All language subtitles for still_standing_s04e06_aging

Hey, Dad, what are we doing for Mom's
birthday?

Oh, that's right. It's today.

I'd better go get her gift. The guy at
the store said it'd be ready.

Mom's birthday is until next week. Thank
God. I got nothing.

Well, she's turning 40. We should do
something special.

She's turning 40?

She looks great.

Dad, do you have any idea how old any of
us are?

Brian, that's an ugly game that no one
will win.

Maybe we should have a big party.

I don't know. Turning 40 is a very
sensitive issue for women.

Their lives are half over and their best
years are behind them.

That's something we can put on our card.

Hey, guys, what's going on? We're
talking about your birthday and how your

is over.

Yes, it's half over.

Oh, it's okay, guys. I am fine with
turning 40. I mean, look at me. I still

into my teenage daughter's bathing suit.

What?

I mean, I could still fit in.

But we're not going to make a big deal
out of this birthday. Grandma and

are coming. We're going to go for a nice
dinner. That's it.

But what about presents?

Oh, do not spend any money on me. Just
give me something from your heart. Good.

But not you, big guy.

You need to come up with something
that's going to wow me. And not you

whole cheesecake in your mouth.

He can do that? Wow.

Don't worry, I got some ideas.

Great. Now, why don't you let me help
you set the table for dinner?

Doesn't count as a gift. Kids, go help
your mother.

I'm still in love with you today because
you make me happy.

All right, the meeting of the Mom's
Birthday Gift Committee will now come to

order. I move that we rename the
committee Brian Sucks Monkey.

I vote yes.

Okay, fine. Let's just forget the
committee thing and figure out what

getting Mom for her birthday.

I'm just gonna do what Tina does.

Write I love you, Mommy, on a card,
spell something wrong, Mom cries, and

I'm good.

Tina's eight. When you spell something
wrong, Mom cries for a different reason.

Oh, uh, hey, when Hakeem's mom turned
40, he made a list of 40 things that he

loved about her. We could do that. You
know, uh, you're nice, you're pretty, we

love your meatloaf.

I do love her meatloaf.

Well, great. This is going to be easy.
And so ends the first meeting of Brian

Sucks Monkey.

Okay, that's not the name.

Yes, it is. We voted.

Are Mom and Dad here yet? Oh, not yet.
Dad's not coming. He has the flu, and

picking up Mom from the train station in
a half hour.

What are those?

Oh, my company newsletter did a big
story on my promotion with Big Picture

everything, and I just kind of want to
leave it in a place where Mom will

accidentally find it.

Why don't you just show it to her?

Because, Judy, that would seem needy.

I'm going to need a brighter bulb.

Yes, you are.

Surprise!

What are you doing here? We were going
to pick you up at the train station. Oh,

I know. I decided to drive up. Those
trains are so unreliable. And I didn't

to miss my favorite daughter's... Hey,
Mom!

I mean, my daughter's birthday.

I didn't want to miss spending time with
someone else who's very special to me.

Hey, Gus.

Hi, Gus.

Why do you guys call each other Gus?
Because nobody has fun like Gus.

It cracks me up every time. Oh, okay.

Hey, Gus.

Maybe it's getting old.

So, can I get you a luggage?

That old suitcase, it broke on the way
up. Can you get me a screwdriver?

Sure. And something to fix my suitcase
with. Gotcha.

Mom, I can't believe you drove all the
way up from Indiana by yourself. That is

so dangerous.

Don't start with me about my eyes again.

Well, did you get them checked like you
said you were going to?

I'll do it when I get back. No.

No, you are not driving anywhere until
you see someone.

You know, Mom, I could probably settle
this vision thing.

Once and for all, I wanted to see if you
could read this. It's my company

newsletter.

Say, who's that on the front page?

You work with Cloris Leachman?

Cloris Leachman? No, Mom, that's a
picture of me.

See, Ma, you can't even... Seriously,
that's not Cloris Leachman?

Nonetheless, Mom, you need to get your
eyes checked. I am not going to any eye,

Dr. Gus. Tell her I'm fine.

Don't get Bill to do your bidding for
you.

Gus, tell her she's going.

I, uh... Uh... Uh... It's his new trick.

When he wants to get out of doing
something, he pretends he has to sneak.

Uh... Mom, let's get you settled.

Well, uh, careful up those stairs, Mom.

It's, uh, a little something I learned
as safety leader.

Uh... Save it, Bill. They went upstairs.

Oh, good.

why Judy's on this kick about Mom going
to the eye doctor.

I know what it is.

Judy's turning 40 and she can't deal
with it.

Judy's fine about turning 40.

Or maybe she hasn't dealt with her fear
of aging and she's obsessing over her

mother getting old. In psychology, we
call this projecting.

What do you call the belief that you're
a psychologist?

Because I call it nuts.

That's the healthiest joke I've ever
heard.

That's why I knew you'd love it.

How could I not love it? It's got
everything.

A gorilla, a whorehouse, and beans.

And I still didn't know where it was
going.

