Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some.

A man is born, he's a man of means.

Then along come two, they got nothing but the genes. But they got different

strokes to take, different strokes to take, different strokes to move the

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

It don't matter that you got not a lot. So what? You'll have theirs, you'll have

yours, and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine. Different strokes to move the world. Different

strokes to move the world.

Can I get anybody anything?

I said, can I get anybody anything?

Would anyone like some poached owl on toast?

How about a boiled kangaroo?

Say what?

Oh, sorry, Mrs. Garrett. Boys, put the comic books away.

It's not polite to read at the table. Well, I tried to finish this in the

bathroom.

It was probably cold by now, Willis. Oh, that's okay.

I'll warm it up in my stomach.

boys finish destroying your flapjacks, don't forget to help me with your beds.

I'll get some clean sheets.

Not the ones with Mickey Mouse on them.

Last night I dreamed I was a piece of cheese and he ate me.

It must have been Swiss cheese with that big hole you got for a mouse. No, I

gotta put the mouse... No, you don't.

Oh,

I gotta get going.

I gotta make the bed, vacuum the rug, do the laundry, scrub the floor, clean the

windows. Everything's gotta be perfect.

Boys.

Boys, I want to talk to you about something very important that's just

the corner.

The Jewish delicatessen?

No, I mean the time to talk about school is just around the corner.

What's the matter with the school we're going to?

Yeah, it's a great school.

They even got a water fountain that only comes up to here on me.

No, I have nothing against the school you boys are going to, but I just want

be sure you get the very best education possible.

I'd like to enroll you at my old alma mater, Digby Preparatory School for

Sounds like a prison.

Maybe I might look taller in stripes.

Digby has turned out some of the great leaders in American industry.

You boys would just love it.

Would you like to have a look at my Digby yearbook sometime?

Sure. Good. I just happen to have it under here.

I hope it just doesn't happen to have a teacher under there, too.

Just look at this, boys.

But what memories?

Look at that.

There's my old pal, Stinky Rogers.

He's now the president of my bank.

I wouldn't trust my money to an old dude named Stinky.

Hey, what are those kids doing?

Oh, that's an old tradition at Digby.

Every spring, the students throw the headmaster into the lake. Man, I could

to love that tradition.

That's funny, Arnold.

You know...

The student that started that tradition should have been ashamed of himself.

But I wasn't.

You boys are just going to love it there. No, we ain't, because we ain't

there.

And half of that we, don't I get a say in this?

Sure you do.

Say no.

Two black kids from Harlem don't belong there.

Oh, I can give you two good reasons why you do.

It's integrated, and if it wasn't for my donations, that school would be a car

wash. When you first came here, you said you'd never force us to do anything we

didn't want to do.

That's right. I won't force you.

But I'd always hoped that any sons of mine would follow in my footsteps.

Four generations of Drummonds have worn the Digby crest.

What's a crest?

Well, it's just an emblem you wear on your jacket.

Is it like a gravy thing?

No, it's a lot more important than that.

Well... It's only a suggestion, you guys.

The idea just occurred to me this morning, but... Listen, please.

Think about it, Digby.

Okay. Okay, we will. Come on, Arnold. Let's think about it.

I'm thinking.

Okay, that's enough. Forget it.

I ain't through thinking yet. Well, I am. That's because your thinker blew a

few...

Yes, Mrs. Garrett. About the boys' Digby prep clothes that Taylor dropped by.

Mrs. Garrett.

Don't worry.

I hid the new clothes you had made for them in the upstairs hall closet.

Mrs. Garrett. And Mr. Borden, the headmaster, returned your call. He'll

this morning to escort them to Digby.

And... I wish I was dead.

If you want me...

I'll be in the kitchen with my head in the oven.

You just thought of it this morning, huh, Mr. D?

So you're trying to force us to go to Digby. It only looks that way, Willis.

Because I was.

I'm sorry, boys.

The decision will be up to you.

Okay, Mr. Drummond. Do you mind if Willis and I talk in private for a

Now, what do we need to do that for?

I want to tell you how dumb you are, but I don't want to say it in front of Mr.

Drummond.

Since when have you become such a great school lover?

I ain't. The only thing I like about school is lunch, recess, and summer

vacation.

It makes two of us.

Listen, Mr. Drummond loves us, and we owe it to him to take me over.

I guess you're right.

All right, come on, Arnold.

Okay, Mr. Drummond, we decided to go check out your school.

Yeah, we talked it over, and I won three shows to two.

That makes me very happy, boys.

And believe me, you won't be sorry.

It's a beautiful school.

Hey, let me show you. Look.

Look at this.

I did mug.

Too bad he escaped.

But you guys just look terrific.

Yes, that's a fact, isn't it?

You know, these outfits are a tradition at Digby.

Like Eaton in England.

We never ate in England.

Eaton is a school, Arnold.

Oh. Wait till you see what the headmaster wears.

