Original subtitles

Here, honey.

Take this. It'll make you feel better.

Mmm, that tastes good.

Have some more.

Really? You want more?

Yeah, it makes me feel good.

Last night, my teddy bear talked to me.

Well, it shouldn't be doing that. You're only taking, uh... Oh, oh.

You're good for another day. Don't operate heavy machinery.

How's our sweet little Tina? Oh, she's still sick. You should go talk to her.

Why? Being sick doesn't make her more interesting.

Real nice, Bill. She can't help it if she's sick.

She touched that toast.

Ew! Hey,

guys. Hi, Brian.

Oh, Donald.

Hakeem. Hi, Mrs. Miller.

Well, you're not going to believe this. I have the most amazing news.

Another one of those Frodo Potter books is coming out.

Frodo Potter.

I think you're confusing. Not worth it. Actually, we've all chosen to build a

float for the St. Patrick's Day parade, and I'm the head designer.

Well, this is great. The millers are all over the parade this year. Lauren and I

are step dancing, and you're building a float. Yeah, wait till you see my

design. We're going with the traditional Gaelic theme.

Three guys building a parade float?

Sounds pretty Gaelic to me.

I'm still in love with you today, cause you make me happy.

and it's quite a workout.

Yeah, I just hope we get the routine down in time for the parade.

Are you kidding? We are great.

We're not just mothers and daughters. We're river dancers.

Any chance we can get her to dance into the river?

Aw, it'd be nice.

Lauren's mom is really enthusiastic.

Get real, Becca. I know she sucks.

Oh, good.

She's really bad.

You have to say something to her.

I will.

Man, you guys are so lucky to have moms who don't want to be involved in your

lives. I know.

Having my mom in rehab is like the best thing that ever happened to me.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Scotty. Oh, hey, Lauren.

Becca and Kristen, right? Hi.

Oh, my God.

Those are names.

I saw your game last week. You were awesome.

Yeah, that's my boy.

And let this be a little bit of warning for you girls about beer before and

after.

Okay, bye.

It was fun watching you at the batting cages, Scotty. That's quite a swing you

got there.

Yeah, highest batting average on the varsity team.

You've been a star since you were in Little League. Yeah, only because you

such a good coach.

Well, it's not just me.

Who am I kidding? Of course it's me, huh?

Hey, Dad.

Hiya, champ.

Ow, ow.

Dad, you're crinkling my tissue paper. Hey, Brian.

Oh, hey, Scotty.

That's some fancy tissue paper you got there.

Yeah, it's for my float, but it's all wrong. I asked for Kelly green, and they

gave me sage green.

Who ever heard of a sage leprechaun?

Here goes my whole color scheme.

A float?

Yeah, Brian and his engineering club buddies got picked to design a float for

the, uh... God, I need a beer.

Hey, where you been?

Fitz and I took our boy Scotty to the batting cages. Now we're gonna watch the

game. Did you just say our boy?

Judy, Judy, don't twist my words around.

All I meant was I want Scotty to be our son.

Bill, you have a son, and he's out back working on his project, and I'm sure he

could use some help.

But it's afloat, and it's still daylight, and there's neighbors.

You know, it wouldn't kill you to get involved with your son's interests like

Fitz is with Scotty.

Hey, Mom?

Can we talk? And like I am with Lauren and her Irish step dancing.

It's made us closer.

We have a blast watching those other moms try to dance. Some of them do not

a clue.

Not a clue.

Did you want to ask me something, sweetie? No, Mom. I just wanted to thank

for being so involved with my life.

See? She has tears in her eyes. Well, it's easy for you. You both like

I'm stuck with float building, which Brian wouldn't be doing if he had

like Scotty. It's those kids out there.

They're a bad influence.

Those boys are good kids, Bill.

And they're probably a lot cooler than you give them credit for.

Hakeem, watch out!

Oh,

God! Nerd down!

Oh, Hakeem is using a nail gun? Oh, no.

And the neighbor's cat ran right by him. He's horribly allergic.

You know what? Don't panic, Donald. Why don't you take him home?

Let's go.

Do you need me to call your mom?

Well, my mom's not home. She's over in the Pacific right now.

Your mom's distorted.

No, she's on the International Space Station.

Wait, we don't have our helmets.

Safety be damned.

Wow.

Now how am I going to get all this done by myself?

Yeah, where's Brian going to find someone who knows how to work with tools

has the whole day free?

Ah, Judy, I see where you're going with this.

Scotty, can you come out here?

That's not what I meant.

Dad, Scotty's not in the engineering club. We're not even friends. Sure you

Remember when you were little and Fitz would bring Scotty over? You guys were

inseparable. Dad, we were in a playpen.

What's up?

Brian needs your help with this float.

Oh, you need a hand? I guess, but if you don't really want to... Oh, he's just

being shy. He really misses hanging out with you like the old days. You remember

that playpen?

