Original subtitles

Look, if I have to sell my car, I want this ad to be perfect. What do you think

of this?

1997, four -door sedan, slightly damaged rear end, full -sized spare tire, a lot

of miles, but serviced regularly.

Are you placing a personal ad?

Bill, she's selling her car.

Right?

Yes, she's going to give me a percentage if I help her sell it. I couldn't do it

on my own. It's very hard for me to part with Mr. Puffinshuck.

Who? The name I gave my car, Mr. Puffinshuck.

You named your car.

It's not that crazy. People name their favorite things.

I guess you're right. I've been known to do that.

Ain't that right, Thelma and Louise?

Gross. They weren't gross when you were four.

I know that, Mom.

Wait, four?

With separation issues.

Hey,

how did Tina's checkup go?

Fine, she'll be out in a minute. Turns out it wasn't an infection.

Okay, what I meant is, is it over and can we go to the mall now?

I'm sorry, are your friends waiting for you at the mall?

Yeah, I mean, I'm like 15. Okay, what I meant was shut up.

I'm just glad that Tina likes this doctor. It's the first one in years she

hasn't bitten.

You have got one feisty little daughter, Mrs. Miller.

Oh, my God, she didn't take a snap at you, did she?

Oh, no.

Why, is she a biter?

No, no.

I just stay away from this general area.

So, have you met my other daughter, Lauren?

Hi. Tina says the nicest things about you.

Really? No. She wants you to run away so she can take all your stuff.

This guy's great.

By the way, if you have any old toys lying around, I have this donation box

here. We're having a rummage sale to raise money to keep kids off drugs.

Oh, I'm all for that.

Unless it's the kind of drugs that make them sleep on an airplane.

So you do a lot of charity work? It's rewarding.

And I am stressed kind of thin.

In fact, I have a fundraiser tomorrow and nobody to babysit my granddaughter.

And I need someone really responsible.

Hey, Lauren... She doesn't babysit.

Sure I do. No, no, not with your plate being so full with school and dance and

the school dance and...

Dance school.

Doctor, your wife is on the phone. Oh, excuse me.

I got into that dancing school?

No.

I just don't want you babysitting for the doctor.

Well, why not?

Lauren, we finally found a doctor that Tina likes.

I don't want you screwing that up by being irresponsible.

I am not irresponsible.

at the time you babysat for the Sullivans and they gave you their cell

emergencies and you used it all night long.

Okay, Tiffany spread a rumor that I have to shave my chin.

And if that's not an emergency, I don't know what is.

All I'm saying is I can't take a chance.

So, how about the babysitting?

Yeah, I'm sorry, I can't. Did I mention that it pays $15 an hour?

Oh, I'm sorry, I can.

going to take these board games for Dr. Bloom's toy drive.

I'm babysitting for him again tonight. That's the third time this week.

When did we buy those board games?

That month the TV was broken.

Oh, yeah. Black April.

Get those things out of here.

Just remember, Lauren. I know, Mom. Be responsible.

Yeah, we don't want a repeat of when you babysat for the Davises and you loaned

out their Porsche for a joyride.

Okay, how is that my fault? Dad's the one who asked to borrow it.

Because I was testing you and you failed, Lauren. You failed.

Who's a great car seller?

I'm a great car seller.

I'm a great car seller.

Oh, my God. You found someone to buy Mr. Puff and Chug already?

His name is Crunk and he'll be over in about two hours.

Crunk?

It's short for crazy drunk.

He's a great guy. You know, he hangs out at the arcade. If you give him a

dollar, you can hit him as hard as you want.

I'm going to let some guy named Crunk buy my car.

Why not? He's got the money and he wants to buy it, so what's the problem? Yeah,

I'm sorry. You're just going to have to keep looking, okay?

I don't want Mr. Puffin Chug being driven around by some crazy weirdo.

You don't have to say it out loud. We're all thinking it.

Hey, hope you're ready for a big surprise.

Fitz, you're not coming in unless you promise me you're wearing pants.

And this time, swear.

Don't be ridiculous, Bill. That's a summer trick.

Isn't he great?

His name's Butch. He's a retired police dog.