Oh, sorry. You have to drive me to the
eye doctor on your day off. According to

Judy, I need a chauffeur.

Why did my daughter turn into such a
hard -ass? She's not a hard -ass. She's

woman who loves us deeply and expresses
it through fear and violence.

So, you're afraid of her?

Don't be ridiculous.

Of course I am.

I hope you're not mad at me about all
this, Gus. Oh, no.

I just wish we were off doing something
fun.

I mean, my eyes are fine.

Look, I can read all these billboards.

Refinance your home.

King's Outlet Mall.

Lucky Deuce Casino, next exit.

I am having such a great

time. I haven't played craps in years.

I can barely remember the rules.

Part A, press my six. Five dollars on
the yo.

this short. We've only got ten minutes.

Oh, Bill, give it up. We're never going
to make it to the eye doctor. No, I'm

talking about the prime rib buffet.

It's all you can eat, and I think I can
beat the house.

All right, then this is a big roll.

Salt and pepper. I've got salt and
pepper.

Actually, for this, we need the fresh
ground.

All

right,

Lauren, let's start with your 40 reasons
why we love Mom.

I love you because you're nice and
you're pretty and you make good

You didn't even try.

All right, Tina, what do you got?

Nice to meet, meatloaf, pretty.

Again, my thing?

Okay, so you're telling me we can't come
up with more than three things that we

love about our own mother?

Well, maybe we can just give up on this
and buy her something. No, no, she wants

the gift from the heart. That shouldn't
be that hard. There's got to be more

than three things.

Oh, uh, you know what? Here's one. She
has nice hands. That's four.

And nice fingers.

My God, that's like ten things right
there.

She's not going to fall for that. She's
not an idiot.

Here's another one. She's not an idiot.
Good, good. That's fine.

Hey, what a coincidence. My driver's
license expires on my birthday.

Mom, everybody's done.

Yeah, right, Brian. Everybody's license
expires on my birthday.

And we're back to four.

Promise me we're going to go to the
doctor tomorrow. I swear.

And what hard -ass doesn't know won't
hurt her.

All right. Do I smell like booze?

A little. Do I smell like beef?

Kind of.

Good. Judy won't suspect a thing.

Oh, hey. How did it go at the eye
doctors? Oh, good, good.

But he didn't get to finish all the
tests. We have to go back tomorrow.

What kind of test?

Just the usual. All I know is we both
have to fast tonight.

am so stuffed.

Why do you have to fast?

As a show of support.

Bill's taking me again tomorrow.

But, Mom, tomorrow was my day. Remember
I was going to take you to the

Arboretum? Well, honey, I'm sorry, but I
have to take care of my health.

I'm going to go and lie down now. I am
so drunk.

Okay.

Okay, well, I'll come with you. We can
talk.

Okay, honey.

But if I close my eyes and start doing
my breathing exercises, it doesn't mean

I'm not listening. I know.

Thanks for taking my mom to the doctor.
Don't worry about it. No, I had to work,

and it's not a fun thing to do on your
day off. Well, I knew it was important

you, and that made it important to me.

Hey, Mom, Grandma's eye doctor called.
He said she missed her appointment

He wants you to call him.

You gonna let go?

You gonna run?

Wouldn't you?

Oh, yeah.

You took my mother to some casino
instead of taking her to the doctor. She

didn't want to go, and I didn't want to
force her. Helen likes me. I don't want

to ruin that. I never had a mother.

What?

That I could stand.

I mean, come on.

Is all this doctor stuff really about
your mom?

You know, you're turning 40 and you're
worried about your mom getting older.

Maybe you're projectiling.

I assume you mean projecting?

For the sake of keeping the conversation
moving, we'll go with your word.

Bill, I honestly have no problem turning
40. I'm just concerned about my mother.

Now, you have to take her back to the
doctor tomorrow because I have to work.

And if there's nothing wrong with her, I
won't forget the whole thing.

All right, fine.

I'll take her for you, birthday girl.

Again. Not a present.

You are so difficult to shop for.

That was the most disgusting joke I've
ever heard.

Why would a gorilla even be in a
whorehouse?

Honey, was there somewhere we could drop
you?

Mom, this was supposed to be our date
together, remember? And Judy wanted me

make sure you actually made it to the
doctor this time. Judy.

Like, I can't be trusted to not go back
to the casino.

Although, I did find $30 in chips in my
purse, and I'm feeling pretty lucky.

Mom, you have to go through with this.
Judy said that if... Judy said, Judy

said... You know, Linda, you used to be
the fun one.

Really?

Me, the fun one?

Sure. Yeah.

No, you're right, I am. I am the fun
one. Come on, Bill, let's go to the

We got plenty of time for that grumpy
old doctor, huh? Forget it.

Just drop me off, and I'll be right out.

Or better yet, just slow down near the
off -ramp and I'll tuck and roll.

Come on, Gus.

All right, but just long enough to get
you $30. I promise. In and out. I'll

in my chips. We'll still go to the
doctor and Judy will never know.

Yeah, because she can be such a wet
blanket, right?

