Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some. A man is born, he's a man of means.

Then along come two, they got nothing but the genes. But they got different

strokes to take, different strokes to take, different strokes to move the

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

It don't matter that you got not a lot. So what? I'll have theirs, you'll have

yours, and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine. Different strokes to move the world. Different

strokes to move the world.

You know that unbreakable cookie jar on the counter?

What about it? It's breakable.

Arnold, A, were you snatching cookies without permission?

And B, did you break the cookie jar?

A, I don't remember.

And if you don't believe A, there's no sense messing with B.

The evidence is against you.

You got cookie crumbs up to your elbow.

That was last week's crumbs.

Are you telling me you haven't taken a bath since last week? Sure, I took a

bath. I just didn't de -crum.

What am I missing down here?

They're getting up on me.

You ain't big enough to be gone up on.

He may be small, but he's the giant of... when it comes to trouble.

Arnold, how many times are you going to keep doing something and have to be told

not to? Are you referring to this not to or past not to?

You know what I'm referring to, and this had better be the end of it.

Yes, sir.

Don't worry, Mr. Drummond.

I'll feed it Arnold mine.

Oh, terrific.

That's like having Jesse James keep tabs on Billy the Kid.

Well, now that we've got that settled, I can get back to my litigation.

Hey, Mr. Drummond, what's litigation?

Well, litigation is a legal term, Willis.

You see, I have several business interests, and there's a disagreement

one of them is being managed, so I have to go to court.

You might say litigation is when two people call each other names in front of

judge.

Hey, Willis, looks like you and me do all the time without a judge.

That's not exactly what I meant.

Hey, you know something?

This might be a very good time for you guys to learn something about the law

our system of fair trials.

Oh. We already know about fair trials, Mr. Drummond. If you're white and rich,

you get one.

I'm afraid that may be true sometimes, Willis.

But most of the time, in this country, the guilty are punished and the innocent

go free.

That's true. Then Harlem ain't a part of America.

I'm sorry that you're so cynical, Willis. I'd be cynical, too, if I knew

meant.

Okay, it means that when we come from the law, it gives you two choices.

Guilty or not innocent.

I get it.

Well, our system is certainly not perfect, but it's the best one there is

around.

Now, nothing's foolproof, of course.

But justice is very important. And when you compare our system, somebody else...

Arnold, what are you doing?

Oh, nothing.

What is that under your nose?

My lip.

So that's supposed to be a mustache or am I crazy?

The answer to both questions is yes.

He did it again.

I don't suppose I need to ask who. Look at my makeup kit. There's cookie crumbs

in my eyeshadow.

There's peanut butter in my powder. And my mascara brush is missing.

Why are the eyeballs on me?

Because you're holding my mouth. Scare brush, you little makeup masher.

Now, Arnold, what are you doing in Kimberly's makeup kit?

I'm just trying to look like Reggie Jackson.

candy bar.

Arnold, you simply have to learn to have some respect for other people's

property.

Now, I want you to stay out of trouble.

All right.

But it ain't my fault I live in a house where there's so many things to get in

trouble with.

Nevertheless, I want you to apologize to Kimberly.

Okay.

I'm sorry, you big snitch.

All right, boys, let's get back to what we were talking about, my litigation in

our system of fair trial.

Now, you see, I have to go to... I have to go to court.

What'd you do, stick it to somebody?

Yeah. No!

I'm just standing up for what is my right, and you shouldn't jump to

conclusions.

You see, under our system of justice, everybody is innocent until they're

guilty. Right, Kimberly?

I guess so.

Sure you guess so.

You come from a penthouse world, Miss Pigtail.

Hon, do you have a question or do you have to go to the bathroom?

Both.

Well, then I hope it's a short question.

My goldfish, Abraham, is in jail.

What are you talking about?

He ain't guilty of anything, but he lives in a bowl that's so small he has

eat standing up.

Arnold, when Abraham complains personally, I'll get you a bigger bowl.

Arnold, if you keep shooting up your mouth, how is Mr. Dremmer going to

brainwash me about fair trials?