Are you sure he's retired? Maybe the Sarge took his badge because he's a

cannon who plays by his own set of rules.

He was on the force for eight years, sniffing out drugs.

You remember that big heroin bust at that farm up in Cumberland County?

He actually found a needle in a haystack.

So, you seen him in action yet? No, but I've been dying to. Yeah, I let him

search my son's room.

Nothing.

What's up with kids nowadays?

Hey, you remember that stuffed bear we kept our stash in back in high school?

Smokey?

Smokey of Mellowstone Park.

Higher than the average bear.

Yeah, we were going to put our stash in a book, but then we thought people would

get suspicious if we had a book, huh?

I think Smokey's down in the basement. Let's see if the dog can sniff him out.

Oh, hey, buddy.

Fitz, is this your dog?

Yeah, that's Butch. He's an old retired police dog.

Judy, do we still have that teddy bear from high school? You know, the one

wearing the tie -dyed shirt?

Oh, yeah, I saw it just the other day. Lauren pulled it out with the other toys

to donate to Dr. Bloom.

That was Smokey. Are you crazy?

Who's Smokey?

Remember the bear with the pot belly?

Oh, my God, that was Smokey? I thought you got rid of him years ago.

I was going to, but that night Yellow Submarine came on, and then I guess I

forgot.

Well, the last time you saw him, he wasn't holding, was he? I don't

Well, how come you don't remember? Because it was years ago, and I had a

bear full of pot.

Well, what's the big deal? Why don't you just call this doctor and say you want

it back, because it had sentimental value.

Or street value.

He can't, because if he already found the bear and what's inside of it, he'll

know we're the idiots that donated a pot bear to his anti -drug charity.

So, let's go down to his office and steal it back.

You want to take Butch? He's trained for this sort of thing. No, I'm not going

to bring an old, incontinent dog to Dr. Bloom's office.

Hey, he might be old, but he's not... You got a paper towel?

God, no one's here. Start digging.

Mrs. Miller?

Can I help you?

Uh, we're just donating some toys.

Why is he digging through the paper? You know, I work in a medical office, too.

Wow, we have a sliding window.

Also, Bill, hurry it up.

I don't see Smokey. Keep digging.

Oh, Dr.

Bloom, this is my husband, Bill.

Oh, nice to meet you. Thanks for the contributions.

No problem.

I'll need a receipt for these for my taxes.

Oh, Amy, if my wife calls, will you tell her I'll meet her at the theater?

Sure. But I can't believe you're donating more toys, especially with the

boxes that Lauren already dropped off at my house.

Are there toys at your house, too?

Yes, there are.

You folks are very generous.

Well, we had a big stash at home.

Of toys.

Well, Doc, we better go and do more good deeds.

You guys are unbelievable.

We've heard that before.

Let's go to his house and find the bear before it falls into the wrong hands.

We're good people. Put the toy car back.

Pam, I'll never get any.

aren't you? That's right, young lady. Where are the drugs?

What? Why would there be drugs here?

It could happen through a crazy series of events.

Are those the toys you brought over from our house?

Yeah.

Dr. Bloom's taking them to his fundraiser tomorrow.

What are you guys doing? There's an old toy in here we need back.

Dad, I already told you, you can't play with it anymore. Two of the hungry

hippos are broken.

Where is that bear?

It's not here. Crap!

You said a bad word.

I'm sorry.

Oh, my God. Bill, look at that cute little toy that Ella has.

Oh.

Sweetie, can we see your bear?

No, he's mine. Lauren gave him to me.

She loves that bear.

Come on, honey. Let me take a look just for a minute.

I'll trade you for this nice car.

Unbelievable.

Can we just see it for a second? No.

Come on, kid, don't Bogart the bear.

No, no!

No!

Oh, so you guys are branching out now. You're ruining other people's children,

too.

Okay, I finally got her to calm down, but I couldn't get the bear away from

But we need the bear.

Why? What's the big deal?

All right, look. There's a small chance that bear may have something hidden

inside of it. Like what, drugs?

Oh, my God.

Listen, a long time ago, your father and I did a little experimenting with some

marijuana.

Not much, mind you, just enough to get us through a few Jethro Tull concerts.

Guys, I'm not stupid.

