All language subtitles for Ellen s05e20 A Hollywood Tribute 2

Hello, I'm Linda Ellerbe. I'm sure we
can all agree on the place in television

history held by the show created right
here on stage seven. I am, of course,

talking about Ellen. We've been breaking
new ground ever since we first aired

back in 1959.

Nothing like the smell of freshly ground
coffee.

Ow, you're gonna hurt. Just wait till I
add the boiling water.

Was being innovative always important to
you?

Oh, absolutely, yeah. Back to when I
first started my career, when I started

in vaudeville. I started out spinning
Waterford crystal, but the $2 ,000

admission got a little expensive for
people.

Did you go to school, stupid?

Yeah, and I came out the same way.

You're probably asking yourself, did you
go to school, stupid?

Yeah, and I came out the same way.

Didn't you go to school, stupid? Yes,
and I came out the same way.

One day, I heard from this hitman that I
knew that ABC was developing a new show

called Ellen.

And it struck me that Ellen might be
right for this.

This is her.

This is our Ellen.

What do you mean? Look at her. She's a
natural comedian.

And I should know. I discovered Betty
Granville.

How'd you like to star in your own
sitcom?

Well, I told the temp agency I'd be
available through the end of the week,

after that... So it's 1959, and fate has
brought you to your true calling, the

situation comedy.

I don't believe in fate, Linda. I think
it was something in the stars.

But it seems like right from the start
you pushed the envelope.

I mean, back in those days, shows like
Father Knows Best and Donna Reed were

norm. And here you were, a single woman
making her own way in the world.

The pilot episode was magnificent.

Well, it's funny you should mention
that, Linda, because the original pilot

we shot was really quite different.

Holly, I'm home.

Hello, dear. How was your day?

Super fantastic.

I was having lunch with some of the
fellas, and they told me about a great

investment. Oh, it all sounds so
exciting.

Perhaps we should leave these two
lovebirds alone.

Toodles. Ta. Ta, chum.

You know, sweetums, if this thing works
out, we can finally start a nest egg,

and then we can begin that family we've
been talking about.

Oh, but dear, the family we've been
talking about is the Millers next door.

What's your investment?

I have one word for you.

Asbestos.

It's the fabric of the future.

It's a funny -looking thing.

It's a miracle is what it is. It's the
best idea since nuclear power.

It's beautiful. It's completely
fireproof. Why, it's perfect for drapes,

Baby pajamas?

I like the way it makes dust when you
rub it together.

I'm taking all our money out of the bank
and I'm investing it in this. We'll be

rich, Lambchop. Rich and clothed in the
finest asbestos.

Well, I was thinking about our money,
too, dear. And I was reading about a new

stock for a small typewriter company
called Ibm. It's spelled IBM.

And the stock is only 50 cents a share.
And if we reinvest our dividends, a long

-term prospect... What were you reading
about this? The back of a cake box?

No, no, silly. You leave investments to
me.

Oh, it makes a nice napkin.

Wipe your face, dear.

So they showed the pilot to audiences,
but they just didn't like Ellen being

married. In those days, I was linked
publicly with a lot of men.

A lot.

Elvis, Hugh Beaumont, a couple of the
Kennedys.

But my fans just didn't want to see
Ellen tied down.

Although Jack Kennedy disagreed.

So you had to reshoot the pilot?

Yeah. I don't know what happened to the
guy who played my husband.

Last I heard, he was tending bar in
Boston, but that was a couple of years

Well, you know, Ellen was responsible
for the big break in my career. I was

one of a thousand comics out there on
the circuit telling jokes, pounding

and hitting on waitresses in every two
-bit town, it seemed, from New Haven to

Midland, Odessa.

She hired me to help warm up the
audiences that came in to see her

show.

She also told me to change my name.

She didn't think Eddie Stenchwagon was a
good name for a comic.

So I start doing the warm -ups. But to
tell you the truth, man, I sucked.

I mean, I couldn't buy a laugh at a
nitrous oxide convention.

So one night I drop the act and I just
start asking questions.

Who's sexually impotent?

What's the best way to flatten your abs?