Starch collar, long black coat.

Does he sleep in a coffin during the daytime?

pleasure in meeting the new headmaster, Mr. Bourdonnais, but they never change.

We're all going to be on our best behavior, right?

Good behavior, super mouth.

How would you like a fat ankle?

Mr. Drummond? Yes, Mr. Bourdonnais.

That's right.

Please come in.

Thank you.

Where's your starch collar and long black coat?

They probably got...

I beg your pardon?

What the boys mean is, where is the traditional Digby headmaster attire?

My dear sir, we haven't worn those for years.

Or that archaic outfit you're wearing.

You mean, we don't have to wear these monkey suits?

It's only a joke, Willis.

Mr. Borden, eh? These are my boys. This is Willis, and this is Arnold.

I trust you received their records.

Oh, we ain't got any records.

We ain't even been picked up for questioning.

Cool records, Arnold. Now, why don't you two boys run upstairs and get changed

into something more suitable for Digby? Oh, we'll try to change into two white

boys.

Terrific kids, aren't they? Yeah, fine little chaps.

Mr. Drummond, may I use... Oh, yes, of course. It's through those doors and

right down the hall. Your telephone.

Oh, oh, oh, yes, of course. Here.

Help yourself.

Oh.

May I get you some coffee?

Perhaps a spot of tea.

One spot coming up.

Mrs. Garrett?

Yes, sir?

Mrs. Garrett?

Mr. Drummond.

Mr.

Garrett, would you please make some tea for Mr. Bourdonnais?

Right. We should be there in about an hour.

No.

Let's feed them before they take the test.

At least they can enjoy their lunch.

I'm afraid there's no way these boys will pass or dig the entrance exams.

cookie crumbs.

The boys aren't home yet.

Had a great time at lunch today. Ran into Stinky Rogers.

Oh, with a name like that, I'd walk around him.

It's no school, chum.

We reminisced about the school. We even did the old school cheer.

What is it? Oh, it's nothing.

Do it. No, I couldn't. Okay.

Well, if you want to hear it.

Digby, digby, win the game.

Put the...

their team to shame.

All around, they know our name.

Digby, Digby, Digby. Oh, I think I hurt myself.

You should change that to Digby, Digby, Digby.

old school. Oh, that place was bad.

Far out.

It blows your mind.

Boo!

Well,

does that mean you liked it or you didn't like it? Oh, it was terrific.

They got rowboats and tennis and fences.

And they even got a horse that's just right for me.

I didn't want to upset him or tell him it was a great day.

that you guys really like Digby.

Oh, they even got a lake there that ain't full of garbage.

We met some black kids, and they showed us how to shoot a bow and arrow. And

Willis showed them how to shoot crabs.

Willis, I never want to hear about you shooting crabs again.

No gambling in this family, period.

Mr. Drummond, we're really gonna dig you that Digby. We're gonna make you proud

of us.

The only thing we didn't like was the headmaster.

Yeah.

walks around like somebody starched his shorts.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, Mr. Bourdonnais.

Yes, the boys are back, and they love the school.

That low, huh?

Well, listen, I can get them a private tutor.

Well, isn't there some way that you can get them in?

Oh.

Well, I'm very disappointed.

And the boys will be, too.

I see.

Goodbye. What's the matter, Mr. Drummond?

The boys won't be going to Digby. They failed the entrance test.

Oh, no!

I just feel awful.

I got them so excited about going.

They just love the school.

Yeah.

I know how you must feel.

It's going to be a terrible letdown for them.

Why don't I whip up two ice cream sodas to ease the boys' pain?

Well, it's painful for all of us.

Make it three.

I'll make it four.

What kind of class is he going to take at Digby?

I think I'm going to take...

Take a class in gourmet cooking.

Why are you going to take a class like gourmet cooking?

Because they're bound to need somebody to do some gourmet eating.

What do you think of that school cheer?

Kind of corny, huh? Yeah.

Maybe I should jazz it up a little. Hey, I've got an idea. Watch this.

Oh, boys, I want to talk to you.

Just one second, Mr. Drummond.

Lay your ears on this.

I tell you, boys, I never really liked that chair.

As a matter of fact, I never cared much for the school.

Say what?

You know something? It really doesn't matter to me whether you go there or

Who'd you go about?

us out of going to this school?

Oh, why, well, no.

But I just wouldn't want the feeling that I was pushing you into it.

I mean, you don't have to pretend you like it for my sake.

We're not pretending.

I'm happy.

You want me to lay a smile on you?

I owe you a smile. I don't have all my teeth.

Listen, guys, I've got a level with you.

You know those tests that they gave you?

Yeah.

Well, your scores were very low.

How low?

I'm afraid, too low.

Does that mean we can't go to Digby?

What's your faith in Arnold? We're just plain dumb.

Yeah.

Only you've been dumb a lot longer than me.

