Original subtitles

Adam, play a word. I can't think of one.

Boring.

Tedious.

Interminable.

Life -sucking.

Life -sucking. That's a hyphenation. Okay, okay. I got one.

Oh, Adam.

Okay. Okay.

F -U -S -U -R

-R -U -S.

Look at that. I used all my tile.

Susurus?

Susurus. It's a dinosaur.

Looks sort of like a reindeer.

74 points.

Susurrus or susurrus is not a word. Holly, challenge him. You challenge him.

What if you got to lose? You're in third place.

Don't be a susurrus.

All right.

I challenge.

F.

F. I know.

You. I know.

It's a word. Oh.

You're kidding. A dinosaur, right?

No, a slight rustling sound.

Named for the dinosaur that makes it, so we're both right.

So, Holly, it looks like you missed your turn again.

Oh.

Did you hear a caesaurus?

Well, that was unbelievable.

I can't believe we just spent three hours at a monster truck post.

Whose idea was that, anyway?

I think it was yours. It was a stupid idea.

Does anybody mind if I take the bathroom first?

I was afraid to go there.

Oh, I had the pleasure. You missed something special. I had no idea how

women smoke cigars.

I would have stayed longer, but a fist fight broke out over the last tampon.

Your refrigerator's not working.

Again? Gee, I wonder whose idea it was to buy a used one.

Yours?

No. Okay, it was mine, but we saved a lot of money, and that refrigerator is

every bit as good as a new one, except it doesn't defrost.

Which you said you do, and you never do. I defrost.

Look.

It's defrosted.

We're getting a new one. No, I can fix it.

Adam, you can't fix a sandwich.

Face it, our refrigerator's useful life, it's over. It's dead.

A little light has gone out.

You really love that old guy, didn't you?

No, I don't want to spend 600 bucks.

I know, but wouldn't it be nice to have a nice new refrigerator, one that was

big and quiet and had a crisper?

Who needs crisp beer?

We're going to get one. Oh, and 600 bucks in between jobs.

Hey, I can get you one wholesale.

You could? Yeah, they sell them at the department store. We get a 35 % employee

discount. Oh, no, I'd be more comfortable just going to an appliance

you crazy?

35 %?

Yeah, but there's a catch. There's no catch. See?

There's a catch. Whenever it looks like you're going to get a great deal on

something, there's always a catch.

I'm telling you, there's no catch.

Think.

Well... Okay, technically you'd have to say it's for me. Ah, there's the catch.

How is that a catch?

Anita, it just means they'll have to deliver it to my apartment.

Ah -ha.

Big deal.

We bring it over from her place, scoot it in, and we've saved a bundle.

Holly, settle an argument for us. No.

Please, Ellen, if anything goes wrong, I'll take care of it.

That's what you said when we got the cat.

We had a cat?

Okay, so I wasn't so good with the cat, but I promise this is going to be a

piece of cake.

How much can plaster cost?

You know, this is my day off. There are a lot of things I could be doing.

We really appreciate you helping us, Holly. Do you?

You just automatically assume when you have something to move, Holly will help.

That's how it is with most people.

Watch out.

It's good.

Piece of cake.

I mean, what are the chances of even having 13 friends move in a year?

There must be something about my face that makes people want a bigger

Well, the hard part's over, and we've saved a lot of money.

You know, I gotta admit, now that it's here, I'm getting kind of excited.

Look how deep it is.

And wide.

me something soggy.

Look at you, and you were so sure there was going to be a problem.

There's a problem with the refrigerator.

Excuse me?

The large appliance manager wants to give me an ice machine to go with it.

is that a problem?

He wants to install it himself.

That's a problem.

Can't you tell him not to?

He's the sort of person who would just show up uninvited with his toolkit.

I had no idea that was the sort of person.

Ellen. If he comes to my apartment and the refrigerator's not there, I could

fired. So what, you want it back? Just for a day. Anita!

Well, what choice do I have? I don't know. Tell him... Tell him you're having

monogrammed. What is the big deal? Holly will help you move it. You don't know

that.

Well, you could pretend like you don't.

Adam, are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine.

Got in an accident.

What happened?

I was sitting in a light, and this guy in a beamer just hauled up from behind

and whacked me. Did you get his name and number? Yeah, but I'm not going to use

it. Neither of our cars were hurt. What about you, Adam? You should see a

doctor. Too expensive.

Because insurance will pay for it. Yeah, but then his rates will go up. His

rates? Who cares?

He seemed like a nice guy.

He was driving a Beamer. How nice can he be?

He's probably a lawyer or an agent. Right now, I bet he's whooping it up

some friends at some restaurant and you can't even afford to drive past about

what a dork you were to fall for his nice guy routine.

