All language subtitles for Ellen s05e05 Just Coffee

So after what happened to you at the
bookstore, I asked myself, do I want to

work for a guy like Ed?

No, sir. So I quit.

Wow. Boy, you showed him, huh?

If he notices.

Of course, I had to borrow some money
from my uncle up in Toronto to open this

place. All he asked is that I name it
after him.

Huh. And his name's Joe, too?

No, but he never visits L .A.

As far as he's concerned, it's hot cup
of chet.

Well, good luck with the place.

With your hard work and ingenuity,

Well, good luck with the place.

Excuse me, where do you keep the
Advocate?

Oh, investment newspapers are over
there.

No, the Advocate is a gay news magazine.

Oh, then you'll find it in the porno
section.

I've been helping Joseph spruce up his
new coffee house.

Now, how does this grab you? Heart
-shaped urinal puck.

Hello, Ellen.

What about books? Ellen, you've been
staring at this woman long enough. It's

time to start whistling and hooting.

I know her. Her name is Laurie
something.

I had the biggest crush on her. She
helped me get my mortgage on my house.

is so romantic.

Why don't you go talk to her?

Yeah, here.

Take her this.

Nothing says lovin' like a yam.

Oh, gee, I don't think I'm ready for the
kind of commitment a yam entails.

Besides, she probably doesn't even
remember me.

Lori!

Ellen?

Ellen Morgan, right? Yeah. Yeah, Lori
Manning. I handled the loan on your

Yeah.

7 .130, you're fixed.

Wow, what a memory. Boy, that pretty
much kills my plans on not paying it

These are my friends. This is Audrey and
Paige.

Hi. So how's the house? You liking it?

Yeah, it's... Frankly, it's a little
small and the closets are tiny, but...

Paige, why don't you let me answer? It'd
be good practice for when you're not

around.

It's great. I love it. Good. The kitchen
needs a little work.

Oh, the advocate.

Did you read the article in there about
the impact of gay -owned corporations on

international trade?

I don't know. Did it start with Amazon
Beauty Seeks Soulmate?

Lori, are you an advocate of the
advocate?

A sporty girl? A woman's woman? A sailor
on the seas of Dinah's shore?

Wow. That is the worst pick -up line
I've ever heard.

I'm not trying to pick you up, silly.

Ellen's the one who prefers Joanie to
Chachi.

Please excuse Audrey. She blurts. She's
a blurter from way back.

No, that's okay.

I've got a pushy friend, too, who's...
She's always sending me packages, hoping

I'll chat up the UPS girl.

Well, I've got to go back to work, but
I... You know what? I would love to talk

with you more about the house.

I'd love that, too. Yeah, why don't I...
I'll give you my card, and you can call

me. Okay. Oh, I must have left them in
the car. Here's a pen.

Oh.

Thanks. If you want, you could... Here.

Yeah, go ahead. There may be some old
physics notes you're going to write

but... It's either a three or an eight.

No, it could be a two or a five.

No, if only I hadn't given Audrey that
elaborate gangster handshake.

I'm just going to try all the numbers
till I get her. No, no, no, easy. No,

no, no, no. The woman gave you her
number an hour and a half ago, right?

want to look too desperate.

I'm just following protocol.

It's what one does when a woman inks up
your hand in a chicken joint.

You know, maybe he's right. You should
not rush this. I'm not so sure that Lori

was as interested in you as Audrey was
interested in her being interested in

you.

Look, I'm telling you, I liked her. She
liked me. We clicked. There was

clicking. I heard clicking. Something
was going on, or something is wrong with

my jaw.

Okay, fine. You like her. I'm just
saying, wait a week before you call, and

get her name slightly wrong so you don't
seem interested.

Better yet?

I'll wait a year and spit on her when I
see her.

You know, I may be old -fashioned, but I
don't think the woman should ever call.

That may not be practical in this case,
babe.

Try the five.

Hello? Hi, is Lori there?

Okay. Thank you.

She doesn't work at Der Wiener
Schnitzel.

I do, too.

