Original subtitles

Tina, why are you pouring two bowls of cereal?

One's for Tracy.

Who's Tracy?

It's a stupid imaginary friend the little loser made up so she'd have

talk to.

Tracy doesn't like that kind of talk at all, Lauren.

At all.

That was chilling.

Judy, what Tina is doing is perfectly normal for her age. She's just trying to

fill a void in her life. When I was little, I had an imaginary friend, too.

Oh, yeah? As opposed to all the real ones you have now?

You know, honestly, I don't know why I come over here and take this kind of

abuse. Ooh, my laundry's done.

Tina, while I'm up, does your little friend want some?

Oh, Tracy, that was mean.

It wasn't Tracy.

The cap was loose.

Whatever helps you sleep.

Uh, Judy, this isn't going to be enough. What are you talking about? It's

plenty. For me, but what about Carlos?

Oh!

Phil Miller has just successfully flipped his 77th consecutive car.

Tying a record long believed to be unbreakable. Fitz.

Sorry.

Intense pressure on Miller.

Eight -year record on the line.

Record held by... Me.

Hey,

uh, does anybody actually work here? I mean, I've been standing here for five

minutes and nobody's noticed me. I'm sorry, sir. Hey, everybody, check out

Harding.

You happy now?

Very funny.

You know, I learned at Harvard Business School that a customer who's approached

within the first 30 seconds is 80 % more likely to make a purchase.

I'll tell you what, college boy, why don't you report us to our new

manager? He's supposed to be starting today, and... He just started, didn't

Yeah, he did.

I'm Mr. Casella, your new manager.

We were just demonstrating how the supercapacity megatank 3000 here can

deck and a half of cards in one flush.

Uh -huh.

Well, that'll be good to know if cards ever start dropping out of my butt.

Well, the stockroom seems to be in order and... Oh, a customer.

Welcome to Berenson, sir. How can I help you?

You see?

Now that customer service.

What's your name?

Maxwell McDaniel.

That's Godzilla. I'm your new boss. Oh, well.

You know, you guys can learn a thing or two from this man.

How'd you know? I was napping in the tub over there.

Tina, I am not playing your stupid Tracy game. Oh!

Tina, my sunglasses!

How did these get here?

Tracy must have put them there to save her seat.

Tina, she's not even real.

Isn't she?

God, that kid is creepy.

Stupid.

Bossy. Harvard.

Son of a...

Guy whose cousin owns a Berenson's.

Got a problem, Motley?

Ever since that stupid kid Seth took over, my whole day's been helping

customers, doing inventories. Plus, it feels like I'm coming down with him.

Oh, honey, that's just your body rejecting actual work.

I just hate taking orders from some stupid, spoiled college kid who never

damn thing.

Well, you said yourself he's new in town and he doesn't have a lot of friends.

Why don't you invite him over for poker night? Maybe that way he'll warm up to

you. Because when I'm drinking beer and talking about how much I hate him, it

might hurt his feelings.

Remember how you didn't like your old boss and we had him over and then

everything was great after that?

That's because I led him to believe he might have a shot with you.

No.

It's because I led him to believe he might have a shot with me.

You got a raise, didn't you?

Okay, let's see what you got, boys.

Anybody beat three tens?

Oh, I got the pair of twos.

Oh, and another pair of twos.

I win again.

What a night I'm having.

Gosh, Bill, what a great idea.

Inviting your boss over to play cards. Oh, I can't take all the credit?

We have Judy to thank. By the way, she thinks you're cute.

Yeah, middle -aged women love me.

Well, here you go, guys, my famous six -layer dip.

Would have been seven, except Bill had a can of corn for lunch.

Hey, popcorn stud, nothing wild.

All right, come on.

Say, thanks again for inviting me over, guys. It's great to just throw off the

name tags and treat each other as friends.

Right, chubby guy who came in late yesterday?

I'm just teasing you, Fred.

That's Fitz.

Oh, can we go with Fritz? It's easier to remember.

Yeah, sure.

So, Seth, how are you enjoying your job down at the store?

Um, it's okay for my first stop out of college.

I mean, it's certainly not the kind of place I want to see myself at 40, but...

That's why I avoid mirrors.

Oh, I mean, it's okay for you guys.

Well, that's what I mean.

Oh, I'm not trying to insult you. I'm just saying you like simple things, you

know? You're good, simple people.

Simple people.

Yeah, it's not a bad thing. In fact, hanging out with you guys is a lot more

relaxing than hanging out with my college buddies. It's nice not to have

think so much.

Yeah, around here we don't cotton to thinking.

Although I do have a little...

thought rattling around in my big empty head right now.

Well, do what we do in this house, honey. Scream it into a pillow.

What a pair of jacks. Three lovely ladies.

I win again.

Oh, great.

The rich get richer.

