Original subtitles

It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper

page. And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams, real lovers in hell.

We'll see you next time.

It's the bigger love of the family.

Grandma.

Grandma.

Grandma. Anything for me?

Grandma.

looks important. Oh, that must be for me.

Grandma.

This is from Barbara Bush.

You know Barbara Bush? Oh, sure, but I haven't heard from her since they moved.

Here's one for you, Dad.

Thank you.

Oh, terrific.

A water bill.

Here's one for our Rachel. Should I give it to her? No, let me give it to her.

Makes me feel important.

Here, Rachel.

It's from Sci -Fi Magazine.

I sent them a great short story. I don't believe it. You haven't even read her

story. I don't mean her story. I mean the water bill.

Did we get a swimming pool and nobody told me?

Look at that.

It is a little high.

A little high?

They don't use this much water at SeaWorld.

This is terrible.

They rejected my story.

Oh, Rachel, I'm sorry.

I guess this has been a tough day for both of us, huh?

Great news, Dad.

Mom finished washing the car.

You washed the car?

With water?

Boy, why did you do that?

Because you told me to.

Edward, I told you two weeks ago when we could afford it.

Do something I told you to do.

I'm sorry they rejected your story.

It was a great idea.

It was about this trucker who has a whole lot of tattoos.

Then one day, he notices his tattoos are changing.

Finally, he realizes they're not tattoos at all, but aliens with really low self

-esteem.

going wrong.

Shouldn't be wasting your time writing about truckers and tattoos.

Gotta be writing about things you know about.

how we can save a lot more money nobody eats I'll put it right back on

I have a lot of ideas, but none of them amount to anything.

I'm sort of blocked.

I'm blocked.

Well, who could it be?

Hi, everybody.

Edward.

Son.

Did you turn on the sprinkler today?

Yeah, I did, Dad. I turned it on this morning.

And without even being asked.

But you forgot to turn it on.

I got you there, Dad. You didn't tell me that part.

If we come up short...

domestic violence.

I'm Rachel.

That's for dinner.

Sorry.

Harriet, this is from the magazine I sent my new short story to. Open it,

it.

Well, what did they say? What did they say?

I sold my story.

I sold it, I sold it, I sold it. You sold it, you sold it, you sold it. Now,

I going to get a chance to read it?

Well, I didn't want you to see it until I knew it was good. But I'm going to go

out now and make copies for everyone.

Will you watch Little Richie for me? Oh, sure. No problem.

Oh, good.

Oh, by the way, he needs changing.

who moves in with her sister's family. The father's a cop, the mother works in

newspaper, and they live in a house with their three kids and a grandmother.

Okay, I know that sounds like this family, but I just used you as a jumping

point. I don't think you jumped far enough.

You make me seem pushy. I'm not pushy. Yes. I want you to take

me out of the story.

Not that part right.

Someone who knows it's fiction.

What's fiction?

You captured the real me.

The guy who was great with the babes.

That is the only part that is fiction.

Oh, yeah?

Don't be hitting nobody on the head. You're all crazy enough as it is.

Harriet, you haven't said a word.

You're a reasonable person.

What did you think of my story?

You want to know what I think about this story?

Maybe not.

Rachel, I think this story is about you and me.

How you see me as this overbearing big sister who's always pushing you around.

Well, it's nice to finally know how you really feel about me.

Harriet, it's just a little story.

Well, your words speak louder than your words.

See, Mother Winslow, that's the way we writers do it. Oh.

We take somebody we might know and use them as a model for our fictional

characters. Uh -huh.

Like Hemingway. He used his friends in his stories.

I met Hemingway in Cuba once.

All sizzle and no stink.

Rachel, well, I convinced Harriet to talk to you. Now you're going to have to

the rest.

Thanks, Carl.

Excuse me, Mother Winslow. I'll be praying for you, honey.

out this misunderstanding.

So now just go right ahead.

Straighten out the misunderstanding.

Right out.

Harriet, I'm really sorry this upset you, but I was just trying to do what

told me right about.

Did you mean all that stuff you wrote about me?

It's not you, Harriet.

Henrietta is a fictional character.

See? Come on, let's go get that ice cream. Come on.

So you don't think I try to control your life like that sister in the story?

