Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum.

What might be right for you may not be right for some.

A man is born, he's a man of means.

Then along come two, they got nothing but the genes. But they got different

strokes to take, different strokes to take, different strokes to move the

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

It don't matter that you got not a lot. So what? I'll have theirs, you'll have

yours, and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine.

It takes a different stroke to move the world. It takes a different stroke to

move the world.

What are you doing with that mirror?

I'm walking upside down.

I always said you didn't know which hand was up.

I know where to start.

Well, some of you may have noticed that lately I've been acting a little, uh...

Weird.

I guess you're right.

Actually, I feel like a school kid.

Good. You can go on my place.

What are you trying to say, Daddy? Well, what I'm trying to say is we're having

a dinner guest tonight.

A woman.

Now, this is a very special woman.

I see that Arnold understands.

Tell us all about it. You tell us all about it. Yeah, yeah.

Now, wait, wait. What color is she?

Hold it, and I'll fill you all in. Her name is Diane.

Now, I haven't mentioned her to you before because, well, we just didn't

how serious it was.

Oh, you going to marry this chick? She hasn't asked me yet. I mean, I haven't

asked her.

I mean, maybe.

All right.

Daddy, if you're not sure, why don't you just live with her for a while at

first? Kimberly!

I'm sorry, Mr. Drummond. That's all right.

Kimberly!

Well, I think Kimberly has a very good idea.

The voice of experience.

If I had to live with Willis for a while first...

I do love her, gang.

And I'm quite sure that she loves me, too.

When are you going to pop the question to her? Well, let's find out how we all

get along first, and then we'll see.

Oh, yeah.

Are we meeting?

Yeah, we should meet.

Mrs. Garrett?

Mrs. Garrett, what's the matter? Oh, I always cry at proposals.

I'm so happy for you, Mr. Drummond.

Mrs. Garrett, thank you. But I haven't proposed yet, and Diane hasn't accepted.

I'm just warming up.

What is she like, Mr. D?

Well, Diane is a wonderful woman.

She's a widow. She has two children, just about your ages.

Two more?

There goes the bathroom.

All right, enough questions for now. I want everybody to get dressed up very

nicely for dinner, okay? Okay.

Dinner, I gotta go fix it. Kimberly there.

I think I'm wearing my blue denim jeans and my sneakers. No, no, I figured I'll

just dress you. Go ahead.

I guess I kind of took you by surprise, didn't I?

Yeah, sort of. But that's okay, Daddy.

You know, when your mother died, I thought probably I would never get

again.

And then I met Diane, and, uh... Well, uh... I hope you understand.

I do.

I guess it's just the idea of a new mom. Well, it takes a little getting used

to. I'm still adjusting to sharing you with Willis and Arnold. I know.

But I'm sure you'll approve of Diane.

Hey. Maybe I'll ask her tonight.

Daddy, if she makes you happy, then we'll be happy to have her for a mother.

How about that? The man's getting married.

We're probably going to have a great big wedding and everything.

You think a downtown wedding is like a Harlem wedding?

I guess so.

But only in Harlem when they play.

Here comes the bride. The bride boogie's down the aisle.

You think Mr. D would get down on one knee and propose to Diane like those

white men doing those old TV movies?

Maybe. Yeah.

I just hope he ain't too old to get back up again.

Maybe we ought to throw Mr.

D a bachelor party.

What's a bachelor party?

When a lot of dudes come around and you eat cake.

Oh, yeah, I heard of those.

A naked lady jumps out.

Arnold, you're a lot older on the inside than you look to be on the outside.

Hey, Willis, after the wedding, let's tie empty cans to Mr. Drummond's

limousine. Well, just don't go using those sardine cans, or they'll be

by half the cats in New York.

I wonder where the wedding's going to be.

I wonder where we're all going for our honeymoon.

Don't you know nothing.

When a man in that... wife going on a honeymoon, they don't take their kids.

They don't? Of course not.

They don't expect any of the fun.

Arnold, you got a lot to learn about men and women.

Would you know that I don't?

I know about the birds and the bees.

Quit changing the subject.

The subject is the birds and the bees on a honeymoon.

I'll explain to you when you're ready. How do I know when I'm ready?

When I don't, I have to explain it to you.

You sure do know how to bring a guy down.

What do you mean?

I came up here all happy and everything because Mr. Deer's getting married. Now

you tell me we can't go on his honeymoon because he's taking a bunch of dumb

birds.

Go get it, Tiger.

Hi,

darling. Hi.

You can do better than that.

You ought to know.

