Original subtitles

Open my next birthday, girls.

Oh, it's a Mr.

Microphone.

Hey, good looking. I'll be back to pick you up later.

Finally, they'll hear me when I say that.

I think that that gift will make a lot more sense when you look at this.

An envelope.

I love it. And it's manila, my favorite color.

No, there's something inside.

No.

I mean, look.

This is to confirm that you will be spending the weekend at a place where

and roll dreams come true for all you rock and rollers in this rock and roll

world. Wait a minute. Does this have something to do with rock and roll?

Rock and roll dream camp. We thought you would love that.

I do.

Oh, I can't believe I am going to be rocking with undetermined musical

celebrities.

Yeah, rock and roll played a huge part in my life, too.

I remember.

David Bowie was my first.

Concert. My first concert.

Well, my first concert was the banana split.

That's legal with one righteous dude.

So, Ellen, what was your first concert?

ACDC. Thank you guys so much for chipping in.

I know this could be pretty expensive. Oh, it's okay. We all wanted to go, and

it was buy four, get one free, so happy birthday.

Oh, how sweet. You all chipped in for a free gift.

And we all get to go together, and that's great, because I never really get

spend enough time with you guys.

Hey,

was I right? Those guys in the lobby, were they seals and props or not?

The guys in the Shriner's hats?

What are you saying? A Shriner couldn't have written Summer Breeze?

That's a good point.

Boy, I can't believe I'm here in L .A.

It's just so great to get away from the madness down the street.

Hey, do you think $15 was enough to tip the porter?

What do they say? It's a buck a bag, right?

Oh, I own $5. I'll be back.

Here it is. Here it is. My old song journal. Cool.

These songs I wrote in high school. I'm a big phony.

Nobody likes me.

Nobody Likes Me Part Two.

Johnny Palizzi Likes Me.

I Was Wrong About Johnny Palizzi.

Nobody Likes Me Part Three. Oh, I remember that one. I'm so sad.

Woe's me.

Nobody Likes Me Part Three. That was a great one.

You know, I'm a pretty great drummer. I don't mean to brag, but, you know, I was

in quite a few garage bands in high school.

Some even with college kids.

Yeah. Sophomores.

I always wanted to have a garage band, but we had a carport.

Who am I kidding? I never had the courage to sing in front of people. The

carport was just a crutch.

Put away the crutch. Matter of fact, put the songbook away.

Write all new songs. This is rock and roll fantasy camp. You can be anyone you

want to be. Melissa Etheridge, right? Katie Lang, Indigo Girls.

Tina Turner.

Tina Turner?

Oh, yeah.

and all in all, the best hotel I've ever been thrown out of.

And the health club is open 24 hours.

Joe, you work out?

No, just make a small talk.

Come on in.

Welcome to Rock and Roll Recap.

The room service guy looks just like David Crosby.

I am David Crosby. Yeah, right, and I'm Joni Mitchell, and this is Peter, Paul,

and Mary. Hi, I'm Al, and that actually is David Crosby.

You are David Crosby?

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. No, I'm not sorry that you're David Crosby.

not. I'm very proud that you are, and I'm sure you're happy for yourself.

I'm just, I'm sorry that I didn't know who you were. Are you carrying any

concealed weapons on you?

Not anymore.

Hey, are you one of the Undetermined Musical celebrities?

Actually, I'm the rocker in residence. I love people, and I love music, and I

lost to Betsy Neal Young.

Just one thing I have to say there are no rules here. This is about being wild

and crazy and rebellious and Yeah, I was just wanting to make sure that I was in

fact signed up for the kosher meals

Thanks guys.

studio uh will this be on the test actually stanley this is a camp there's

going to be a test no test what's going to happen here actually is we're going

to give you all a chance to play so that we can group you according to your

musical ability uh is there anybody here who can sight read i can

Just try to remember that we want you to be comfortable. This is not an

audition. We want to relax you all, make you feel comfortable.

So let the audition begin.

Wait till I get a hold of Neil Young.

Vince, is this amazing or what? I mean, here you've been drumming since high

school. I haven't done anything since high school, and we're in the same band.

