Original subtitles

Hey, Dad. Hey, Mr. Miller. Ah, hey, Lauren, Robbie, playing a little b

huh? You know, I was shooting a few hoops myself today.

Kind of jammed my finger. Would you mind pulling... Don't pull it.

Ah, next time.

So, uh, Dad, can you move the car?

Yeah, as soon as the oil's changed.

Dad, do you have to do this right now?

Yes, Lauren.

When you own a car, it comes with responsibilities.

And that includes changing the oil every 4 ,000 miles.

Yeah, sure, I could take it into a shop, but this way I know it's done right.

Well, is it going to take much longer?

I can't say.

I can, about a half hour.

Don't rush it, honey. I want it done right.

God, I'm a...

You're exhausted.

I was standing out there in the direct sun. At least you were in the shade.

I was working under the car.

In the shade.

Hey, how was your sleepover at Aunt Linda's? It was a blast.

We played clean the apartment.

Yeah. And guess who was the big winner?

You.

You did a hell of a job on my oven.

Oh, great. Now I'm going to have to wait a week to ask her to clean mine.

Hey, Lauren, I saw you out there shooting hoops with Robbie. You're

good. Keep practicing, you could get into the WNBA and make hundreds of

a year.

It's kind of weird.

I mean, the game was fun, but as soon as it was over, Robbie just wanted to go

home. Oh, sure. They always want to go home when the fun's over.

Sometimes when only half the fun is.

I just don't get it.

Maybe I should have let him win.

Uh, no.

No, no, no. You just be yourself. Be the best you you can be.

Okay?

All right, I'm off to my meeting.

What meeting?

Uh, AA.

But you're not an alcoholic.

No, I know, Judy, but Danny W. is, and he's hot, and I think tonight he's going

to tell me his last name.

Lauren, I know this is going to sound a little weird, especially after that, but

your Aunt Linda's right.

You know, if Robbie needs you to throw a game, then he's the wrong guy. What you

want is a man who doesn't care if you're better than him at everything, like me

and your dad.

So it shouldn't feel bad that I beat him?

No, because the right man knows that it's perfectly fine if he doesn't always

measure off. That's what I admire about your dad.

He doesn't mind if I do all the things around here that men are supposed to do.

He is so evolved.

that he accepts that I'm way more competent than him.

He's not at all hung up on being the man.

Thanks, Mom.

I guess Robbie's just going to have to learn how to handle it.

Like Dad.

What you looking for?

I don't know. I used to have these two things shaped like walnuts.

It made me feel like a man.

I believe you had them last.

upset I told her all that stuff, are you? No, no, not me.

I've evolved.

Count me into a woman.

Because you can't deny that I do a lot of stuff around here, Bill. You know, I

work on the car, I fix the air conditioning.

I could do all those things. You just seem to get so much pleasure out of

If you're interested in giving me pleasure, I have a whole different to

for you.

The point is, just because I allow you to do some of the easier man chores

around here, at the end of the day...

I wear the pants in this family.

Oh, you wear the pants in the family.

Okay, first of all, I have to remind you to even wear pants.

Mommy, Mommy, there's a spider in my room. Can you kill it? I'll get it,

sweetie. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a second. If there are any spiders to be

killed in this house, Daddy will kill them for you. Because that's what a

does, protect his family.

But you hate spiders.

That's just something your mother led you to believe.

No, you told me that.

Well, I think you misunderstood.

You said, I hate spiders. Go back to bed. Mom will get in the morning.

You want a conversation or a dead spider?

Now, Tina, there's nothing to be worried about. You just tell Daddy where the

spider is and he'll take care of it.

It's up there. Okay, well, you just sit back and... Heavenly God.

Those biceps.

Sure. If you can live with it for three days, I could go apply for a handgun.

Daddy! Okay, hand me that coloring book.

There's no way this could go bad.

I know what I'm doing.

Where is it?

It jumps?

Let me go get the dust buster. Did the caveman do his killing with a dust

buster? No, no, you're right. He used a coloring book.

Watch out for my tea set.

Trying to make a run for it, huh?

Not today, my friend.

Damn it. My tea set.

Don't worry, honey. There's no way I'm going to break your...

If there were any spiders in the dollhouse, they're dead now.

Oh, sweetie, your dollhouse.

It's ruined.

I know, sweetie.

I'm fine, thanks.

Listen, honey, I'm sorry about your dollhouse.

I wanted to take it to show and tell on Monday.

Well, you could show them me and tell them how I fell on it.

dollhouse and you wrecked it.

Oh, sweetie, you know, we'll find something else for show and tell. No,

won't, because Daddy's going to fix this dollhouse for you.

Really? You bet.