You are not dumb.

Yes, we are, Mr. Drummond. We let you down.

Don't say that, Willis. Then I'll say it.

Put you down, Mr. Drummond.

I'm trying to make you so proud of us.

I am proud of you. Very proud, Willis.

Does that include me?

Come here.

Listen, you guys.

There's no way you let me down.

And you're not dumb.

That's just a lot of...

I'm not going to say the word.

Is that the word you won't let us say?

Now listen, you guys.

I know that you're both very smart.

I don't understand how they go to failure.

Something is wrong here.

It must have been all those trick questions.

What do you mean, trick questions?

The kind that need answers.

I mean special answers.

They wanted to know what does the blindfold lady with the scales

Willis, that is the symbol of our American legal system.

My answer was wrong.

Well, what did you say?

I said the scales meant she was in the market, and the blindfold meant she

didn't want to see the butcher rip her off.

My questions have been trickier, Mr. Drummond. Oh?

Like what?

Like, they asked me how many people could sleep in a house with three

and a double bed in each room.

And what was your answer?

Eighteen.

Eighteen?

who get three in a bed, two on the floor, six on the couch, and one in the

bathtub.

And of course, the one in the bathtub goes crazy from the water dripping on

head.

You know something, boys?

For the first time, I'm beginning to understand something.

Me too.

We're dumb.

Now stop it, Arnold.

No. Those tests are dumb.

They ask you questions you couldn't possibly relate to.

I mean, that's like asking a Chinese cook how to make a pizza.

Isn't that the dirty trick to play on the dummy?

You know something, boys?

I think we're going to invite the headmaster, Mr. Bourdonnais, to drop in

tomorrow morning for a little visit.

To do what?

I'll explain that to you later.

Hello? Mr. Bourdonnais, please. Philip Drummond calling.

Hello, Bourdonnais.

I wonder if you could be at my apartment tomorrow morning at 10 o 'clock.

It's very important.

Oh, I'll tell you how important.

You know that auditorium I'm building for you?

I'm sure you'd like it to have a roof.

I'll be expecting you.

Me, the headmaster of Digby, to take a test.

That's right.

Surely you're joking.

Boys, are we joking?

I don't hear anybody laughing. Me?

The tests you gave my boys were very unfair.

And we're going to prove that to you.

Really, Mr. Drummond, it's the same test used by other schools like Digby.

I do not intend to stay for this.

Mr. Bourdonnais, we are talking about my sons.

I suggest you listen.

Or that auditorium without a roof might also be without an auditorium.

Under the circumstances, I'd love to take the test.

All right, guys.

Start the questions.

Question number one.

If there's no water in the house, how do you take a shower?

Well, obviously you can't.

Wrong.

You wait for them to turn on the fire hydrant and run out in the street with

your underwear.

That's ridiculous.

You're a little out of touch, Mr. Bourdonnais.

Willis?

If I gave you a brown egg, two Charlies, and a deuce of rust, what would you

have? I think I'd have a headache.

Wrong.

You'd have $2 .21.

In what country?

In the old country.

We call it... Really,

Mr. Drummond, I think this is going a little too far.

Oh? You put my boys through exactly the same experience.

Question number three, Arnold.

Question number three is, name three different kinds of blues.

Three kinds of blue.

Well, it's azure, indigo, and baby blue.

Wrong.

Where we come from, the three blues are lowdown, barrel house, and gut bucket.

getting through to you, Mr. Bourdonnais?

Obviously, your point is that anyone unfamiliar with the street environment

couldn't pass your test.

Right.

And anybody unfamiliar with your environment couldn't possibly pass the

test. Au contraire.

Au contraire what?

Our test is unfailingly fair, Mr. Drummond, for the right people.

Are you saying that only the right people get into Digby?

Let's say it's more of a test to keep the wrong people out.

Now, that's one nice thing about Harlem.

Anybody can get in.

Mr. Bourdonnais, I am shocked and ashamed to learn that my old school is

the few remaining to hang on to this stupid, narrow -minded way of judging

intelligence. But, Mr. Drummond... And I would hope that in the next six months,

Digby could straighten out its act.

But... And if you can't... I'll use every bit of influence I can muster to

that you get thrown out on your foot.

Exactly.

And now I'd like to show you the door.

Very well.

There's the door.

I should have done, fellas.

I should have paid more attention to what was going on in my old school.

I didn't even realize that the clothes had changed.

When you really care about something in life, you should follow through, not

just leave it to other people.

Boy, going to school can sure mess up a person's life.

One day, you guys will be very glad that you had a good education.

Mr. Drummond's right, Arnold.

Yeah, I know.

But until then, it's 20 more years of homework.

We celebrate the future college graduations of Willis and Arnold Jackson

some delicious ice cream.

Hey.

Thank you.

Hey, they're fine there. What's the extra one for?

Whoever finishes first.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Different flows to move the world.