Original subtitles

Joe, I'm thinking about instituting time cards.

Ellen, has it come to this? I mean, what's next, wearing uniforms and goose

-stepping in the streets?

Why in God's name would you want to use time cards?

Because last week you claimed you worked 263 hours.

Ellen, I take a lot of work home with me.

I've been waiting my entire life to make this kind of announcement.

I just got... Adam got a job as a feature photographer for the Sun -Times.

Go ahead, Shutterbug, tell them.

I just got a job as a feature photographer for the Sun -Times.

Oh, that is so incredible.

Oh.

And best of all... The job's in London.

Congratulations.

London? Wow, we should celebrate. Coffee for everybody. Or tea. Do we have any

crumpets? No, we ate them all after this morning's fox hunt.

I'll be gone for three years.

Three months? Three years.

Three months? Three years.

I'll leave a week from Friday.

So soon?

Well, you shouldn't just jump into something like that. Come on. Wasn't it

who said I should seize the day, take more chances with my life? Well, we were

talking about you trying Cool Ranch Doritos.

not taken some job you know nothing about.

I know what's troubling you, Ellen.

You're wondering what will become of my love and I.

Well, although I will miss him, my work here is done.

I've taken a sow's ear and turned it into a whole pig.

And now it is time for that pig to leave the nest.

Fly, little piggy, fly!

Man, I got a ton of stuff to do.

Look, I'll see you later. Come on.

Yeah, he's going to England. Yeah.

Yeah, he's gonna be coming back through that door any second saying that's a

joke Yeah,

he's driving

away I Cannot believe how far he's taking this joke.

Oh, yeah, if he was going to England He would be driving on the other side of

the street

Good news, everybody. Our opening title sequence is finally ready, and finally

we're going to show it to you, so we won't be needing this anymore.

Roll it.

It's not rolling, is it?

Oh, man.

You know, Roseanne would not put up with this.

Moving to England.

That's mine. It's a lamp and a radio. It's a lamp radio.

What's it do?

Well, it's like if you're laying in bed at night and it's dark and you hear

music and you're like, what's that?

And then you turn on the lamp and it's, oh, wham isn't in my bedroom after all.

Sort of a moot point because the radio doesn't work or the lamp. But if you

quiet things and just darkness, it's a great thing to have.

50 cents.

he looked like Mr. Rogers.

How much?

Exactly like him.

Well,

no, take it. It's yours.

I'm starting to feel a little better.

Can I have those shoes?

Yeah, sure.

Boy, gotta be hard leaving your friends behind, some you've known for a long,

long time.

Hey, did I tell you? I found someone to rent my apartment. Or flat, as we say in

jolly old England.

You've been doing this all day long. You're not listening to me. When I say

you're going to miss your old friends, that's your cue to say... The sombrero

only 25 cents.

El sombrero solamente 20 cinders centavos.

How much were the fish?

Oh, not just any fish, my good man. That, sir, is a genuine Shamu pencil

sharpener.

I give you one dollar.

Oh, no, no, no. That's not for sale. That must be a mistake that that's on

because we got that. Adam and I went to SeaWorld to get that fish.

Adam and I went to SeaWorld to get this fish.

And what happened is a cute little story.

What happened was there was a man. We went to get our picture taken with a

He was dressed as a whale.

He worked there.

I looked at him and he said something about his... The blowhole? Yeah, he said

something about his blowhole.

And the man got angry. He took it wrong. I don't know how you take it right. But

anyway, he took it wrong.

And a little fight happened. And anyway, on the way back from the security

pavilion, I bought Adam the little Shamu. Shamu is a pencil sharpener. And

you'll put the pencil in its mouth, it'll do powerful jaws. Just grind it

on down.

And so you can't put a price on memory.

sentimental memories.

Thank you.

Buck fifty.

Give him a nice home.

How much for the toaster?

Two bucks.

No warm for the story?

