Original subtitles

Already pressed it.

That's okay. One more push. Let them know we mean business.

It's been pushed.

See? Bright red light. Means somebody pushed it.

Oh, good.

Five pushes. Maybe it'll come five times faster.

Idiot.

Now, you're pushing the button?

Moron! There are like 20 people here. You think none of us knew what to do

we got here?

How about a big round of applause for the jerk in the suit?

Oh, thank you very much.

She wants me.

Knock, knock.

Come in.

Ellen, that guy you like is here.

What guy?

You know, comes in every Thursday, buys a half dozen books.

What's his name? Benny?

It's Dan.

And he's nothing more to me than a valued customer.

Okay. Just thought you'd like to know he's about to leave and Andrew's ringing

him up.

Over my dead body.

Andrew, I'll take this. You go do that thing in the place where I tell you to

that thing.

Hi. Hi.

Hi, Ellen. How you doing?

Good, good.

Just buying some books. How about you?

Oh, just selling some books.

What do you have today? You have African culture, Italian art, and architecture.

Are you planning on doing some traveling?

Only in my mind. Oh, well, it's cheaper.

And they almost never lose my luggage.

That's funny.

Well, I guess I'll see you next Thursday.

Actually, I was wondering about Saturday.

Okay. We're open from ten till six, so... Well, then maybe I can pick you up

closing time.

Oh.

Like... Like a date?

Not just like a date. I mean an actual date. Oh, real... Okay. Yeah, um... Yes,

sure. Yes. Great. Okay. Great. Good. Okay. All right.

Okay. Oh, you're... Oh.

Just... Okay.

No, that... Yeah.

Just another valued customer, huh?

Joe, the first rule of business is the customer's always right.

Now, this customer finds me charming, funny, and irresistible.

He's right.

So the damn guy, he just asked you on a date out of the blue?

No, I mean, I thought coming there were signals.

What kind of signal?

Oh, I don't know, spends a lot of time browsing, buys a lot of paperbacks,

always pays with a credit card.

It's so obvious.

Your hideous couch is gone. Yeah, we've been robbed by someone with terrible

taste. Adam, where's the couch?

I took it down to the curb.

Won't it be hard to see the TV from there?

Well, the new one's being delivered tomorrow, so I thought I'd put the old

out for adoption.

Someone will give him a good home.

Maybe a farm out in the country, a nice place with kids.

Yeah, it had no life here. You did the right thing.

Clashed with everything, and it had... an odor.

A very faint odor. It smelled.

Only on hot days.

Luckily, we have so few of those in Los Angeles.

We were together 11 years.

Oh, the things I almost did on that couch.

Now look at him.

He probably thinks we're just moving again.

He's down there, waiting for the rest of the furniture to join him.

Poor little guy.

It's a couch.

That's probably my pizza.

I'll get it.

Thanks. I'll get the next one.

Dan.

Ellen. Dan.

What do you, uh... What do you... What do you know?

This is incredible. Do you live here? Yes, I do. Yes.

Um, this is my... My roommate Adam and my friend Paige.

And, uh, this is...

Adam's pizza that you're delivering in a professional manner as if it were your

job. Am I up to speed here?

It sounds like it. Okay.

Listen, that'll be... What am I saying? No, this one's on the house. No, no, no.

It's your job.

It's your job, isn't it? Am I up to speed? Yeah. Does anybody have money for

more to give?

Please, I insist.

Enjoy the pizza.

Nice meeting you. Ellen, I'll see you on Saturday. Okay. Okay. Bye -bye. Bye

-bye.

Pizza. And it's nice and hot. What do you say we eat it in silence to better

enjoy its freshness?

So that was... Yes, it was.

And did you know it is?

Is there a... It's in the fridge behind the milk.

It's too bad because he's cute.

Well, what's going on? Are you going out with that guy? Well, she wasn't going

out with him until she opened the door to 12 slices of reality.

What's the matter with you? I mean, just because he delivers pizza doesn't mean

he's a loser. He's smart and he's interesting, and of course I'm going to

go out with him. Well, good for you, Ellen. I mean, I think it's despicable

many ways you women have of ruling men out. You know, if we're not too poor,

then we're too insecure, or we're too short, or our photography careers aren't

going anywhere.

It sickens me.

Anyway, I'm sure he does more than deliver pizza. Everybody in Los Angeles

aspiring something.

That's right.

I forgot. Maybe he's just delivering pizza until he can break into Chinese

Almost close of time, folks. Last refill.

Joe, I've got a question for you.

I'm, uh...

