Original subtitles

That's it.

Toilet's all fixed.

I even snaked out the line.

Didn't give you any more trouble.

So how can I thank you?

There's no need.

Come on, let me think of a way.

That's weird.

It's not so weird. I mean, he was fixing my toilet, and I was thanking him. I

didn't have any cash on me, and checks are so impersonal, so... Weird.

What's so weird about it? Ellen, you're always telling me that Adam is just like

a brother to you. So? So you were kissing your brother.

And suddenly that's weird. Paige, where is the line with you?

How did it feel?

I liked it.

I wanted it. I wanted him. I'm eating here.

There is one weird thing, and that is that I've had the dream several nights

a row.

Several two?

Several eight.

Whoa!

Eight? Eight is not several. Eight is... Eight is enough.

Come on, it's not so bad. You're blowing it out of proportion. I mean, haven't

you ever had sex dreams about people?

Ellen, I am a doer, not a dreamer.

Actually, I'm more likely to have dreams about not doing it. Well, sure, you

need your rest.

Actually, you know, I've... I've seen this coming for a while. I've noticed

checking Adam out. I have not. You know, we always dream about what we want. I

don't want Adam. I want my toilet fixed. That's what the dream is about.

My boss has this therapist who does dream analysis. You know, I could

set you up with an appointment. No, thank you. I can handle this on my own.

Thank you.

Hi, Ellen.

Hi, Paige.

Hi, Ellen. Oh, good. You've got all your stuff together for Goodwill. Oh, no,

actually, I still wear that. That's going in the dry cleaners.

Really?

Okay. Don't you just feel wonderful providing a charitable service to the

fortunate? I'm just like Florence Henderson.

So you mean Florence Nightingale?

You have your heroes, I have mine.

Hello, lady.

Hey. Hi. Shower's in there.

Thanks for letting me use it until mine specs.

Okay. Look, even brought my own loofah. Okay, look at that. All right, shower's

over there.

So, Adam, working out?

Just doing a little jogging, you know, trying to tone up. Hey, feel my butt.

Okay, maybe some other time, all right?

Come on, Ellen, now's your chance. You know you want to.

Hello, am I invisible here? I've got two hands.

I'll just let you gals fight this out amongst yourselves. I'm going to hit the

showers.

I've got to get me some of that.

Some of that's from Adam? I could have eaten him up.

How could you stand it?

Well, it's one day at a time.

Excuse me, but Brad Pitt is the sexiest man alive, and that man is walking

around this building fixing things?

Insane. Insane!

You really have a thing for Adam? Oh, come on. You can't tell me I'm the only

one. I don't know, Ellen.

Is she the only one?

Yes, she's the only one.

Well, then you two step aside, because beefcake season begins today, and I plan

on bagging my limit.

Well, you go, girl.

So how can I help you if you won't tell me what the dream is about? Let's just

say that it's very personal, and I would rather not get into it. Is it a sex

dream with Adam?

How did you know that?

Well, I was a Freudian psych major, and I minored in Jungian dream

interpretation.

You're kidding.

Yeah. Okay.

I never went to college. But hey, world, look at me now!

So do you think that these dreams might mean something?

Oh, no, I dream about you all the time. Get out of here.

Yeah, no big deal.

Are they sexual?

No, usually we're on this train.

and you're nibbling on this carrot, and I'm sitting there with a champagne

bottle, and the train goes into the tunnel, and then the champagne cork

That's not sexual. No, it's about my love of vegetables and my fear of rail

travel.

Wait a minute, I do have this other dream where we just get it on.

Thanks, Joe.

No, thank you.

fed the spider to the fly.

Adam?

Audrey. Hi.

How was your shower?

Invigorating?

Yeah. Ellen's got one of those shower massagers. It's very intense.

Ooh, ask the teacher to crack a window because, baby, it's hot in here.

Mmm.

You smell good.

Irish spring.

Manly, yes, but I like it too.

You want a bowl of cereal?

I want something, but not cereal. Oh, because they're... Audrey, no. Oh, Adam,

we've had this date with each other from the beginning.

Really? Because... Audrey, I'm just not sure this is right.

Oh, it's right.

Here, feel my heartbeat.

Good Lord, forgive me.

Something terrible has happened involving my having sex with Audrey.

What? Why?

She came to your apartment? Well, yeah.

In the sense that she came to your apartment.

Please don't get an image. Please don't get an image. Oh, she has this thing

about your dad.

I got an image.

How could you let this happen?

It was a moment of weakness.

A mistake.

I didn't want to do it.

She seduced me.

She said she dreams about me.