Well, listen, you don't have a brain to wash.

Now that we're friends again, Arnold, I'd like to leave

you with this one thought.

Yeah? If you ever set one foot in my... room again.

I am going to clean you.

I mean it.

Willis, I have a very important book.

A book written for young people on American justice. I want to show it to

think it'll help change your attitude.

My attitude didn't come from the book.

It came from seeing what's happening on the street. Come on, Willis.

A pencil and a pad.

Arnold!

Those are my litigation papers.

They make terrific airplanes.

Arnold, you ought to be wrinkled up like a prune.

You're always in hot water.

Young man, this does it.

I just remembered I got to go to the bathroom.

Arnold, hold it.

I can't.

Not too many... Minutes ago, you promised that you would respect other

property. No more, Mr. Nice Guy.

Since you can't behave yourself, this time you are going to be punished. You

not going to go to that skateboard competition tomorrow.

Oh, no.

Please, not that.

I'll be good, I promise.

I'll be the best eight -year -old boy in the whole building.

You're the only eight -year -old boy in the whole building.

See? I'm the best already.

Please let me go. Well, let's build this special skateboard with training

wheels. Please let me go.

You know, you can make a fortune selling real estate.

Oh, Mr. Drummond, give my poor innocent little baby brother another chance.

He didn't mean no harm.

Show him some of that justice you say you believe in.

All right, I'll be very fair. I'll give you one more chance, Arnold, but only

one. Oh, don't worry, Mr. Drummond. I won't ever be bad again for the rest of

life, maybe even longer. Come on, Willis.

Shh. Well, Willis, wait. You forgot your book on justice and the law.

Oh, no point in reading it. Ain't gonna change anything in this country. Willis,

I'm afraid you got the wrong attitude.

Mr. Drummond, you believe what you read, but I believe what I see. I know that,

Willis. No, you don't, because you will never change your mind unless somebody

proves it to you.

Why's that water so cold?

No wonder. Somebody turned off... What in the world is that?

That's Arnold's goldfish, eh, Brian?

What are you doing?

Nothing. Just sitting here waiting for dinner and keeping out of trouble.

That's my good boy.

Arnold!

Congratulations, you stayed out of trouble a whole...

You turn my hot tub into a cold tub and you let Abraham loose for a swim.

Would you jump on Mr. D?

Now, Arnold, don't you make things worse for yourself. I have had it.

You are not going to that skateboard contest.

But Mr. Trump, I didn't do it. I did all those other things, but this time I'm

clean. Arnold, when you do something wrong, you have to face up to it like a

man. But I'm not a man.

No buts. You go to your room.

Abraham, Harlem was never like this.

This ain't no justice, Abraham.

Drummond said I can't go to the skateboard contest because he thinks I

Abraham in his hot tub.

But I didn't do it. Ain't that a proc?

Yeah, it sure is.

I never want to be eight years old again in my whole life.

I'll say it's a being good if Mr. Drummond don't believe me.

No, that's exactly what I expected.

Him about all that talk about being innocent until proven guilty is so much

bull.

Yeah. What am I going to do, Willis?

If I miss that skateboard contest tomorrow, the rest of my life is all

Well, you're not going to miss that skateboard contest, Arnold. I promise

Wish I could believe you. Hey, you can.

Hey, haven't I always taken care of you?

Yeah, I guess so.

Sure. And when you are sick, don't I get you well? When you're unhappy, don't I

let you blubber all over me? Yeah.

You do, Willis. Get ready for some more blubbering.

There won't be no more blubbering, because I'm going to get you off the

with Mr. Drummond.

How are you going to unhook me?

You'll see.

He's Mr.

Drummond talking about justice.

I got my own ideas about justice.

Me and Mr. Drummond are going to have ourselves one big showdown.

Mr. Drummond? Yes, Willis.

Remember all that jive you gave me about how everybody's innocent until proven

guilty? That wasn't jive, Willis. I honestly believe that.

Then how come you sentenced my brother without giving him a fair trial?

Well, how much proof do you need?