Yeah, I know.

You know? And then Paige, who, you know, she ends up in a really good band with

that drummer, and I'm no expert, but he seems really, really, really good. Yeah.

I mean, what was that that David Crosby said? Enough. Enough of that.

You know, I suggest that a good use of our time right now would be to perhaps

pick a name for ourselves.

Okay. How about Rock Toddy?

Okay. Because rock, rock, it gets people's attention. What? Rock, rock,

rock? You know? And then it's like toddy. That's comforting. Like, whoa.

Rock Toddy. Rock Toddy.

Why not something like Stanley Goes to Hollywood?

That's stupid.

The Hey Hays.

The name that I suggest is mitzvah.

And that is Hebrew for good deed.

Maybe we'll think about that. We'll think about that one.

All right. Check.

Check, two, check, one, two, check, two.

Check, five, five, ah, ah, ah. Oh, oh.

Check, two, check, check, check, check, check, check, check.

I think we got it. I think we got that. All right.

Checking the microphone. All right. Let's do, you know what we should do?

Ain't Too Proud to Beg. That song, you know, that song. I know you wanna leave

me now, but I refuse to let you go.

If I had to crawl and bleed for you. I think we got it. I think we got it.

It's gotta be Tina Turner.

Oh my God, it's Bonnie Raitt and Aaron Neville.

with us, I think you're supposed to be in the good band, probably.

Nobody pays a damn about everybody.

Really? Oh, wow.

Yeah, but that drummer in that other band, he ripped.

Oh, that's what I was just saying. He really ripped. Yeah.

Oh, boy, this is so exciting. I'm just a huge fan of both of yours. And, Bonnie,

I have to tell you, I listen to your records all the time whenever I get

depressed. Oh.

Do they make you feel better? No, it depresses me more.

Yeah. That's really a shame, all that sad stuff that's happened to you.

And how you can do that and that's just I can't let them hit myself Listen we're

just jamming on some smoky tunes if you'd like to groove down with us What

we gonna be playing we're playing ain't too proud to beg it's a song although

it's grammatically incorrect it's a Motown I'll jump in on the chorus.

Okay. You just started off and

I refuse to let you go.

If I have to take, please, for your sympathy, I don't mind, cause you mean

much to me.

Darling,

please, don't you go.

with my tail between my legs and hopefully nobody will ever see me again

again for the rock and roll fantasy it was great bye stop sit now i know what

you're doing now my next question is why okay i'll tell you why i was on stage

having fun living out my complimentary rock and roll dream and all of a sudden

realized i'm on stage with aaron neville and bonnie rate and i thought what are

they going to think of me they're going to think she's really bad and you know

what they're right

And now I know why.

Now, what?

I made a fool of myself in front of Bonnie Raitt, Aaron Neville, Hesh

and Stanley Peck.

Okay, so now you're just going to leave.

Yeah, that's what you do when you humiliate yourself.

Excuse me. No, no, it's not.

Do you remember the party I had last spring? All my friends and relatives

there. The wedding?

Yeah. Now, tell me that wasn't humiliating.

Yeah, I guess that was humiliating. I mean, getting caught kissing Spence and

then Matt leaving you at the altar.

Did you remember the embarrassing part?

My hair, it was like tilted to the right.

It looked like I was leaning.

Yeah, I saw the almost wedding album.

But that didn't stop me from opening the gift and enjoying the party.

What are you saying?

I'm saying have fun.

This is fantasy camp. Why do you care what Bonnie Raitt and Aaron Neville

of you? Ellen, why are you so afraid?

I'm not afraid.

Right. You're always afraid of looking foolish.

You're always concerned about what other people think of you. Ellen, you're

older now.

You've got to start being bolder now.

in front of Bonnie Raitt.

You completely trashed your hotel room.

Give it up. Yes, we did.

Yes, we were bad.

By the time we were through, that was an honor bar and name only.

Rock and roll. Rock and roll. Rock and roll. Rock and roll.

Okay, hey, I'm back, I'm back. I've done a lot of soul searching and I am going

to stay with the band because that is what rock and roll is all about, facing

your demons and laughing at them. So here I am laughing at them. Ha ha.