Oh, good times.

Come on, Judy, let's go.

Aren't you going to stand help?

No, no, it's like you always say, too many cooks in the kitchen.

I never say that. I'm always begging for help in the kitchen.

Teacher moved me all the way to the back line.

Why? You know what I'm afraid of? That I'm showing up the other mothers making

them look bad.

You're making us all look bad, Mom.

Oh, Tina, honey, let's go get your medicine.

Yay!

Oh, your mom.

Step dancing.

She showed me some of her moves yesterday.

So you know she's awful. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Can you break it to her for me? Uh, no.

Oh, I love your mother very much and would never do anything to break her

You just want to see her make a fool of herself in that parade.

Yeah, for two whole miles.

You taking off?

Yeah, I gotta go buy a video camera.

Hey, Brian, how are you guys coming along with the flow?

Oh, not so good.

Donald was late and Hakeem's still going through the school dumpsters.

He left his retainer on his lunch tray.

Scotty, I bet he was a big help.

Uh, no, that didn't work out. Oh, really? Because, you know, Fitz and I

hoping you guys would hit it off so we could all go out together.

Scotty did want to go out, but I don't think he wanted you two along.

Yeah, Bill, kids don't want their dad tagging along.

No, Scotty didn't just want to go out with me. He wanted to go out with me.

On a date.

You mean a double date?

No, a boy -on -boy gay date.

Apparently, Scotty's gay.

What?

Are you sure?

Scotty, no. He's a guy's guy.

Yeah, and he was hoping I was the guy.

So he thought you were gay.

Yeah, isn't that outrageous?

Well, isn't it? Yeah, right.

Yeah.

I always thought I had a pretty good gay dar, but I never would have thought

Scotty. Yeah, this blows my mind. And poor Brian.

He must have been so uncomfortable.

On the other hand, it's not every day you get asked out by the captain of the

baseball team.

What about Fitz?

Well, at least we'll have something in common.

Sons, we just don't understand.

Yeah, but then again, who knows when Fitz will find out? Hey, Fitz, pick up.

I guess you're not there. Anyway, get this. What are you...

I guess you're right. I should probably break it over a few beers. There's some

calamari.

You can't tell him at all. He is so close to Scotty. This could devastate

How can you say he's close to Scotty when his son has this huge secret?

It's Scotty's secret, and he will tell his father on his own time.

It's just that... All right, I'll take you for calamari. Okay, then. I'm good.

Hey, Dad.

Hey. You know what I really admire about you, Dad? Your relationship with Mom.

You're so open and honest.

I'm not telling her she's a crappy dancer.

But, Dad, you don't have to be out there with her. It's going to be so

embarrassing. Please. When I was in third grade, my mother showed up at my

school to bring my lunch in curlers and an open robe. So, boo -hoo -hoo.

Lauren, can you get that? Boo -hoo.

Hey, Fitz, what are you doing here? I thought I'd stop by. It's been a while.

mean, I haven't even talked to you since the day we went to the batting cages

with Scotty.

Oh, yeah, Scotty. He's, uh... Yeah, well, thanks for coming by.

Can I come in?

Yeah, I guess. I'm just watching wrestling.

Oh, wrestling.

Oh, this is great.

Yeah, there's nothing like watching two guys go at it, huh?

Maybe we should check out the baseball scores.

Well, speaking of which, you should have seen Scotty play last night.

Big homer.

So Scotty's up, right? First pitch goes wide, ball one. Second pitch, high and

inside. Now, Scotty's got two balls on him, right?

So he's just laying back waiting for a big fat one right up the middle, huh?

Sure enough, wham! Right in his sweet spot.

He really caught the pitcher with his pants down.

And back to wrestling.

So how did Scotty and Brian make out the other day? What?

Scotty still helping him with the float?

No, no, that didn't really work out.

How come?

Well, they're really two different people. You know, Scotty's a big

Brian's kind of nerdy.

Wait, is Scotty picking on him?

Because I know how these hot shot baseball players can get. And I don't

son being one of them.

You know what? I shouldn't have said anything.

No, no, no, no. It's not right.

I mean, this kind of stuff is unacceptable.

And I didn't raise my son to be like that.

I can't believe you told him.

I didn't tell him anything.

Oh, so he just figured out on his own that Scotty's gay.

What?

No, he heard it from you.

Oh. Oh, geez.

Okay, buddy, the thing is, we found out there might be a small chance that

Scotty might be a little bit gay.

He asked Brian out on a boy -on -boy gay date.

Wow.

This is so surprising.

I know, Fitz. I'm sorry you had to hear it this way.

No, I just didn't know he was ready to start telling people.

So you know Scotty's gay?

Oh, yeah, sure.

I mean, he's my son.