Abraham was doing a breaststroke in my hot tub.

That don't mean I put him there. That just means my fish knows how to swim.

Right. You know, honors and titles have a fair trial like it says in this book

you said I should read.

A fair trial is a right guarantee to persons of every race, creed, and color.

And I gotta fit in there somewhere.

A trial, huh? Really, Willis, don't you think that's a little far -fetched?

Well, you started the whole thing about fair trials.

Isn't our own title to get what everybody gets?

Well, yes, of course, but this is different.

Yeah. Because you're rich and white and Arnold's black and poor.

And my goldfish ain't doing so good either.

Willis, you got it all wrong.

Well, if you meant what you said, I demand a fair trial for my client.

Your what? My client.

I'll be the attorney for the defense and you can be the prosecutor.

And I'll be the victim.

If a trial is what you want, a trial is what you're going to get. All right.

Now, if we're going to have a trial, boys, we need a judge. An honest judge.

And if we can't find an honest one, how about a just honest one, like a

skateboard?

Daddy, I've got a very important phone call coming in tonight from a boy, and

I'd like to use the telephone between 7 and 8.

Only one hour?

You talk longer than that when it's the wrong number.

That only happened once.

How about Kimberly for the judge?

Some judge.

Related to the prosecutor.

What do we need a judge for?

Let's ask Mrs. Garrett to judge the trial. Oh, yeah, Mrs. Garrett, yeah.

tell me what trial. Mrs. Garrett!

What is it? I'm up to my neck in artichoke hearts.

We want you to be the judge at a trial.

What trial? We're going to have a trial to decide whether Arnold is guilty of

putting his goldfish Abraham in my hot tub.

Is that all?

just plead temporary insanity.

I am brave enough to say I did it.

It's a serious trial, Mrs. Garrett.

Oh, I'm sure Mrs.

Garrett will make a very fair judge.

Right. I'm not a yes woman for anyone.

And don't forget, good help is hard to find.

Willis, are you sure you want to go through with this?

I have all the evidence I need to prove that Arnold is guilty.

Not all the evidence. My fish will never talk.

You know, Arnold says he's innocent.

And we'll just have to see if the system works like you said it does.

Quiet in the courtroom.

Mrs. Garrett, Your Honor, we're ready.

Everybody rise.

Looks like she's dressed for a funeral.

Yes, mine.

Leave it to your mouthpiece.

You may all be seated.

And let's get this trial over with because the judge has two loads of

the washer.

Now I want to see how Daddy sends Arnold to the slammer.

The prosecuting attorney will make his opening statement.

Your Honor, I intend to prove that Arnold is guilty of hot tub sabotage and

see that he's punished.

I object.

Look, Arnold, dear, only your attorney can make an objection.

My attorney can't even make his bed.

Sit down. I'll handle this.

The defense attorney will now make his opening statement.

Your Honor, my client is innocent, even though he's done a lot of dumb things in

his life. Your Honor, can I object to my attorney?

The court is pleased.

The prosecuting attorney can now call his first witness.

Kimberly, take the stand.

Uh -oh.

Oh, don't worry. She can't hurt us.

I'm not worried about us. I'm worried about me.

Kimberly, dear, will you please rise, raise your right hand, put your left

on this book. Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth,

even if this is a Chinese cookbook?

You may be seated.

Proceed.

Now, Kimberly, I am not going to mention Arnold's earlier bad behavior, like

snatching cookies, wrecking makeup cases, and folding legal documents into

airplanes. I'm not even going to stoop to mention any of that. If he ever

stoops, I'm going to fry.

Now, Kimberly, earlier today, you heard Arnold mentioning that his goldfish bowl

was too small.

That's right.

Good. He asked for justice for his goldfish. And you brushed him off.

Forget it. No more questions.

Willis, your witness.

Just one for our side.

Kimberly, did you see Arnold put the goldfish inside the hot tub?

No, I didn't. That's too far side.

In other words, you think Arnold's absolutely innocent.

I wouldn't put anything past Arnold.

Our side doesn't know when to shut its big mouth.

