Original subtitles

Stay awake, Ellen. You've got to stay awake.

Oh, but I'm so sleepy.

Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy.

Night, night.

Stop it.

You're driving. Sleep is forbidden. Sleep is evil.

No, sleep is great, man. Sleep rules.

Ow!

You deserve that.

Woo!

Now I see why dogs like this.

I'll just rest one eye at a time. First the right.

Then the left.

Then the right.

The left.

Right and left.

And for one second, I'll rest them both.

All right.

Here goes.

Oh.

Okay, I'm awake.

I just need to stop for coffee.

No cream, thank you.

Yeah! You ready, Ellen?

Yes, look at me, yeah.

Boy, you know, I just, I've always wanted to get involved in animal rights.

just love being an activist. It's so, what's the word? Active.

Ellen, I don't know about all this. It just, it sort of seems like a big waste

of time. What does?

You know, caring.

I mean, what's in it for me? I thought at least Ricky Lake was going to be

but the biggest celebrity here is Abe Vigoda Jr.

I'm doing this for the animals. Everyone here is passionately dedicated to the

cause. Could one of you introduce me to that girl without the bra?

So, how's the science coming? Oh, great. I got sort of creative on some of the

slogans.

Get me fur, not.

It's a take off on forget me not. Forget me, get me fur, not. And then, why do

you think they call him?

Lucifer.

Now, the next ones are kind of weird. The thines are great.

I even made sandwiches.

I didn't make them, actually. Joe, I made Joe make them.

They're lettuce, tomato, and seal pup.

I call them my club sandwiches.

It's one thing I love about you political extremists. It's your ability

at yourself.

Don't mind Joe. He just likes to post fun.

I'm serious, Ellen.

I'm seventh generation fur traveler. My father, Lucky Pierre Farrell, was known

as the Beaver King of the Yukon.

I guess that makes me the Beaver Prince.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Why? Because I'm wearing fur underwear?

I'll have you know that my privates are nestled in ermine, and it's wonderful.

Hi, I'm Adam Green, photojournalist. You know, one good theme for your protest

might be, I'd rather go naked than wear fur.

Because speaking strictly from a photographic viewpoint, that would be,

know, hot.

I'm sorry. Don't mind my friends. I have enough commitment for everybody,

though. I mean, just think about it. Because of what we're about to do, all

God's creatures will rest easy tonight.

Except for the animals up all night hunting and killing each other.

But, you know, that's their business.

I have a point, so bear with me. I think what it is, is that one day...

The only animals wearing fur will be the fur -bearing animals born bearing fur.

You know, we should probably get going.

People, let's go make a difference!

In my nude!

In my nude!

You know, when you're doing something this good, only good can come of it.

Let's go.

Knife!

things for two women. What are they thinking?

Well, it's been a long day. I guess I'll just curl up on this toilet.

Are there any sanitary seat covers or anything?

I'll just lean.

You're good at that.

I just got busted at this big protest thing that I was just... doing.

was going really pretty smoothly until I turned around and looked for my friend

Paige. You haven't met her yet, but she's a friend of mine.

And I turned around and looked for her and I whacked one of the security guards

in the head with my sign and sent him flying down the escalator into a big

display of cardigans.

What are you in for?

Try to strangle my roommate.

Really? Why?

She talked too much.

tendency to talk in my sleep sometimes. I don't know if you have any hard and

fast rules about that, but personally I don't think that that should count.

of the fur department, and then I saw these great little shoes.

Nice.

Didn't you hear me calling for you as they carried me away?

Yeah, but I was already in line.

And besides, Adam was really the one who fled.

Hey, I was ready to be arrested for the cause the minute they found me hiding in

the ladies' changing room.

Look, on the bright side, we brought you a book and your toothbrush.

Well, then who needs freedom?

Can you all help me raise bail?

Well, in my family, the parents always bail out the children.

Ah, no, no, no. Whatever you do, don't tell my parents. You know how they'd

react. Oh, my baby!

Oh, my baby!

I think that's our cue to go.

Listen, call if you need anything.

Oh, it's that fast crowd you run with. I knew it would come to this.

That Paige Clark has been trouble since the get -go.

I mean, even as teens.

Oh, sure, she was generous with the cigarettes, but she kept all the boys to

herself.

I'm not in here because of Paige. You're right. It's our fault, isn't it? Oh,

where did we go wrong?

It was those mad magazines.

Oh, damn you, Albert A. Newman!

Damn you!

We should never have let you go away to college. You came home with your head

filled with crazy ideas.

History and literature?