I'm late.

I got a little held up at Model UN.

I bet there were no actual models there.

Won't you geek?

I was in Model UN.

Really? What country were you in? Latvia.

I'm Latvia, too.

Small world.

You know why that's funny? Uh -uh. Hey, is that the new version of Dragon Boss?

Oh, yeah. I was just playing it at my friend Akeem's house. I'm hopelessly

in the forest of fairy.

Don't anybody say a word.

That's because you need the druid sword, my friend.

Want me to show you how to get it? Yeah, that'd be great.

Then again, I'd hate to bail on you guys.

You guys go ferry it up.

Well, that was fun.

Lost all my money to a rich kid.

What are you complaining about? I lost my name.

Seth, what are you still doing here? What's going on?

Seth and I are just playing Dragon Bot. I've just been knighted by the Supreme

Council of Warlords.

Well, tell the warlords your mom says it's bedtime.

Seth, I'm afraid you have to go.

What's going on?

Your son and I were having fun. Your wife made us stop.

What? Judy, let him play.

No, Bill, it's a school night and I realize Seth is your boss, but... Wait,

wait, wait.

You're his boss?

Classic.

You know, uh, Miller, it is late and, uh, your wife makes a good point. If I

were to keep playing, probably wouldn't make it in on time to work tomorrow.

Which means I wouldn't be there to know who else...

Didn't make it in on time.

Like you.

Oh. Oh.

So, we good?

Hold on. I just said that you have to leave and he has to go to bed. One late

night won't hurt him, Judy. Brian's doing great in school.

Yeah, he's a real smart kid. A real chip off the old what?

Grandmother? Grandfather?

He could have come from us.

I mean, he did. He came from us.

See, you know what? I'm going... on the bed and so are you two. Judy, Judy, let

him finish the game with my boss.

Fine.

Finish the game.

Seth, in case I don't see you again.

Well, you guys have fun.

All right. Thanks, Seth.

So, Seth, when you said I could come in late, you talking 11?

Sure. 30? Sure. Five? No.

Hey, it's...

Hey, have a nice lunch hour?

The rest of us have been back for some time now. Come on, Fitz. Don't be mad at

me just because Seth's letting me take a little longer for lunch.

You don't want to put on any weight because then you won't be able to fit up

ass.

Man, you got it easy with this guy. You come in late, you don't have to do

inventory. I'm surprised he hasn't given you the key to the executive bathroom.

You bastard.

Okay, so I've enjoyed a few perks since Brian and Seth buddied up. If it was

your kid, you'd do the same thing.

Don't insult me.

I can't think of another human being on the entire planet who would use his own

son just to get ahead with the boss.

Hey, fellas, what's up?

Hey, Matt.

Who's this?

Oh, this is my little brother.

He's into computer stuff and nerdy things. Seth around?

You are unbelievable. You're trying to horn in on my actions so you brought

brother to work? I'm not his brother. Shh.

What my little homie is trying to say is that technically we may not be blood

brothers per se, but we're actually participants in a big brother program.

And when did you sign up for that?

Yesterday.

I resent the implication.

I'm trying to give a little back to society.

Kids like Howard need a role model.

On your application, it said you were a surgeon.

I was told you couldn't read.

Hey, Sal.

Want you to meet my little brother, Howard.

Nice to meet you.

McDaniels, family visits aren't a lot except on break.

You heard the man. Get yourself going.

Idiot.

Miller.

Listen, I'm going to be leaving in a few minutes to meet Brian at the cyber

cafe. Oh, okay. That's cool.

I'm just telling you because it's a little flow today and we're only going

need two people to watch the floor.

That means the third guy can go home for the day.

Hey, that's you.

Oh.

Shh.

Your mom's asleep.

It's about time you got home.

Sorry, Dad. Me and Seth went to this cool documentary at the IMAX. Well, if

mother finds out you've been out this late, she'll be furious. Get up to your

room and be quiet.

Okay. Thanks, Dad.

What are you doing? Get up there before you are in a sack of trouble, mister.

Where have you been?

I was at the IMAX with Seth.

You went downtown on a school night?

Dad signed off on it. Oh, my God. He's smoking drugs.

told him he could stay out this late. To be fair, that was before I knew he'd

get caught.

Yeah, I got caught going to see a documentary. Ooh, learning. We don't

around here.

Okay, that is it. You are grounded in no more Seth. He's a bad influence on you.

Seth's a bad influence?

What, you mean the guy with the Ivy League education?

I should be hanging out with more people like him. I mean, he's only 23 and he's

already more successful than anyone in this house.

You better get your butt upstairs before she runs out of O's. Come on, Dad.

Don't talk to your mother like that. If I don't get to, you don't get to. This

whole thing sucks.

Oh, I haven't begun to make your life suck, mister.

And she knows how to make a life suck.

