All language subtitles for still_standing_s04e05_irresponsible

That was amazing.

Best paintball war ever. Yeah, yeah, it
was fun, but it brought back some

painful flashbacks from 91.

You were in the Gulf War?

No, no, Judy made me paint the house.

A little part of me died that day.

Shores. What are they good for?

Absolutely nothing.

Kyle, you're a good friend.

Before you moved next door, I really
didn't know what friendship could be. In

fact, I'd say you're the best friend I
ever had.

Hey, Bill. Oh, uh, Fitz.

What are you doing here? You invited me
over to watch the game, remember?

I made a frittata.

Don't bother. It's ice cold.

Is Judy around?

No, but she was looking for you. I guess
you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning.

Oh, yeah, that was my one assignment for
today. She's gonna be pissed.

Judy should lighten up.

You work hard. You deserve to blow off
some steam on the weekends.

Yeah, you're right. So what if I didn't
pick up the dry cleaning?

It's not gonna kill her.

Oh, good, you got it.

Thanks for taping the game for me, Fitz.

You sure you don't mind watching it
again?

No, it's a great game. I don't mind
watching it twice.

I'm just glad we're hanging out again.
Oh, oh, interception. Go, go, go.

Don't get too excited. He fumbles.

Are you going to keep telling me what's
going to happen? Because it's going to

ruin the game for me.

Kind of like my frittata was ruined.

They lose 14 -10.

Has the mail come yet?

No, and stop asking.

I told you I'd call you the minute it
comes in. Dad, you're sitting on it.

Mail's here.

I'm supposed to hear back on one of my
college applications.

Nothing, just junk mail and bills.

Did the bills say final notice?

Uh, no. Then it's all junk mail.

Even for the office. Don't forget, Bill,
I need to take the car in to get the

muffler fixed, so after you do the yard
work and help Tina build her princess

castle, you gotta pick me up at three.

Yard work, castle, three. I got it
written right here, baby.

Okay, Bill, that's not a very good
system. What if you wash your... Now

good.

Sup, goose?

Top gun it.

You call that a hand slap?

Come on, Wild Bill, up high, huh?

Vintage.

Anyway.

I just bought the craziest thing ever.
You have to come over and check it out.

Hey, Kyle, Bill and I decided to kind of
just kick it here. We're having kind of

an us day.

I'll get us a couple beers.

Why don't you have your us day over at
my place? I got the 70 -inch wine

70 inches?

Hey, can I come check it out? It's
Glacier Week on the Science Channel.

Sure, come on over.

That sounds good to me. Thanks for
inviting my son along.

Glacier Week?

Do not embarrass me. Do not.

Hey, buddy, I got a... Unbelievable.

Look at my dad.

He's supposed to put together my
princess castle today.

Tell you what, kiddo.

I'll help you build her.

I know what it's like to get the brush
off.

Hey, you coming or what? I'm invited.
Really?

Get down!

All right.

Your castle.

A lot of parts there.

A lot of parts.

Just go.

Come on in, guys.

Wait till you see this.

Look at the size of that crate.

Please tell me that came from Hickory
Farms.

Whoa, that's amazing. Looks like it
should be in a museum.

And it would be, but I outbid them. Suck
wind, Royal London Museum of Boo Hoo

Hoo.

This 15th century war armor, the same
kind worn by the Duke of Burgundy during

the War of the Roses.

And the same kind worn by Jethro in that
episode of Beverly Hillbillies. So what

are you going to do with it, Kyle?

Like, stick it in a corner somewhere?

No, no, no, no. You need to encase this
in a climate -controlled plexiglass box

with diffused halogen lighting.

Yes, Brian, that would be the
responsible thing to do.

My ass aren't made of candy.

Then you'll enjoy kissing it all the
more.

Guys, be careful. That's a crisis. Oh,
dear God. Please, no.

Why? What an absolute travesty. I know.
You're supposed to give us a turn, sir,

selfish.

Someone stole my watch on the bus.

And evidently, you slipped me some acid.

Oh, hey.

Just out here doing some yard work.

I have to cover up because I burn
easily.

Let me guess.

You're the one without the heart.

And you must be the one without the
brain.

Hey, that makes you the wickedly hot
-looking fox.

Unbelievable.

off on a Saturday while you're playing
with your stupid friend?

Did you even help Tina put her castle
together?

No, he did not.

So I did all the grown -up things around
here all day long and you did

absolutely nothing.

Take a lude, Jude.

Excuse me? Take a lude?

What are you getting so upset about? We
should have a little fun.

Don't talk to me about fun. I know fun.
I've always been fun.

And there's a member of the Marshall
Tucker band who can attest to that.