Yeah, he came out to me and Marion about a year ago.

How do you find with all this?

Well, it took us a little while to adjust to it, but no matter what, he's

a great kid.

Good for you being all okay with your gay son.

I'm kind of glad you found out, actually. You know, it's getting harder

harder to keep it from you. You know, what with the support group we joined

the gay softball league.

Sounds like you're all over this gay stuff.

You know, you've got to stay involved if you want to stay close to your kid.

You're right. And you know what? This is a big wake -up call for me.

If you can be close to your gay son, there's no reason why Brian and I can't

closer. Good for you, honey.

You know, all this time I blamed Brian for the fact that we don't connect.

You know, maybe it's me.

Okay, this rainbow is just the kind of dazzle my parade float needs.

No, it's him.

Hey, Brian, buddy, I'm here to help you with your... Whoa, Mama.

Welcome to our world of Celtic wonders.

Hey, Dad, check this out.

They dance.

You were right about the sage.

Would have made it look stupid.

Listen, Brian, I know I haven't taken much interest in things that matter to

you, but that's all about to change right now.

What can I do to help?

Okay, well, I've got to go buy some more paint, so I guess you can put the

Jefferson High sign up at the top of the rainbow if you want. You got it.

Good, because, you know, now that I think about it, it's the only thing that

connects the float to the school.

He's right.

We should have found a way to represent the school more.

I guess we just got intoxicated by our love of Irish lore.

Let me give you fellas a tip.

Someday, when you start dating... Ah, forget it. Good luck with your

studies.

Oh! Hey, Lauren.

Check it out. Pretty cute, huh?

be catching a little bit of Tina's cold. You really think so?

Honey, don't worry.

I wouldn't dream of letting you down.

We are going to be dancing side by side in front of thousands of people and on

TV and everyone will know. You're a horrible dancer.

What? Oh my God, I'm so sorry I said that, but you're horrible. You can't

on everybody.

I had no idea.

This doesn't mean that you still can't be part of the parade.

Well, I don't want to be one of those losers that just holds the banner.

Well, then I guess we can't be part of the parade.

Okay, I got the penny, so let's get... Oh, my God!

That's right. Your old man came to the rescue.

My float! What did you do to my float?

Well...

I was putting up the sign, and I remembered what she said about needing

in the float with Jefferson High. And I thought, what says Jefferson High more

than their championship baseball team?

Dad, I can't believe this. I worked so hard on it, and now everything is

I was trying to help. I made it better.

No, you made it into what you wanted it to be.

I don't like baseball, Dad. I'm not Scotty, and I'm sorry if that's a big

disappointment to you. Calm down. We can put it back the way it was, but first

let me show you what it can do. I'll tell you, the crowd is going to love

Okay.

Look at this swing.

Swing and a miss.

Swing and a miss.

Okay, change it back. Just a second. And he swings for the fences.

is, we're safe. And we've shared a father some moment we'll always

Dad, how could you do this? You've wrecked everything.

Well, I mean, maybe we can fix it. I mean, it's not really that... Oh, oh,

still on fire. Still on fire.

No, it's too late. The parade is tomorrow. Just forget it. Well, what are

gonna do?

Well, I guess I'll have to put on my leprechaun costume and dance on the

myself. And if that embarrasses you, you can just stay home. Brian, Brian, wait.

You have a leprechaun costume?

I can't believe I'm not going to be dancing in the parade.

I'm so disappointed.

Yeah, you're not the only one.

Thanks, Seth.

Here, here.

Look at this video from Cousin Steve's wedding.

Bad dance in my ass. I'm tearing up that dance floor.

Yeah, but from what I remember, he also tore through that open bar.

And do you remember prom?

People formed a circle around me and cheered me on.

And that's even before my boob fell out of my dress.

Yeah, you were pretty messed up that night, too.

Hey, maybe you can only dance if you're messed up.

Oh, my God, that's it.

If I want to be a really good dancer, I have to be hammered.

Judy, Judy, you've got a cold. It's not like you can go out and get drunk.

Mom already a little lit, you know.

Tina's right, this stuff rocks. Where's my tip -top?

How do I look?

Like the bravest man I know.

We'd be up there beside you if we didn't both suffer from horrible motion

sickness.

Sorry. Better get on the float.

Not without me, buddy.

I changed my mind.

You're the bravest man I know.

What are you doing here? I'm here to help you with your float. Your way,

here in front of thousands of people.

And on TV?

Oh, crap.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm a leprechaun.

You want a piece of this magic? Come on, buddy.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Dad, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. No, I want to because

is important to you. And if that includes walking a mile in your

shoes, then so be it.

Dad, this means a lot.

What are you looking at? We're little people. We love each other.

Let's have a start.

So, do we just stand on the float and wave?

Actually, we fall like anthro pixie dust.

Of course we do.