Original subtitles

About time you guys got back.

Well, when we take your brother to visit colleges, it's important that we get a

complete picture of what each school has to offer.

And this one had a bar nearby that offered dollar pictures and free hot

Good school.

You guys didn't even go on the tour.

Oh, you know, it just looked like a lot of walking, and at that point, we

couldn't.

Did you bring me anything?

Yes. A new doll glass for your collection.

Cool.

You don't see anything wrong with that?

Oh, you're right. Rinse it out, honey!

And we didn't forget about you, Lauren.

We bought you a cinnamon bun.

And then we did forget about you and we ate it, so could you toss that for me?

You know, you guys don't have to go with me on every college tour.

Oh, no, no, no, no. It's our responsibility to see these colleges

this weekend I can go with Hakeem and his parents to Ball State.

I'm sorry, what's the name of that college again? Ball State.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll definitely take you to, uh... What is it again?

Ball State.

Which school?

Ball State.

What's that? For God's sake, Brian, just go!

Hey, Lauren, you going to the movies?

No. Then why are you picking your seat?

of that rash?

Yeah, and none of the stuff that you gave me helped.

All right, you know what? Tomorrow we'll call Dr. Kevin and make an appointment.

Why do I still have to see Dr. Kevin? I'm 15 years old. I'd like a doctor with

last name.

Becca goes to a doctor who specializes in adolescence.

Let me know when he comes up with a cure for it.

Please?

Okay, you're right. You know what?

You are too old for a pediatrician.

My daughter's becoming a woman.

I just hope someday you could be a role model for your daughter.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go take a shower.

I'm still a little sticky from doing all those belly shots.

I

can't

believe these brochures.

Alcohol abuse, drug abuse, unprotected sex.

Sounds like the night we made Brian.

Why does it hurt when I pee?

Please tell me you're reading a pamphlet.

Uh, okay.

Hey, sweetie, how'd it go?

Fine. Lauren, I'm going to talk to your parents for a moment.

Okay. Don't worry, honey, we'll get to the bottom of your bottom.

We'll be right up when we're done talking to Ophelia.

Who? You're a doctor. I feel you, Tush.

Dad! Well, first off, I don't think the rash is anything serious. Oh, so you

find it funny, too.

I didn't discuss this with Lauren, but sometimes a rash like this can be

symptomatic of bigger problems.

Bigger problems?

Yes. Based on my conversation with Lauren, I think she may have some

issues that could benefit from therapy and possibly medication.

Emotional issues? Like what?

Well, she has anxiety about schoolwork, anger toward her siblings. She resents

authority. Oh.

So what you're saying is she's a teenager.

Her brother's got a bad case of that, too.

I think there might be a little bit more to it than that. I, um, think she's

depressed. Of course she's depressed. She's got a crusty rash on her butt.

There's nothing wrong with Lauren.

Sure, she can get moody and angry and stomp around sometimes, but then the

doesn't fall too far from the... There may be no cause for concern, but just in

case, I'm giving you the number of a psychiatrist.

Well, Doctor, we appreciate your concern, but we know our daughter better

you do. With all due respect, I think you're way off on this.

See, this is what I was talking about. The apple, the tree.

The tree, in this case, representing a person.

Bill, the tree can hear you.

You know what, Bill? I've been thinking. What if there is something to what this

doctor said?

If you ask me, these doctors are a little too drug -happy.

I've gone my whole life without any mood -altering medication.

Oh, my...

Hang on, honey. We just walked in the door, remember?

Daddy's not really home until right here.

Oh, yeah.

Think about it, Bill. She has been giving us a lot of attitude lately.

that's a symptom of something.

Nobody in this house needs a psychiatrist.

Hey! Nobody who lives in this house.

Who needs a psychiatrist?

Well, Lauren's doctor thought that she might be a little depressed.

Depression?

What are you going to do?

Well, we'll keep an eye on her, and I'm sure if we see something wrong, we'll

pick up on it. I don't know. Judy, you haven't always been the best judge of

noticing when someone close to you is crying out for help.

Like who?

Hmm. Gosh, someone you lived with? Someone who once spent weeks in her

Someone who once wrote a poem that started, I'm all alone on an empty seat.

Was there ever a soul so sad?

It's me.

Mom? Me?

As was everyone whose lives you touched.

I'm just saying there are certain warning signs you guys might have

Like what?

Well, have you noticed any changes in her grades?

She changed that C -minus to a C -plus, but we caught her.

Her grades have been slipping lately, but she loves her art class.

Mm -hmm. Does her sketch pad?

Yeah, why?

Well, have you actually looked at these drawings? Some of them are pretty

upsetting.

You're right.

She's awful.

According to my psych class, when a child draws a figure without hands, it

indicates a feeling of helplessness.

Really? Bill.

Maybe she just can't draw hands.

You ever think of that?

Oh, I'm sorry. The offering college course is in the toilet department?