But you hate fixing stuff.

What gave you that idea?

When I asked you to fix my bike, you said, I hate fixing stuff.

Well, I'm going to enjoy fixing this.

Thanks, Daddy.

Bill, you shouldn't have promised her that. You don't have a clue how to fix

that. Look, I promised my daughter I'd fix her dollhouse. That's what I'm going

to do. I'm going to show her who's the daddy around here.

Pant. Exactly. I wear the pant.

No, you ripped your pants when you fell on the dollhouse.

I believe I found your walnut.

Hey, I'm heading out with Linda and Tina. I just wanted to see if you needed

anything. Oh, yeah. You'd love that, wouldn't you? Butting in on my dollhouse

project so once again you can be the big hero with the kids. I don't need

anything from you.

I meant from the store.

We could use some ham.

I just bought a pound of ham yesterday.

Are you going to judge me or are you going to get the ham?

Fine.

Porch railing, porch railing. You glued it to your shirt.

I still don't need your help.

Beyond the ham.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad. Oh, hey, kids. Do I have a doorknob on me?

No, just the usual handles.

So, Dad, are you going to be in the driveway long? Because Robbie's coming

and we're going to shoot some hoops later. You know, I want to warm up.

It should be done in an hour, hour and a half tops.

Oh, yikes. I don't like the look of that mole.

Oh. It's the doorknob.

Dad, I think this is going to take a lot longer than you think.

You're telling me.

Everything's so small and my hands are so big.

I need someone with long, skinny, delicate, ladylike fingers.

Say, Brian, what are you up to?

I was just deciding which ladylike finger to give you right now. Come on,

I meant manly hands built for men's work.

Okay, I'll do it. All right, that's the spirit. The Miller men working together,

sweating it out with nothing but our bare hands and our manly manliness.

Now hand me that chenille curtain.

Oh, pretty.

What do you think?

Give me the men who are stout target men who will fight for the right they

adore.

Start me with him, or stout -hearted men, and I'll soon give you ten thousand

more. Oh, shoulder to shoulder, and bolder and bolder, they go as they

go to the ball.

Times like this that really test a man's grit.

There's two things we could do right now. We could take the easy way out and

buy a new dollhouse, or we stay here, roll up our sleeves, and get the job

That's the spirit, Dad.

I know it might take all day, but surely working together, I bet.

Smart move, Dad, admitting defeat. I'm not. Not admitting defeat. I'm giving up

on an impossible task.

Aren't you splitting hairs?

If I could split hairs, I would have been able to fix that tiny freaking

dollhouse.

We'll get Tina one that's just as nice and she can take it to a show and tell

Monday. This one's okay.

She's a beauty, ain't she?

Lots of curb appeal.

I'm Simon. Welcome to Tiny Town.

What can I do for you today?

We want to buy a dollhouse.

So, tell me your needs. Are you looking for bold and architecturally exciting or

small and rustic?

Well, we just need something nice, maybe three stories, about this big.

Uh -huh, uh -huh. Okay, let's go for a walk. Here we are.

Now, this is an entertainer's delight. Four bedrooms, two and a half baths,

bonus room. Could be anything you want.

Maybe a gym big guy?

I'm just ribbing you.

And how much is it?

Well, this whole neighborhood's pretty pricey.

Neighborhood? Yeah.

Yeah, this whole area.

One of these wouldn't happen to be a little mental institution you do back

would it?

Oh, now you're ribbing me.

No, I'm not.

Hey, isn't this the exact same house Tina heard?

Ooh, looks like someone's trying to keep up with the Joneses. We'll take it.

Oh, that one sold this morning.

It was only on the market an hour.

Yeah, she's coming back later to pick it up tonight.

Sold to Judy Miller.

I don't believe your mother. She bought another dollhouse because she didn't

think I could fix the old one.

Dad, you couldn't fix the old one. That's why we're here.

So that's it. You're against me, too. Well, I don't care if anyone believes in

me. I'm going to rebuild Tina's dollhouse. It's going to be just like

Dad, if you say you can do it, I believe in you.

Thanks, Brian.

Go, bird baby.

One more and I win.

Yeah, yeah, all right. Are we going to play ball or what?

Hey, Dad.

Man on a mission.

Why can't he just say he has to go to the bathroom like everybody else?

He's doing the dollhouse thing.

So, you guys throwing the rock around?

Come on, pass me the rock.

Pass me the rock.

Yeah. Brian Miller takes it from the top of the key.

Jude said nothing but... Neighbor's yard.

Go get it.

I'm going to get something to drink. Do you want something?

Yeah. You can quit cheating.

I'm not cheating.

Whatever. Whatever.