But me, I am all over going to the
casino because I'm the fun daughter.

Mom? Yeah, sure.

Say it.

Fine. You're the fun daughter.

Stop it. You're embarrassing me.

We're going to make your appointment.
We've got to leave right now.

Oh, darn.

I guess we're not going to make it.

What are you doing to me here? You had
no intention of going to that doctor,

you? Oh, jeez. Bill, cool out. Let a
lady live a little. But, Helen.

Everything on the heartache.

Heart ain't working on the come out.
Come on, shooter, roll them bones.

Yeah, them bones ain't gonna roll
themselves.

Yay, eight, we did it.

Helen, pay the line, seven.

But that was an eight. That was a heart
eight.

I'm sorry, ma 'am, it's a seven. It was
an eight. Now, come on, give me my

money. Helen, excuse me, is there a
problem here? This woman thought the

rolled an eight, but it was a seven. No,
it was an eight. Linda, you saw it.

What did he roll?

Them bones?

I'm sorry, ma 'am. Could you please step
away from the table? No, I want my

money. Helen, don't. Okay, you know
what? Everybody just relax. I have an

Why don't we just call a do -over, okay?
Now, who asked to make this?

Where are

they? It's almost time for my birthday
dinner.

I'm starting to worry.

Your father's never late for anything
that involves cake.

Speaking of your birthday, we have a
little something to give you.

You sweet, sweet kids.

Well, you told us not to buy you
anything, so we put our heads together

came up with this.

Yeah. Yeah.

$40, one for every year.

Yeah, and they're singles because you're
our single favorite mom.

Yeah, sweet.

I was just hoping you'd do a little
something more from the heart.

I did.

What? What?

I made you something from my heart.

Oh, didn't I?

Fourteen things I love about you.

Oh, look, and ten of them are my
fingers.

That is so adorable.

But, honey, why fourteen?

Because that's how old you are.

Oh, good God.

Oh, sweet, but, honey, Mommy's 40, not
14.

Really? I wish I'd known.

I could have come up with 40 easy.

Oh, why don't you go get ready for
dinner? Yeah, come on, Tina. Let's go

upstairs. But I don't want to leave
without you, Mommy.

Oh, you'll be fine. Lauren will help you
get dressed. I'll take care of you.

No. We're just going to find out. We
never went to the doctor. No.

Hold him. We covered our bases. Now, we
just need for you not to blab like you

usually do.

Mom, I don't blab. I'm the funmeister.

I'm not the meister. It's fun, isn't it?

We're back.

Hey, that doctor's appointment really
ran long. Is everything okay?

Absolutely. He said there's nothing
wrong with my eyes. Everything's fine.

Fine. Nothing wrong, never was.

That's what the doctor said.

So, you see, you're worried for nothing.

I guess I owe you an apology.

But you can't blame me for worrying,
Mom. You don't want to gamble when it

to your eyesight.

Who said anything about gambling?

Not me. Roll them bones.

Linda, what is wrong with you? You're
sweating like a pig.

What's going on? Nothing.

Did you go to the casino?

No.

wouldn't go unless you took her by the
hand and you made her go well she didn't

want to go hey she's right here and
she's not a child now i can fight my own

battles okay the same way i can make my
own decisions about my health i will go

to the doctor when and if i choose to
fine

you're right i can't force you if you
don't care about your eyes then neither

i go blind be my guest Thank you.

Oh, do you believe her?

About time she got off my back.

Thank God I've got you, Gus.

Actually, it was a seven.

What?

The guy at the table rolled a seven, not
an eight.

It was right in front of us, and he
couldn't see it.

Really?

I mean, it's your decision, but I think
you should make that appointment.

Wow. It's really a wake -up call when
your eyesight gets so bad it interferes

with your gambling.

Sorry, Helen.

Are you going to tell Judy? No, no,
that's your call. But she's a good

and I think you all were that.

I bet.

Ooh, sweet cash.

I think I just found Judy a birthday
present.

Mom, you made your point.

No.

Actually, you were right about my eyes.

What?

I definitely need to see a doctor.

Something a little fuzzy going on there.

Although, it does get better when I
drink.

Why have you been fighting me on this?
And what's with the lying and the

gambling?

I was just trying to have a little fun
before everything on me goes to hell.

not an old lady because you're having a
little eye trouble.

Lauren's teacher told us years ago that
she needed glasses, and we just told

her, sit closer to the board.

Oh, honey, I'm not feeling old because I
need glasses.

I'm feeling old because my daughter's
turning 40.

Why are you freaking out?

It's my birthday, and I'm fine with it.

Yeah, well, I'm not.

I think, like, yesterday, you were my
little baby girl.

I was putting you on the washing machine
so you'd fall asleep.

Suddenly, 40 years have gone by like
that. Oh, see, that hurts right there

I do that. I just hate that we've been
fighting.

Oh, me too.

There's no reason we can't get closer as
we get older, you know?

We should both age together with grace
and dignity.

I agree.

Money,

please.

Craps, three, three craps.