That's legal.

My friend went to this great doctor when she got into an accident. You want me

to get his number? You bet I do.

So, when can we move the refrigerator back to my... What?

Adam, can I throw away this Chinese food? I might eat it.

Oh, man.

This is awful.

Smell this.

Smell.

Oh, this is really revolting.

What are you doing?

I told you I might eat it.

You know, this is how I like to spend my free time, is moving heavy appliances

across town. Maybe next Sunday we can bring our stove to the beach.

Here I am.

Everybody's favorite mover.

Mayflower, madam.

Thanks, Holly. Where's Anita? She'll meet us there.

Oh, great. It's just the three of us again.

Adam, where are you going? I got a doctor's appointment.

Excuse me? To get checked out after my accident.

You promised you'd take care of everything.

Ellen, if my back is screwed up and I move something heavy, who knows what

happen? Let's find out.

I promise. Just this once and then never again.

Where have I heard that before?

You said it to me the last time I helped you move.

Sorry about the wait. It's crazy here today.

Spring's a big time for car accidents.

I'd have guessed winter.

Nah, people stay in during winter. Nobody runs into anybody.

I usually vacation then.

Now, what seems to be the problem?

Got in a car accident.

Rear -ended? Yes.

Good.

How is that good?

I'm sorry, it's not. It's horrible.

Was the light red? Yes. Good.

You sound like you're glad I was hit.

Not at all.

Does this hurt?

No. How about this?

Not really.

Your back is seriously injured.

You can tell from that?

Hey, do I tell you how to be unemployed?

You're going to need six weeks of daily physical therapy. But I feel fine.

Adam, I'm not going to force you, but it could be worth your while.

The other driver's insurance company has to pay for more than just your medical

expenses. They also have to reimburse you for your suffering.

I'm suffering?

Isn't everyone?

Now, I want you to see my friend Jeff about the paperwork.

A lawyer? Hold on, what are you running here, a lawsuit mill?

Are you a cop?

No. Say it.

Say, I am not a cop.

I am not a cop.

It's all perfectly legal.

specialist says you're injured, then who's to say you're not? Nobody gets

except maybe a multi -billion dollar insurance company. Oh, I don't know. I'm

not very comfortable with all this.

Ah, here's Delilah, your physical therapist.

Delilah, this is Adam.

Hi, Adam.

Now, what were you saying?

Ow.

Wait, let's just take a break. Hold it.

do this. Not like you helped me. When I moved last year, you both made excuses.

Hey, there was no getting out of that tennis game.

I'm too nice.

I have money saved.

I should go into therapy and find out why I let people walk all over me.

You have money?

Can I borrow it?

Sure.

Let's try it again.

It's stuck. It's stuck.

I can't believe what a hassle this is turning out to be.

We're like the slaves who built the pyramids. Let's try it one more time.

push.

Push.

Push.

I hope that doctor is making Adam suffer.

Does it hurt?

Oh, yes.

Very much.

I did something about my assertiveness problem.

I bought this self -help book.

Oh, I could have gotten you one free from the bookstore.

I didn't want to ask. What's it say?

Well, my mother was depressed, so as a little girl, I thought if I acted out,

I'd destroy her. And it's carried over into my adult life. I'm terrified that

I speak out about even the slightest thing, the consequences will be

This isn't what I ordered.

So, say something.

I'm afraid.

I'm going to be late for my doctor's appointment.

Do you have another one?

Let me see if I have this straight. You keep going to the doctor, even though

you're not hurt, so it'll look like you're hurt to the insurance company.

I am hurt.

In a manner that has no symptoms and requires massage to treat?

Right.

Adam, doesn't this seem a little scuzzy to you?

A little, I guess.

But this guy has everything all set up. You kind of get sucked into it.

Well, just be careful, because a lot of times in these cases, the slimy doctors

and lawyers keep all the money, and there's nothing left over for the person

pretending to be injured.

You want a chicken, not tuna. There's a big difference.

Hey, guys.

Hey, so how's our brand -new ice maker?

Oh, right. Um, fine.

There's been another problem.

Why do you say that?

Hasn't there?

Well, there's a little one, but... It's really very funny.

Funny ha -ha or funny no refrigerator?

Well, last night, Jim, that's the large appliance manager.

When you say large appliance manager, does that mean the appliances are large

Jim is?

Go on.

Last night he came over to install the ice machine, and we really hit it off

well.

How well?

Well, let's just say that if I wanted to, I could answer Adam's question.

Oh, thank you for that.

I was looking forward to a chicken salad sandwich all morning.

So now I suppose you have to keep our refrigerator.

Or lose my job. I mean, that refrigerator was supposed to be for me,

to mention that Jim would probably just dump me like that.