But lately, I haven't been able to have
any fun because someone around here has

to be the grown -up. Before you came
along, I had a husband who was at least

good as a trained monkey.

I could give him a few simple tasks and
reward him with treats.

Oh, by the way, we're out of mini -corn
dogs. Never mind.

Why are you yelling at me? Because you
are a bad influence, Kyle.

You're the most irresponsible man -child
I've ever met, and that is saying a

lot, because I married this.

I don't have to take this. I'm out of
here.

If you want a duel later, Bill, come on
over and don't forget your battle hat.

Go ahead. Open your mouth. Open your
mouth.

Next at 5, Everybody Loves Rain.

Here's your magic princess castle. It
doesn't look like the one in the box.

Well, you don't look like the kid on the
box, but you don't hear me crying.

Oh, hey, Judy, I'm all finished with the
castle. I'm going to go over and meet

Kyle. Stop. No, Kyle.

I think it's time you two take a little
breather. Why?

Because he's an irresponsible idiot and
I don't need a match and set.

work out this afternoon so you get to be
an adult and take Tina to her dance

class. Uh, Tina quit her dance class.
No, I didn't. Well, you should. It's

It's not lame.

It's boring and you're taking it.

You should go. You done calling Bill
stupid yet?

I'm never done, but I'm going to take a
break.

Uh, if you want to chill you out, can
you lend me a jacket? Sure. Any word

Tripton University yet? No, still
looking.

Oh, Brian, come on, relax. You're a shoe
-in.

these days you'll look back and you'll
wonder why you were so worried.

Yeah, maybe you're right. It is only
three weeks late.

Still nothing.

What is the deal? My friend Hakeem got
his letter a week ago. Big fat reject.

Oh, I know he is, honey.

But he's clearly a friend.

No, Mom, the letter with the reject.

And I'll tell Hakeem he thinks so highly
of him.

Poor kid. When is that stupid university
going to get back to him already?

Well, Judy, since this application's
right here in your jacket, I'm going to

ahead and say never.

My God, no!

I must have put it in there to mail, and
then I got this new jacket. Hey, you

know what? I think I'm going to go to
the neighbors and see if any of them got

our mail accidentally.

What?

Nothing. Are you upset?

A little.

Mom, don't worry. I'm not going to say
anything to Hakeem.

Although I should.

God, I can't believe what I did. I'm a
bigger screw -up than Kyle and Bill put

together. Judy, don't be so hard on
yourself. My God, there's not even

postage on this.

Okay, we've got to get this down there
and see if they'll still accept this

application. How are you going to do
that?

Linda, I'm very good with people. I work
with people at my job all day long. I

know exactly how to handle them.

So you see, it was my mistake.

And it would be a shame for my son to
have to pay the price for that. I don't

want to cause any trouble.

You seem like a really good person. I
was just thinking that maybe there was

some way you could help us out.

Well, there might be something I can do
for you.

Thank you so much. I so appreciate that.

I can tell just by looking at you that
you are a lovely, understanding woman.

I'm a man.

Not a woman, a man.

And what a man. I mean, if I may say so.

On second thought, I am not sure there
is anything I can do for you.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry. And after you've
been so kind, it's just that we're

talking about my boy's future here. You
know, it's been his dream to go to this

school.

Look, I see you have kids, too.

Imagine if your son here was denied
something this important.

That's my daughter.

And what a looker. Hubba hubba. Are we
through here?

No, no, we can't be. There must be
someone else we could talk to. Your only

chance is to take it up with the dean of
admissions down in Polsky Hall.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Polsky
Hall. That's like the Beer family?

Because she lives right next door to
Kyle Polsky. Did he graduate from this

place? All Polskys graduate.

His parents just had to pay for a few
more buildings.

Okay, do you think if we ask Kyle Polsky
to put in a good word, it might help us

out? It might.

Oh, God, I can't go crawling back to
Kyle. He hates me. What a shock.

Cutie, I really don't think you have a
choice.

Well, thank you so much.

And I'm terribly sorry for insulting you
and your daughter.

By the way, you have a beautiful wife.

That's my twin brother.

Ooh, there's another one at home like
you.

It's so good to see you relaxing.

You are such a good man and a wonderful
provider for this family.

Oh, my God.

You've done something horrible.

What? Why would you say that?

Because I'm not a wonderful provider,
and you know it. I provide nothing.

Brian's application into Trifton, and I
may have blown his entire future.

Oh, no, no, no. You haven't blown his
future.

You've blown ours!

Who's gonna support us in our golden
years? Lauren?

We can't live on tips.

All right, don't get all... We're not
gonna make good poor people, Judy. We

don't have indomitable spirits.

