All language subtitles for Ellen s05e22 Vows

Here you go, Dad. All I had was mineral
water. Nothing but the great taste of

limon.

I just think it is so sweet that the two
of you are renewing your vows. It is

exciting, isn't it?

Oh, boy.

The first time we got married, it was a
rushed dockside affair. It was just us

and Harold's Coast Guard chaplain. Yeah,
I had to go on emergency duty to defend

this nation's 12 -mile fishing limits.

Don't get him started talking about it.
All the stories are sad.

Oh, we have so much to do. I mean, I've
got to pick out a dress, and we haven't

even talked to a florist yet. Well, I
can help you with that if you want.

Oh, Laurie, I think you're forgetting
how busy you're going to be this week.

What with working, and then driving to
work, and then there's the working, and

then driving back from work.

I have a florist who's really
reasonable, and I can help you find a

if you want. Oh!

Oh, we hadn't even thought about a
photographer.

Well, shouldn't Uncle Bert and Aunt Fern
be helping with some of this stuff?

Well, they're not going to be getting
here until just before the wedding. You

know, Uncle Bert insisted on taking the
train from New York. I just hope he buys

a ticket this time.

Boxcar hopping is a young man's game.

Now, don't forget to pick them up at
Union Station at 7 .45 on Saturday

And I'm picking up Aunt Maddie at the
airport.

Oh, gosh.

Well, Saturday, don't worry about it.
Ellen and I will pick her up.

Well, although it is the Sabbath.

We'll take care of it. Oh, thank you.

We have to get to the cleaners. You
know, Harold is wearing his Coast Guard

uniform for the ceremony.

Oh, wow, you haven't put that on since
we watched Jacques Cousteau's funeral on

TV. Oh, stop. You, come on.

Bye. Bye. Bye -bye.

What were you doing there?

What? What are you doing? Getting
involved in this wedding thing is going

a huge hassle. Oh, come on. I want to
pitch in. I mean, I think the two of

getting married again is so sweet. Don't
think of it as a marriage. Think of it

as a marriage between two crazy people.

Okay, all right. So it'll be a little
bit of running around. It won't be that

bad. And besides, we can't get out of it
now. Oh, maybe you can't, unless you

have your own fake leg cast.

I can't decide which one I like, so...

Laurie, what do you think?

Oh, that looks perfect on you.

Except when I exhale, you can see the
underwear you bought me for Christmas.

Look at you. That's beautiful.

Oh, and this looked great on you, too.

Oh, really?

Well, you know, all the dresses you
brought over are beautiful, but I... Oh,

Paige, could you come here?

Oh, no, no, no, no. I just, I can't pull
that one off.

Sure you could.

Right over your head.

Oh, Ellen, come on. Can you, can you
come out and help?

Oh, my little girl.

Don't cry, Mom. I'll find my sheep.

Why don't you try this one on and I'll
try that one on now?

I already tried that one on, Mom, right
after I tried Lori's on and before I

refused to try Paige's on.

Don't worry, Lois. Any one of these will
look great on you.

Oh. Oh, I hope that's not that caterer.
He's been pressuring me to make a

decision about this salad.

Mom, we already decided about this
salad, remember?

That car horn went by and it sounded
like arugula and you said it was a sign?

Your father thinks arugula is too hoity
-toity for our crowd.

He says we're iceberg folks.

She can change her mind if she wants.

Maybe we should go with the mixed
greens. You know, that has more niacin.

could hand out multiple vitamins with a
champagne. We're not switching salads,

Mom. Oh, honey.

Okay.

The first call was the music booker, and
you're in luck. They found the one

surviving ink spot.

Only you have to pay for the Medivan.

And, um, your dad's on the line. He said
it's important and he needs to talk to

you. Okay, you stay here and roll your
eyes at my mother, will you? Sure.

Hey, Dad, what's up?

Hi, Yelly.

Listen, I need to get your advice on
something.

Which of these neckties do you think
goes better with my blue blazer?

Oh, and tell your mother she's serving
arugula over my dead body.

Bye -bye.

Paige, please get that. I'm going to be
busy for the next few minutes grinding

my teeth to dust.

I don't know, Lois. I mean, go with your
heart, because matchbook covers are

such a personal choice.

Well, I have another catalog in the car.

You know, Ellen, I just...

I really love your mother, and I am so
glad that she feels comfortable enough

include me in all these little
decisions. I'm just so grateful that you

have a flight of stairs that I can push
her down.

Oh, honey, I knew you'd understand.

All right, that was your Uncle Bert. He
needs your help with the bachelor party.

He says if you don't deliver the deposit
by six, your dad doesn't get a

stripper.

You always dream of the day you hear
those words, but you're never really

prepared for it.

Dad's entertainment for his bachelor
party.

