Original subtitles

Where is our waitress? It's been like half an hour.

Okay, everybody, close your menus. They won't come if the menus are open. Hi,

welcome to Fisherman's Cove, where the fish is fresh and the fries are free on

Fridays. I'm Joni, and I'll be your server. Hi, Joni, I'm Chachi, and I'll

your dream catch of the day.

Q, what do you have?

You're not ready yet. I'll come back.

Potatoes, I want it.

Look at our Joanie tidying up that salad bar.

There's one little chickpea. I'd be proud to have them up late.

Yeah, how'd you like to scoot her under the broiler? She's nice and crispy.

I know, my double entendres suck.

Hey, look at this guy, how cute he is.

Cute? I don't think he's cute.

Then again, I don't get the Brad Pitt thing either.

Wow, she's so big.

Oh.

Gee, I can tell. I don't know how, but it's a girl.

Yeah.

65 years old, this little lady is. 18 pounds caught off the coast of Maine.

Hello. Yum.

I'm going to get that one.

Audrey, you can't eat that lobster.

You're darn right you can. She was born in 1931.

Lived through World War II. Probably saw enemy subs patrolling. Couldn't alert

us. Trying to figure out how to, you know, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick. Some kind of... cold or something. We couldn't understand it.

You know, probably couldn't hear it anyway. The Andrews sisters, they were

always on the radio. They were just, don't say it under the apple tree.

They had that harmony thing going.

She avoided being eaten for 65 years. I think she's earned her freedom.

No, Ellen, I meant you can't eat her because she's being raffled off.

What?

Hi, welcome to Fisherman's Cove. Yeah, the Fisher Fresh and all that, Joanie.

It's good to see you again.

You know, you're not really going to raffle off this lobster to be eaten, are

you? Uh -huh.

Do you know how old it is? I mean, it was around when Kennedy was shot. I'm

it had nothing to do with it, but... So you want to buy a ticket or what?

Joanie?

How old are you?

Twenty -five. Twenty -five, okay. Think about this. That lobster was 40 years

old when you were born.

Huh. Think about this. We're out of the Clams Casino.

You know I'm close.

I'll keep my promises.

I'll always be there when you talk to me.

I'll always hear you.

Yeah.

Well, I had me a great meal Friday night, and I am going back for dessert.

Yeah, that coconut pie looked mighty good.

That's a double entendre, Joe.

I got the waitress' phone number, and I'm taking her out this weekend.

All right, okay, yeah, dessert.

Gotcha. Yeah, well, you might want a nice glass of milk with that pie.

I just don't get it, do I?

Hey. Hey.

Well, I had a weird dream last night.

You want to hear it? Okay.

I was...

in this giant tank, okay? And there were rubber bands around my hands, and I

look out, and these giant lobsters are staring at me. One looked like you, Joe.

One looked like you, Audrey.

And one of them looked like Chris Isaac, but like a lobster version. But still,

you know, it's a pretty cute lobster.

Anyway, they're smacking their lips or whatever, just looking at me, holding

raffle tickets.

Ellen, you have to let this go, okay? People eat lobsters. That's what they

all right? But you bought 50 raffle tickets, right? But what if I don't win?

That's exactly what I'm counting on.

don't understand. I just can't turn my back when I see a lobster in need. I

like I should do something.

Don't do it, Ellen.

I know exactly what you mean, Ellen.

Sometimes you have to take a stand.

I protested when they stopped selling Barbie with her own comb.

She still comes with her own comb.

Thanks to me.

Ellen, look,

we all want to save stuff, right? The whales, the rainforest, the Cleveland

Browns, right?

But, you know, one person can't do squat. Oh, that's good. That's good. You

know, if you ever run for office, you should use that as your campaign slogan.

Listen, Ellen, just forget about the lobster.

Forget the lobster. Forget the lobster, Ellen.

Hey, Joanie.

Spence, what are you doing here? We're not going out until Friday. Yeah, well,

couldn't wait until this weekend.

Good. It'll save me a phone call. I don't want to go out with you. What do

mean? What does that mean?

You like to stay down there at the bottom, don't you?

That's okay. You know, when I go to parties, I stay in the kitchen. That's

people equivalent of the bottom.

Okay.

Got a nice cooler of salt water for you.

I think you're going to love it. You do love, don't you? Sure you do.

I just broke up with this jerk, Richard, because he was afraid of commitment.

Hey, but I'm not that guy, you know? I've gone out with tons of women, and

all call me Mr. Commitment.

I don't know.

I just don't know. Hold on, hold on, hold on a second.

I think we are so perfect for each other. I mean, all day, all day, I kept

seeing your face in things, in the cereal, my cereal.

Um, the sunset. I saw your face in the sunset.

Okay. All right.

I know it's a little cramped in there.

We're going to put you in the Pacific Ocean. You can frolic with your friends.

That should cover it.

