Original subtitles

It's the juice, isn't it?

I got a crazy hunch we're going to have to up it.

Are you kidding?

That's like using a molly bolt to show up your eye beam.

Thank you for that laugh.

Hey, Ellen. This is a huge project.

It's going to take a lot of time and a lot of money. But I promise to make it

easy and painless as possible.

That's it. Eeny, meeny, I choose you.

Wow. Could you excuse us for one moment? Thank you. Ellen?

We'll be right back. Okay.

Come on.

Are you serious?

This guy. You're going to pick this guy. He's a bimbo.

Why? Because he's good looking?

Doesn't mean he's not a brilliant contractor.

You think this guy's good looking, really?

Okay. I don't know anything anymore.

So, how soon can you start?

Well, let's see.

I could start Monday.

Unless, of course, I have an audition.

You're an actor.

Yeah.

Hey, I was this close to a Breathman commercial.

but I called it a tactic by mistake.

Oh, well, that happens. Well, we'll be in touch with your agent. Thank you for

coming in. Really great work. Good work. Enjoyed it.

Night choices.

Hi. I know I promised that our new opening sequence would be ready this

and it is, but there was a little mix -up, and the satellite accidentally

it up to Mars.

That's the bad news. The good news is there is life up there, and they loved

But then again, they were just thrilled to get television.

Yay.

This is getting to be overwhelming. What am I going to do? Who am I going to get

to rebuild this bookstore?

I wish I could get that group of Amish people from the movie Witness.

I mean, they raised an entire barn in one really long sequence and seem to

really enjoy themselves, too.

Guess who just achieved her destiny?

Hope it wasn't me.

Ellen, you are looking at Hollywood's newest development executive.

You got it?

I thought you said that the job interview sucked and you'd rather die

in that godforsaken chauvinist hellhole.

I know.

Yesterday, I despised and envied people in my position wondering why they hurt

me and ignored what I had to offer.

But now, you're one of them.

Great. I'm glad Shiffman gave you the job. I know how competitive it was.

Wasn't it between you and his pool guy?

Yeah, the pool guy got a deal at DreamWorks.

I get my own couch and a fridge stocked with bubbly water and stationery. This

job is everything I ever wanted.

Bravo, Paige.

That's when so few people in their lifetime achieve both water and

Really? And what are you doing with your life, doctor?

Hey, all right, okay, I, you know, I may have been asked to leave the medical

profession. Okay, ordered.

But, um, I brought a life into this world, okay? I've held a beating heart

hand. So I think I know a little bit about what's meaningful, okay?

So if you'll excuse me, I'm taking a tour of the Beverly Hillbillies' house.

What do you say we take the rest of the day off and go have lunch at one of

those trendy, overpriced restaurants?

Expense account!

I can't.

I've still got to meet with 12 more contractors, three electricians. I've

dry these books. I've got to rebuild the bookstore, eventually reopen it, and

run this place day after day after year after year until one day someone wanders

in to find my dried -up old bones face down in some remainder bin.

Do you want to go to lunch or not? Okay.

If you just tell Paige that I'm on the line, I'm sure she will take my call.

Paige!

Hi! Hey, listen, I was wondering if maybe we could have dinner tonight or

something.

Oh, dinner with Spielberg, that sounds good, too, I guess.

Yeah.

Me? I'm just drawing books.

Listen, I wanted to give you a call because I've been thinking about my

and my life and everything, and, well, you're always there for me, so sure,

hold.

Still me.

Still me.

Still me.

No, I understand.

You have fun.

Okay, you tell Spielberg to say hi to Amy.

Kate! That would be embarrassing. Good thing I'm not going to that dinner.

All right, then.

Yeah. Love you, too.

Okay.

Yeah, I've got to go. All right, bye.

She blew you off.

Yeah.

Don't worry about it.

Where are you going? I'm going to Beverly Hillbilly's house.

I thought you did that yesterday.

Well, you know, the Louvre I saw on a day. Some places you have to linger.

Really? Yeah, I'm an idiot.

The tour guide is really, really cute, and if things work out this weekend, I'm

going to have a heaping helping of her hospitality.

Y 'all come back now, here. All right.

You look down.

Just in time for dinner. Veggie lasagna, Oreos, stir fry. What do you want?

Pasta fiesta's fine.

Hey, what's up?

I'm all ears. Ready, set, commiserate.

Remember that picture I took right after the earthquake?

Uh -huh.

You'll never believe what happened.

Well, whatever it is, don't you worry about it. My life sucks, too.