Ah, you're a good daughter.

Anyway, the address is on the envelope,
and that's it. Oh, by the way, you

should know, one of your nudes on your
nudes, nudes, nudes sign is not lighting

up.

Oh, wait a minute. What kind of act do
you want? What kind of girl do you think

your father would like?

Oh, um, I don't... Hi. How are you?

Um, I don't know.

My dad has never really told me what he
looks for in his strippers.

You know, I guess we don't talk the way
we should.

Uh, this is cinnamon, honey, and cherry
-o. Oh.

Well, hi. I'm Ellen.

My parents almost named me Coco, but at
the last minute went nuts.

Well, you look them over and take your
pick. I gotta go finish my veggie roll

-ups for the lunch buffet.

He seems terrific.

Well, um...

Yeah, I guess you should tell me a
little bit about your act, you know, and

in mind my dad's house is drafty.

My act is pretty straightforward. I just
dance.

I actually studied dance for years.

Oh, well, good for you for working in
your chosen field.

I'll show you. No, not necessary.
Nothing a demonstration can do that a

words can't do just as well. Okay.

I'm just going to, I need to get you
away from that pole because you can't

on that. My dad doesn't have a pole. So
a lot of the stuff you were doing, very,

very good. But a lot of movement at the
top is just a waste, waste of energy.

So I think just keep everything pretty
much still, you know, just kind of a,

just completely still.

Like, well,

okay.

You okay?

You know what's sexy? Hands.

Hands. Just kind of like kind of a hand
thing, but keeping everything still.

Kind of a back and forth hand.

Like that. That's it. Uh -oh. No. Okay.

Well, um... Good.

Um, again, I know that's hard to
control, but try to keep yourself

still. And none of this movement either.
That's not necessary.

Just complete, almost military. Just
back one, two.

Good. That's perfect.

Exactly. And maybe just a little bit
with your hands. And then some kind of

finish with the hands, hands, hands.

Good.

No tongue thing. Put the tongue away.

Perfect.

Perfect. Now, all right. That's great.
Now, let's talk turtlenecks. Okay?

Who came up with this tradition of
putting almonds into little bags?

I think the people who invented the
twisty ties.

They invented bread also.

Ellen, we have a problem. What?

Your Uncle Bert's just a little under
the weather.

Sounds like Uncle Bert switched to
filtered cigarettes.

I went to bed early, but he stayed up
drinking schnapps and watching cinnamon

dance. I understand she went home with
over $100 stuffed into her turtleneck.

big lesbian thing going?

Great. Really good. Better than the
salesman said it would.

Oh, hi, Ellen.

Oh, Ann Fern, hi. How are you?

Oh, Harold. Oh, I am so sorry. Look, let
me find a nice corner to put him in.

Okay. Come on, hot stuff.

Let's get you some coffee.

Okay, but let's start by the champagne
fountain. I don't want to lose this

Ellen.

I know this is really last minute, but
you can see that your Uncle Bert is

the weather, so would you be my best
lady?

Oh, Dad.

I'm honored. Of course I will, yeah.

And we don't have to discuss it now, but
how much does that pay?

Thanks, Ellie.

Your dad is just the sweetest guy I have
ever known.

Yeah, he's adorable.

And not just because of that little
sailor hat.

Flowers are beautiful, string quartets
in place, and, yo, look at that full

right where it's supposed to be. Oh, I
guess Mom decided to go with a full moon

after all.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Yeah, it's perfect.

Oh, I love this piece.

Me too.

Super tramp, right?

You know, even though this wedding was a
lot of work, you have to admit that it

is very, very romantic.

It is romantic.

Oh, I wish I had what my parents have.

Hot -looking daughter?

Talking about the part where we stand up
in front of everybody and tell them how

much we love each other.

What do you say, Laurie?

What are you talking about?

Getting married.

Oh, my God.

Oh, you're pregnant.

Look,

I know we've been through some rough
things, and it was me who didn't want to

move so fast in the beginning, but I
can't stop thinking about you every

of the day.

I only want to be with you. I don't want
anything else, so... What do you say?

Lori?

Will you marry me?

You're serious?

Not often, but right now I am, yeah.

Ellen, I love you so much.

So you're saying yes?

Ellen, I'm saying no.

You know, maybe I didn't hear you right,
because I'm way down here and you're

way up there, but did you just say no?

Ellen, I love you, and if I were going
to marry anybody, you would be the

anybody for me, but I just can't.

Why not?

Well, because I don't believe in gay
weddings.

Well, first Jerry Falwell, now you.

Well, I wish you would have mentioned
that to me at some point before I got

on one knee and humiliated myself in
front of all these plants.

I thought you were into this wedding
stuff.

I am, for your parents. You know, but
it's not as if we can just waltz down to

City Hall and get a marriage license and
a blood test.