Good for you.

I'm glad you're back.

Was she gone?

We were thinking a couple of names.

What do you think about this? The Deuteronomies. That's mine.

It's one of the books of the Torah.

Donkey Nation.

Link Sausage.

The John Tesh Experience.

Morgan, Kovac, Finkelman, and Peck.

Yeah, that's good if you want to start an accounting firm.

Spence, would you do me a favor?

Would you tell Yoko to please butt out?

There is no offense intended, but the number one policy of our band is no

Ellen, would you like a nice root beer?

Well... I'll tell you what, the root beer can wait, Hesh, because right now

have to rehearse the song that we are going to perform in front of dozens of

screaming friends and family members.

You would think we're not going to perform, Ellen. In case you haven't

we stink.

Oh, yeah. Stinky, stinky, bang, bang. Hesh, hush.

Of course we stink. If we didn't stink, we wouldn't be at rock and roll camp. We

would be rock and roll stars. Who do you think goes to baseball camp? People who

stink at baseball.

Are you with me?

Maybe.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about having fun. I've got a bad song in my head, and with your

help, I think we can perform it very poorly in front of people who will

just as poorly to enjoy it, because that's what rock and roll fantasy camp

all about.

My root beer, Hesh.

Rock and roll!

gonna be a tough act to follow do you think mockingbird was a good choice oh

yeah yeah yeah yeah break a leg all right well i'm gonna go back with the

headlining band you guys do the best you can okay we're gonna kick some tuckers

hey have a great time don't worry about your hair being tilted

Are you sure it's okay for us to perform with you guys?

Oh, yeah. No, it's going to be good.

It's okay for you to be nervous. You know, it wouldn't be natural if you

weren't. I just remember these folks are not just going to be watching. They're

going to judge you.

Yeah, and some of them are even going to be rooting for you to fail.

I mean, it's cool to be scary. I mean, sometimes I'm sweating before I can get

on stage, you know.

Yeah, and I'm always afraid that I'm going to go blank on the lyrics and the

bile comes up in my throat.

Shut up, Bonnie!

Hope you're enjoying rock and roll campapalooza.

I do have to warn you, there is some bad antacid going around.

But it's time now to welcome our next group.

So put your hands together for Everything and the Girl.

Thank you.

Okay.

All right.

Thank you. Who's ready to rock the house?

Thank you. Okay.

Thank you. A little delayed reaction, but thank you.

Okay, we're going to do a song that I wrote.

I think you'll like it.

A lot of people like to play songs hard.

A lot of people like to play songs kind of soft.

We like to play them any way they come out.

who's ever had a dream.

Which I guess is everybody.

Although some people say they don't remember their dreams.

I find that keeping a journal by my bedside table helps. You can get up and

write it down even though it's kind of scribblish. You can't really in the

morning be like, what was that?

Why am I dreaming about goats?

Who's ready to rock and roll?

See you with me. Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.

When I was little, five or six or seven, I used to live at home with my folks.

That's right.

I was scared of lizards. I was scared of spiders.

I was scared of my mom's old pot roast.

Well,

now I'm kind of.

I know I should be bolder But baby that just ain't the case No way I'm scared of

looking foolish And though it may sound ghoulish I'm scared of getting punched

in the face Well I'm scared of being afraid Scared of being afraid I'm scared

being afraid Scared of being

But what about food that's been sitting too long on a chair?

Well, I'm tired of sleeping my life away.

I'm crazy for being insane.

I'm sorry for apologizing.

But I'm scared of being afraid.

Well, I'm scared of being afraid.

Well, I'm scared of being afraid.

I don't want to eat a grenade.

I don't want to eat a brain.

Look at me.

I'm shaking.

Who? Who?

If bleeding keeps you from walking out that door.

Please don't leave me, girl, don't you go.

Ain't too proud to plead, baby, baby. Please don't leave me, girl, don't you

Ain't too proud to plead, darling.

Please don't leave me, girl, don't you go.

Ain't too proud to plead, baby, baby.

He don't leave me now.