I mean, Dad still wears a T -shirt that says, Doobie University Rolling Team.

Hey, Doobie University is a fully accredited... Give it up, Bill.

Look, we admit we made some bad choices back in high school.

Jethro Tull.

But it was a different time back then.

We were protecting a war.

No. What war?

Grenada.

I was on agile that week.

Look, just because we did some really stupid stuff when we were younger

mean that you should ever.

Don't worry, Mom. You and Dad are all the reason I need not to do drugs.

Thank you.

Hey.

But I can't believe that you would think that I would mess up this job. And you

guys messed it up for me. I mean, the Blooms were even thinking about taking

on their family vacation to Cancun.

Bad idea. That bear will never clear customs.

If you want the bear, you can take it once Ella falls asleep.

What's this?

Oh, you may not recognize it. It's called a baby monitor.

Responsible parents use them to make sure their kids are okay. Hey, they

have these when you were young.

Oh, that's right. They didn't have baby monitors, car seats, fresh fruit, socks.

You're alive, aren't you?

A, B, C, D, E, F, G. Seems herself to sleep.

So, what do you think?

I like it.

Yeah, so did the last eight people who took a test drive.

Why didn't any of them buy it?

Well, I'm just waiting for the right person. You can understand that, can't

Andy? Oh, yeah.

This car's a beauty.

She drives real smooth.

And she's got a nice, quiet engine.

Key.

I'm sorry? Key.

The car's a he.

His name is Mr. Puffinchuck.

Here we go.

You know, it sounds kind of nutty, but I named him.

No, it's adorable.

My last car was named Go Berry.

Hello, Mr.

Puffinchuck.

Oh, my God, there's two of them.

Looks like Mr.

Puffinchuck might have a nice living home in your garage.

He sure will.

Except I don't have a garage.

What? Oh, I park on the street.

Oh.

In the snow, in the rain, in the bird number two.

No, we're done here.

What? No, no, we are not done. Would you consider buying a car cover?

Those are kind of a hassle. Okay, take us home. No.

Would you just pull over for a second? I need to talk to my business associate

here.

What's wrong with you? She's perfect. She drives 10 miles an hour and likes

crazy car names.

Mr. Puffinchug wouldn't even know you're gone.

I'm not going to let her leave Mr.

Puffinchug outside in the cold and the rain all night long.

It's a car, not a person.

Okay, if you're going to start talking crazy, I can't deal with you.

I'm sorry. All I'm saying is, Mr.

Puffinchug is stronger than you think, and you spent nine years raising him

right, but it is time to let go.

I know, you're right. She seems like a nice person. I'm sure she'll take good

care of him.

I guess it's time for us to say goodbye.

Wow, it really does have a quiet engine.

Let's find us some weed.

There's no pot in it.

Pot?

What the hell's going on here?

I don't know, but I would call the cops.

So you broke into my sleeping granddaughter's room with a drug

find a bear that you stuffed with Reaper?

When you put it like that, it sounds criminal.

It is criminal.

Come on, Tosh. The bear was empty.

So 20 years ago, Bill and Judy had a little pot.

It's not like they were in here smoking a bong.

Thank you, Fitz.

What's a bong?

Yes, thank you, Fitz.

I think it's bedtime, Ella.

Bong!

just spun way out of control. We made a mistake, but we didn't want to ruin our

relationship with you. As opposed to breaking into my granddaughter's room

terrorizing her?

Butch, get down from there.

I'm so sorry. We will replace this.

Hello?

Well,

it's medicinal, and I... I sometimes use it in my practice.

Oh, yeah? Where do you go to medical school?

Doobie University?

Look, cut me some slack.

I deal with screaming, snotty kids all day.

And I will not apologize for the occasional recreational use of... Who

belong to? It's theirs.

I think you should leave.

Come on, Bill.

And find yourself another doctor. Way ahead of you.

She seems to like your bag, too. Get that mutt out of here!

Dr.

Bloom, what are you doing here?

Well, I came by because I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about everything

that happened.

And, uh, well, I'd just like to ask you two questions.

Sure. Well, the first is...

Would you ever consider taking me back as Tina's doctor?

What's the second question?

Do you have any ho -hos?