All language subtitles for still_standing_s03e14_drinking

Hey, we're back. Hey, how was the
museum?

I saw a bunch of really old fossils.

Wow, and they let you bring one home?

Tina knew so much about the dinosaurs
and the mummies. It really surprised me

how smart she is, given this.

Twelve miners pulled from shaft.

Pulled from shaft.

Yeah, we know Tina's smart. She's doing
great in school. Have you had her tested

to see if she should be in one of those
accelerated programs?

Oh, I don't know, Linda. I don't want to
put that much pressure on my kids.

That's why we said no when that fancy
private school tried to recruit Brian.

Wait, what?

Judy, I was a gifted child, and nobody
ever encouraged me. Tina deserves

A private school tried to recruit me?

Relax, Brian.

We also didn't let your sister audition
for the Fine Arts Academy, and they

practically begged us.

What?

They were full up.

Parking down there was crazy.

All

I

have to say, it's nice to have a
romantic date night every now and then.

And it's nice for me that you think
eating tacos in a parking lot is

What can I say? It takes me back to my
wedding night.

Well, what is going on downstairs?

I'm sorry. Parking lot tacos were a
mistake.

I mean, in the basement.

I'll go check it out.

Your mom wants you to keep it down. What
are you kids up to down here?

Oh, uh, we're playing Dark Lord. It's a
board game based on the social hierarchy

of feudal society.

So it's not just a board game. It's a
board -out -of -your -mind game.

Hey.

What's going on?

Oh, nothing. Brian and Lauren's friends
are down there. I told a joke and

cracked them up.

Really? That's odd.

Why? Normal girls don't like Brian's
friends, and no kids like your jokes.

What's this doing back up? I just
knocked it down.

Don't you see? Since we won't give them
a key to the lock, they've set up a

parent alarm.

We knock it over, they know we're
coming, they have time to hide

going on. How stupid do they think we...

Hi again.

Hi.

What are you guys doing back down here?

Well, your father said you were having
so much fun down here, I thought I'd

check it out for myself.

I hope I didn't interrupt you when I
kicked the bucket.

Okay, that is not funny at all. What is
going on down here?

Nothing, okay? Me and my girlfriends
were upstairs and we heard Brian and his

friends having so much fun that we
decided to join them.

I mean, what's so weird about that?

That girls are having fun with Brian and
his friends.

No offense.

A lot taken.

Why do you guys always have to assume
that we're doing something wrong, okay?

We're not getting into trouble. Can you
give us some credit, please?

Geez.

Well, maybe you're right.

Sorry we bothered you.

conducting an experiment.

Oh, to see how stupid your parents are?

We can explain, all right?

The only reason that those were there is
because we were going to play spin the

bottle. Oh.

Then go ahead. Play spin the bottle.

Anyone got a mint?

Grounded for two months.

No stereo, no TV, no phone. And you can
forget about... No internet, no car,

no money for clothes.

Hey, hey, hey. I want to take stuff
away, too.

Go ahead, go ahead. And you're not
allowed to have... laughter.

You can't take away laughter.

Trust me, he can.

I didn't know my friends were bringing
alcohol.

And we didn't drink anything. Only
because we came home early. And it's a

thing we did. You had warm beer, cheap
vodka, and wine coolers. What do you

think?

Everybody knows it's liquor before beer,
never fear. Beer before liquor, never

sicker.

Of course, whiskey is risky, but it
makes the ladies frisky.

Bill, we're trying to teach them not to
drink, not how to drink.

You're right. That was dumb.

Like mixing wine and rum.

Go think about that.

Hello, Judy.

Kathy. Tad.

Matthew Luke Halverson, you are in a
boatload of trouble, Mr. A. Boatload!

And this summer, you can forget all
about marionette camp.

And? That's right. I don't think the
other puppeteers want to share a booth

a booze hound.

Now, you go wait out in the car, Tommy
Lee.

Thanks for calling. This is awful.

Well, what are you going to do? The kids
are in an age where they're going to

experiment. I blame myself.

I'm afraid there's been times where Matt
has seen me enjoy up to... two beers in

one sitting.

At Christmas time, I do enjoy my warm
wassail.

I'm not sure what that has to do with
drinking, but okay.

Look. It's time we all take
responsibility for this. We need to set

example. Absolutely.

We need to be better role models. I
couldn't agree more.

We need to stop drinking.

You need to go now.

No, I'm not talking about forever.

I'm just saying we need to show our kids
that we can have fun without alcohol.