Please, we know your major didn't refer.

It did not.

Can we get back to the fact that I am in prison? Ellen, they told us that you

were arrested for vagrancy. Have you been living in the streets?

I was arrested for sitting in the fur department at Hogan's.

Vagrancy is a technical term. It doesn't mean I'm a hobo. Well, there's nothing

wrong with being a hobo. I used to ride the rail.

It's not a bad life. You come and go as you please.

Every once in a while, you stop at a farmer's house, get a piece of pie,

his daughter.

Can you help me get out of here?

Oh, yes, Daddy's going to take care of everything. Yeah, I'm going to serve as

your lawyer.

You're a patent attorney.

I went all my mock trials in law school. What could have changed since the 50s?

Just, okay, just help me get out of here. Okay.

Oh, and Ellen, try to fix yourself up a little.

This place is just... crawling with attractive young lawyers.

I'm not looking at this as a dating opportunity.

Some things never change.

Don't worry about a thing, Ellie. You've got the best attorney in town.

Now, which one of these fellows is the judge?

I'm just kidding. The courtroom should be a place of laughter.

All right, next case, people versus Alan Morgan.

Harold Morgan for the defense, Your Honor. Any relation to the defendant?

Proud father. Oh, well, I'm not proud of what she's done. She was clearly in the

wrong.

Good start, Dad.

Free Alan Morgan!

Free Alan Morgan!

Free Alan Morgan!

Order!

Listen, boys and girls, I know we think we're helping, but why don't you just

shut your pie holes?

Alan Morgan would rather go to prison forever.

than to give in to a system that condones cruelty to animals. No, no, no,

that's not true, Your Honor. They've brainwashed her. She has no beliefs.

Any further outbursts from the gallery and I will clear the courtroom.

Now, will the defendant please rise?

Now, you've been charged with creating a public disturbance and vagrancy. How do

you plead?

100 % not guilty, Your Honor.

All right.

We'll hold a hearing on this matter two weeks from today.

Now, as to bail... Your Honor.

In lieu of bail, I would like to suggest that the defendant be released into the

custody of her parents.

What? So we can keep an eye on her until the hearing and hopefully set her back

on the straight and narrow.

We didn't discuss this. Sidebar. Sidebar.

You know, I was going to release her on her own recognizance. Yes, I am so good

on my own recognizance.

But counsel's suggestion makes a lot of sense. Well, thank you, Your Honor. You

know, I've got a 30 -year -old son of my own. No goals, no ambition, no future

of any kind.

The pendant is released into parent custody.

No! Your Honor, this son of yours is single.

Guess who I ran into at the market today.

Charles Nelson Reilly.

No. Oh, that's right. He shops at the market near my house.

My house.

It was that Michelle. You remember her from high school?

No. Oh, sure you do. The hair, the nails, the skin. No, I don't remember.

Anyway, she's married, expecting her second child.

To do what?

Tough jumble today. I think they make them harder on Fridays.

You know, having spent the past three days in my old home under my parents'

has really showed me that I have... I've been wrong and I've learned my lesson.

I'd like to go home. We'll be the judge of that. Eat your peas.

I am eating my peas. No, you're not. You're just spreading them around.

I'm an adult. I can spread my peas around if I want to.

Well, you're under our roof. You live by our rules.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Paige.

No, I'm sorry. She can't. We're having dinner.

No, I'm done. No, I'm done. I'm sorry, but she'll have to call you back. Paige,

wait. Paige. Yes, goodbye. Paige, help me. Help me.

again how lovely you look in your beautiful dress thank you joe so

alluring yes joe i'm wearing a dress i know it's the only way i could get my

to let me watch mtv last night she's driving me crazy what is it with moms

making you wear dresses i want to go to the brian adams concert not without that

dress joe i want to go out for hockey better put that dress on i miss home

Some sort of punishment?

I wanted to watch MTV last night. There was a special hour -long Cindy Crawford

House of Style.

Tonight, you're going with me and Adam to see Liz Phair at the Wilton. I have

ask my mom.

Ellen, you've got to be kidding me. No, I think she'll let me go, because I did

the dishes this morning without being told.

Here's my ride.

Hi, Joe.

How are you? Hi.

Oh, Paige.

That gentleman certainly knows what he's getting in that outfit.

Well, are you ready to go?

You know what? Actually, Mom, I was thinking about spending the evening with

Paige because there's this concert that I want to go to. A rock concert? Oh, no,

no, no.

Drugs and sex were not part of the court arrangement.

It's a concert.

No, I'm afraid the answer is no. But, Mom... No, I said no. Why?

