Original subtitles

I have never felt this way about anybody before.

I mean, who would believe it?

Paige Clark actually baking cookies for her man.

Not me.

You know what? I actually don't mind waving over a hot stove for Matt.

I don't.

Do me a favor.

Grease his pan, will you? Sure.

There's just something about him that just makes me feel so domestic.

Give me this. Wait a minute. Wait, hold on. Hold on.

One second.

This is stuck.

Hi,

baby.

Fresh baked snacks to get you through your shift.

Wow. Beauty, brains, charm, and a great cook.

And remember, tomorrow I make you lasagna. A plant parmesan.

A plant parmesan.

It looks so easy when you did it. Ah, come on. It is. It's easy. Watch. I'll

it for you. Here we go. You do a slow spin around, which happens optically,

then up, and what a life in the world.

Oh, now, you see, that could have been dangerous, Missy.

So ridiculous.

I have had this stupid song stuck in my head all morning.

I hate when that happens. What song is it? It's that song with the boy and the

dog in bingo. What is his name?

That is just so lame. I hate when that happens.

Damn it, Ellen.

Hey. Hey.

Wow. I thought Paige got upset when the guy she was dating joined the Marines.

I'm working undercover.

Someone over at St. Jennifer's is running a gambling ring. They think it's

bishop, so I'm following them.

Oh. Well, that should be easy, because they can only move diagonally.

Ellen, can I talk to you for a minute?

They move diagonally. Yeah.

But you're doing... Okay.

Listen, uh, your Paige is best friends, so I want to run this by you. Okay.

Oh.

I'm going to ask Paige to marry me.

Mar... Marry you?

Yeah.

Think about a May wedding.

May? Well, yeah, we're both in love. We know what's right, so why wait?

Well, it's only been two months. I mean, it's like my heart is telling me one

thing and... in my head, another.

Well, don't tell me the feeling's not mutual. Well, of course it is. Well,

what?

I don't know. I... I don't know.

It's all happening too fast.

You have to trust me.

I've never been so sure of anything in all my life.

All right.

If you feel this strongly about it, then, by God, we'll make it work.

Thanks so much for coming with me, Ellie. Oh. Well, you're welcome. Not

an expert. I mean, everything I know about diamonds you can find in a book. A

book called I Know Nothing About Diamonds.

Oh!

Peter, how are you?

Hi. Hi. Good to see you.

This is my friend Peter. And, you know, Barrett, Paige's assistant.

Barrett's friend also. This is Matt Liston, Paige's boyfriend.

You're the police officer.

I do everything I can for the LAPD.

You may recall the theme at your last policeman's ball? A thin blue line

dancing? Mine.

So, now, what are you two doing here?

Well, Matt's picking out an engagement ring for Paige. Don't tell anybody.

Oh, my God, I'm buying a ring, too. This is a double scoop of excitement.

Now, what kind of diamond are you getting?

Well, I'm trusting Alan with this one.

Did someone just say, Peter, please save us?

Have a seat. Siddell?

Now, I know everything about diamonds.

Remember, your four Cs are...

Clarity, cut, carrot, and color.

Learn them, know them, love them. They're your friends.

Can I help you?

My friend here would like to buy an engagement ring for his fiancée. Oh, so

you know diamonds? Well, I know my four Cs. Clarity, cut, crackle, and curly.

Well, I can see I'm not going to be able to put anything over on you.

I'll be right back.

Okay, Siddal.

So, Matt, how do you plan on popping the question?

Well, I thought I'd ask her at the next Mighty Ducks hockey game. I mean, she's

such a big hockey fan, it just seemed like the way to go.

Hockey, hockey, that's good.

I'll tell you why I was laughing, if you're curious. I thought you said

David Hockney, the artist.

Paige finds this word derivative. I personally like it.

Anyway, the plan is that the 15 -minute mark of the second period, the

scoreboard's going to flash, Paige, will you marry me?

Oh.

The 15 -minute mark, that's her favorite part, too.

And Ellen, so she'll be surprised. I thought that you could take her to the

game. And then right before it's time, I'll sneak up with the flowers and the

ring. And I get to go, too? Oh, I hope Magic Johnson's playing.

How's this?

Oh, Adele.

It's magnifique.

Ellen, can I try it on your finger?

Well, sure. Yeah, you know, I had Doritos for lunch, so the salt may

try it on me. My fingers aren't as puffy as Ellen's.

Do you have anything a little more... Oh, flashy, showy?

Demure.

Look, dear, if it's about money, we do have a payment plan.

Oh, no, no, no. Money's no issue.

I don't know diamonds, but I do know Paige, and I'd say that's about as

as I'd go.

We're getting close, but I want it simple and understated. Like Paige.

Do you and Paige ever, you know, talk?

Well, this is as demure as it gets.

And how about I throw in the jeweler's loop at no extra cost?

Sometimes demure can be hard on the eyes.

No, you don't want onion breath right now. It's almost the 15 -minute mark.

What? No, 50 -minute mark. Don't you know? That's when they come around and

give a prize to the person whose breath smells the sweetest, or to be more

specific, whose breath smells less like onions than anyone else. You know

nothing about turkey, do you?

Fine, no hot dogs. I've got to go pee.

Oh, don't. No, it's almost the 15 -minute mark. Can't you hold it?

Come on, she went to the bathroom. So why don't you sit right here and we can

surprise her when she gets here, okay?

Oh, I know.

Surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise.

Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt.

I've seen talk shows. This doesn't work out.

She is going to find out.

Matt,

Matt, what's wrong?

She just took a puck to the head. He'll be fine.

Are you a doctor?

He's a ticket holder. Three times this year. It's no big deal.

Please, Matt, wake up. Please, wake up.