I got her machine. It's her. Quick,
chirp like a fax machine and hang up.

I'm going to try my sexy voice. Don't
make me laugh.

Hi, Laurie.

Hi, it's Ellen Morgan called... Oh, hi!

What?

No, I have a frog in my throat.

I should wash the lettuce better.

Anyway, listen, I was wondering, you
know, you said that maybe we could get

together sometime.

Yeah,

that sounds great. That's what I had in
mind, kind of.

Well, there's a new place on 3rd.

That's the one.

Yeah, well, we go to... Okay.

All right, then.

Yeah, I'll see you then.

What's up? I have a date. All right!

I know, I can't believe it. I'm so
nervous. Me and Laurie, and we're going

for coffee.

I hate to see that happen.

What?

Well, she's putting you off.

I mean, coffee's not a date. Coffee's an
interview for the date. Right. A real

date is food, drink.

Well, coffee's a drink. People drink
coffee.

It's not the same thing.

No one has ever gotten romantic over
coffee.

Yeah? Well, then why are there so many
Colombians?

Sometimes it really hits me. I'm a
mortgage broker. That sounds so grown

work at a desk. I wear a suit. And
inside, I feel like I should still be...

climbing trees or something.

Well, you could ask to get transferred
to another branch.

So, uh, it must be nice working at a
bookstore.

I don't work there anymore. I'm
unemployed.

Oh, I didn't know you were unemployed.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I wasn't when I
filled out the forms for the bank, you

and, uh, you know, I had a job then.
But, I mean, don't worry about it. I

money, socked away. I mean, I'm not an
heiress or anything like that, but, you

know, I could get lucky, you know, if my
parents got really, really rich and

then, you know, died.

This is a great neighborhood. Your
house, it's around here, isn't it? It

It's just right down there. You should
come over sometime. It's really great.

It's Spanish.

But I'm going to raise it to respect
both cultures.

Well, actually, I wanted to talk to you
about the neighborhood because I've been

thinking about buying around here. Yeah,
Holly and I need some more space.

Oh, really? Holly and you need space?
Well, good. Okay, well, so you want to

talk about the neighborhood?

Yeah, well, I...

Yeah, I mean, I've been thinking about
buying, and now seems like a good time.

Yeah, well, property values are going
up. Interest rates are coming down.

Yeah, maybe I could refinance.

Sure, I can help you with that. Yeah,
well, at least you could do. You didn't

help me move.

So tell me about Holly.

Oh.

Holly, she's, oh, she's just, she's
wonderful. You know, she's my life. I'm

lucky to have her.

Good for you.

amazing, because one minute she wants to
be a marine biologist. Next minute she

wants to be a spice girl.

She's my daughter. She's 12. I showed
you her picture when you came to the

office, didn't I? I don't know if you
did or not, but I didn't know that. Oh,

wow, you have a daughter.

Yeah, how is your daughter?

Yeah, well, that's great.

And believe me, I'm sure she'll grow out
of that silly marine biologist face.

Oh, gosh.

You know what? I've got to run. I've got
another appointment.

Oh. But this was terrific.

Let me get this. No, thank you so much
for the info. I got it.

We talked about business.

You're a write -off.

Oh, well, good. I'm glad we can get
together and commit tax fraud.

Well, let's do this again, do you think?
Yeah.

I'll call you.

Okay.

So, how'd it go?

Uh, good.

Wow, great.

Yeah, I mean, we just, we got to
talking, and one thing led to another,

well, I don't want to jinx it, but I
think I'm refinancing.

I know how that can happen. That's why I
try to play it safe, and on my first

date, I limit the conversation to two
topics, music and getting it on.

So you had coffee, and you talked about
business.

Well, if that's a date, then I've been
dating my accountant for the past four

years.

I don't know what's going to happen with
Laurie and I, but I'm keeping my

fingers crossed for you and your CPA.

You know, it's like I told you, Elle.
It's not a date unless there's, you

food and drinks.

What is that? I am having a squirrel
situation. They're scampering up on the

porch. They're running up the gutters
and getting romantic on my roof.