I'm sorry, I can't save all of you. I have to save the world one lobster at a

time.

You know, it's really hard for me to trust again, but...

What the heck?

Okay, let's go for coffee.

Coffee? Well, I don't think I'm ready for that. That's, I mean, you know, I

mean, because you've been hurt for all I know I've been hurt, so I think we

should take tonight and think about it, all right? So I think I'm going to call

you, okay?

I'm going to definitely, I'm going to...

She wouldn't go.

I don't understand what we did wrong. I mean, we did everything right. We put

her out into the ocean, and then she came crawling back at us. And then we

her out again, and she'd crawl back at us. And then I put her out even further,

and I said, I don't love you anymore!

She came crawling right back at me.

I don't know. I just couldn't just leave her there with her little beady eyes

looking up at me.

You know what you mean.

I say we eat it and put out of its misery.

Bye -bye.

Gotta go to work. Okay,

what do you think if later on tonight I drive up the coast further to Santa

Barbara? You know, there are nice galleries. Maybe she'd like it there.

Ellen, as a former head fish girl at Santoni's Fish Market, I seem to recall

that Maine lobsters can only survive...

Atlantic Ocean. Something to do with the temperature.

Great. So now I have to take Scout to Maine.

Oh, silly. You can chuck her anywhere between North Carolina and Nova Scotia.

Okay, wait, wait, wait. Hold it. Back up a second. You named the lobster Scout?

Yeah. After that little dog my mother wouldn't let me have. You know,

foreclosure.

You guys, listen to this.

When I came in this morning, I found that some lowlife had stolen my lobster.

We here at Fisherman's Cove...

Our new location at 2423 Beach Boulevard in Oxnard will not rest until the

lobster is returned.

Well, there you have it, Cindy. Clearly somebody is going to be eating well

tonight.

Oh, right you are, Brett. The only problem, finding a pot big enough to

in.

Back to you, Cindy.

Hello, is this the KJLA -TV News?

Ellen, what are you doing?

I'm going to set the record straight. You can't do that. What do you want them

to come after you? Yes, I was just watching your news program and the story

the lobster.

Yeah, I just want to let you know that she is not going to be anybody's dinner.

She's going to be set free.

Well, because I'm the one who took her. That's why. And I resent the

implication.

A hero?

Well, I don't know if I consider myself a hero.

Well, that is very flattering, but I don't think you need to know what...

Yeah, what... No, I don't... No, it's really... Morgan.

Well, the middle name is not necessary, certainly.

I'm as... Ellen, I can't believe you just did that. I know, I hate my middle

name. What's that?

Well, you have a pretty voice, too.

She's in my tub.

Which is lucky. My last apartment, I only had a shower. Can you imagine? I'd

have to keep the water running the whole time.

Okay, so I'll take one ticket from Los Angeles to Portland, Maine.

That window.

Uh -huh.

Oh, and I'll be carrying my pad on my lap.

It's lobster.

I can't.

Well, what if, um...

What if I'm blind and it's my seeing -eye lobster?

Well, I'm allergic to dogs, and I tried a monkey, but all it wanted to do was

play that little accordion all the time.

I had some cute little vests for it, little clothes. Hello?

Hello?

Are you Ellen Inez Morgan?

Uh, no. No, I'm Ellen Inet Morgan, which is very confusing. I get her mail and

telephone calls for her all the time. Listen, Missy, I want my lobster, and I

want it now. What lobster?

Oh, save that what lobster crap for your bra -burning, tofu -eating hippie

friend.

Hand me over my lobster or I'm calling the police.

Are you Ellen Inez Morgan, the lobster lady?

who rescued a 65 -year -old lobster and gave the old gal a noon lease on life.

Also here, Thomas Kelsey, the irate restaurant owner who wanted to see the

lobster dead.

Irate?

Hardly irate. Make that word proud, mister.

Proud to applaud Miss Morgan's brave and daring gesture. And in that spirit, to

donate the lobster to her so that she can return it to its rightful home, the

sea.

Remember, that's Fisherman's Cove.

Where the seniors drink free from 4 to 5 every third Wednesday of the month.

Look how excited Scout is about meeting Mary Tyler Moore.

How can you tell? Well, look at her little face.

Where is her little face?

They want you to keep your speech short and then sit by the podium while Mary

Tyler Moore speaks.

And just a little tip from me, don't forget to smile.

Because you can turn the world on with your smile.

Oh, that's very funny. I'm sure Mary never hears that. Please don't embarrass

and say that around her.

Miss Moore. Miss Tyler.

Mayor. Mayor. Remember I already called you Mayor?

Yeah.

Of course, that was on the series, the show. You know, it was my character.

Although my character was a lot like I am. So anyway, call me whatever you

Okay, so I'll call you. Oh, I'm sorry.

No, you go first, please. No, I want you to go first. You.

Okay.

These are my friends.

I'm sorry.

It's great to meet you.