Over a refrigerator?

They're his life.

I am going to say something. It won't be the end of the world.

So?

Now, what are we supposed to do for one?

Well, you can take mine. I don't need two.

Oh, great. We get your small, noisy refrigerator in exchange for our brand

one with an ice maker.

How long is this going to be for? Well, it could be for a long time. I mean,

we've really connected big time, and I know that I've said this before, but I

think he might be the one.

Three weeks.

Well, we might as well get this over with today. Holly, can you help us move

eat his refrigerator?

No, no, no, I can't. I'm busy in any way that I want to. Get somebody else and

buy him a chicken salad sandwich, not tuna. Oh, God. All right, hey, that's

You're fired.

No, no, don't give me that soft story about your son's kidney.

It would actually be doing something.

It is.

It's making them smell.

What are you working on? My interrogatories.

Do you have any pains in your shoulders or arms since the accident?

Hmm.

Yes, yes, I think there just might be a slight twinge in there.

Adam.

Yes, definitely.

I can't believe you're making up injuries.

My lawyer says there's nothing wrong with it. Oh, well, I guess if a lawyer

no ethical problem, I withdraw my concern.

My relationship is over.

We get our refrigerator back.

And I'm sorry.

Sorry. He's a creep.

What happened?

Oh, he didn't answer his phone all last night. And this morning when I got to

work, the girl behind the obsession counter thanked him for the ice machine.

Well, it sounds like you're better off. Yeah, I'll say. His whole world was

large appliances. That's a very small world, Ellen.

You bought a clean one.

So what do you say we celebrate your new freedom by moving some refrigerators?

Oh, I can't. Holly and I are going to a shower.

Adam? Yes, I'd like to make an appointment for a massage today.

Yes, it's an emergency.

You see, Adam, this is what your friends have been going through while you've

been at the doctor's. Oh, you think it's been easy for me?

Getting massaged every day sounds manageable.

Yeah, at first, maybe.

But week after week, those same hands rubbing the same places, kneading my

caressing my shoulder, her nimble fingers tripping lightly down my spine,

her hot breath.

plays against my face and gently beckons, Adam, Adam, Adam.

Adam!

I'm telling you, it's horrible.

Okay, when I say now, push. Now?

Huh. Is there anything you can do?

We could go after Frigidaire, but I have to think it's a long shot.

About my back.

I'll be perfectly frank with you.

This really isn't my specialty.

So, can you fix it?

For what I'd have to charge, you might as well just go out and buy a new one.

Yep, they don't make them like they used to. You know, when I was growing up,

refrigerators used to last a good three, maybe four weeks.

Something like this you almost never see. Usually these babies go for years

without giving you trouble.

Unless you move them around a lot.

Gee, why would anyone do that?

Hey. Look, I'll tell you what I can do for you.

I get a 35 % employee discount down at the shop.

I'll buy one. We'll split the difference.

The only catch is we'll have to say it's for me.

No, thanks.

We'll pay retail.

Sit yourself.

Don't I get a say in this? I'm paying for half.

Oh, no, you're paying for whole.

What do you mean?

With the money you make on your insurance scam, you're going to make

damage you did with your refrigerator scam.

It's not fair.

I only moved the thing once.

This is all pretty routine.

Lawyer will come in, ask some questions. Just stick to what you said in your

interrogatories. You'll be fine.

Sure you never had your depo taken before?

First time.

Well, I gotta say, that neck brace is a master touch.

Hi, Herbstone. I'm the attorney for Fire State Insurance.

What do you say we get started?

Now, Adam.

You don't mind me calling you Adam, do you? Not at all.

Okay. Now, Adam, it says here that you can't lift a soda can to your mouth.

Is that right?

Yes. I have to drink through a straw.

And you can't walk more than 100 yards without sitting down.

It hurts too much.

Well, get it from a chair on your own.

That's right.

Well, I'm starting to have that trouble myself as I get older.

Uh, Adam, we sometimes conduct routine investigations in claims such as yours.

You know, all a matter of course, you understand.

Sure, got to do your job.

Yeah.

Would you look at that, please?

Me?

And what are you doing in that picture?

I appear to be moving a

refrigerator.

the refrigerator.

Adam, you can't pick the drink.

Keep it yourself.

Wow.

Cool, quiet.

I'm impressed.

I even hooked the ice maker to our water line.

Adam, that sounds kind of complicated.

You just refuse to believe in me, is that it?

Of course not. No, it's true. You don't think I'm handy.

Yes, I do. I think you're very handy. A handyman, if you will.

As a matter of fact, I'm getting a hankering for a cube of crystal clear

right now.

You'll be late for work.