Well, I mean, they go nuts. I'm running
around like a maniac, shoving

microphones in people's faces, and
they're eating it up.

Ellen sees this, makes a phone call, and
the next thing I know, I get a daytime

talk show.

Unbelievable.

And the person I have to thank for this
is Ellen DeGeneres.

So you were a single woman on television
before Marlo Thomas, before Mary Tyler

Moore. It seems like the Ellen show was
innovative right from the start.

Absolutely. And people don't realize
that we were the first show where

characters got trapped in a meat locker,
where someone has two dates on the same

night, you know, where someone learned a
valuable lesson. And who can forget the

pioneering work that your show did in
the area of identical evil twin cousins?

We got a patent.

That must have been very hard for you,
playing both parts.

It would have been impossible.

Fortunately, I actually have an evil
twin cousin.

Oh, it's true. No, she really did have
an evil twin.

Helen.

I hated working with her, though.

I mean, she was as mean as a polka with
a staple in its eye.

She killed a cameraman once because he
was out of cigarettes.

In her defense, I must say, he wasn't a
very good cameraman, but still, I mean,

it was uncalled for. The studio covered
the whole thing up, but, um... No, it

was a different time.

You could kill people on the crew back
then.

It really was the golden age of
television.

It seems as if Ellen mania reached its
peak with the young people in the late

60s. There were Ellen lunch pails, Ellen
shrinky dinks, and the stores couldn't

keep these Ellen dolls on the shelves.

You're far out. Want to come to my
party?

Neil Armstrong is groovy.

Hey, don't forget the Saturday morning
cartoon, Ellen and Her Fun Bunch with

Harlem Globetrotters in outer space.

They're Ellen and her fun bunch in outer
space.

They met the day that aliens destroyed
the human race. But somehow they

and got onto a ship that was headed into
orbit for a far out groovy trip.

There's Mr.

Teenage Doctor.

And Pinch who has great hair.

Ellen is their leader.

Joe and Arby both are there.

They use their groovy ray guns and
sometimes their guitars to zap out all

space ghosts from Jupiter to Mars.

There's Ellen and her fun bunch with the
Highland Globetrotters in Outer Space.

When I was little, I had so much Ellen
stuff. I mean, well, the lunchbox, of

course, and the little paper dolls, you
know, and, oh, those, the Ellen

-shaped vitamins. Every Saturday
morning, I would wake up at 6 and watch

cartoon.

They had this breakfast cereal at the
time, Sugar Ellen Loops. And I would

a huge bowl, and I would just watch and
laugh and watch and laugh so hard

that I just poured milk all over my
Ellen PJs.

You know, I bet I can remember every
word to that song.

There's Ellen and her fun bunch in outer
space.

They...

Wild and crazy.

There's more. There's more. There's way
more.

The first time that we met, Ellen was
one of those celebrity marriage

enhancement seminars. She was leading
it. Yeah, it was us. It was John Tesh

Connie Selica and Larry King and number
four or five. I can't remember which.

And she taught us to be completely open,
completely honest with each other.

Right, right. For instance, Mary has a
story about how we went to her mother's

house for Thanksgiving the first time.
Oh.

And thanks to Ellen, Sina, I can say to
Mary, that story is boring.

And it's okay.

You think that story's boring?

This is perfect.

Yes. Yes, it's boring. I mean, it's not
funny. And the finish is the dog licking

the turkey. I mean, how's that
interesting?

Okay, well, I thought it was
interesting.

I thought you liked it. I told it for
that reason.

No, no, no, no, no. I do like it. I love
it. No, you just said it was boring.

Not boring, boring. More soothing.

It was soothing.

You should tell it. Come on, tell it.
They don't want to hear that silly,

old story. Come on, they're dying to
hear it, Mary. Come on, aren't you?

Well, it is kind of cute.

All right. The thing that you have to
know is that the dog was a diabetic.

Okay. It's great. You're going to love
it. It really is.

So all that fun with cartoons and
lunchboxes was great, but it belied the

that there were dark undercurrents
moving in America at that time.

