Original subtitles

I still can't stop thinking about that fascinating Oprah I saw.

The myth of the happy single woman.

Did you watch the cassette I sent?

Oh, I accidentally taped over it.

Oh, well, that's all right. I sent away for the transcript.

More Pete and Karen? No, I'm full.

I always make a lot in case you bring someone.

That explains the fourth place setting.

Better safe than sorry.

Mom, I've been coming over here every other Sunday for 12 years, and all that

time, how often have I brought someone?

Well, there was Chris.

How is Chris?

He's fine.

Really good. He and Susan just had another baby.

I am telling you, if I were president, macaroni and ham would be the national

dinner.

Say, Allie, you know what you haven't done for a while?

What's that?

Played a tune for us on the piano.

Oh, yeah, that's true. You know what else I haven't done in a long time is

remind you that I don't know how to play piano.

You took five years of lessons. You must remember something.

I think I remember the Meow Mix jingle.

Those drugs she took during high school.

I didn't take drugs in high school, Dad.

I was just so worn down from all the sex and drinking.

Well, you don't have to lie.

I mean, we had marijuana in my day, too, except we called it hemp then. You

could get a half -pound bag for ten dollars.

Um, no, the reason I don't remember how to play piano is because I never wanted

to take piano lessons. I wanted ballet lessons. Oh, but we gave you ballet

lessons. You weren't graceful, so we took you out of them.

No, the school burned down and you couldn't find another one.

Oh, right.

Your memory is so much better than mine. Who's for mock apple pie? Wait, wait.

Hold it, hold it. I don't believe this. You lied to me. The school didn't burn

down.

For your own good, dear, the teacher said you weren't progressing.

Well, so what? I love ballet. You had no right to make that decision for me.

Great. Now you're upset.

Well, yes, I'm upset. I mean, I wanted to dance in that recital. I had a simple

dream, and now it will never come true. You don't know what that's like.

No, of course not.

How could I?

Sally, what are you going to play for us?

All I ever wanted to be when I was a kid was a ballerina.

I can't believe my parents took me out of that class.

I mean, I really, I resent that. I don't get childhood resentment.

I mean, just let that stuff go. I did.

Forgot my birthday again?

No problem.

A new dad every 18 months? Sure.

I'm being sent away to boarding school? Fine by me, you gin -swilling bitch.

Hey, you know what would be fun?

Is if you and I took night school ballet class.

Because then I could get this out of my system and you could be there while I do

it.

Actually, I don't... Oh, come on. Hey, oh, look. I just found the perfect class

for it.

Every Tuesday for six weeks.

Housewives and tights after dinner.

No, thank you.

No, it says all levels welcome.

Baryshnikov may be there.

You like him.

Oh, come on. Please do this for me.

I'll give you a million dollars.

All right. Okay.

So, you're taking a dance class, huh?

Sounds like fun.

Joe, this is important to me. Go easy.

What? I mean it. That sounds fun.

Oh, sorry. Sometimes you get that tone in your voice and I never know if you're

mocking me.

Ellen, I would never mock you.

There it is again.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay, let's do this. Whenever you're mocking me, you raise your hand, and

you're serious, you keep it down.

Sure, Ellen.

That sounds like a good idea.

Let's get this over with.

six Tuesdays of my life down the drain. Oh, boy, that's the spirit.

I'm gonna go get some water.

Hi.

Wow.

You're limber.

What? Ooh, that has gotta make you popular.

I didn't catch your name.

Probably didn't throw it.

Maya.

Hi.

Boy, you're limber, too. Am I in the right class?

I hope not.

Good thing I'm wearing my thermal tights. It's chilly in here.

Chilly.

Listen, I'm taking off. We just got here. I know, but I met this guy in the

karate class down the hall.

He wants to take me to dinner, and he's really cute. Well, what guy is cute

enough to justify abandoning your best friend for?

Good God.

Jerry, this is Ellen. Ellen, this is Jerry.

Hi. Hi.

Ready? Yeah.

Listen, Ellen, I'm sorry. This whole ballet thing is really not me. Oh, well,

hey, you gave it a shot.

Remember me from Helping Hand?

Yes.

Peter, right? Right. Yes. How good. You're taking this class, too. I teach

Just something to do when I'm not working, volunteering, going to law

taking care of my grandfather.