Well, I guess a few days couldn't hurt.

I was thinking more like a month. Okay,
you really need to go now.

Thought about you all the way home.

What? Oh, hey.

You're going to get a kick out of this.
I just got an email from the Halversons.

They actually got the other parents to
agree to that no drinking thing.

Stupid Halversons. Acting like they're
heroes for not drinking.

We could stop drinking if we wanted to.

What are you laughing at?

Um, you not drinking?

What's so funny about that? We could
stop drinking for a month.

A month? You've got to be kidding me.

What's so funny?

Um, I have a joke for you. Mom and Dad,
stop drinking for a month. The end.

Hey, hey, hey, you know I took away
laughter. Be gone.

I can't believe those two. We could stop
drinking for a month. We're not the

kind of people who need to drink to be
happy. Yeah, we are happy.

We just drink to be happier.

Hey, what's going on? Oh, kids are
giving us a hard time for some reason.

don't think we could stop drinking for a
month.

I wonder what would give them that
impression.

The fact that Brian's middle name is
Hops?

Or that Lauren's middle name is Barley?

I'm not saying you guys drink too much,
but you do tend to drink in front of

your children.

Bill, maybe we have been setting a bad
example. Is that how our children think

of us? Judy, I can quit any time I want.

And I'm talking about letting that one
into our house.

Kids, come in here, please. We've got to
do this.

Your father and I have been talking it
over, and we've decided to join the

parents and be good role models.

That's really not necessary.

Yeah, we gave up on you guys years ago.

We just picked our own new role models.
You see, mine is the manager at the

clinic counter, and Brian's is the
librarian from school.

Evelyn is firm, but fair.

Well, we're doing it anyway.

From now on, there's not going to be a
single drop of booze in this house for

the next month.

Right, Bill? Right.

Yeah, now pour it out of the glass
that's in the sink.

Pour it out of the cereal bowl.

Hey, buddy.

My new shipment of the international
beers are in.

Ready to go around the world in 80
burps?

I told you there's no drinking in the
house.

So you guys are really serious about
this no drinking thing, huh? Yeah, these

past three weeks have been easier than I
thought. I have more energy, I've saved

money, I've even gone down a whole belt
notch.

You're back to the regular holes, not
the ones you made with the barbecue for.

Ah, rough day.

Yeah. I need a little something to take
the edge off.

Thank God I got my needle point.

Ah, that hits the spot.

Hey, I'm dropping mine off at dance
practice.

You're not supposed to have beer in the
house.

Oh, that's my fault, Brian. I brought
them in. Your parents haven't touched a

drop.

You know, I've got to hand it to you
guys. I didn't think you could do it,

you've really proved us wrong.

Yeah, we're really proud of you.

Wow, it felt weird coming out.

Since you're out of drinking shape, you
better pace yourself at your Super Bowl

party on Sunday.

You're no drinking things over by then,
right? Yeah, it ends this Saturday.

Um, actually, it'll be a month on
Monday. That'll be 30 days.

Can't a month be 28 days?

A month can.

This month can't.

Yeah, but it's almost over. We're just a
few days shy. It's a gimme, right?

Sure, whatever. We didn't think you
could do it anyway.

There goes that feeling of pride.

Yvonne at the clinic counter said this
was going to happen.

Bill, we need to stick this out.
Otherwise, we're going to teach our

that it's impossible to have fun in this
house without alcohol. No, we're not.

We're teaching them it's impossible to
enjoy other people without alcohol.

Present company excluded.

No, I get it.

Quite miserable right now myself.

Especially at the thought of a dry Super
Bowl party. Oh, come on, it'll be fine.

I'll still make my Super Bowl chili, and
Bill will still do his famous halftime

dance. I do a dance?

Every year?

Yeah, right after the jello shots.

And before the tequila. What do I do
after the tequila?

We made a pact that we would never talk
about.

Hey, Jen. So what can I do you for?

Uh, mock gin and tonic, Virgin Mary,
name your poison.

Rat. And make a double for yourself.

Wow, Bill.

You're mean sober.

Look, Dad, I know you didn't want to
have a dry Super Bowl party, but it is

really cool that you're actually seeing
this through.

Maybe next month you can give up stupid.

Well, my chili sucked.

Because I couldn't use my secret
ingredient, beer.

You put beer in the chili?

No. People drink beer and then they
don't notice that my chili sucks.

Where the hell's my needle point?