I'm just backing you up, babe.

Seth said he needs to stay away from Brian. But, Judy, this has been a sweet

deal. Thanks to Seth and my light work schedule, I've been able to wear the

shirt four days in a row.

Less laundry, Judy. Win -win.

Yeah, we all win when you wear the same shirt four days in a row.

First thing in the morning, you are going to go to work and stand up to that

little jerk.

Can I wait till 11?

Sure. 30? Sure.

Five? No!

punch you and you can pass it on, huh?

Okay. Nuh -uh.

No need for punching.

Tina?

Is the reason Tracy's acting out around here because she feels like nobody's

paying attention to her?

I guess.

Tracy?

Tracy.

We love having you in this family, but you can't act out around here just

because you're lonely and at an awkward

She says you're lonely.

And old.

Don't really think Tracy said that.

No, she did. She said that's why you're over here so much.

You are over here a lot. I'm trying to.

I can't believe I'm going to miss it.

It's just not fair that Seth's making you work a Saturday shift. And during

porcelain day. That's just cruel.

I mean, it's an outrage.

You shouldn't even go in.

I mean, you can stay and watch the rest of the game. That's all I'm asking.

Was that Bill just leaving?

Yeah, he just left for work.

He doesn't work on Saturdays. Well, that Seth kid's been riding him ever since

he stopped letting Brian hang out with him. Yeah, he's been giving him bad

shifts, grunt work.

The toilet returns window?

Bill never said a word.

I'm going down to that store and give that little Ivy League punk a piece of

mind. Oh, Judy, I don't think Bill would appreciate you going down to the

workplace. You can stay and watch the rest of the game. That's all I'm asking.

Okay, sir, I'll be with you as soon as I'm done with this customer. Just take a

seat with the others.

Judy, what are you doing here? It's porcelain days.

How'd you even get a parking spot?

Well, once they deflated the giant gorilla, a lot of spaces opened up.

Why didn't you tell me Seth was being such a hardy ass?

Because it's my problem, and I'm dealing with it. Yeah, but I'm the one who told

you to stand up to him. I'm going to go give him a piece of my mind. No, no, no,

no. Stay out of it. It's not that big of a deal.

You work for a living, you take a certain amount of crap.

Okay, if that's how you want to handle it. But he doesn't deserve an employee

like you.

All right. If that's what it takes to get some service around here, I'll lay

on you.

Okay, right. You were the guy who wanted a model that could handle high volume.

Uh, yeah.

The flume. This one.

Well, look who's here.

Bill's real boss.

You ground anybody today?

Nothing against you. It's just that Brian was staying out a little too late.

hard feelings. I'll see you around.

Oh, you know what? Sorry I took your son to a documentary when he probably could

have been at home with your husband learning how to arm fart.

Seth, Seth, may I tell you something that might be helpful for you to know?

Sure.

You're a jack nut.

Excuse me? How dare you extra work on my husband when all he was trying to do

was be a good father.

Listen up, Skippy.

Bill may not have gone to some fancy college or any college or most of his

school classes senior year, but he is a hard -working, working man.

You shouldn't have to take your crap. You're nothing but a bully. And bullies

are just scared little boys. So even though everyone around here calls you

or boss or Mr. Casella, they're all thinking the same thing.

Check nuts.

I'm sorry.

It's either that or chasing him through electronics and kicking him in the small

appliances.

Well, I guess I'd better go in there and try and fix this. Remember, Judy, it's

not cheating if I'm doing it to get my job back.

Brian,

what are you doing here?

I snuck over to play Dragon Ball with Seth and I heard everything you said to

him. Brian, I told you, you're not allowed to hang out with Seth anymore. I

know, I know.

But, Dad, why didn't you tell me he was being such a jerk to you? And why did

you put up with it?

Because I'm not one of these guys whose father's cousin owns Berenson's. I got

to work for a living.

I just want you to know that I'm dropping Seth as a friend, and I don't

smart he is. I don't want to be like that.

Although I am going to keep this jacket. It gives me shoulders.

Looks like none of us is going to see much of Seth.

You know, they always joke down at the Cinnabon that I might as well work

I'll go pick up an application and a free sample.

Dad, I don't think you're fired.

Really? Yeah, Seth's pretty shook up. And he said, actually, you could take

rest of the day off as long as you take Mom home with you. He's very afraid of

her.

He's afraid of her?

He should fear the man brave enough to marry her.

You're pretty.

Hello, Tina.

Suppose Tracy's here to say some more horrible stuff about me.

No, Tracy's not my friend anymore.

Really? You realize she was mean and told her to take a hike?

No, I have a new friend, Jeannie.

Oh, I see.

I suppose this Jeannie girl is just as mean as Tracy.

I'm sure Jeannie is a nasty, awful, snotty little smack -faced brat who

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