I got an idea. Why don't we secretly band together against all the people

good things are happening for?

They don't need to know that we're really not happy for them.

Life magazine's going to publish it.

Oh.

Wow.

I mean, wow.

That's what I meant. Wow.

That's really... I'm so happy for you.

And not in the pretend way that we're just going to do to the other people.

I mean, genuinely. Look at me. Just... Oh, I don't know.

I guess this whole success thing has kind of thrown me for a loop.

You know, it's kind of great, isn't it?

You know, it's like that thing where, you know, you've dreamed about something

your entire life and then one day it finally comes true, you know?

Not really.

Isn't it cool the way all this wonderful stuff's happening for everybody?

Paige and her job and me and my photography and you and the... You!

Hey, don't you shed any tears for me. My best friend takes pictures for Life

magazine. You can't say that.

You know, Ellen, I don't know why you're going through the hassle of all these

contractors. You know my friend Buck up in Moose Jaw?

He'll come down and do the whole job for you just for beer.

Is that the same guy who had the problem about eating anything not round?

Ellen.

He works for beer.

Ellen?

Smell this. Can I get another day out of it?

If you're French.

I got a date with Ellie May tonight and the dry cleaner next door is gone.

Gone?

Ivan's gone? What do you mean he's gone?

Gone as in cashing his earthquake insurance, bought a Range Rover and

just saw the guy.

Ivan's gone? He owned that store for 25 years. He's not going to rebuild?

He just went?

He could do that?

You could do that?

I could do that?

Helen, dry cleaners, they pick up and they leave all the time. It's what they

do. They're very nomadic people.

Hey, Helen, how's it going?

Listen, I can't stay very long. I've got to do a lunch thing with Polly Shore's

people.

Paige, you won't believe what happened.

Ivan's gone.

Oh, my God.

I don't believe it.

Who's Ivan?

Dry cleaner.

Oh, so?

So?

So maybe I shouldn't rebuild.

I mean, maybe this whole earthquake was a sign.

The whole earthquake is a sign to you.

And Ivan.

Don't you see what's happening here? I'm slacking. through wet books while Ivan,

the dry cleaner, has the guts to go out and find his dream in a Range Rover.

Okay. Ellen, maybe things aren't going so great right now, but this bookstore,

it's your dream.

How do I know it's my dream?

I mean, I feel like I just sort of fell into it, like I've fallen into

everything my entire life. I've never had a big plan, or a small plan, or even

a... So if the bookstore's not your dream, then what is?

Hey, maybe she doesn't know.

I'm so sick of L .A.

Everybody's got to have a dream.

How about some decent Chinese food?

What the hell are you talking about?

Have you ever had the Kung Pao at Mr. Lee's?

Ellen, don't buy into any of this crap, okay? You're not a dream kind of person.

You're a sensible person.

Well, that's not true.

No, because there was a time that I thought that I would be a great...

In the early 70s, as a matter of fact, I thought, you know, what if I really put

my mind to it? I could become... All right, so I don't have a dream. I don't

know what it... But that's maybe because I'm stuck here.

You know? And my dream is out there. It's one big adventure, and it's out

calling me.

Ellen! Ellen!

Come with me!

Calling? Calling! Oh, God. I've got to call the restaurant. Polly's people are

probably on bread and olive oil by now.

I'm not worried about you. You're going to be fine.

I'll call you later.

Yeah, well, you can try calling, but I don't know if I'll be home.

Where to?

Anywhere this bus will take me. I'm going across America to find my dream.

That's nice.

This bus only goes as far as Barstow.

Well, then I'm going to...

Dream log, day one.

The beginning.

I'm on a bus bound for Barstow.

From there, who knows?

Bet you're wondering why I'm on this bus, huh?

Not really.

See, I'm off on an odyssey to find my dream.

Didn't think about it, just grabbed my backpack and left a note for my friends.

Not real sensible, is it?

Pretty unconventional.

But that's me, unconventional Ellen.

Don't hold a convention for me because I won't come.

Anyhoo.

Do you see speed?

Nope.

See, all these people are stuck on this bus because some lunatic put a bomb on

it. And if it goes below 50 miles an hour, they're all going to die.

A bomb, huh?

I'm just talking about the movie. Right.

Why don't you calm down and take a seat where I can see your hands.

I'm watching you.

A few minutes later.

I've moved.

Still no sign of my dream yet.

I wonder how many other people on this bus are hurtling through the darkness

looking for their dream.

How about you, ma 'am? Where are you hurtling to?

I don't think

you're supposed to be smoking.

Who's smoking back there?

That's one.