Fine, fine. We'll keep an eye on her, see if she seems depressed.

What? Do I have something on me? No, no. You look great. Beautiful, honey.

Wonderful. Very pretty. And you're developing just fine.

You're getting a nice little shape on you.

Can we just not talk about this now?

Sure, but we want you to know that if there's anything you ever want to talk

about, we are there for you. That's right. We're your family. You can talk

any time.

Unless the TV's on, then we talk during commercials.

We're trying to say honey.

You're not alone on that empty seat.

There's someone there.

And her name is me.

Thanks. Once again, nice shape.

Can we please just not talk about my shape?

Todd, what's wrong with those three?

I'm guessing too much drinking and not enough thinking.

You know, it's really weird. They're being really nice to me. It's creepy.

Oh, yeah, they think you're depressed.

What? Yeah, I heard them talking about it.

So, uh, can I have your stereo when they put you away?

Hey, they think I'm mental?

Those freaks?

Yeah, you should see them at a college bar where beer's caught the nickel.

I'm gonna go tell them I'm fine and to leave me alone.

Hold on, hold on.

What? You know, if we play this right, maybe there's a way we can both get

something out of this.

What are you talking about?

Well, I have an idea, but for this to work, Mom and Dad would have to be

brain -dead.

I could hurt the shot.

Daddy, there's a bumblebee in my room. Could you... Ah, ah, ah, ah.

What do we know about Daddy's coffee, honey?

Not awake until right... there.

That's my girl.

All right, then. See you.

Hey, hey, hey. Where are you going with that stuff?

Well, it... You know what? Never mind. I shouldn't even tell you. Tell us what?

Well, I'm taking it up to Lauren. She doesn't want to come out of her room.

Bill, did you hear that?

He's taking this food up to Lauren's room.

Good. While you're up there, could you kill that bee?

Why doesn't she want to come out of her room?

I don't know.

She's been acting really weird lately.

Like she's depressed or something.

You know, to be honest, I'm kind of worried about all of us going out of

this weekend, but this college trip's important, too.

What college would that be again? You know.

Anyway, just don't tell her I said anything.

All right, Bill, this is getting crazy.

Lauren, can you come down here?

What are you doing?

I'm going to sit Lauren down on the couch and ask her if she's depressed.

have to be sensitive about throwing around words like that.

The minute you put a label on something like this, it can make a person feel

much worse.

That's what happened to my cousin, Larry the Nut.

We're calling that shrink.

No, we're not doing that. Just let me take the lead on this.

Did someone call me?

Would you come down here, please?

I guess.

You seem a little down.

No, I'm all right.

Why aren't you dressed yet?

Why bother?

I feel like a big lump.

No, you're a very pretty young girl.

Dad, how can you say that? When everywhere I look, girls are a hundred

prettier than I am.

Just like... I don't know, for instance...

The girl from the clothing catalog that is laying right here.

You're every bit as pretty as they are.

I could never look like that.

Of course, a lot of it does have to do with the clothes.

Well, we can buy you some new clothes.

What? Really, Bill?

Hey, hey, hey. If it makes my little girl feel better, that's what we're

Lauren, do you think it's going to make you feel better buying new clothes?

I think so.

We'll do it this weekend.

I thought you guys were going on another college trip this weekend.

Well, we were, but this is more important. We're just going to have to

Brian that he has to go alone this weekend. What? Did someone mention my

Brian, I'm sorry. We can't go with you to visit the college this weekend.

Oh, that's too bad.

I'll bring you guys back a chocolate.

Make sure it says Ball State.

Did you have fun at the mall, honey?

Yeah, I'm feeling a little better.

Of course you are, because Daddy knows how to make your blues disappear.

Along with most of our green.

Oh, I'll get it.

Hello? Hey, it's me.

Oh, hi, Becca.

So are Mom and Duh still buying the act?

Yeah, you know, I don't know, Becca. I'm not sure I'm up for it tonight.

Okay, well, have fun at Becca's. Hakimi and I are signed up for the faculty tea.

Well, you girls have fun, okay?

Very funny.

All right.

Bye.

What was that?

Well, Becca wanted me to come over and hang out, but I'm not sure I'm up for it

tonight. You should go. I think it would be good for you to hang out with your

girlfriends tonight.

Well, you know, it might go late, and I have my curfew.

Forget about the curfew. Just go.

Until midnight, not a minute after.

Because then maybe I'll go.

It might be fun.

I think she's feeling better.

You were right. All she needed was a little cheering up. Hey, we're home.

Hey, you two. How was the zoo?

It was so much fun. We saw birds and monkeys.

And we saw two hippos. One of them is climbing on top of the other one.

To give her a back rub.

Beautiful, if somewhat violent, back rub.

You guys did a lot of shopping. Oh, we took Lauren to get some more clothes at

the mall.

Oh, for Becca's party?

Party? Becca's not having a party.