That's right. My office is right across the street from Piccadilly Circus. I bet

on a breezy day I can smell the elephants right from my window.

Hi, Ellen.

Hey, Audrey, key sweater.

Very retro.

Hey, you brought a date to Adam's going away party?

Ellen, Adam and I made a clean break.

This is transition guy.

I'm just using him to get through this painful juncture.

Hey, nice to meet you. Yeah, well, I hope you're around for the cake.

Hey, Audrey, great sweater.

I'm going to miss you.

Anything you want to say to me?

Yeah.

It's a great party.

I got to get something to drink.

Spence, hey, isn't life funny?

I mean, I've been a failure all my life, and now I'm on my way up to success.

And you, you were a big success, and now you're on your way down.

Let's have a little reality check here, shall we? Okay, me.

Years of med school saved hundreds of lives. You, one lucky snapshot.

And I'm flying first class to London.

Adam, since you're going away, there's something that I wanted to say.

You're the one who put me on the Scientology mailing list?

Duh.

Look, I'm probably going to regret this, but...

I think you're a really talented photographer and you deserve this break.

Congratulations. Thank you.

And do you also find me sexy in a bohemian kind of way?

If bohemian means not at all, then yes.

I'm going to miss you all so much. Anyone more than anyone else, you can

initials.

This hit me a lot harder than I thought it would.

Adam, I'm going to miss you, man.

Damn, I promised myself I wouldn't pretend to cry.

Hey, what's wrong with you doing that chewy thing with your lip?

Well, I don't know. It's just like... In my book, Adam has been a main

character, and in his book, I'm one of those supporting characters that gets

immediately when it becomes a movie.

I wouldn't worry, because that movie's going straight to video.

Oh.

There's my car.

Guess this is it.

Time for me to hit the road.

Wow.

This might be the last time I see a lot of you for quite a while.

Take care.

Bye.

Bye.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

There's just a few things I've got to say before I go.

Transition guy, you're getting a hell of a woman.

Good luck among the English, Adam Green.

Spence, I never liked you, man.

You're rude, arrogant, pushy.

And your hairline's receding faster than the beach at Malibu. What?

That felt great.

Now, um, I know I've been acting a little strange lately, but it's just,

hard to say goodbye to you.

I don't expect you to do anything about this, but since I'm going, I gotta tell

you the truth.

The thing is, I'm in love with you.

Well, I'm off.

Ta, then.

Bye.

See ya.

Oh, I miss him already.

Yeah, who's gonna pick up our takeout?

Oh, and who's gonna get in line early for us at the movie theater?

Who's gonna take the cake home?

My new boss just called the driver.

A little change in schedule.

Here for another week.

Morning. Morning.

How about some TV?

Okay.

No, no, I'm just sleeping on the couch. Well, I'm not. I think I'll take a

shower now. Okay, shower well.

Shower well.

So, what's all the tension here? It's like that feeling just before cocktails

my parents' house.

Oh, you know, it's that old, your best friend tells you he's in love with you

before he leaves for England, and you don't feel the same way, and then he

spends another week sleeping on your couch. Oh, my God. I know. I thought I

your best friend. Paige!

Okay.

Maybe. He didn't mean it the way you think that he meant it, okay? Did he

love you, Y -O -U?

Or did he say, I love ya, Y -A?

Well, he didn't spell it.

You know what this is like? This is like when someone has food stuck in their

teeth, and you know you should say something, but you don't say anything,

the longer you wait, the harder it is to say anything at all.

This whole love thing is like a big piece of corn right there.

Did I mention that my office is right across the street from the Piccadilly

Circus? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Breezy day. You can smell the elephants from your

window.

Show the score.

Audrey, transition guy number two?

No, this is rebound man.

He serves as a bridge between transition guy and Mr.

Fulfillment.

So you're just skipping partial commitment guy?

beautiful day in the neighborhood.

Where's King Friday?

Uh, Tad.

Ellen, this is Tad. He's renting my apartment.

