The water's off at our place, Carl. And Estelle was nice enough to let me use

her bathtub.

Oops, I forgot my ducky.

Kid his age still using bath toys.

Come on, Mr. Quackers.

He loved Estelle's bubble bath.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

It's all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of every scene.

Wonder how long they'd ground me if I broke your arm.

Come on, Laura, test me. I got this car repair stuff down cold.

I'm gonna ace this sucker.

What are the three steps in adjusting a carburetor? Step one, you loosen the

lambda lock nut. Step two, you tighten primary adjustment screws. Step three,

you... You... What is step three?

Step three is you get the greasy book off the table so we can eat dinner.

needs a tuna, you're going to be glad I'm taking this adult education class.

Hey, everybody.

I've got big news.

Your father is a policeman with the best safety record in the entire city.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

There's more.

Because of that, I'll be driving in the Columbus Day Parade. Wait, wait, wait,

wait. Don't go crazy yet.

Not only will I be in the Columbus Day Parade, but I'll be driving the lead

Okay, you can go crazy now. I'm kidding.

This baby has a V8 with a dual -throat carburetor and 221 cubic inches of raw

power.

Where'd you get it, Carl? The Policeman's Museum.

This car was actually driven by Elliot Neff.

Did he have the best safety record last year?

Look, I've been practicing my wave.

slowly.

Keep your hands where I can see them.

You gotta read as I write, girl.

Harriet, this car is an antique and it's signed out to me.

That means it's out of bounds, off limits. No one touches it but me.

I do. But you might want to simplify for it.

My son, the safest driver on the police force.

I'm so proud of him.

We don't want to wake Carla.

Don't worry, Mother Winslow.

Carla could sleep through World War III.

Come on, Harriet.

Let's go look at that car up close and personal. Wait a minute. Carla said not

to touch that car. Come on. I just want to look at it.

I don't know.

I promise I'll keep my hands off of it.

Well, I guess it'll be okay if you don't touch the car. Great.

I just love these old cars. Each one has its own personality and quirks.

Kind of like men.

That's true.

You know, some don't look like much, but they can really move.

And then others are real flashy, but there's nothing under the hood.

They don't make them like this anymore.

Oh, I just, I love the way the corner sets off the contours of the hood.

Ooh, and look at this subtle flexing curve in this fence.

You two want to be alone?

I love this car.

It is pretty.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Not if you're thinking about driving that car.

I'm thinking.

Then you must be crazy. Carl would kill us if he knew we were even looking at

him.

You'll never know. He's asleep.

Well, he could wake up any minute and we can't take any chances. Oh, Harriet,

you are so cautious. So afraid to take a risk.

Bonnie, you gotta live, Harriet. Live.

I don't mind the living. It's the dying I'm trying to avoid.

Harriet, for once in your life, don't be the sensible older sister.

You are such a dick in the mud. Hey, loosen up. Let yourself go.

Go away.

Around the block. Just around the block, please.

Oh, Harry, I'll never get another chance to drive a classic car like this.

I don't know.

Oh, I'll be really, really careful, I promise.

Once around the block.

Great!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

But I'll make the rules.

Right turns only, and keep it below 20 miles an hour. Yeah, yeah.

Use hands.

Harriet, would you relax?

Nothing is going to happen.

We'll just tell Carl it was an accident.

Carl will go crazy.

You know, he still hasn't forgiven me for breaking his Flintstones coffee mug.

Harriet, we can't tell him.

Rachel, Carl has to drive this car to the parade tomorrow. He's bound to

Not if I fix it first.

You couldn't even glue Fred and Bonnie back together.

That was a cup.

This is a car.

I got Ann, Bonnie, and Finn to work. I can fix this tonight.

Well, even if you could, which I doubt...

I think I should tell Carl. No, no, no, no. You can't tell Carl.

Harriet, I can undo the damage if you just give me a chance.

Oh, please, don't turn your back on me now.

You're all I got.

Rachel, don't give me that don't turn your back on me speech again. I've heard

it.

on someone holding a blowtorch.

I'll try to remember that.

Yes? I just wanted to tell you that I checked on the baby and he's still

Thank you.

Are you aiming to lose that finger?

this going to take?

What time does Colonel have to leave for the parade?

Why? Is this going to take all night?

This is a delicate operation. You don't just slap it back on with crazy glue.

But I have it ready in time. Now, excuse me.

What's going on here?

Hey, I had nothing to do with this.

Rachel did it.

Your mother and I did it.

Why?

Edward, it's past one o 'clock. Why aren't you in bed?

Mom, I have to be home at 11.

There's nothing in the rules about sleeping.

You know, Eddie, as long as you're up, I sure could use another pair of hands.

