Original subtitles

Look what I have for us, some popcorn.

Ellen, say hi to my Sparkle Beach Barbie.

Okay. Hi, Sparkle Beach Barbie.

Emily, you do know that in the real world, women don't look like this.

You don't think my Barbie's pretty?

I think there are different types of pretty. That's not the only type. I

say hello to Bookstore Manager Barbie.

Ken.

I know it's Ken.

It's just that the point is, is that, you know, these clothes would look fine

Sparkle Beach Barbie or anybody for that matter.

I actually have these pants.

Yeah, she's very pretty.

I'll get it.

Hello. Hey, Ed.

Yes, they're sound asleep.

I'll put them to bed in a half hour.

Ed, they have their vegetables. Uh -huh.

Candy corn is a vegetable, right?

Yes, I think I'm very funny.

Okay, you and Sarah have fun.

Yeah, don't mention it. You're welcome. Bye.

Ellen, how come you didn't go out tonight like Mommy and Daddy?

Because I wanted to stay here with you two.

No, really.

Why?

Well, because I just like staying in and relaxing. You don't always have to go

out to have fun.

Besides, it's a weeknight. Not everybody goes out on weeknights.

You want to watch TV?

Yeah. All right.

Four, three, two, one.

Happy New Year!

Ladies and gentlemen, Jan Arden.

You know I'm close, I'll keep my promises.

I'll always be there when you...

Hey,

Joe, a cup of coffee. Oh, shh, shh, shh. Not so loud.

Hungover from New Year's Eve.

It's January 2nd, Joe.

In that case, I got a drinking problem.

You guys remember a couple of days ago when I said I would see you next year?

Well, it's next year!

Audrey, could you take the treble down just a little bit?

Hey, Joe, you still up for coming over to Paige's with me tonight? Ooh, my

car is empty.

Actually, Audrey, it's kind of a guy thing.

I'm just keeping Spence company while he apartments his for Paige. Yeah, she

went up to Canada.

Apparently Bob Saget's way over budget has gone out of his mind directing

Elevator 3.

He's $500 over budget, and the people at Lifetime are not happy with him.

Um, remember a couple of days ago when I said I would see you next year?

We went through this yesterday, Audrey.

Ellen, I really wish you'd gone to that New Year's Eve party with me. Well, I'm

glad I stayed home. I hate New Year's Eve. There's so much pressure.

You have to go to a big party. You have to kiss some stranger at midnight.

So you sneak out at 11 .30. On your way home, you stop at the Safeway to pick up

some cereal and light bulbs. And there you are standing in the checkout line.

The next thing you know, it's midnight, and you're getting kissed by some guy

named Phillip, the 60 -year -old bag boy.

Happy to a friend of mine.

No, Ellen, I wish you'd gone to that party with me, because you could remind

where I parked my van.

Oh, he traded it to Nicholas Cage for his Oscar, which, by the way, he wants

back.

Happy New Year, everybody.

Happy New Year, Ed.

You're probably wondering what's wrapped around the old wrists.

No. Thanks for asking. They're 10 -pound weights.

Got them on my ankles, too.

Yep, that's my New Year's resolution.

Figured I was getting a little out of shape, and I thought...

Well, I don't have time to work out when I'm working.

Or do I?

Why, Mr. B., how very perspicacious of you.

That means having or showing penetrating mental discernment.

That's super, Audrey.

It's my New Year's resolution to expand my vocabulary by one new word each day.

My New Year's resolution is never give Audrey a word -a -day calendar for

Christmas again.

I don't know if anybody's concerned about this old Canadian, but I've

to take my job list seriously.

The old Joe would have been all over that.

I'll get it.

Hello, welcome to my book.

It's Nicolette Cage.

I got that Oscar fair and square.

Well, I made a little resolution of my own. You know, the other night when I

putting Ed's kids to bed at 9 .30, 12 .30 Eastern Standard Time... I thought

that was 8 .30.

Let's not quibble. I'm telling a story, Ed.

Anyway, I saw this news story about this 80 -year -old woman who, for her New

Year's resolution, decided to jump out of an airplane, and she did it.

I should mention that she was wearing a parachute, otherwise the story would

just be tragic. But anyway, I took a look at myself, and I realized, Ellen

Morgan's life is boring.

Finally, someone besides me is saying these words.

Well, for Ellen Morgan, 1997 is going to be the year of living dangerously.

This year, I am going to do things that I have never done before.

You're going to skydive?

No, I'm not going to skydive. You're missing my point. I'm not some senile

woman with a death wish.

I'm going to do things that I've always wanted to do, but I've never had the

courage to do.

So, I am going to dinner at La Petite La Pen alone.