So, uh, tough thing, huh? Your boyfriend leaving?

Oh, he's not my boyfriend.

I just assumed.

I'm gonna go dance now.

Have another party. You really didn't have to. Oh, well, you know, I just, you

know, wanted to give you a big send -off. Not that I wanted to give you a

-off at all. Just an expression like cat's pajamas.

What does that mean? Do you know? I don't know.

I... I guess I said everything last week, so... Ditto!

What am I going to do? Adam

leaves in five minutes. I can't let him leave with this big thing hanging over

our heads like some big hanging thing.

You're right. I have to talk to him. We're going to hash this out. We're

to become normal friends like we were before we got corn stuck in our teeth.

No, I was going to say, tell him you love him, too. Send him away happy. What

does it matter? It's a little white lie. Women tell them all the time.

No one's ever made me feel this way.

Yes, I've had three. I'm just quiet.

Old buddy? No, I hugged you at the last party.

Damn wine coolers.

Well, I guess this is it.

Time for me to hit the road.

It's like pulling a band -aid off one hair at a time.

All right, then.

Goodbye.

Adam told you that he loves you.

What? How do you know that?

Spence told me.

Joe told me. I heard it from Paige. I heard it from you.

The party was boring. We had to talk about something.

Is nothing secret? Is my whole life nothing but fodder for party chit -chat?

Don't worry.

Nobody knows you said I love you, too.

Rebound man reads lips.

Come on, come with us. No, go on. It'll be more fun to talk about this behind my

back. Okay.

gods of something like this happening twice.

Travel agent screwed up.

Twice not till tomorrow night.

That's good.

Look at that. That says something.

So, okay, we can keep the party going.

Woo -hoo!

Everybody back inside.

Look at this.

You're back.

I know.

It's weird, isn't it?

It's sort of like...

Kind of like fate has other plans for me. Well, you know, I don't know.

Adam, I want to clear something up.

You know how I told you that I love you?

And, yeah, I mean, I meant it. I did. I, you know, definitely.

But I think that when I told you that, it was more in the I love ya, Y -A.

then I love you, I owe you, you know? Do you understand?

Sure. Yeah, of course.

It was, uh, some mercy. I love you.

No, it wasn't. No, it was no mercy. It was merciless.

I don't need your pity.

You know, you're not the first woman to feel sorry for me.

Not by a long shot.

No, I've been pitied by far more women than you.

Lots of them.

So, you know, don't do me any favors.

Adam. Goodbye.

You're not going to see me for a very long time.

Starting now.

didn't know if they'd feed you on the plane so i brought you some peanuts

they don't have peanuts on the plane and and you know i didn't get a chance to

say goodbye really so i thought you know i'd i did get a chance to say goodbye

but not you know the way i wanted to say goodbye and it's important to me and

somebody else hey you got him back

You know, I really didn't want to give up Shamu at the garage sale, but I

want to seem silly.

That's a macho thing. Some consider knickknacks unmanly.

Got some pencil, too, in case he gets hungry on the plane.

Hey, number two.

There's favorite.

Attention. Flight 903 nonstop to London's Heathrow Airport is now pre

at gate 43A.

Adam, wait.

You know I didn't mean to hurt you. I know.

I didn't mean to freak you out.

What I said, it's just something I felt for a long time and I thought you should

know.

Well, and then on my part, you know, maybe it wasn't completely I love ya.

You know, there could have been some I love ya -oo.

Because you're not just my friend.

Then again, you're not...

I mean, I guess you're... I guess... You're my Adam.

Yeah?

Hmm.

I think I can live with that.

You know, maybe I didn't really have the right word for how I feel about you

either.

But I think I'm pretty comfortable saying that... You're my Adam, too.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

Yeah. Yeah, that's really it.

Yeah.

Attention. Flight 903 to London's Heathrow has been delayed due to

failure. Should the fog lift over Brisbane, a new aircraft may be on its

here by midnight.