Okay. Can I use the torch? No.

I'll go and check and see if Carla's still sleeping.

Okay, Aunt Rachel. What do you want me to do?

Put these two in the toolbox for me.

Ah! Harriet!

I'm very disappointed.

I thought you were going to cut out the midnight snacks.

Well, I wasn't snacking. I thought I heard the bulb in the refrigerator go

Sounds like they're doing body and fender work to me.

Oh, no, no, no, no. It's that new music, heavy metal.

Very heavy metal.

Heavier than the old heavy metal.

What were you doing outside in your robe?

Oh, I just went over to tell the registrants to keep it down, but who

They may keep this up all night. Come on, let's go.

Mom.

Dad.

What are you doing?

Are you just getting in?

Getting in?

Edward, do you know it's two hours? past your curfew?

Well, Dad, you see, I was just... I was just... You were just breaking your

curfew. Mom!

And after being grounded for a week, Carl, what are we going to do with him?

Well... Never mind. I'll handle this.

Never mind. Consider yourself grounded for another two weeks. What?

I don't want to hear a word. Just go to bed.

Go to bed.

Period. Carl, I don't think we should talk about this while we feel mad at

Eddie. Now let's just get a good night's sleep and we'll discuss this in the

morning when you cool off.

Mom, will you please sign this?

What is it?

It's a confession.

It says you did everything and I did nothing.

I told you I'd get you off the hook after this thing settles down.

What if something happens to you before then?

I need evidence that'll stand up in court.

I want to make sure that I'm early.

Oh, you've got a loose button. Where?

There.

It was hanging by a thread.

You better get your mother and throw that back on.

If your father comes back...

and I need your help.

What kind of crisis?

Aunt Rachel and I smash the police car and Dad can't know.

Let me get this straight.

You and Aunt Rachel trash the car, Dad doesn't know, and you want us to be a

part of the cover -up.

That's a general idea.

This is beautiful.

An opportunity like this comes along once, maybe twice in a lifetime.

I want a bike. What do you want, Judy?

Only crisis.

We've all got to pull together.

I'll take a dirt bike.

Well, I'm leaving.

Nobody touch me.

Ben, you can't go without breakfast. You look frail.

I don't have time for breakfast.

Why are you trying to stall me? We're not trying to stall you. If we were

to stall you, then we'd be trying to keep you here, which we're not, so just

You want some coffee? No.

Talents will serve. Oh, mine too.

Judy, you had your talents taken out four years ago.

Oh, I'm in my feet.

All right, what is going on around here? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

off your headlight.

I want everything to be picture perfect for the parade.

Thank you, Rachel.

That's very thoughtful.

Yeah, thanks, Rachel.

See you all downtown.

told you we could pull it off. We are sneaky good.

You know what, Rachel? You're setting a real bad example for the kids.

And after all I've done for you, I would think that you'd at least be able to do

this tiny little thing for me without expecting something in return.

Well, Mom, you were wrong.

Harriet, we are not going to be blackmailed. There is no evidence that

was ever wrong with that guy.

to the parade now.

And I suggest that you all get your stories straight.

Not that it matters, because when I come back, I plan to do a lot of yelling.

Well, it was a nice day for a parade. I mean, at least it didn't rain.

I wish it had.

Maybe they would have called it off.

He looks so miserable.

Yeah, when he came by, I could hear him grinding his teeth over the marching

band.

We are in big trouble.

Not me.

I've got written proof that none of this is my fault.

Look, it's all my fault, okay? And I'm going to take full responsibility for

everything. I'll just hold little Richie when I tell Carl that.

should have driven the car, and after we did it, we never should have tried to

repair it behind your back.

And we never should have dragged the kids into it. We were totally wrong, and

can't tell you how sorry I am.

Oh, Harriet, I really wanted to yell.

Carl, I'm sorry, too.

I was driving the car.

I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

I'm sorry, too, Dad.

Me, too.

Me, too.

What I can understand... It's why you all didn't come to me when you were in

trouble. We thought you'd be upset.

Well, I would have exploded.

But then I would have cooled down and we would have worked it out together.

But instead, you guys went behind my back. Now, that's what really hurts.

Sorry, Carl. It'll never happen again.

Me too, Carl. I promise.

I promise.

I promise.

I promise.

Okay.

You guys are off the hook.

But, guys, remember, we're a family.

Your problems are my problems.

But I can't do anything about them unless you let me know what they are.

Okay?

Right, baby.

From now on, this family sticks together.

Yeah.

By the way, who fixed the fender?

Rachel did.

Think you could do it again?

Sure, why?

Well, after the parade, I accidentally backed into the Sons of Italy float.

I'll get the torch.