Diane,

I want you to meet Kimberly, Willis, Arnold, and Mrs. Garrett. This is Diane.

Hello.

to make your acquaintance.

I heard that on Little House on the Prairie.

It's so nice to meet you all. You're such a lovely family. Thank you.

And Mrs. Garrett, you're so much younger than I imagined.

Oh, thank you. You just won yourself a housekeeper on my day off.

I want to select a wine for dinner. Kids, will you entertain Mr. Sloan for

a minute?

Entertainer? Yeah, please do. Okay. Okay. We're no Sammy Davis, but we can

Guys.

I think Daddy means to make Miss Sloan feel at home.

Oh.

Well,

Mrs. Garris.

Well, what?

Isn't Diane charming?

Oh, well. Isn't she beautiful?

Well... And she's so sweet, and she's just wonderful with the kids. I knew

be crazy about her.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

You know, a lot of men my age would be very hesitant to consider marriage

A lot of people spend their entire lives looking for happiness. If you found it,

grab it. Don't let it go.

That's what I've been thinking. I wish I had done that myself years ago.

After my marriage, I kind of turned myself off.

Oh, I had lovely opportunities.

Lovely. But I let them pass by, and you can't turn back the clock.

No, you can't.

You know, I've had a hunch that you knew all along that I was seeing a rather

special person.

As a matter of fact, I most certainly did.

How did you get so smart?

Well, I'm no babe in the woods, you know. I've chopped down a few trees in

time.

of all the places I've been, one of my favorites is London.

I flew with Daddy once to the south of France.

Oh. Me and Otto ain't been past the south of Bronx.

We ain't even been up in an airplane.

Highest we've been is looking out the armpit of the Statue of Liberty.

Well, maybe one day we'll all travel together, including my children. You'll

meet them when they come home on vacation.

Where are they? Well, my son David is in school in England, and my daughter Meg

is in school in Switzerland.

Now that's what I call bussing.

Don't you miss them being so far away from home?

Of course I do. But I think it's good for children to be on their own.

Certainly good for the parents.

How often do you see them?

Oh, sometimes I make as many as two trips a year.

Only two trips?

Arnold makes more trips than that to the dentist.

Yeah.

I don't even have any teeth.

Well, my children know I'm close to them emotionally, and besides seeing them, I

phone them from time to time.

Well, phone calls can make you feel good, I guess.

But for real happiness, there's nothing like skin on skin, hugging and a

kissing.

That's me.

I'm at boarding school now, but I speak to Daddy every day, and I see him as

often as I'd like.

I think that wonderful Daddy of yours may just have spoiled you a little.

I don't think so.

Oh, you sound just like my two children before I packed them off to Europe. But

you'll learn to like it just as much as they do.

Well, I think I'll take a peek at that view from the terrace. Excuse me,

children.

Listen, guys, did you just hear what I heard?

Her kids went to school in other countries, and she likes it that way.

Yeah, and we're in a lot of trouble.

What are you talking about, Willis?

If she marries Dad, Ethan, where do you think we're going to wind up going to

school?

Willis? Yeah?

I hope we like it in Africa.

talking to Daddy, but all he's got on his mind is Diane.

You mean he wouldn't even talk to you?

It just ain't the way he looked at her all through dinner. Aw, goo -goo -eye.

If she says yes when Daddy proposes tonight, he's gonna ship us off to

different countries.

Yeah. We'll have to have our family fights by telegram.

That lady can wrap Daddy around her little finger.

I don't know.

You and me are about to become the Harlem Globetrotters.

Yeah, I'm not going to be the only girl on the team.

You've got to do something.

Hey, I got something.

If Diane doesn't say yes when Mr. Drummond pops the question, they won't

married, right?

Right. And if they don't get married, we don't get sent away, right?

Right.

I wish Freddy the Fixer was still around.

Who's Freddy the Fixer? Dude, back in Harlem.

That guy can fix anything.

Except the judge who gave him 20 years.

We've got to talk to Daddy alone.

We've got to keep him from proposing tonight.

Hey, I've got an idea. What?

Oh, Phillip, I've had a beautiful evening.

I just adore your family.

And I just knew they'd be crazy about you. Oh, thank you.

Well... We've known each other now for... Six

lovely weeks. Right.

And I... Wondered?

Right. Wonder, that's a good word.

And I wondered if you... Felt?

Felt. Thank you.

I wonder if you felt the same about... Arnold.

About Arnold.

Arnold! Hello.

Will anybody care for some afternoon mints? Isn't he cute?