Because... Because why?

Because I said so. What a jiff!

my friends for four days.

Well, if you want to see your friends, have them over to the house where I can

supervise. Now, come on, dear. I want to get to the fabric store before it

closes. Oh, no, not the fabric store.

Good

word,

Mr. M.

Your turn, Alan.

Amazing game.

Captive, escape,

trapped.

Adam, dear, more ice cream?

Sure, Mrs. M.

Who are you, Patsy?

Boy,

Ellen, you've got it sweet here. Oh, don't I know it.

Oh, this is torture. I can't stand another second of it.

We can still make the concert. It starts in an hour. Come on, let's go. I can't

go. My mom won't let me.

Anna, ask your dad.

Oh, Ellen, this is ridiculous. You are a grown woman.

Sneak out.

Okay, I'll do it.

Okay, go, so I can pretend like I'm going to sleep. What about my ice cream?

Oh, I will get you some at the concert.

They're not going to have Neapolitan at the concert.

All right, give me ten minutes and I'll meet you on the corner.

Oh, we came in my Corvette, so there's no room. You've got to take your car.

They hid my keys.

So take that car.

All right.

All right, I'll see you at the wheel turn. Okay. Okay, bye. So, who's ready

head down to the rec room for some bumper pool?

Hey. Actually, well, we've got to get going. But thanks for dinner, Mr. and

Morgan. Thanks a lot. Nice to see you again, Mr. and Mrs. Jones. My parents

hi. I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay.

Oh, I'm so tired. I think I'm going to go to sleep.

You're going to bed so soon? Yeah, I think I just need 12 hours of

rest. Ellen.

I gotta tell you, I think that you staying here for the past few days has

you a world of good. We know it's been tough on you, dear, but we've loved it.

Oh, well, me too.

And I'm happy to report that you've earned our trust.

Oh.

You pulling me over because I didn't know the words?

License and registration, please.

That's a bad picture on my driver's license, I know that.

It's a long story.

My second one.

What seems to be the problem?

This car's been reported stolen.

Oh.

No, there's a mistake. This is my father's car.

See, on the registration it says Harold Morgan on the license Ellen Morgan.

You look like you've got a pretty big head under that big old helmet of yours.

What does that tell you?

It appears that you've stolen your father's car.

Look, I know this is a long shot, but...

You wouldn't consider going on the lam with me, would you now?

Skip out of the park.

You're going to get a better look at me.

I don't blame you.

I'm going to buy it until you see it.

So, people versus Ellen Morgan.

Mr. Morgan, how did your two weeks of parental supervision go? She was as good

as gold, Your Honor. We even got her to eat her peas.

Interesting. Then why do I see this police report detailing her arrest for

theft auto?

Well, I can explain that, Your Honor. I didn't steal the car. I borrowed it. My

driving privileges had been revoked, and I wanted to go see this concert at the

Wiltern. And Liz Fair?

And anyway, she's a great musician that you might enjoy listening to, except

that there's some cussing in the lyrics.

Your Honor, she snuck out to the concert after having been forbidden, and we

reported the car stolen to teach her a lesson.

Tough love, Your Honor.

You call the police on your own daughter, and you call yourself parents.

Hey, don't talk to my parents like that. They did a fine job raising me.

Really? Then why are you here?

Who are you to sit up there and judge?

I'm warning you.

Counselor, you've raised a very obnoxious daughter. Well, I'm sure she's

match for your deadbeat son.

You are out of order.

Well, I think you are out of order. I mean, sure, we have problems, but we do

everything we can to maintain the appearance of a happy family. Yeah.

You tell him, Mom. So if you think that that's a crime, then I think you should

throw all three of us in jail. Hear, hear. I am this close to finding you all

contempt. Oh, yeah, well, I'm this close to calling you a...

You're good at that. Thank you, dear.

Oh, well, he's a Shriner. I'm sure they treat him well.

Ellen, would you please try to fix yourself up just a little? There's that

-headed guard out there, and I just know he has an eye on you.

Guess who I ran into the other day?

Colleen, remember?

No. Oh, sure you do.

She had that dog. She used to walk it. I don't remember. Oh, yes, sure you do.

She wore those tennis shoes with the laces that tied.

I don't remember.

Oh, well, she remembers you. Anyway, she's married, and she married this guy

named Bob. Guard. You know, he's a doctor now, and he lives right here in

Guard. And he has a brother. Oh, bingo. Guard.

Of course, he only has that one eye. Guard.

Solitary confinement, please.

Thank you.