I think they'd use that futon I set out
by the chimney.

I thought you were a squirrel. Well, I'm
not. Go inside so I can clean this up.

Okay. Well, here's a broom. Thank you.

Who's that?

That's Lori.

Hi.

Hi. I got my heel caught in your mat,
and as I was trying to extricate myself,

accidentally knocked over your... My
priceless Italian planter with my

fiddlehead fig.

Oh, no, no, no. Tell me you're kidding.
No, they're called fiddlehead figs.

Come on in.

Oh. I'm interrupting. No, no, no. This
is my 12 -year -old daughter.

She's going through the ugly phase. Say
she's pretty.

Nice to meet you. I'm her cousin,
Spence. Hi.

Oh, I was looking at a property in the
neighborhood, and you did offer to show

me the house, so I thought, you know
what? I'm going to go by. I'm going to

break something.

Wow.

Very considerate of you. I've been so
busy today, I probably wouldn't have had

time to break it myself.

Oh, Ellen.

Oh, this is fabulous. It's so warm,
homie.

Thank you, homie.

You know, I'm sorry I had to run off so
fast today. It seemed like we were just

getting started there.

Yeah, well, you're here now. I mean,
what are you doing? I'm making dinner.

Nothing fancy beats.

Um, well, actually, I do have dinner
plans, but you want to do something

Movie?

Yeah, I'd like that. Okay, great. Okay.

Can I see the rest of the house? Yes.
I'm sorry. The kitchen is in here.

Great. And a movie. They have food and
drinks here, don't they? Yeah, they do.

Okay,

what do you think?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That brown leather
belt is way better than the nine other

brown leather belts you just tried on.

I'm being sarcastic.

Let me see the cookie sheet again.

I can't believe you haven't bought a
full -length mirror. How can you live

this? It's easy. I just don't dress and
bake at the same time.

Well, you look great. I mean, Laurie
would have to be crazy not to love you

that.

Let me see the cookie sheet again.

Cookie sheet, cookie sheet on the wall.

Tell me... You have no sense of fun.
What's the matter with you, huh?

Oh. at the time. I'm going to be late.
It's going to take me ten minutes to

park. No, it won't, because I'm going to
drop you off. That way, Laurie will

have to drive you home, and as we all
know, the ride home is where the real

begins.

Paige, you're amazing. Just when I think
I've seen all your sneaky tricks, you

pull something like this out of the bag.

My sister practiced piano.

I practiced this.

Marco. Hold on. Marco, Marco, Marco.

Hi.

Sorry I'm late. My car broke down.

Very emotional car.

Well, so far, all you've missed is the
public service announcement about drugs,

and I don't mean to ruin it for you.

They're against them.

You look good.

Oh, thanks.

You too.

I mean, I think. Your teeth are shiny
and look like that.

Concord?

That souvenir hot tub sucks. Shut up.

Hi. Oh, Maura, this is Ellen. Ellen,
Maura. Hi, nice to meet you, Nutball.

Geez, that sure got violent, huh?

Yeah, well, I think it was justified.

Yeah, it's not like we didn't ask him to
stop kicking our seats.

Hey, should we grab some dessert?

Uh, you know, I think I hit the wall
with that jumbo popcorn and the extended

family -sized Nestle's Crunch, but...
Yeah, I'll go ahead. That's okay. I

want to butt in. No, what do you mean?

Well, I'm sure you want to be alone, so,
you know.

Oh, oh, no, Ellen, no. Maura and I are
not a couple. No, no, no. No, no, no,

no.

I know it's not trendy, but I still like
men.

Except for the one I married who never
leaves the house.

Lori and I were out for dinner, and I
thought, hey, tag along.

Well, good that you did. Good.

Okay, well, you're not.

Oh, boy, I should call a cab.

Oh, that's your car. You need a ride.
I'd be happy to take you.

Oh, no, you know, that's okay. I should
walk. It's only 11 miles.

Laurie said you live on citrus.

Hey, neighbor lady, I'm two seconds
away.