I know what you mean. Yeah, it's amazing. I found time, too, you know,

my stuff.

Well, I better get started. Okay. Good to see you again.

Everybody,

hi. Welcome to Adult Ballet.

My name is Peter.

We'll meet for six weeks, and then for our last class, we'll give a recital

where one of you lucky women will dance the lead in Giselle.

Pick me! Pick me!

Oh, no.

Competition.

Now, this is a class for all levels, so we're going to be learning some pretty

complicated moves. But let's start with a simple one that everyone can do. The

plie.

And down to...

I brought this lasagna in from home, but I don't want it. Do you?

As delicious as your cooking usually is?

No.

See? I can never tell when you're mocking me.

I was.

Okay. Well, what happened to the hand signal? I can't walk around like this

day.

I'll tell you what. I'll let you in on a little secret.

When I'm sincere, my faith stays static.

When I'm mocking, my eyebrows have a tendency to go up.

Observe.

That's a pretty shirt you're wearing.

Sincere.

I love humoring people.

Mocking.

I think you got it. Sincere.

We're done now.

Sincere. I find this very entertaining.

Oh, mocking!

Hey, I missed you this morning.

Sincere.

Yeah.

So how was ballet class?

Eh, it was terrible.

I made a complete fool of myself. Everybody laughed at me. Oh, I've heard

laughs myself.

What do you mean?

This may come as a surprise to you, and I know it'll fly in the face of

everything you think of me, but I actually studied ballet for six years

up. I knew that.

You did?

Yeah, you tell me every New Year's Eve when you get drunk.

1989, you were wearing a tutu when you told me.

Well, the point is, I loved ballet, but I had to give it up because I couldn't

take all the teasing.

Wait a minute. You took ballet for six years? You can tutor me.

I don't know. That was a long time ago. Come on. Come on. The recital is in six

weeks. I can live your dream. I can be the ballerina you never were.

I'll do it.

That idea is just so crazy, it might just work.

And changement, changement, changement, changement, changement.

Go ahead and try.

And changement.

Sean's mom.

Sean's mom. Sean's mom. Sean's mom.

Okay. All right. Then we'll try it together.

And... Sean's mom.

Sean's mom.

Sean's mom. Sean's mom. Sean's mom. Sean's mom. All right. Get out of here.

go on.

I... In a minute.

Jerry's picking me up here. Karate guy? How's that going? It's going well. He's

cute. He's sweet.

There's just one little problem.

Let me guess.

He's really dumb.

Why would that be a problem?

What is the problem?

I think you'll be able to spot it for yourself.

Jerry, you remember Ellen?

Sure.

And that's Adam.

Hiya. Hi, Adam.

We should get going.

You know, why don't you just run down to the car and I'll be down in two

minutes. Okay.

See ya.

Wow, wow, wow.

What am I going to do? It is getting worse.

Well, I mean, it's not that big of a deal. If you really like the guy, buy

some new clothes.

Just out of the blue? Well, act like it's a special occasion.

Sure, you know, President's Day is coming up. You could buy him a stovepipe

He probably has one.

You know, some of these moves that you have... Okay, Ellen, first, a few ground

rules.

I may ask you to do some unconventional things, but you must not question me.

I don't go by the book.

I'm not a puppet of the ballet establishment.

In fact, they frown upon my unsanctioned crowd -pleasing moves.

Now, let us continue.

And change more, change more, change more, change more, change more, change

more.

Ellen, five weeks ago I never thought I'd say this, but you are better than

were five weeks ago.

It's all because of you. I really think I have a shot at Giselle now.

Well, who's your competition?

Maya, or as I like to call her, Stupid Maya.

That's good.

She sucks up to Peter constantly.

Well, what are you going to do about it?

I came up with that nickname. I don't know what else I can do.

Ellen, you've got to suck up to Peter, too.

Oh, I don't know. Ellen, how badly do you want to dance Giselle?

So bad I can taste it.

Tastes like chicken.

Peter, you know, I just want to tell you that you're the best darn ballet

teacher ever.

Oh, thank you.

You really improved yourself in just five weeks. Well, who couldn't with the

best darn ballet teacher ever teaching them?

I was thinking maybe we could get together some night this week, you know,

because I've only begun to scratch the surface of telling you how great you

Sounds fun.