Just about finding my dream.

I have a dream.

Do you mind if I would record it?

I guess it's pretty typical.

I don't have to take the bus.

I'm driving this fancy car. I pull up in front of this big building where I have

a great job.

Ride up in the elevator, say hello to the receptionist, and then, this is my

favorite part, I unzip my fly.

Naturally, she's frightened at first. Pardon me, won't you?

No standing while the bus is in motion, farm lady.

That's two.

Can you get Simba for me?

He's in my suitcase.

Sure, I'll get Simba for you.

This must be exciting, huh, to be on a bus trip like this?

Just get Simba.

Wow.

Did you see the omen?

or just passing through?

Actually, I'm just looking for a phone.

You got kicked off the bus, didn't you?

No.

Yeah.

How'd you know?

You're not bus people.

Bus people are a breed apart.

Well, maybe I'm not bus people, but I'm not going to give up that fast. Is there

a train station around here? Maybe I'm Amtrak people.

While you're here, you're going to take the tour, aren't you?

I really just need to use the phone.

Phone's at the end of the tour. I'm not stupid.

Take it for one.

Maybe this is all part of it, you know? Maybe the winds of fate blew me here and

I'm supposed to take the tour.

Yep, that's what happened.

Five dollars.

You ever been to an oddity museum before?

Well, I have Thanksgiving dinner with my family every year.

Looks like everybody's here.

Before we begin, I'd like you to enjoy a short video about our museum.

That's it?

On with the tour.

Many Native Americans believe that this mysterious cactus was a landing beacon

for extraterrestrials.

Go ahead, turn it on.

If you'll follow me to the east wing, we

have one of our most popular exhibits.

Traditional American verse inscribed on the head of a pen.

Attention, employees must first wash hands before leaving residence.

So true.

Right this way.

Single file.

Many flock to this next exhibit searching for direction.

They say if there are questions that you want answered, you will find those

answers here.

What kind of questions?

Life, romance, career.

It knows all and can answer all.

The magic eight ball, that's it.

Well, you say anything and that tone of voice is going to sound bad.

Go ahead, give it a try.

Why not? Maybe this...

The whole journey has led me to this 99 -cent magic eight ball. I mean, stranger

things have happened, right?

Oh, yeah.

Here goes.

Should I have taken this journey?

My sources say no.

Should I have stayed home to rebuild the bookstore?

No.

Well, then, that's it.

No more bookstore. Nothing to do now, but...

of course you think I should give it a second shake, you know. Go ahead, knock

yourself out.

Yeah, after all, it is my life we're talking about. I wish I would have given

a second shake when it told me to get a perm for my senior prom.

Should I rebuild the bookstore?

No, nope, nada.

All right, I don't have to get hit over the head.

Just that I like the bookstore. I like working with all the customers and my

friends can hang out there and I...

It's not glamorous or anything, but it's my bookstore, and, I mean, it's not

Life magazine, and Pauly Shore's people are not going to do lunch or anything,

but I put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into this. Who the hell are you to

tell me to leave it?

Is this thing broken?

Sounds to me like you got your answer.

I don't like the answer it gave me.

There's your answer.

That 200 -foot ball of twine out front, I came out one windy morning to find it

had unraveled and was now one long thread from here to Santa Fe.

That twine ball is our prime oddity. Think of this place without it.

Well, I can't.

I could have just closed up shop, but I realized I like this place.

The way I see it, If you get up every morning and you like where you go and

you see there, then maybe you found your dream.

That's, uh, that's something. You know, you'd think a guy who owns a place like

this would be a little, uh, you know.

But you really, you make a lot of sense.

You're just lucky that I'm visible today.

Not like a giant Ellen face or something where you walk in through my mouth. But

I just... I found my dream, Joe.

This is it.

The toilet's broken.

I'll take care of it.

Same time tomorrow?

Same time.

Dream log continued.

Remember to fix flushy thing on toilet.

Oh, good, Mr. Clooney. Use a clamp to irrigate the wound in the occipital

region. Hello?

I don't know. This show seems pretty realistic to me.

Yeah, realistic.

Listen, my friend, don't take offense, but what the hell do you know?

I watch St.

Elsewhere.

Let's turn this crap off.

You can't. It's must -see TV.

Must -see TV? I'm sorry, but that is rude.

I mean, if it's please -see TV, I would consider it, but must -see TV? What kind

of campaign do they have going?

Besides, I've got something better.

this museum.

Y 'all want to see it again?

50 million years ago, dinosaurs ruled the earth. In 1973, I

opened this museum.