Wow. Well, Mayor E, it is... I'm thrilled to have you here. Well, I'm

to be here. Oh, not as thrilled as I am. But still thrilled.

So, it's the lobster. This is my lobster, Scout.

Not my lobster. Well, no, of course not, because you're going to... In the

Atlantic. Right, because of the... With the temperature, right, so...

Not before we go.

No, right. Probably.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's time, Ms. Moore.

Oh, well, then we should probably... Probably.

After you. No, you go first. No, please, I insist. You go first. No, you go

first. Just go!

Now, that's one filly I wouldn't mind trotting around the corral.

Yeah, but it was good double entendre, right?

Yeah, well, Gap's not laughing.

She's not even moving.

Not at all.

She's not even budging. Uh -oh. This lobster does not look well.

Take its pulse, Spence. I don't know where its pulse is.

Oh, my God. What about the awards ceremony?

Lobster! Lobster! Are you okay?

You have to give it mouth -to -mouth. I'm not putting my lips on a lobster.

Hey, it's no bargain for the lobster, either. You know what I mean?

Stop. Stop.

I'm going to have to call it.

Time of death, 2 .14 p .m.

We have to tell Ellen?

Guys,

just out of curiosity, how long after a lobster dies can you still eat it?

of Animals First.

I'm proud to share the stage with two great humanitarians.

One you know quite well, and the other you'll get to know right now.

So without further ado, may I introduce to you Ellen Morgan, the lobster lady.

But don't call me that every time you see me.

Scout was meant to live a long and healthy life.

And I was somehow chosen by, you know, whoever does the choosing, to save her.

who is a friend to all, animals included, Mary Tyler Moore. Thank you.

Why save a lobster?

Lobsters aren't cute.

You can't cuddle up with them on the couch to watch TV. They don't like it.

But let me tell you something about lobsters you may not know.

Lobsters, like humans, can feel pain.

Now, I'm not saying we should all rush out and free every lobster in captivity.

I'm not even saying that we shouldn't eat, you know, lobsters.

I'm just saying that the way we cook them is inhumane.

To plunge a live lobster into a pot of boiling water is unnecessarily cruel.

So I urge all of us, scientists, gourmets, gourmands, everyone to search.

for a more sensitive matter.

Now, Scout here is symbolic of all creatures who, like humans,

have a beating heart, who have an active brain.

Ellen Morgan, because of your brave and

selfless act of kindness,

will live a long, long, full life.

She'll go on and on, perhaps even to give birth to new life.

Although, well, she is 65, so probably not. I don't know. But anyway,

I just want to say how proud I am to present this award to you

and to say thank you.

On behalf of all the creatures who came.

And especially Scout.

He did a beautiful thing.

at Fisherman Cove restaurants, 22 locations nationwide, would like to

you and Scout with this first -class ticket to Portland, Maine.

Well, that's very generous of you. Where, after you release her into the

Atlantic Ocean, you'll be staying, courtesy of us, Fisherman's Cove, at the

-Carlton, all expenses paid. Well, that's nice of you, but I think that I

should... And, on your final night, Carly Simon and James Taylor will sing

together one last time.

benefit performance in honor of you, Ellen Morgan.

Now, what do you say to that?

I say that, uh, yeah, we're going to Maine.

I can't do this. I can't use a dead frustration for my own gain.

Not your fault. I checked her out, and I promise you she died of natural causes.

By the way, during the exam, one of her claws fell off, but I fixed it.

I can't do it. I just don't feel right.

Mary, hi. Hi. I just came to send off our little traveler.

How's she doing?

I really think I should tell you something about Scout.

Was one of her claws held on with tape?

I really think that I need to tell you something.

No, Ellen.

I don't think you do. I think you should just get on the plane.

No, I don't think I should tell you because... No, you shouldn't. Believe

know. Get on the plane.

Are you saying you know the Scout?

Ellen, do you remember the other day in my little speech I said that Scout was

symbolic of all creatures? Well...

Here's the thing. Sometimes you can lose the individual case, but still the

greater cause can be served.

Right. Yeah, I know. But I just want to make sure that you know, know what I

think that you know.

What I know is that your original intention was to take Scout to Maine and

her free into the ocean.

You can still do that, can't you?

Yeah, yeah, I guess I can.

It was just a thrill meeting you again. I just want to make

sure. Okay, here's the thing.

If you don't get on the plane, I'm going to get mad.

And I'm not really good at getting mad.

You don't want to see me get mad, do you? No, I don't. Then get on the plane.

I just have to double check. Go!

Okay, I know. I lied to you. I used you. I got you in trouble, and there's no

excuse for it. Right? Except this one.

I've never felt feelings like this for anyone in my life, and it frightens me.

Okay? I don't want to wake up 50 years from now wondering what if. All right?

So I guess what I'm saying is that...

I'm not going to run. I'm going to be here for you for as long as it takes.

Okay? I mean...