Wait, don't fix this. Turns out the
Polsky family gives a lot of money to

Trifton. They may still accept his
application if we get Kyle to call the

on Brian's behalf.

So you want me to ask Kyle for a favor?

Or we could put all our chips on Tina.

We're going to end up eating garbage in
the streets.

I'll talk to him. Okay, but we've got to
fix it fast before Brian finds out.

How much of that did you hear?

Everything. Oh, my God, this is huge.

I don't want you to say one word of this
to your brother. You understand me? Oh,

no. I have waited my entire life for
this moment. I call the shots here for

I want clothes.

I want my own room.

I want your room.

And I want it filled with stuff.
Valuable, valuable stuff.

I'll give you 20 bucks.

Suckers.

I want to settle for 10.

I'm telling you, Judy, I should talk to
Kyle alone.

I am here to keep you on task. You go in
there, he turns on cartoons, I've lost

you for the entire afternoon.

Oh, that's right, I'm a huge screw -up.

Wait, wait, why are we here again?

Which one of us destroyed our son's
future?

Oh, that's right, it begins with the
letter U.

Fitz?

Hello there.

What are you doing here?

Just, uh, you know, hanging.

No accent or whatnot?

I'm gone one day and you swoop in and
barnacle yourself onto Kyle's ass.

Bill, we're not really here too long.
Hey, don't blame me because Judy put you

on a timeout. There's a new goose flying
wingman and it's me.

Except I'm not going to die forcing
Maverick to team up with Viper in the

contest against Iceman.

I love Top Gun.

Yeah, it really holds up.

Judy?

Wait, you both got armor? Yeah, I bought
that for Fitz. We've been jousting on

our minibikes.

One day. I'm gone one day. Now everyone
has armor but me.

And minibikes.

Bill, we're here for a reason.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We need a favor.

Apparently, Trifton University never got
Brian's application, so...

Yeah, we were hoping you could pull a
few strings.

It'd mean a lot, especially to Judy, and
she's the one who forgot to send...

Let's not dwell on the detail.

Oh, this is too good.

Little Miss Perfect screwed up and now
needs the most irresponsible man in the

world to bail her out. That about sum it
up?

Yeah, is that about sum it up?

In high school, I let you cop a pity
feel.

I don't even know if you should be over
here talking to me, Judy. After all, I'm

such a bad influence.

Okay, you got me.

I have no right to call anyone
irresponsible.

And I'm sorry for what I said, honestly.

But could you please be a good guy and
call that dean for us?

I don't know, Judy.

Words hurt.

Sorry isn't just a panacea. A little
word I learned at Trifton University.

I don't know if you're worthy of my
forgiveness.

Well, what can I do to prove to you that
I am worthy?

You're going to make that call, my
friend.

Hit her in the knee. She's got a tricked
knee.

Sorry, she took my armor.

Eating garbage, Judy. Eating garbage.

You're going down, lady.

Looks like somebody's son's going to
community college.

Let's get one thing straight, Posty.

future is me and my husband.

Oh, yeah.

Ow.

Seriously.

Ow.

Dude, you pack a pretty hard wallop for
a girl.

Oh, my girl days are long behind me, and
there's a roadie in Chief Street who's

an attempt to that.

Now, you are going to call that theme.

All right, all right. I'm going to call
him anyway.

I'm just busting your stone.

Oh, I don't have any stones, but a
little warning, the lady in the

office does.

Do you ever know anybody in the stones?

Bill, your wife is awesome.

You're a lucky man to have a woman who
can lay a beat down like that.

Yeah, broke Fitz's arm in high school
once.

Came back for seconds, didn't ya?

Got to admit, it's nice to know you're a
monster screw -up like the rest of us.

Oh, much worse. What kind of mother
would forget to mail in her child's

application?

You what?

No, no, honey.

It's okay.

Mommy laid a beat down on the neighbor,
and now everything's going to be just

fine.

Which college?

Oh,

thank God.

Wait, I thought you wanted to go there.

Well, not since I found out about the
University of Chicago's physics

department. It's the best in the
country.

Plus, when I found out that Kyle here
went to Drifton, I kind of, you know,

cooled on the place. No.

Okay.

I thought about it, and 20 bucks is not
going to cut it. So unless you want you

-know -who to find out about you -know
-what, I... He already knows.

He does?

daughter, sweetie.

Now, you see how dignified it looks when
you put it on properly?

Skilled metalsmiths' toys make it not
only impenetrable, but you provide a

complete range of motion.

It's not a toy, Dad.

It is a piece of history, and it
deserves to be treated with respect.

It was intended for war, not for your
entertainment.

That was pretty entertaining.

Ah, Dad, come on.

Dad.

Dad!

I wouldn't have it any other way Cause
you make me happy