I'm attracted to this guy who has a menial, low -paying, food service

job. I was afraid this was going to happen.

It's not you.

Anyway, he's cute and he's funny and... Thank you.

It's not you.

Anyway, he's just so smart. There's got to be something more to him. Ellen, I'm

flattered, but things just wouldn't work out with us. It's not you!

We're rehearsing a play, and that's my one line. It's not you!

And then my line is, yes, it is.

And then we kiss, like this.

It's that guy, Dan, that comes in here every Thursday. We're going out tonight,

but I found out that he delivers pizza.

Is he an eccentric billionaire?

Probably not.

I think that he's probably just delivering pizza while he pursues a

dream. I've just got to find out what that dream is.

Well, it makes sense. Everybody's got dreams.

Either that or he's in the witness protection program like I am.

Oops. Uh, coffee?

It's a great perfume you're wearing.

It mingles well with the pepperoni.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that compliment.

Listen, I am sorry about the pizza smell. Oh, don't be silly. No, I love

can't get enough of it.

Nope, turns out I can.

Ah, so this is where it all happens, huh?

Yep, this is the nerve center.

Hey, if you ever want to make a delivery, just say the word.

Oh, I don't think so, without the proper training.

Oh. What's that?

That's my ten minutes to make a delivery alarm. I'm sorry, um, I just left work.

It's on the way. No problem, no.

The policy is we can only promise around 30 minutes for delivery.

I say that's for the guys who can't cut it.

Carrot cake?

Tell me carrot cake is fattening.

Yes, it's cake. It's got frosting. It's because there's a shape of a carrot on

top. You think it's like a vegetable or something?

It's like one of the most fattening desserts there is.

You shouldn't call it carrot cake. It's misleading.

I mean, a pound cake, okay. You know what you're getting into.

It sure is quiet here after hours.

Yeah.

I love coming here at night.

Just look at everything.

It's hard to believe it all belongs to me.

What, me? In the bank.

Actually, the bank owns most of it.

I own, like, the leg of that chair.

Not even the leg. You know that little coaster thing that goes on the bottom of

the leg?

Scraping, that's what I own, that right there.

It's very impressive.

The whole store, I mean. No, it's nothing. I just had a dream and scrimped

saved and made it come true against all odds.

Hey, that is impressive.

Good for me.

I am something else. But you know what?

Everybody's got dreams, right? I mean, you, for example, are probably an

aspiring... What? Writer? Actor? Painter? Poet?

Doctor? Lawyer? Indian chief?

You figured it out. I'm an aspiring Indian chief.

Seriously. I mean, you know, you deliver pizza, so maybe one day you'll own the

restaurant. I suppose I could do that. Yeah, there you go. You're on your way.

Oh, no, no, I am not.

My life is not about being on the way to anywhere.

I'm already here.

Happy living in the now. You know, not chasing after some dream job I might not

even like when I get there.

Wow. You have a great outlook. That's terrific.

But, I mean, really, how long can you see yourself delivering pizza?

I don't know. I've been doing it 11 years now.

11 years.

11 years.

Wowee.

You know what that says about me, don't you?

You're an eccentric billionaire?

When I find something I like, I stick with it.

That's great.

Good for you.

No, I won't hold. I refuse to hold. I've been holding for three hours now.

I demand to know when my couch is coming.

I'm on hold.

Where is it now?

Maine.

Maine? It was made in Michigan.

I don't know if you realize this, but they are going the wrong way.

Hey. Hey, Paige.

So, how was the big date with Pizza Boy?

His name is Dan, and I do want to tell you about it, but you've got to promise

me you're going to keep an open mind.

All right?

It was great.

It was great. I mean, he's funny and he's smart. We had such a good time. It

just terrific, really. It was.

Now, it does turn out that for the moment, he

appears to have no plans beyond delivering pizza.

Loser.

Thank you, Paige.

You know, it just sickens me that you would sink so low as to judge another

human being based on what he does for a living.

This is a person with fears and hopes and dreams.

Actually, he doesn't have any dreams.

Oh.

Loser.

Okay, you had one good date, one night out of your life, over and done with.

Well, I'm going out with him again next week. Oh, Ellen, you can do so much

better. I mean, at least the UPS guy is union.

You know, Paige, I don't go out with guys for the same reasons you do. I

go out with guys because of how much money they have or what kind of car they

drive or what they look like.

A little bit on how they look, but it's more of what they're like inside.

You are so much more uncomfortable with this than you think you are. I mean, I

can see it. What can you see?

What is this? Look, look.

How is that uncomfortable?

I mean, I am comfortable with this.

You know what?