Hey, thanks again for throwing this
alcohol -free party. I, for one, am high

being dry.

I would like to be drunk.

I know it doesn't rhyme, but it's just
the way I feel right now.

To reward everybody, Ted and I made
gifts for all the parents.

The Sober Bowl. Get it?

Yeah. Enjoy the chili.

Thanks for coming.

Oh, man, we wouldn't miss Bill's big
Super Bowl bash.

Where's the keg?

Oh, didn't Fitz tell you there is no
keg?

Seriously, dog, where's the keg?

That's right, amigos.

Bill's hosting a drive party to set a
good example for the kids.

Oh, hey, that's cool, Bill.

Let's roll. Yeah. What?

You're already here.

Yeah, yeah, we got T -shirts, we got
Arnold Palmers. Ted, Ted, you're not

helping.

Just give it a shot. Come on. The game's
already started.

All right.

I'll stay just to see you do your
halftime dance.

Man, I wait all year for that.

What is this dance I do?

I'm just going to get some pop.

Hey, Fitz. What are you doing?

Fitz, I told you no beer in the house.

Well, technically, I'm under the house.

It's one beer.

One beer. But don't tell anyone else.

Gotcha. Just one more beer.

Hey, Judy, you need some help with
those... Hey, you got beer.

Hey, Mac, you can't come down here, too.

Oh, Judy, I thought you were cool.

I am cool.

Okay, fine. But after this one, you both
come back upstairs.

Hey, you want to pull for the road?

No, I can't. Nah, take a pull.

Really, I can't. Oh, take a pull. Judy,
take a pull.

No, I...

My kids said I wouldn't. I'm Judy.

My kids had a beer party. I said, no, I
can't drink. They the balls of me. I got

to do whatever they... I can't believe I
broke my

promise to my kids.

Hey, I'm sorry, Judy. We shouldn't have
asked you to do... Hang on, hang on.

Beats the crap out of needlepoint.

Where are the sodas?

Oh, I forgot.

I'll go back down in a minute.

You know, Judy, I couldn't have made it
through this party without you. You're

my rock.

You filthy, lying drunk.

You had beer.

Something light and crisp.

A lager.

Okay, your buddies have beer in the
basement.

And I didn't want a drink, but they told
me I wasn't cool before I had you.

I'm going down there to give them a...
peace of my mind. I'd like to see him

and get me to drink.

Oh, I almost forgot my mug.

What's the mug for?

Chili.

My chili mug.

See, it's chili.

One beer.

Do you people hear me? One beer. Keep
your voices down.

Don't worry, Judy. I got this whole
thing under control.

Who's going to tell them?

You going to tell them?

Narc.

I am not a narc.

Would a narc do this?

Where did all the other parents go?

Maybe they went out to get some decent
chili.

We made a promise to our children.

You're going back on it.

This type of behavior is exactly...
There you go, bud.

Thank you.

Hey, that's beer. I didn't want to
drink... Where's this from?

It's Norwegian.

Son of a bitch, that's good.

Dad!

I didn't want to drink it, but the cigar
smoke was...

Um, where'd all the parents go?

I think the real question is, who cares?

Oh, wow. What a pass.

Touchdown!

Did that come from the basement?

Locked. Locked?

It's weird. The door's never locked.

Hello?

downstairs? We're just watching the game
down in the cellar like they did in the

olden days.

So why aren't you guys upstairs watching
the game on the big TV?

Yeah. What's going on?

Nothing.

Oh, my God. Is that a beer bottle?

Look, I know we said this party was
going to be alcohol -free, as this house

been for the last month, but your mother
came down here to get some more soda,

and she found some beer.

Oh, my God.

All right, I'm sorry. They were just
left over from the last party.

What? Were you...

Until we were 21?

And we feel just awful, especially since
you guys have worked so hard not to

drink all month.

Yes, we did, and we are very
disappointed.

Very.

I'm so disappointed, I might throw up.

Okay, you kids go on up there. The
adults have some things we need to

Well, I think we just learned something
very important from those kids.

Yes. There's more beer down here. Fan
out.

Okay, Brian, I know you learned a lot
from this whole experience, but I just

want to go through it one more time.

Do we have to? Yes, it's very important.

It's something a son should learn from
his father, and, you know, maybe one day

you'll pass it on to your son.

Fine.

More elbows.

More elbows.

Come on, don't be afraid to bounce.

It's a Super Bowl, not a funeral.

That's it. Now, big finish.

Cause you make me