I can't tomorrow, though, because I'm volunteering at Helping Hand.

Then on Thursday, I work at the animal shelter. Friday, I do Meals on Wheels.

And on Saturday, I'm building a church.

Well, I'm busy all those nights anyway myself, you know, just donating my

organs.

Actually, the only night I have free between now and the auditions for the

recital is this Sunday.

Oh, well, Sunday I'm having dinner with my parents.

That sounds fun.

Okay.

We're so happy Ellen finally brought someone home.

You know, she doesn't get a chance to meet many people because she works so

at the bookstore, which I'm sure she'd sell the minute she got married.

How do you like the wine, Pete?

It's delicious.

My father brought this bottle back from... France after the liberation.

I've been saving it for a special occasion.

And I think this is it.

Oh, boy, Ellen, your parents sure are hospitable.

So for our recital, Peter's having us dance Giselle.

Oh. I hope you'll come, Mr. and Mrs. Morgan. For you, Pete, anything.

Who do you suppose you might pick for Giselle, Peter?

Now, Ellen, you know I can't tell you that. Oh, I know, I know. But suppose

could. What would you say then?

Ellen.

A lot of people seem to think it's narrowed down to Maya and me.

And Maya's a great girl, she is, you know, apart from all the drinking.

I know.

I was surprised, too.

But, uh, you know, that Evian bottle that she carries around?

Fuck.

This is excellent turkey, Mrs. Morgan. Oh, please, call me Mom.

You know, she seems to be able to hold her liquor, so if you want to give the

part to Maya, I'd say go ahead and give the part to Maya, you know?

Who cares what she says about you?

You know, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you were trying to influence my

decision. I am. I must ban Chazelle.

Ellen, this is making me very uncomfortable.

I don't care. Everybody has their price. Name yours.

I can't be bought.

Mr. Mrs. Morgan, thank you for a lovely evening.

Ellen, take me home.

Peter, Peter, wait.

Oh, that boy was our only hope.

He reminds me a lot of myself at that age.

So, you ready for Ellen's big recital?

Sure am.

You look great.

So do you.

Oh, I, uh, got that for you. Really? Yeah.

This looks so expensive.

Happy President's Day.

President's Day?

That's really weird.

Oh, I can explain. I thought my family was the only one who celebrated

President's Day.

I got something for you, too.

This is a clothing store, isn't it?

So I didn't get the lead. Who cares?

That's the spirit.

Besides, everyone knows the definitive role in Giselle is the shrub.

I know what she's thinking.

I could have been the shrub.

Loser.

Anyway, Peter's staging is so traditional. The way we rehearse it is

daring. Exactly.

Who am I kidding? I'm a crummy shrub. My parents are out there. They must be

mortified. Don't be silly.

They're beaming.

No one saw us come in, did they?

I don't think so.

Oh, an enchanted forest.

Good God, Paige, what are you wearing?

Jerry picked it out.

Isn't it great?

Yeah.

Thank God I didn't wear my plastic cow suit.

Two minutes, everyone.

Feel the energy!

Now, don't be nervous, Ellen.

I'm going to be back here backstage for the whole thing.

That's not how a shrub dances at all.

Well, you haven't seen me do the wind.

Why don't you make us dancers look bad? Let me show you how it's done.

That is good.

But it's too bad you can't dance all the parts.

Oh!

Oh, my God, what happened?

My back.

Oh. Can you dance?

Of course I can.

Oh! See?

We're about to begin.

There's no other choice.

I'll have to dance Giselle.

No.

I'm sure you'd be a great Giselle, but let me do it. I know how to do it. I

won't let you down.

All right, Ellen, the part's yours.

Sam, Ellen will be Giselle.

But she's not graceful. Not graceful. Not graceful. Not graceful. Not

Very graceful.

Not graceful, huh?

It's all coming apart.

No, it's not.

Adam, be my prince.

Okay.

Out of the dress, Grandma.

You must be very proud.

Oh, yes.

This is the moment I've always dreamed of.

Ladies and gentlemen, there's been a slight change in plans.

Dancing the role of Giselle tonight will be Ellen Morkan.

What are you doing?

This isn't like choreography.

It's better.

Dance, Ellen, dance!

Not graceful, huh?