Isn't Mom helping you with that? No, I'm doing this. I don't need your mother's

help. I don't need anybody's help.

Robbie's problem around here. Robbie just bit my head off, too.

Well, maybe Robbie wouldn't have a problem if you weren't showing him up

making him feel like he couldn't do things. All I'm saying is back off a

But Mom said I couldn't let him win on purpose.

Well, your mom isn't a man, which is what first attracted me to her.

Because she's not, there are certain things she'll never understand.

Like what?

Do you like winning?

Yeah. Do you like Robbie?

Yeah.

Choose.

You mean I've got to lose for him to like me?

Lauren, a man needs to feel he's wearing the pants in a relationship, so give

that boy his pants back.

And then don't ever touch, go near, or think about those pants again.

Okay,

refrigerator. We'll put you next to the toilet.

A TV right in front of the toilet.

And now it's a house of the future.

Hey, I got your ham.

Thank you, but I'm busy.

Wow, it's really coming along. I'm surprised.

Really? You're surprised?

Why am I not surprised that you're surprised? Frankly, I'd be surprised if

weren't surprised.

You know, it's called smoke, Tam, but you're not really supposed to smoke it.

Hey, how's it going out there with Robbie?

Awesome. See, I told you, just be yourself.

Yeah, that didn't work out too well.

It started going better when I started letting him win.

Thanks, Dad.

No problem, honey.

That's what your dad does. He fixes things.

So you told her to lose?

I just didn't want her to do to the men in her life what you've done to me.

What have I done to you besides knocking 100 points off your cholesterol and

giving you sex?

Uh, I don't know. Been to Tiny Town lately?

What? Because I have, and it seems one Judy Miller bought a dollhouse because

she had no faith in her husband and assumed he couldn't fix this one.

Just out of curiosity, what were you doing at the dollhouse store?

Just hanging.

What, I need your permission every time I go to Tiny Town? Oh, please, you gave

up and you went there to buy a new one. Okay, fine, I did, but you shouldn't

have expected me to fail. Oh, God. Can you blame me? You always bail on things.

And then I end up changing the oil or recycling 800 beer cans because

too sentimental to throw them away.

Judy, it's not that I can't do those things. I choose not to because I'm

But when I say I'm going to do something, it's insulting for you to

going to fail.

So I should just wait for you to fail?

And always be shocked when it happens.

Well, that makes sense. To the insane. I'm not arguing with you. We have a

system that works.

We both know the division of labor around here. Who does what. Me,

Yes, exactly. But it's our unspoken agreement. There's no reason to speak it

front of the kids. It's like taking them to Disney World and letting them see

Goofy without his head on.

It's more like that than you think.

All I'm saying is you run me down in front of Lauren, Tina comes to you to

bugs. then at the dollhouse store, Brian sees how little you really think of me.

I felt very small in tiny town, Judy.

Well, I'm sorry I didn't mean to do that.

From now on, any contempt I have for you, I will keep to myself.

Thank you.

You know, there is a solution to all this. You could be a little less lazy

around here.

Maybe you have a point there.

I should think about that.

No. No. No.

No.

No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No.

Great game, Robbie.

Hey, where were you on those rebounds?

Guess I just missed them.

Look, I mean, it's not your fault.

I was on fire.

So, uh, maybe next Friday we'll do something?

Yeah, maybe.

If you want, come to my house and watch me lift weights.

That sounds like fun.

All right, see ya.

See ya.

Hey, Uncan.

Hey, Dad.

So, uh, that'll look like fun.

Yeah.

He's a gracious winner.

A lot of class.

I've been crushing him for weeks. And suddenly he wins a couple games, he

he's on fire.

Well, that's not his fault.

He's a guy.

We're easy to fool when you're telling us we're good.

You know, you're pretty smart, Dad.

Oh, thanks.

Wow, that was easy.

All that stuff I said about letting Robbie win, that was stupid.

The stuff your mom said about always doing your best, do that.

So next time I can clean his clock?

Absolutely. I'm sorry I ever told you not to.

Don't sweat it, Dad. It was way too much effort not to be myself anyway.

Ah, that's my lazy girl.

You want to play a little one -on -one?

Sure. I'll try and take it easy on you.

Bring it on, old man.

Okay, but I gotta warn you, I played a lot of ball in my day.

You're about to see my patent.

I'll go get that.

Later.

Oh, Tina, this is gonna be a great show and tell.

Your dollhouse sure beats the heck out of Cammie Kelly's stupid hotel soap

collection.

Your dad worked really hard to fix this, and he did a great job.

Hey, I finally found that ball.

Jeez, Bill, you almost hit the... Your

dad can fix this.

I'll go get my tea set.

I wouldn't have it any other way