Yes, and I was determined to change the
show to reflect what was going on.

The 60s was a turbulent era. War,
racism, unrest, difficult subjects for

Yeah. Thank God we had the ridiculous
clothes.

Hey, people, what do you think?

Let Saigon's be bygones. Hey, that's
great.

Yeah. What do you think about ours?

Say nay to palm.

Yeah. Why don't you work something in
about boycotting grapes?

Hey, Audrey, did I tell you that Ellen
and I burned our bras today?

Yeah. Now we have to find a new way to
sneak beers into the movies.

Actually, my bras are too pretty. I just
burned a sock.

Well, sisters, while you were out
burning symbols of the white patriarchal

establishment, I got an abortion.

Which I'm sure was a hard choice, but
ultimately yours to make.

I was a lifelong liberal.

Well, except for the time I voted for
Barry Goldwater. Hell, we all knew crazy

things to get laid.

So when Ellen said to me that she wanted
the character of the father to change

to this conservative dope, I was against
it. But then she explained that doing

this would help to unmask the political
right for what they are.

Reactionaries with a secret agenda to
curtail our freedom. Well, you know,

she explained it that way, I could see
it was the right thing to do.

Plus, my contract was up for renewal.

And those bitches at the studio really
played hardball with me.

Oh, jeez.

If it isn't Big Red and the fellow
travelers.

Why don't you call me Simpleton, stop
protesting, and do something useful for

change, like shutting your yaps.

Daddy, war is not healthy for children
and other living things. Oh, yeah? Well,

let me tell you something else that's
not healthy.

Peter!

Hey,

hey, kids!

Kids, come on out! While you were gone,
I adopted some kids.

Uh,

kids, this is Peter.

With shaking age, it's orange.

Uh, well, I just got back from Saigon.

It's a really rotten war, kids.

Oh, and if anyone pops a balloon around
me, I'll probably kill everyone in the

room. So,

you went to Vietnam, stupid?

Yeah, and he came back the same way.

Since those days in the early 70s, I
believe it was, I have always been

impressed by Ellen's commitment to
social causes. You know, whether it's

with the president or flying on the
Concorde to Paris to discuss world

Oh, oh, oh, I can't say enough about the
car. The great car she donated to our

Meals on Wheels program.

I mean, last night we almost had it up
and running, but we got too tired. And

that's when, of course, I selfishly
turned in. a couple of hours of sleep,

Ellen, Ellen was still hard at work,
this time saving the rainforest.

Well, not actually saving the
rainforest, but talking about it while

in a hot tub with Sting.

The show's biting social satire of the
early 70s was eventually pushed aside.

America was reinventing itself.

And as the country moved into the
hormone -charged 80s, your show once

seemed... A step ahead of it,
transforming itself into what TV Guide

sexiest show on television.

That's probably because of all the sex
we were having with the reporters from

Guide. As I recall, the network wanted
to pull the plug.

Ah, and then ABC learned a lesson.
Unlike television executives, many

like sex.

You have to help me out here. I told
Megan I'd sleep with her at night, but

I picked up Candy at the Royal Rabbit,
and she is hot to trot.

Candy doesn't know that I'm living with
a woman, so here.

You put this on, she'll think you're me.

All right, but this is the eighth and
final time I'm doing this.

Ooh, Sven, you're naughty.

Well, come closer. I can hardly see you
way over there.

Are you hungry? Do you want something to
eat?

The only thing I'm hungry for is you.

Oh, no.

Unhook my bra.

Um, okay, I think I've got a tool for
that in the garage. I'll be right back.

Oh, Spence, unhook my bra.

All you women have the same catchphrase?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

And after a couple of years of that, we
all got pretty exhausted, so we decided

to go a whole different way with the
show.

And that brings us up to the president.

what was undoubtedly one of the most
groundbreaking events in the history of

television. Yeah, of course, you're
talking about the episode where I wore

chicken suit.

No, I'm talking about the one referred
to as the puppy episode.

Of course.

Over 40 million people watched that
show. Boy, if I'd have known we'd get

kind of number, I would have called it
the everybody who's watching, please

me a dollar episode.