Yes, she is. Her mom went out of town, so she's having a pool party with boys.

What? She didn't say anything about a party. She said you would let her go

because you think she's sad.

Oh, my God.

Bill, do you think she's been... Giving us the old back rub?

That little snake? There's absolutely nothing wrong with her.

Okay. Okay, now you're just jumping to conclusions.

I mean, there's still this drawing.

This points to a very disturbed child.

Hey, that's mine.

No, honey, that's Lauren's sketch pad.

She gave it to me.

Wait, you drew these pictures, Tina?

Yes.

Well, we noticed, honey, how none of these sweet little girls have hands.

Is that because you're feeling insecure and powerless?

No, it's because I can't draw hands.

Really? What a simple and logical explanation.

So great that you get to have these parties, Becca. Yeah, I'm so lucky. My

having an affair with her boss, and she's never here. It rocks.

Lauren, your mom just walked in.

Yeah, real funny, Becca.

I'm not kidding.

Honey!

Lauren!

Guess what?

When I got here, this whole thing turned into a pool party. Oh, man.

Well, I just came to check on you because you seemed a tiny little bit sad

you left.

No, I'm fine. So you can go.

Oh, really?

Oh, but you know what? You forgot your butt cream.

Becca, can we put Lauren's butt cream in the cooler? Because really, you have to

refrigerate the butt cream.

Mom, would you stop saying butt cream, please? Oh, you know what?

I could just hold this towel up in front of you, and you could put the butt

cream on right now.

Nobody looking boring!

Although she does have a nice little shape on her.

Okay, you know what? I get it. All right? I lied to you. I'm busted.

But if you want to punish me, let's go home and get it over with. No!

Not until you smile first. You were so depressed.

You know what's fun?

Dancing. Who here knows a chicken dance?

Da -da -da!

Well, I'm glad you finally told me the truth.

Now, can we please get out of here before this gets any worse?

Fine, I'll find your father.

Dad's here?

Hey, Lauren.

Attention, teenagers.

There is a severe tidal wave alert for the following candidates.

This one.

That was one crazy pool party.

You know, Lauren, a lot of what we did tonight was meant to embarrass you.

My trunk's slipping off, total accident.

Well, you have a nice little shape on you too, honey.

Thanks. See, I don't mind hearing that.

I can't believe you would put us through all that.

Look, I told you, it was Brian's idea, okay? Yeah, we'll deal with Brian later.

Do you have any idea how worried we were about you?

I said I'm sorry, okay?

Just get upstairs, and you're returning all the stuff we bought you. Fine. I

don't care.

It doesn't matter. It won't fix anything.

I'm still me.

And I'm still not buying it, which is the only thing I haven't bought today.

Hang on, Bill. What do you mean by I'm still me?

Nothing, okay? I'm going to bed. Lauren, come here.

Come here.

Okay, before you started scamming us, your doctor...

Thought that you might be a little bit depressed.

Are you?

No.

God.

I don't know. I mean, can we just not talk about this? No, we have to talk

this. There's nothing to talk about.

It's just I hate everything in my life, okay?

I hate the way I look. I hate school. That is not true. You love your art

I quit my art class.

But you worked so hard to get into it. You were so excited about it. Yes.

I suck at dance. I suck at everything I do, okay? So can we just not talk about

this? Can't you just leave me alone?

Well, if you don't want to talk to us, maybe you want to talk to somebody else

about it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

There's only one person my little girl needs to talk to to feel better, and

that's her daddy.

Listen, honey, whenever I'm feeling blue, I give myself a little pep talk.

The way I see it is, you're only as happy as you set your mind to be. So,

try to be happier.

Okay?

Who's hungry?

How am I just supposed to be happier?

Uh, easy.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

What does that mean?

It means if something bad happens, turn it around. Make it a good thing. Well,

how do you do that?

By not being so sad and stuff.

But what if that's the way you feel? I mean, how do you change what you feel?

By making lemonade. Am I not being clear?

Okay, you know what, Bill? We need to call that doctor. No, I told you. I'm

having my little girl be embarrassed by going to a therapist.

Actually, um, that's not all that embarrassing.

I mean, some of my friends go to therapists.

Really? Yeah.

But you'd be telling your problems to a stranger.

No offense, but...

I think I'd rather take my chances with a stranger.

All right, you know what?

We'll call the doctor tomorrow.

Thanks, Mom. Oh, sweet girl.

Therapist, wow.

Oh, don't worry, Bill. She'll be all right. We're doing the right thing.

I don't know. It just seems like...

Sending her to therapy is like admitting we messed her up.

Bill, you just did a cannonball at her friend's pool party.

I think we messed her up a little bit.

I know. It's just the admitting I don't like.

This whole thing with Lauren has been a huge wake -up call. Absolutely. We have

to make sure we give all our kids the attention they need.

Tina, how are you? Yeah, how was school today?

You know I'm not home until right here.