Ooh, going to a French restaurant all by yourself. Well, that's pretty brave.

Had to use more people like you and Grenada.

Okay, joke if you will, Ed, but I've passed the place millions of times. I've

always wanted to go in, but I've been intimidated because I didn't have

to go with. And now I'm going to go, alone.

Well, I am impressed with your temerity.

Stop being so rebarbative.

It means irritating.

I have last year's calendar.

Hi, I'm so excited to be here. I've always wanted to come to La Petite La

You know, I've done some research. It means the little bunny.

Normally, I'd be intimidated to come to some place like this, but I made a New

Year's resolution.

Yeah, reservation.

Yes, Morgan, Ellen.

Ah, oui, madame. Morgan, party of seven.

Right this way, please. No, no, no.

It's Morgan, party of one.

It says seven.

Oh, I see what you did. You made the old -fashioned one, which could look like a

seven. You put a little jaunty hat on it.

If you don't do the hat jaunty enough, then it just looks like the seven. But

no, it's the one. It's still Morgan party of one.

Well, I have a table for Morgan party of seven.

You're like a French poodle with a bone, aren't you?

I'm sure you can just squeeze me in somewhere. I mean, I'm sure you've

party of one before.

Rarely. It depressed the other patrons.

You know, if you're not careful, you could damage the celebrated French

reputation for politeness.

I'll see what I can do.

May I get you a cocktail?

Oh, no, thank you.

Designated driver.

If you give me a cocktail, I'll end up wrestling myself in the parking lot for

my keys later on.

This way, Morgan.

Party of one.

I just, um... Yep, it's fine. Thank you.

Wow.

Paige's kitchen is great.

Is this stuff new?

Yeah, apparently it's important for someone who never cooks to maintain a

-of -the -art kitchen.

It's going to be your swinging bachelor pad for the next three weeks. It's going

to be sweet!

Yeah, Daddy.

So you want to bake some cookies?

Hi, if you could just tell someone that... I'll take a rose.

Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I don't enjoy flowers. There you go.

Let's let it be a truth for one.

That's what you do when you get food.

It's his problem, huh?

It's a bouncer's brother. He's got a plate in his head.

Wow, look at all this stuff.

You've got gum, sewing kit, lotion, perfume.

All you need is a Slurpee machine in here, you've got your own 7 -Eleven.

It doesn't get much better than this, huh?

I sure hope it does.

So, is this your only bathroom, or do you franchise?

You had an argument with your boyfriend, didn't you?

What makes you say that?

Because every time some lady has an argument with her boyfriend, she comes

here and pretends to be interested in the bathroom.

Oh, can you imagine that? No.

Um, I'm here alone.

It's my New Year's resolution.

Decide to live more dangerously, do things I wouldn't normally do.

So you came to a romantic restaurant alone?

Yeah, why not? I mean, the food's good, the atmosphere's great. Why can't I come

here and have the time of my life?

So are you.

No, I'm miserable.

It's so romantic. It's just couples, and they're just gazing into each other's

eyes. It's so lovey -dovey. I mean, how's a person supposed to have a good

You think I'm crazy?

I mean, I don't pass judgment. I just hand out towel.

I see that look in your eye. You are just dying to give me some pearl of

You mean like, keep on trucking?

That's a good one. I think that's very underappreciated, that slogan.

You think it was a stupid resolution?

No. But it seems to me it'd be a lot easier doing something on your own if

weren't the only one doing it.

Good point.

Yeah.

I don't belong here. It's a fancy restaurant. It's just so snobby and, oh,

people. This one woman, you should see her when I came in. She's in some kind

black mermaid -type dress. I mean, she's, you know, I don't know how she

even walk. She's, like, that's good, you know.

Her breasts just...

Obviously, implants. I accidentally bumped into her, and it was like that.

Like, look at me. No, look at me. No, look at me. No, look at me.

And if you don't have something nice to say about somebody, don't say anything

at all.

I'm going to go get her for you.

You keep playing, I'll poke you. I swear.

Oh, I didn't order this.

Chocolate souffle, courtesy of the house.

Oh, well, thank the house for me. Thank you.

You idiots!

You've got the wrong person.

She's alone!

Here you go, ma 'am. Here's your decaf cappuccino. Oh, I'm sorry. I wanted

regular. Oh, no problem. I'll just make you another.

for a meaning to conceal.

You know, the old Joe would have been annoyed by that. That's one thing the

Joe and the new Joe have in common.

Bonjour, mon ami.

How was the petite lapin?

Isn't the violinist romantic?

He's got a plate in his head.

Well, all the great ones always do.

Actually, it didn't really pan out so much.