It truly was a remarkable television
event.

Let's take a look.

Are you saying what I think you're
trying to say?

What do you think I'm trying to say?

Oh, I'm not going to say it again and be
wrong. No, you're not wrong. You're

right.

This is so hard, but I think I've
realized

that I am... I can't even say the word.

Why can't I say the word? I mean, why
can't I just say...

I mean, what is wrong? Why do I have to
be so ashamed? I mean, why can't I just

say the truth? I mean, be who I am. I'm
35 years old.

There you have it.

History. And I couldn't be prouder.
Wait, that wasn't it.

Of course it was. It was the first time
on television somebody was honest about

their age.

35 years old.

I can't tell you the freedom I felt when
I said those words.

But I... Well, everybody thought I was
younger, but I thought it was time for

to be honest about my age and help other
35 -year -olds out there who couldn't

admit it, especially the kids.

But there's the part coming up where you
tell her you're gay.

Right. I'll tell you what, that age
thing really, really changed a lot of

people's lives.

Maybe I'm mistaken, but I thought
telling people you were gay was the

point of the episode.

Really? No. No, that's just the spin the
network put on it. They're gay crazy

over there.

But don't you see how groundbreaking it
was to have your character come out?

Not really. No more groundbreaking than
it was to stay pregnant on television. I

mean, 20 years from now, it's going to
be one big fat so what.

Well, I guess I missed the whole point.

Don't worry about it. It was subtle.

There is one more thing I'd like to do.

Bring him in.

Knuckles.

Oh, Knuckles.

It's so good to see you. Look at me. I
know the audience would like to see you

do some of your act.

Really? Well, what do you say, Knuckles?

You want to do the old act, stupid?

We never did it any other way.

Heartwarming.

We done?

Cut. Can someone take him? He smells
funny.

That's a wrap.

And so it goes.

Ellen and I go back to right after the
war.

We worked together on The Great White
Way.

That's Broadway for those of you in
podunk.

We were both chorus girls in a musical
comedy about the Hindenburg disaster.

The reviews simply said, oh, the
humanity.

But we didn't care. We gals had a blast
in the Big Apple. Anyway, I ran into

Ellen a few weeks ago at Tiffany's. She
even talked me into doing one of the old

numbers. After all these years, our gam
still had some kick left.

I'm now the proud owner of $40 ,000
worth of broken goblets. But, hey, you

put a price on memories.

Bright and kooky and gay.

Who goes a different way? Who finally
came out with friends? Who, who, who?

Ellen.

Spence and Paige and Audrey and Joe. All
suspected, but they didn't know.

They had to wait till the end of the
show for her to come out of the closet.

Who got a lesbian smile?

Who's got a lesbian style?

Who's happy and healthy and gay? Who,
who, who?

Ellen.

She's happy and healthy and gay.

Ellen,

Ellen, you groovy gal.

Here we go.

And action.

I said I would.

I used to work with Ellen and Dave.
Actually, I opened for them. They were

the... funniest people I ever met.

Really, seriously, and I've met a lot of
people, but you talk, they were

humorous. We were on the circuit
together.

We lived out of a suitcase, and then
afterwards, when things got going pretty

good, we put the clothes in the suitcase
and lived in a room.

We'd do that.

I remember one night, it was me, Ellen,
Dave, and Tommy Kirsch.

What a guy. He used to like to spin live
animals, you know.

Put them up on the stick like this. They
get the little prairie dogs, you know.

And he'd keep 12 of them going at the
same time.

Then he'd introduce a hawk and they'd
come down and get them.

So anyway, we were kind of having a few
one night. And Ellen says, I got an

idea.

Why don't we go up on the water tower
here in Dubuque and moon the entire

So we did.

And I'm up there.

Great.

It was kind of cold that night. So I had
backed into the metal.

Tower there, and the whole right cheek.
It's still up there on the tower. I

think it's under the queue.

Yeah, this right here. See this, huh?

Solid plastic.

Yep.

There you go.

And then what happened next really
astounded me.

It's the other cheek.

Oh my God.

Shut up.