Excuse me. Can I have this?

to bed when we got home. He's fine.

Spence, aren't you going to congratulate me?

Well, first tell me, did he propose before or after taking the shot in the

Spence, just because you are incapable of loving or... Let me see if I can

understand what you're saying. It was after.

So, Paige, let's see that rock.

Oh, it's really wonderful. I love it.

So, can we please see it?

I don't want to show off.

thing in my life, but this ring, it isn't exactly the ring that I dreamed

I mean, what are the people at work going to say when they see it? Oh,

no way they'll see that.

You know what they're going to say?

They're going to say, there's Paige Clark. She's not caught up in the

hype. She's her own person. She doesn't care what other people think.

Exactly. And then where will I be?

It's not the size of the carrot that matters.

It's the way you use it.

Thank you for taking a stand. I think what he's trying to say is

someone who loves you wants to marry you. Someone you love back.

You're right, Ellen.

It's a beautiful ring. Who cares what people think?

Exactly. Hi, everybody.

person who's almost in the industry to congratulate me. I'm engaged.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Beautiful, Miss Clark.

Dear Paige, what happy news.

Our cups brim it over with joy and merriment.

Can you tell we just saw Sense and Sensibility?

If anybody deserves a ring like this, it's you.

Mother of God, look at this rock.

Where did you get this?

From me.

That's the bauble I was buying when I saw you at the jewelry store.

Isn't that a scream?

Ow. Miss Clark.

Miss Clark.

You're hurting me.

Paige, remember what we talked about, what's important.

dressed like that and you're saying, look at me, look at me, I'm the center

attention.

I like this one.

Oh, and that's a tuck.

Oh,

Paige, what are we bridesmaids going to be wearing?

Bridesmaids? Oh, I'm sorry, Audrey.

I'm only having ten.

Replace it?

I love math ring. I just... I got another one.

Excuse me, I forget.

What does replace mean again?

Ellen, I can't have my assistant wearing a larger diamond than me.

So when I'm at work or around people that I want to impress, I'll wear my big

diamond. And when I'm around you guys or people that I don't care about, I'll

wear math.

Oh, my God.

That almost sounded shallow when I said it out loud.

white version of waiting to exhale.

What's up?

Well, I'll tell you what's up. Paige is ashamed of the small diamond that Matt

gave her, so she bought a bigger one, and now she's not even going to tell him

about it.

Well, that's an excellent Paige story.

Fantastic plot twist, but unfortunately, it lacks the element of surprise.

You know what? I see. You are so... Consumed with jealousy because I'm now

taken. You are right, Paige. It is my dream to marry a vain, duplicitous,

-hungry she -devil.

Told ya.

That's supposed to mean, Audrey? Yeah. It means, I'll tell you from here, it

means, Gretzky, that you got him thinking that you like camping and

cookies. I mean, for crying out loud, you're driving around with an iHeart fly

-fishing bumper sticker on your car.

I can't believe you got him.

I mean, you think that I'm out there pretending to be something that I am not

with Matt.

Yeah. Well, you are so wrong.

But unfortunately, we have to finish this little discussion tomorrow, because

right now...

because I swerved to miss you in the parking lot yesterday doesn't mean I

to marry you.

That's Paige's ring.

Paige has come straight from work to this engagement party thing, so she

me to swing by her house and pick it up.

It's kind of hard to find. It was hiding under a little tiny cornflake.

It was quite small.

Still a little flashy for me.

So who all come to this soiree? Well, mostly small ring people, but a few big

ring people as well.

Oh, hey, remember that you...

you all day.

What's going on?

When you slammed Ellen's finger in the bar, it swelled up, and now she can't

Paige's ring on.

Okay, we don't have a lot of time, so just do as I say. We're going to need

leeches and lots of them.

Okay, no ice. Would you like a frozen veggie burrito or pasta primavera? Well,

had pasta yesterday, and I'm kind of... It doesn't matter!

Paige, are you coming now? My friends are out here waiting to meet you.

Hi.

It's really nice to meet you.

I'll be out in one second. Oh, honey, aren't you at least going to show them

ring?

Why don't you give them a tour of the bookstore?

Okay.

Okay, because I need a minute to get myself more presentable. You know, I

to look nice.

Honey, I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I love you, too.

I figure the swelling won't go down. Oh, there must be some other way to get

this off.

Amputation.

Come on, we were all thinking it.

Hey, they're all waiting.

Is the party in here?

What's going on?

Don't slam Ellen's finger in the bar and then it swells up and now she can't get

paid to swing off.

Hi, Ellen. I need a signature for these packages. Oh, does anybody else want a

signature? Don't slam Ellen's finger in the bar and then it swells up and now

she can't get paid to swing off. Do you have any cherry soda?

Will that help? I don't know. I'm just thirsty.

Honest with Matt.

Oh, and say what? Hi, Matt.

I can't cook. I hate hockey. And your engagement ring looks like something

you won in a carnival shooting water into a cloud's mouth. I can't hear it

that. Hey, it's your own fault. You won a big giant ring and you got it. You

know what?

It is so not worth it. Do you know what I think of this stupid diamond? I don't

want it.

I want my puny little ring back.

Wow.

Hey, do you realize you just chose substance over style?

You can't cook and you hate hockey.

We still have bowling and fly fishing in common.

You've got to believe me.

I love this ring. She really does love it.

Are you sure?

Trust me, she loves it.

I love this ring.

I don't want any other ring. This is the ring that I want.

Because I can buy you a bigger diamond. No, no, no. No, absolutely not. You

don't have to buy me a bigger diamond.

Because we already have a bigger diamond.

Nobody leaves this room until we find that rock.

What? It's beautiful.

Do you really like it? Like it? I love it.

Although it is a tad demure.

Mine is a little flashy.