No, but we can get a gun license and a
smog test, and I think with a little bit

of whiteout, we're in business.

A wedding, it just, it doesn't apply to
us. It's not recognized by the state.

I don't think what I'm asking you to do
is so weird.

You know, I'm just asking you to stand
up so we can publicly declare our love

front of friends and family. Okay, well.

I think a ceremony would just be
meaningless.

Well, maybe you're forgetting about the
part where I shove cake in your face.

I don't believe this. You know, I have
waited all my life to feel the way

supposed to feel when you want to marry
somebody, and now I finally feel that

way, and you say no.

Okay. All right, you know what?

That's fine. If you need for me to
demonstrate my love to you in some empty

ceremony that I don't believe in and
that I find ridiculous, I'll do it for

Oh, great. Let's find a song and an
appropriate Bible passage, shall we?

Hey, Lori.

I've been looking all over for you.

Lois needs you. She said that you're the
only one who understands her hair.

Okay. Okay.

Wow.

Look at the two of you together.

You look great.

Maybe one day it'll be the two of you
going down the aisle, huh?

Yeah. In a safe way.

If the state allows it.

You okay, Dad?

Friends, we are gathered today to renew
a deep commitment in front of family and

loved ones. In so doing, we acknowledge
a love that was truly meant to last.

And now our best man would like to say a
few words.

Oh,

that's me.

What do I do? I don't know. Your Uncle
Bert wanted to make a speech.

A speech?

The only speech I know is that one from
the beginning of Patton.

Hi.

How's everybody doing, okay? Pretty
good?

All right.

So, anybody fly in for the wedding?

Right here, a few people. Yeah. What's
up with that airplane food, huh?

Yeah. It's crazy. You know, a little...

Pieces of meat have little grill marks,
like we think, you know, the pilot's up

in the front with a little charcoal
grill, you know, a little tiny grill in

steaks or something.

Here, read this.

The speech is on cocktail napkins?

Hey, the first draft was on a lime
wedge.

Okay, all right, we're back. So, thanks
for staying with us, and let me just

collect my thoughts.

And, uh...

Reject a few.

Oh, oh. Okay, here we go. Yeah, because
these two wonderful people mean so much

to me. I wrote them a poem.

There once was a man named Morgan who
was blessed with a very large... Okay.

We don't want to get too sentimental.

It's just... So, um... Well, um...

I guess all I really want to say is that
I'm really glad that my folks are doing

this.

When two people love each other, it's so
obvious, and they're just meant to be

together.

And I mean this in a nice way. You're
two of a kind.

Well, the newlyweds are off. I think
they're anxious to get back to their

honeymoon suite.

Yeah, it's true.

Diagnosis murder starts in 20 minutes.

Oh, honey, things couldn't have run more
smoothly.

Yeah, I can't believe it went by so
fast. Well, except for the part when you

Mom sang Mockingbird to each other. That
seemed to last a lifetime.

You know, this is the longest I have
ever stayed in an event where there was

one important to schmooze.

Bye, honey.

Congratulations. Bye.

We can never thank you two enough. Oh,
well, we know how important this was to

you. Hey, for somebody who was nervous,
you did a good job with those vows, Dad.

And you know the funny thing?

I never heard a word of it.

No, Harold doesn't have to say I love
you to me in front of a crowd of people.

He's said it every day in every way for
the last 40 years.

Those are the only vows I need from this
character.

It's true, Ellie.

You know, this wedding really was kind
of silly.

We were going to call it off, but you
and Laurie seemed so into it.

Bye, Ellie.

Bye, Dad.

Bye, Laurie. I love you, Mom.

Bye.

How about those crazy kids? You think
they're going to last?

Ellen, about earlier, I wanted to say...
You don't need to say anything. We

don't need to talk about it. No, no, no,
no. We do, because... Because I think

that I hurt you, and I didn't mean to.

See, I know that a lot of people feel
differently about this, but... To me,

weddings are just a sad reminder of...
Of what we can't really have.

That somehow our love is less legitimate
because it doesn't rate a government

endorsement.

You know what? I... I would love to
marry you. I would love to have just a

old wedding, but I'm gonna... I'm gonna
hold out until we can have the real

thing.

That's okay. I don't think that's what I
wanted anyway.

You see that?

My dad has been buttoning my mom's coat
for 40 years.

And for 40 years, she's never told him
she hates that top button button.

That's what I want.

That's what you have.

No ceremony could make me feel any more
committed to you than I do right now.

Promise? Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

along, Uncle Bert. Uh, sorry we ran out
of scotch.

I want to say something. Now listen to
me.

Listen to me, dammit!

She is listening, dear.

Family is the most important thing.

Family is... Uncle Bert, I think there's
booze in the limo.

Bye.