So? So? I mean, who cares? What does that mean? Just because someone dreams

about you doesn't mean that you have to sleep with them or that they want to

sleep with you or that they're attracted to you mildly at all.

I mean, and it certainly does not mean that they need therapy.

Who are you talking about?

You've got to help him get out of this.

Hey, Snowflake. Audrey, hi.

I've been looking for you everywhere.

I've got a casserole in the oven and riuniti on ice.

It's nice.

So, 7 .30, my place, and this time I get to be the parole officer.

I gotta go. See you later.

Yeah, sure.

Bye -bye, snowflake.

So, he told you I trust.

I was a virgin until this morning, Ellen. Do you hear me? A virgin.

Really? I'm speaking figuratively, of course. But let me tell you, the memory

the other 14 vanished in the presence of that man.

That master.

How did he know my body like that?

I swear, at one point I looked up and there was a choir singing Hallelujah.

Maybe my clock radio went off.

I was just about to turn in. I wondered if you needed anything.

Oh, I need something, all right.

Oh,

melt me, snowflake.

Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

I'm the patient.

He must be the doctor.

I'm a little nervous. Oh, please don't be. I'm Elliot Whitcomb. Hi, Elliot.

Doctor. Doctor Whitcomb. What do I call you?

Whatever makes you most comfortable. All right, Tristan it is.

I'm kidding.

Did you see the movie Legends of the Fall?

Brad Pitt.

Anyway, it's a good movie. Kind of long, but thumbs up, you know.

Where should I sit?

Again, wherever you feel comfortable.

Okay.

You're making me choose.

Okay, well, here.

What are you writing? Why, I can read upside down. Is that insane? Did you

down insane?

I've written Wednesday.

First time at a therapist?

I see what you're doing.

My answer is yes.

You're moved, Doctor.

Let's talk about why you're here.

Okay, um, I, uh, I've been having these dreams about a friend of mine, Adam.

That's his real name. Is that okay?

I'll try and keep it out of the paper. Oh, okay, um, well, we've, uh, we've

friends. Adam and I have been friends for 12 years, and in my dreams we're

stuff.

Stuff?

Of a sexual nature.

Sexual, yes.

Right. I mean, it's not like we haven't gone past second base or anything. Do

you know what base is? Do you have the base system in England?

I don't know. I know that you have cricket, and cricket just has two bases.

So maybe a second base is a home run, and in this case, that's not true.

So, what brings you here, exactly?

Well,

my other best friend, Paige, thinks that maybe I'm jealous of Adam because he

just started seeing another friend of mine.

who actually isn't such a good friend, although if you ask her, she thinks

my best friend. You talk about a nutcase, you get her on the sofa, she

off your mortgage.

Anyway, I guess I just want you to tell me that it's all nonsense and I'm

dreaming about my toilet.

I'm going to write something down now, Ellen.

And I don't want to alarm you.

Well, these dreams are more than likely...

trying to convey an issue, sexual or otherwise, that has not been resolved in

your life.

Oh. So I may have some sort of issue with Adam.

Possibly.

And it may or may not be sexual.

Possibly.

So what should I do? Well, if you become a patient of mine, let's say three

sessions a week, we can delve...

into your conflicts of your life, and over time, perhaps, we might find a way

resolve them. Oh, see?

Uh -uh. No, see, I'm looking for more of the one -stop shopping, the quick fix,

you know. If you had a drive -thru window, that's where I'd be, you know.

I'd suggest that you re -examine your feelings for your friend and possibly

confront them.

All right, I'll do that.

Now, I'd like to return to something you mentioned earlier.

You say you dreamed about your toilet.

Thanks again for coming to lunch with me and my mom.

Hey, do me a favor. Keep the conversation away from marriage.

Well, maybe you could tell her about your Adam dreams. That might give her

hope. You know, as much as I enjoy talking about sex with my mother, I

think so.

So what did Dr. Whitcomb say? Does he want to see you again?

Yeah, three times a week.

Whoa! Three times a week. What?

Even my mother only goes twice a week, and she's got seven personalities.

I think I'm just going to tell Adam about my dreams, and I need to figure

I have some unresolved feelings for him. Oh, God, let's hope not.

Well, I just need to figure it out for myself, you know? I mean, we kissed once

12 years ago, but we're two different people now, and so I think I need to

him again and see if there are any sparks, because, oh, boy, in my dreams.

Deep health! Deep health!

Well, last night he was a Viking and I was America and he conquered me.

Pig!

Just one said like a simple hello.

Something terrible has happened involving my telling Audrey that you and

in love.

You know, you might want to work on your technique of drawing out a story for

maximum dramatic effect.

Still having said that, what?