We do not want any mints. Then how about some bubble gum?

No bubble gum.

Then... Can you use a toothpick?

Good night, Arnold.

Well, since you're going to bed, you won't be needing any toothpicks.

You are the one who is going to bed.

Well, as long as we're up, can we talk about it?

Arnold, to bed.

Yes, sir.

But don't...

out on the terrace.

I'll go to you and show you a telescope.

Arnold, when a gentleman takes a lady on the terrace, he doesn't want to show

her a telescope.

The moon.

At her age, she should have seen the moon by now.

Arnold, too bad.

Yes, sir.

Kids, they don't give you any privacy.

That's why mine are out of the country.

Well, as I was saying, Diane, if you feel the same way about me as I feel

you... Which I do, Philip.

Then will you make me the happy... I'm giving the plant a Friday

night bath.

And I'm spraying to kill the smell of lobster from dinner.

We don't smell any lobster.

See how fast it works?

Diane and I are having an important conversation.

It's okay. You ain't bothering us.

Now, don't you think Plant needs midnight air?

Well, I read once in school that they need a lot of oxygen.

Kimberly, Willis, we want some privacy.

You go to bed.

But, Daddy, you're being cruel to the plants. I'll apologize to them. I'll

them some flowers. Yeah, but this man needs water.

Now, off you go.

I mean it.

Good night, Daddy. Good night.

Please excuse them.

I don't know what's got into them tonight.

I think they're trying to overhear something.

Yeah, I think you're right.

So, I will use sign language.

I think this speaks for itself.

to kiss me goodnight.

There'll be no kisses, but there'll be plenty of spanking if you don't go to

bed. Well, isn't Diane gonna kiss me?

Arnold, goodnight.

Goodnight.

Honestly, I've never seen them like this before.

They're wild tonight.

Please forgive them.

That's children for you. They'll take advantage if you let them.

Well, now, as I was saying, I hope you'll accept the ring.

I do.

And I hope you believe in short engagements.

Oh, I do.

And long marriages.

Daddy! Daddy, come quick!

No, this is too much. We've had an emergency. Maybe we'll need an

Arnold almost drowned in the hot tub.

Excuse me, but I definitely feel there's a plot here.

Okay, now act round.

what's going on with you three.

Come on.

Out with it.

You tell him, Arnold.

Yeah, you tell him, Arnold.

Why me?

Daddy probably won't punish you.

I wouldn't be too sure of that.

Now, I want to know what's been going on here.

Kimberly.

All right.

If you marry Diane, we'll all be sent out of the country to school like her

kids are.

Yeah, she'll bust up the family if you bop the question.

So I decided... Stop your poppers.

So that's what this is all about.

Listen, the last thing in the world that I and whatever wanted to do was break

up our family.

But it didn't start on their way to us.

Well, then you must have misunderstood her.

Then why aren't her kids with her?

Well, they will be as soon as we're married.

They'll come and live here and we'll all be one big happy family.

Honest. That is a promise.

Oh, we should feel better.

Whose crazy idea was this, anyway?

Hers!

I got the ridiculous notion that after we're married, you are going to send

out of the country to school.

They're right.

They're right?

Oh, Philip, with five children around, we'd never have any time alone.

Oh, of course we would.

One day they'll grow up and be on their own.

But for now, I want to have my family around me as much as possible.

Well, Philip, that's a very lovely sentiment, but a little old -fashioned.

Does that make it wrong?

Obviously, this is something we should have discussed before.

Yes, we certainly should have.

You see, I'm not one of those parents who wants to be chained to children.

Oh.

Well, I'm afraid I don't see it that way.

Look, Diane, why don't you take a little time and reconsider?

It wouldn't do any good.

You'll say goodbye for me?

Good night, Philip.

Good night, Diana.

All right, one fast good night. Your daddy and Mrs. Sloan want a little

She had to leave rather suddenly.

When is she coming back?

I don't know.

Maybe she's not.

Does that mean that you and her are going to make it legal?

That's right, Arnold.

Daddy, we're sorry if we did anything to hurt you. We didn't mean to.

Oh, of course you didn't.

We'll talk about it tomorrow.

Okay, Daddy.

Come on, guys. Okay, good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Mr.

Drummond, I don't exactly know what happened between you and Mrs. Sloan, but

that's the way it's meant to be, life's got something better for you.

Thank you.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Yeah.

You can join me in a toast.

Oh, I'd be honored.

What are we drinking to?

To our little family.

And what a wonderful pain in the behind they can be.

may not be writing songs they got

nothing but the jeans but they got