No, it's okay. Really, I love walking. I
would like to walk. Maura, I can drive

Ellen home. These shoes aren't that
comfortable. That's good.

Oh, don't be silly. I'm just around the
corner.

Two seconds.

Well, okay.

I guess I'll get a ride with Maura then.

Okay. Okay. Well, it was terrific.

Yeah. Okay.

if you dwell on all the little things
that went wrong, of course you're going

think it wasn't a good date.

Paige, she brought another woman along.

That sounds like a good date to me.

I don't get it. I mean, why wouldn't she
just tell her friend not to come

because it was a date? Unless, unless,
of course, she never intended it to be a

date in the first place. Okay, so it
wasn't a date.

I don't know. I am completely confused.

Oh, I could never be gay.

I need more clarity than this. I mean,
listen, okay.

If I'm with a guy more than three hours,
and I still don't know where I stand,

this is what I do, okay? I take him, I
look him in the eyes, and I say, this is

now officially a date.

And if he doesn't like it, I put my
dress back on, and I go home.

Elle, I'm going to talk to you skirt
chaser skirt chaser, okay?

If you want to get this thing going, you
have to stop waiting for the bus and

drive this baby.

You know what I'm saying?

Now, in the Het World, when you meet
someone and you want to get things

No, no, no.

No, yeah. What, Het World? The Het
World.

Oh, Het World. I used to love going
there as a kid.

Yeah.

You know, I hear... That's good, but I
hear that Bi -World has twice as many

rides.

All right, when you like someone, the
first thing you do is you hang out in

land, right? And you get to know each
other, you go to the movies. Then you

to decide, do you take the on -ramp to
Relationship City? But you don't have

much time. Three dates, that's it. If
both parties fail to merge, you've

your exit, and you're out of gas in
Friendville.

Then you have to call the AAA guy to
tell you back to Lonely Town. That's

Wow, you really are cousins, aren't you?

But you know what?

Spence is right. And when you're right,
you're right.

That's it. I am tired of taking the bus.

From now on, I am driving. Put it in
gear, girl!

All right, boys!

Yeah, and there will be no mistaking my
intentions this time. I'm going to take

her to a nice, quiet spot where we can
talk.

I'm sorry!

Same for me, but lots of vodka in mine.

You know, we could leave. I just really
wanted to come someplace and talk.

Oh, no, we can talk here.

Okay.

I'm a little bit confused about what's
going on with us, you know? I just want

to set things straight, okay?

Um, here goes.

I've lived in Friendville all my life.

I'm not the best driver, because I go
very slowly, and I look in the rearview

mirror a lot.

Boy, this vodka's good.

You haven't had a step. Well, then you
know it's good.

Where was I?

Drinking, driving.

Excuse me.

Do you want to dance, or are you two
together?

That's eight bucks total.

Are these together?

Just a second.

Look, I don't know what this is, but I
was kind of hoping that we were... Well,

I don't know, because I was hoping
that... Well, you asked me out for

and that's it, so... Well, I know I was
nervous, and I haven't done it in a long

time. Yeah, but you brought Mara to the
movies. Well, I know, because I didn't

want to be pushy, and you said that you
really hated pushy people. But you let

Mara drive me home. Okay, Mara's pushy.

You know, plus, she was supposed to cut
out when I gave her the signal, and I

forgot the signal.

Where's this Mara chick? Maybe she wants
to dance.

I'm new at this, so I don't know the
do's and the don'ts and the signals.

We're together.

Well, hi, I'm Laurie.

Hi, I'm Ellen.

You want to go somewhere else?

Okay.

So this is a date?

Yeah, I hope so.

Especially since I've never dated a wild
animal.

drapes, Joseph, and the best part is I
should have just enough fabric left over

to make you a darling little apron.

Well, the city code says it can't be
flammable, so why don't you take in the

back and see if you can light it on
fire.

Okay.

Hot cup of Joe, can I help you?

No, sir, you have the wrong number.

Hot cup of chat.

Can I help you?

Uncle Chad!

Hi, how's everybody up in Toronto?

You're kidding.

Los Angeles airport.