Well, it was the only way I could get out. I felt trapped.

So I told her that you and I were an item.

What happened? I only have two months to live.

I've used that way too many times. I'm starting to worry about bad karma.

Look, all we gotta do is pretend to be a couple. It's a week of hand -holding in

the hallway.

Then you dump me in front of her. I'm too shattered to see anyone else.

Nobody's hurt.

Hello, friends.

Ellen, it appears that my loss is your gain.

Accept all happiness from me.

E .E. Cummings.

I've always thought you two would make the perfect couple.

You know, in a way, we owe all our happiness to you. Thank you.

Hello. Oh, hello.

Well, everybody's here. Hello.

Hello.

Well, are we ready for lunch? Yeah, yeah. You know what? I made reservations

Georgia. It's a southern soul food place in Melrose. Cool.

This is going to be fun.

Aren't you coming? Oh, no. I think it's best that I keep my distance from the

happy couple. Okay, we should leave. Let's go.

Yes, Ellen and Adam have finally discovered their love.

And we've never been happier.

I saw it coming.

It's a dream come true.

I told your father he liked girls.

Mom.

Mom. No, I didn't fall out of love. I was never in love.

No, it's not sad.

I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say... I promise I'll find a man.

Before you die.

Ellen. All right, bye.

My better half? You know, the whole charade is ridiculous. We are ending it

tonight. Tonight? Yeah. There hasn't been enough time. There's been plenty of

time. Here's the plan. We're going to stay home and pretend to watch TV, and

Audrey will drop by at some point because she always does, and we will

then. Can we really watch TV?

Sure. Do you have any Chex Party Mix?

What? Well, if we were really dating, you'd have made me Chex Party Mix.

I have chips.

Fine.

Well, Ellen, it's our last night as a couple.

It's making memorable.

Yeah.

Hey, Adam,

let me ask you a question, okay? Yeah.

You ever dream about me?

Yeah, sure.

Are they ever sexual?

All the time.

Really?

That's funny, because lately I've been having dreams about you.

Really? Mm -hmm.

Well, well, well.

Mm -hmm.

So how was I?

Well, I've got to admit, you were pretty great.

Really? Yeah.

In my dreams, you're pretty great, too. No, you're just saying that because I

said that about you.

Oh, no.

You were fantastic.

Well, well, well.

I guess when two people have been together so long, they kind of know each

other.

Then I guess the obvious question would be...

Do you think that there's anything real here?

You mean us?

I'm just, I don't know. I mean, I'm, yeah, I mean, I'm, you know, we had the

date 12 years ago, but we were kids then, so I'm thinking maybe now that

older, maybe there's some chemistry.

You think?

I don't know.

Elliot, it's Audrey.

Oh, God, here she is.

Let's make this good.

I need my space. You're suffocating me. Well, you can have all the space you

want, you bitch!

I was acting. It felt right.

I'm sorry I had to do this, but it's over.

What? Oh, it's you, Audrey. Oh, God.

Oh, God, there'll never be anyone else for me. Oh, come on, we can still be

friends. What is going on here? What are you two doing? Isn't it obvious? I

mean, we're breaking up. It's over. And I, of course, am completely distraught.

This is incredible.

I can't believe this. Yeah, well, what can you do?

I'll tell you what I can do.

I can be a friend and not let the two of you make the biggest mistake of your

lives. Oh, come on, I think we can do this on our own. Guys, trust me.

One is the loneliest number.

And as much as it hurts me to say it, you two were made for each other. Don't

blow it.

Maybe we are being a trifle rash.

Adam! Of course you are!

Now, one thing you two are going to need to learn to do is communicate.

To speak and to listen.

Ellen, did you get that? To speak and to listen. Is it my turn to speak yet? No,

it is not.

It is your turn to listen.

To your heart.

Now, I want to see you both kiss and make up.

We'll try to do better. We'll get along.

That's not what I asked.

I want goo -goo eyes and lips on lips.

Now. My

work

here is done.

Be happy.

Nothing. Wow.

That's amazing.

Well,

we gave it a shot.

What did you have for lunch, by the way? Like an entire onion?

What about you? What do you have, a saliva deficiency? It's like the Sahara

there. Yeah, you're one to talk. You're sitting there trying to suck the gold

out of my teeth.

Well, so the good news is I'm not having the dream anymore. I confronted Adam,

we kissed, and nothing.

No chemistry.

We're back to being friends, and I'm sleeping like a baby, with my butt up in

the air.

Well, I'm glad I could be of some help.

So what brings you back today?

Well, actually, I just came to thank you.

No need.

Well, you've got to at least let me try.

Please, be gentle with me.