I'd be all traitor.

Will the traitor witness please step down?

That's for me. I'll get it in the kitchen.

I'll see you on visitor's day, Arnold.

Let's get this trial moving.

The judge's laundry is in the spin cycle.

Does the defense attorney have any witnesses?

Yes, your honor.

I'd like to call for the stand of my innocent brother.

Arnold, dear, will you please stand up?

I am standing.

Oh. Uh, do you swear to tell the truth?

I've been swearing for the last two hours, and it ain't done me no good.

Okay.

Arnold, I'm just going to ask you one simple question.

Did you put Abraham inside of the hot tub?

No, sir. I'm innocent. I'm not guilty. And get the picture?

I believe you.

Your witness, Mr.

Prosecution. Thank you.

Now, Arnold, where were you just before I found Abraham in the hot tub?

Down here in this little room being completely innocent.

No, I mean just before that.

In my closet playing spaceship.

Your Honor, I submit that Arnold saying he was in his closet is a very weak

alibi, and he cannot prove it. I can still prove it. I got a moth for a

Thank you.

Your Honor, to sum up my case, everybody heard Arnold complaining about his

fishbowl being too small.

Next, I find his goldfish swimming in my hot tub.

And finally, who is the only witness in Arnold's defense?

A moth.

I rest my case.

Willis, while he's resting, you better get brilliant and save my butt.

Has the defense attorney got anything to say on behalf of Arnold's butt?

I sure do.

Your Honor, look at this face.

Isn't this the face of a criminal? No.

This faith, after giving you his word, break his promise?

No.

Your Honor, my client is innocent.

Amen!

Tell him, brother, I'm not guilty.

Set me free. The judge has reached a

decision. Much as I hate you, Arnold, I find you guilty.

And Mr.

Drummond's punishment stands.

No skateboard contest for you.

Arnold, you had a fair trial.

Oh, no, he didn't, Mr. Drummond.

Why wasn't this trial fair?

Because Arnold didn't do it.

I got a witness to prove he didn't do it. Oh, another moth?

No, me.

Oh, you saw somebody else do it.

That's right.

I saw me do it.

I put Abraham inside the hot tub.

You did that?

No, Willis.

You're not just saying this to protect Arnold.

Oh, let him say it.

It's the truth, Mr. Drummond.

I did it on purpose because I wanted to prove something, and I proved it. Prove

what, Willis? I proved that not everybody gets a fair chance just

says so in that book. You know, my client was innocent, but your justice

him guilty.

You're absolutely right, Willis. Arnold is innocent, and you deserve a lot of

credit for trying to prove your point.

You know, Willis, you make one great mouthpiece.

Except, Willis...

You withheld an important piece of evidence.

Now, if this was a real trial, you'd be guilty of breaking the law.

You framed your brother.

Give me back my compliment.

But you had a good motive, young man.

But I'm sorry I framed you, Arnold.

Oh, that's all right, dumb head.

No, you proved something to me, Willis.

Oh, Arnold, an apology.

I realize I was much too quick to jump to the conclusion that he was guilty.

Yeah, you were jumping pretty good.

We both ought to study up on the law, Mr. Drummond. The court agrees.

Arnold, you can go to the skateboard contest.

Oh, boy, yippee!

And this case is closed so the judge can finish laundry and get dindin on the

table.

Wait a minute, Your Honor.

I think Willis deserves some sort of punishment for withholding evidence from

the court. You're right.

The court sentences Willis to drain and clean the hot tub. A fitting punishment.

Yeah, and it'll save me from doing it.

Court's adjourned.

See, Willis, as I told you, it isn't a perfect system, but if you're honest

it, it works pretty well.

Well, I guess so.

But you know something, Arnold? You got a fair trial after all.

Yeah, in spite of having a crooked lawyer.

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some. A man is born, he's a man of means.

They don't long come to, they got nothing but a dream.

They got different strokes a day, different strokes a day, different

the world.

Different strokes a day.

Different strokes to move the world. Yes, it does a day.

Different strokes.