Well, not all the time.

What do you mean, not all the time?

Well, sometimes you do try to control my life.

how to dress, how to do my makeup, and you even gave me a lecture on how to

my baby a teething round.

You know, that really made my hair stand on end.

Well, it would be a lot better than the way you're wearing it now.

You know, I don't think I put enough of you in my story.

I may have to do a novel.

How would you like to do it in traction?

I figured Linda's waiting for a real man to come along.

One who's not intimidated by her beauty.

And that's me.

Edward Studd.

eating lunch in my room.

Carl, would you please tell Rachel that if she's eating in her room, she better

call for pizza because my food is not leaving this kitchen.

Carl, would you tell Harriet that that is just fine with me?

Mom,

if Judy and I fight, can I have pizza in my room, too?

Just a thought.

Harriet, how can you still be upset at Rachel's story?

that's forgiven her?

Carl, she didn't do nothing on you.

You were just a tightwad and a blowhard.

She thinks I'm a terrible sister.

All these years, I thought I was helping her out.

But all the time, she's been seeing me as some tyrant who's been trying to

control her life.

You know what I think?

I think the two of you have let this thing

I know you're hurting right now, but you wouldn't be hurting if you didn't love

her so much.

I don't know how two people who love each other the way you and Rachel do can

let something like this come between you.

And I know that neither one of you are going to be happy until you work it out.

Now, come on, honey.

Work it out.

I don't want to work it out.

Hi, baby.

Want some?

No, thanks.

I guess you and Mom still aren't talking, huh?

You know, this is just about our worst fight ever.

Hey, don't let it get you down. I know what it's like to be a sister.

Judy and I fight all the time.

Yeah?

Do you say really awful things to her?

Sure. Big and middle child has to...

I never tell her this, but I love the kid.

Anyone see my bratty Kathy doll?

Beat it, you little rug rat.

See?

I wasn't really trying to hit her, but she has to learn to knock before she

enters.

I think you should go apologize right now.

Oh, I will. What do you think, I want to ruin our relationship?

See, that's the important thing.

No matter what happens between sisters, You don't let it ruin the relationship.

Well, I think she got the message. How did I do? You were great. Your timing

perfect.

I don't know how Mom and Aunt Rachel ever got through life without us.

You've got to talk.

I'm listening.

I am so sorry I wrote that story.

I never meant to hurt you.

It's not about the story anymore.

All right, I'm sorry for everything else I said, too.

So you don't think I push you around and try to control your life?

Okay, I don't feel that way.

You do, too.

Okay, I do feel that way.

I don't know what you want me to say.

I want you to tell me the truth.

Fine.

Sometimes I feel like you push me around.

No, I don't.

I just give you advice.

Harriet, you may mean it as advice, but it comes across like giving orders.

It's like you don't respect me or like you think I'm not capable of thinking

myself. That is not true.

Yes, it is.

Ever since we were little girls, you've always talked to me that way.

But I have nothing but respect for you, Rachel.

The type of person you are, your values, your ability as a writer, those are the

things I always admired about you.

Really?

Yeah, and if I boss you around sometimes, it's only because I care

want only the best for you.

Well, you always have been strong and dependable.

Just like a second mom.

Only younger.

Well, I can see you don't need me as a mother.

You need me as a sister.

Oh, that would be fun.

Well, from now on, when we're having a problem, I want you to tell me about it

face to face instead of putting it in a national magazine.

Fair enough.

And I want you to let me know if I'm getting pushy.

Okay, I will.

No, I mean it now. Whenever I'm getting pushy, it's your job to say, listen,

Harriet, you're being pushy.

Oh, it sneaks up on you, doesn't it?

So are we friends now?

Sure. Oh, I missed you so much.

Oh, I knew you guys would work it out.

Oh, boy, I'm glad that's over.

All I can say is I'm glad that story didn't cause any more trouble than it

I went over to Linda Fontana's house to ask her out.

And she beat you up?

Gee, whatever happened to girls just saying no?

It wasn't her.

It was her boyfriend.

Bubba.

Oh, Rachel, next time you write a story, leave me out of it, please.

Son, come on.

I think it's time you and I had a little talk about women.

and guys named Bubba.

Wow. What did you do?

Take a bath in cologne?