Here's the thing. If you met Dan, and if you spent any time with him at all,

you'd see what an interesting guy he is.

Friday night. Let's get together Friday night, okay?

Okay, Friday, I'm seeing Richard.

Good. That's good. That'll be a comfortable double date. The four of us

dating on Friday. And he's like a lawyer. Is that right?

Actually, he's the assistant D .A. for Los Angeles County.

Well, you gotta do something.

Hey,

if the guy was never read his rights, there's really not a whole lot you can

Yeah, but it just seems like we're all so familiar with police procedure

TV shows that we're already aware of our Miranda rights, whether they've been

read to us or not.

Hey, you know what? It's not a bad argument.

I bet that would hold up in court.

Ever thought about becoming a lawyer?

Oh, Dan's perfectly happy with the job he's got now.

Really? What do you do? I deliver pizza.

Seriously?

As seriously as you deliver justice.

Oh, I get it, I get it. Wait a minute. Let me guess. You're an actor.

Richard, I... No, no, no. I'm really good at this. Fine.

Writer, right? That's it.

No, I really just deliver pizza.

Oh.

Yes, he does. And it can be fascinating, too.

Richard told some of his court stories.

Dan, why don't you tell some of your pizza stories?

Pizza stories? What are you talking about? Well, just like last night, he

delivered a pizza to Scott Baio.

From Charles in Charge, Johnny Loves Chachi, Happy Days... Anyway, tell that

story.

Ellen, that is the story.

But you've got to give detail. Tell the toppings.

Tell them what... You'll never guess what the toppings were. Just guess.

Okay, don't. Just tell them. Tell them what it is.

Double anchovy, double onion, extra cheese. Can you believe that

That's not three pizzas. It's just what... Tell another story.

Ellen, I really don't think this is very interesting.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your job is every bit as interesting as

anybody's here.

And there are things that people want to know about pizza that we don't know.

For instance, what is the most popular topping? I don't know. Do you know? I

mean, is it pepperoni? I'm guessing. I don't know if it's pepperoni.

What is it? Do you know what it is? Guess. Come on, guess.

What do you think it is? Come on. What? I don't know.

Onion. No, no.

I don't think it is.

What do you think?

Well, the good news is that that wasn't me.

I don't know who she was.

Wasn't me.

And we both agree that we hate her, that lady.

So we'll never see her again.

I will never bring up pizza again until I'm 90. And when I say 90, I mean the

age, not the speed. You are going very, very fast.

Is this mad driving? Is it like pizza delivery driving?

That's where I get my dry cleaning done, back there.

I found a dollar there once. It was a Canadian dollar, so it was more like

finding, well, trash, really.

But it was exciting still to lose money, and if I'm in Canada...

Well,

Ellen, this has been quite a night.

You obviously have a huge problem with what I do for a living. No, I don't. I

really, really don't.

Okay, I do.

But it's...

See, because I think you're so smart, you could be doing so much more with

life.

I'm sorry.

Me too.

Congratulations, it's a couch. Have you tried it out?

I can't.

I'm not ready yet.

I don't know it at all.

So new, so untouched, so cold.

I don't think it likes me, Ellen.

Maybe it's just tired. It had a long drive.

So, uh, any calls for me? No, sorry.

It's been a week. I guess I should just stop hoping.

I never should have let what he does come between us.

You know, that's ultimately what broke up me and Cindy Crawford.

That and the fact that the two of you never actually met.

Well, that didn't help either.

Dan. Hi, Ellen.

Did we order pizza?

Actually, this is a gift.

It's my...

Last delivery for Signor Pizza, and I wanted you to have it.

You quit your job? Yes, I did.

Yes, I did. What you said really got to me, you know. You made me look deep down

inside myself, and I realized that I do have a dream.

And it's about time I pursue it.

That's great.

That's great. What are you going to do?

I'm moving to Italy.

Italy?

Italy as in, oh, solo or mio?

Great, so... But we'll stay in touch, right? I mean... Yes, of course.

Whenever I'm in Italy, I'll just drop by.

I know this is kind of sudden, but it really feels right.

Yeah.

No, I mean, congratulations.

I'm really, I'm happy for you. I am.

Well, look, I've got a lot of preparations to make.

Ellen... I don't know how to thank you for this. You've changed my life.

I'll never, ever forget you.

What are you going to do? Are you going to paint or sculpt or study

architecture? What?

No, I'm going to deliver pizza.

In Italy.

Where it all began.

The very cradle of pizza.

Thank you, Ellie.

Loser.

is wrong with you? Just... Adam,

just sit down.