You know, but it's like the bathroom attendant said. The fancy restaurant

the right place for me to start. I should go someplace that I don't feel so

uncomfortable being alone.

So you're going to live your life according to what a bathroom attendant

you? Well, the valet parker agreed.

That's some profound advice.

I think you may have been touched by an angel.

So what are you going to do now?

Well, I've revised my New Year's resolution, and I'm...

Taking a class.

Yep, I went to the learning attic, and I picked up a brochure, and I've narrowed

it down to two things.

How to make a car out of ten cans and empty egg cartons.

But that's bad for my cholesterol, so it's beginning pottery.

The year of living dangerously continues.

Hey, Ed, how's your resolution coming along?

Oh, really good. I added some more weight this morning, and I can't even

it. Oh, here you go, ma 'am. Let me get those for you.

But, so yesterday's cookies were completely charred. But I am feeling

good about the pizza.

Yeah, well, you know, dessert's more of a chick thing. But pizza, it's a guy

thing. Definitely, definitely.

So, okay, we've got cheese.

What else are we going to put in this baby?

Let me see.

Okay, we've got peppers, olives, chutney, and maraschino cherries. Ah,

got a pizza.

Now I get it.

Luigi's Pizzeria. Hey, it's me. Hey, how's it going, Paige? How's the movie

going? You got Bob Saget back on budget?

No, it's really weird. Every time I try to find him, he's just on his way out.

Oh, Bob.

Hi. Hi, Paige. Hold on one second.

Listen, I was wondering if we could maybe powwow for a sec after I finish

call. You know, I'd love to, but I've got to go talk to Keanu Reeves. We're

about to do that scene, you know, where the elevator explodes.

Guy wants to know his motivation.

I've got to run, all right?

Sorry.

Well, so you didn't show them that video I made of you, huh?

Spence, that is not the kind of video you show Bob Saget.

So that's not what the guys at the hospital said. They all really seem to

it.

I'm going to have to call you back.

What do you say, Chinese?

Sounds good to me.

Me making pottery? I cannot believe this.

I am making pottery. Just 20 minutes ago, this was one big blob of clay, and

it's a blob of clay with a hole in it.

No, you're a quick study, Alan. I hope at least you're just having fun. Oh, am

having fun? And you know why? Because I am by myself, and I'm really having a

good time being by myself, having fun alone, just by myself alone.

That's the kind of attitude that'll make you a lot of pots.

a little special.

Wow, this is so amazing.

It's so easy to do this. You know, you look at it and then...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Here, here, here. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I like this. Okay.

Don't force it, okay?

Just become friends with the clay.

Oh, okay. Well, the clay and I are friends. We're fine. It's the wheel

giving me attitude.

My name's Guy.

What's yours?

Girl.

Okay, thanks. I think I got it. Thank you. Hold on.

Now let the clay speak to you, okay?

What's it saying?

Well, I think it's saying two hands good, four hands bad.

Okay.

Nice meeting you, Guy.

Girl.

And time goes by so

slowly. And time can...

Appreciate that. This is very bad.

It's been weeks picking out these appliances. She loved the fact that they

matched. Well, in a way, they still do.

Oh, here you go.

Oh, no, I'm not the, uh... Oh, thank you.

Keep on truckin'.

Most people go to the bathroom. I go anywhere but.

Well, you think it's hard getting a reservation in this place. Try getting

here when you just want to use a restroom.

What are you doing here? Oh, I brought you something.

It's a tip jar.

It kind of started out as a bowl and then a vase and then a bowl and then

clay flew off. So bowl, vase, bowl, vase, and then voila.

Did I mention I made it?

Thanks. Yeah.

So, how are things going?

Well, after the restaurant fiasco, I took a pottery class, and, well, you can

kind of see how that turned out.

So now I'm toying with the idea of maybe scuba diving or even needlepoint. What

do you think?

I think you're too busy trying to keep busy.

Have you stopped to think about that?

No, I'm too busy.

I just want my life to be different. I want it to be exciting. I want it to

something. Honey, it does.

Listen. I got three kids. Let me tell you what I tell them.

When you finally stop running around, chasing after your own tail, that's when

you'll see that big bone that you've been looking for the whole time.

All right, that's not what I tell my kids. That's what I tell my dolls. You

my point.

I get your point. That is so true. Except for the bone part. I'm a

so... Wow.

You know what? You may find this hard to believe, but I'm in therapy.

And, um... I pay $75 an hour.

I've been spending five minutes with you and I got more out of that. For just a

dollar.

So, same time next week, I've got some dreams I want to talk to you about.

So, I had this dream where I'm a zebra and I'm swimming in a pool doing the

Macarena with Katie Lang.

Paige will never know the difference.

We are out of the woods.