Original subtitles

You're not even dressed yet. Linda and Steve will be here any minute.

What do you think looks better, this or this?

Hey, aren't you the guy who wanted to wear a tank top to my aunt's wedding?

When you have guns like these, you don't want to put them in a holster.

Besides, can I go into a restaurant where professional athletes hang out?

We don't know if anyone famous is going to be there. Yeah, but remember what

happened when we went to Michael Jordan's restaurant?

Yeah, you got drunk and they threw you out because you kept yelling, where the

hell's Jordan at?

Everybody was looking at me.

In my jeans and ratty T -shirt.

I'm not making that mistake again.

Hey. Hey.

Where's Steve?

First of all, he's meeting us at the restaurant. Second of all, it's Nick.

Steve was two boyfriends ago. Thanks for keeping up.

Oh, that's right. Nick's the veterinarian. No, that was Ed, and he

vegetarian.

Well, remember what I told you, and try not to move too fast.

Uh -huh.

You already moved, didn't you?

Uh -huh.

You know, we talked about this. You've only been out with him a couple of

I know, I know. Don't worry. He won't think I'm easy. I told him I almost

do this.

Okay, be honest.

You look fine. Ah, you hate it.

Oh, can I borrow your big punch bowl for my Tupperware party? Oh, yeah, sure.

How's that coming? So far, I have a big punch bowl.

You know.

Putting on a Tupperware party is a big undertaking.

Do you have tables, chairs, food for everyone?

I don't know. I just wanted to sell a bunch of stuff and win a juicer.

Okay, first of all, I think your apartment might be too small. What I do,

have it here. We'll put the drinks and appetizers there, the Tupperware over

there, and I can invite all my friends.

You know, you're kind of taking over here.

Do I still get the juicer?

Of course.

It's your party.

Okay, I'm ready to mingle with the rich and sporty.

You have two different shoes on.

I know.

What do you think?

This one or this one?

This one or this one?

That one.

Ah, great. Now I've got to change my whole outfit.

You

won't

see this until all four of us are here. Where's Nick?

I guess he's running late.

Phil, who are you looking at?

That guy. I think it might be Brian Erlacher, but I can't be sure.

Oh, I'm going to go ask him. Judy, Judy!

This is a fancy restaurant.

It's got to be a little more discreet.

Erlacher!

Erlacher!

Brian Erlacher!

Nah, it's not him.

You know, Nick's 45 minutes later. You sure he knows where the restaurant is,

Donnie? Yeah, yeah, I'm sure something just came up. And trust me, if I know my

man, he'll be here.

Looks like it's going to be three.

No, it's going to be four.

You don't know why Nick could be running late. I mean, there could be a lot of

technical reasons. Are you an investment something or other? Do you have a Palm

Pilot thingamajig? No, you do not.

I'm sorry.

So sorry.

So sorry.

Where are you?

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

It's gonna be three.

Right.

Well, uh, Nick's on his way.

Unfortunately, it's to Hawaii with whoever was giggling in the background.

Hawaii?

Yeah, I'm just gonna go home. No, don't go.

Judy, I'll stick out like a third wheel. No, we want you to stay.

It's going to be two.

Don't worry, Linda. The three of us will have a nice dinner and nobody will

notice that you don't have a date.

Someone hand me my drink.

Are you sure you don't have a bigger table?

No, I'm sorry. They're reserved for parties of four.

But if a smaller chair opens up, I'll let you know.

Isn't this great?

Yeah, it's great. I feel like a lifeguard.

Oh, look at these prices.

Make a car payment or have the shrimp cocktail?

Bill, it's our night out. Linda, order anything you want.

Okay, I would, but I don't see dignity on the menu.

Hi, I'd just like to apologize for the table.

Oh, no, it's no problem. Could you just get me a slightly taller stool so I can

jump off and kill myself?

No problem, Jimmy.

Slightly taller stool so the pretty lady can kill herself.

I'm serious.

Pretty?

What are you doing out with your parents on a Saturday?

This is my restaurant.

Hi, Linda.

Listen, I'm sorry they put you here. And to apologize, I'd like to move you to a

better table and buy you all dinner.

Hi, I'm Bill.

Get out of here. You're in the ski rescue squad in Aston?

For ten winters before I bought this place.

You like to ski? No, but I like to be rescued.

Well, most of the people I rescue have gotten pretty banged up. Well, then,

actually...

Everything, Matt. Thank you for a beautiful dinner.

Well, listen, I hope you saved room for our signature dessert, Banana Gregory.

Oh, I don't know. I'm pretty full.

Oh, wait. There's some room.

Well, in that case, I should go check on the kitchen and select us a nice bottle

of cognac and fire a couple of waiters to pay for this meal.

Do what you gotta do.

So what do you think?

I'm in love.

Linda, I think you should slow down.

And you should just stop.

Who are you talking about?

We've only been back on the market for an hour. Don't you think it's a little

too soon for a rebound?

Judy, when God throws you a ball, you catch it.

Just be careful. I don't want you to get hurt again.

I'm terribly sorry, but we seem to be all out of that cognac I was looking

But, uh, I do know that Little After Hour is a place that always talks it, if

anybody's interested.

Oh, that's very sweet, but we... Me, I'll go.

That's so kind, but Linda drove, and Bill and I need to get home. Yeah, can't

you hear, Mom?

It was great meeting you all. I'll make sure she gets home safely.

I almost never do this, just so you know.

Do you believe my sister?

It's her idea to have a Tupperware party, but then, of course, who ends up

addressing the invitations and doing everything?

You do.

Who picks up the slack when Linda blows up? everything to be with her new

boyfriend. You do?

Who pretends to be sympathetic but doesn't even listen?

I do.

Bill, I have a whole list of stuff to do for this party. You could help me

instead of wolfing down all those desserts Matt keeps bringing over.

I could, but really, Judy, what are the odds?

Uh -oh, I can talk.

Hey, Matt, come in. Can I offer you one of your desserts?

No, thanks. We're on our way to meet my parents for dinner.

I thought you came over to help me with the invitations.

I did. I got 15 minutes. What are we waiting for? Oh, I've been waiting for

for the past three days.

Hey, Matt, why don't we go into the living room and enjoy the lack of

the air?

There's no tension in here. I just want to finish these invitations.

You know, I'd love to check out that tension -free living room.

Are you mad at me? No, I'm not mad. Let's just get the invitations done.

So Matt wants you to meet his parents, huh? Well, no, actually, it's my idea.

Figure why not?

I may be stealing their baby boy.

Linda, can I be honest with you for a second? Nope.

Don't you notice that every time you fall for a guy, you end up moving way

fast and dropping everything for him so he becomes your entire life?

That is so not true. I mean, Matt asked me to go skiing this weekend in Aspen,

and I said no because we have a Tupperware party. Oh, good. I'm glad

being responsible for one.

What is that supposed to mean? No, no, still tense.

I know what this is about. I am finally happy, and you have no reason to meddle

in my life anymore.

Oh, you think I like this? I wish you could live your life without my help.

Okay. You know what?

Maybe I'll go skiing with Matt.

Oh, no, you don't. You're not going to leave me here to throw your Tupperware

party. Oh, it's not my Tupperware party. It hasn't been my Tupperware party

since I came in here and said, Hi, Judy, I'm having a Tupperware party.

Come on, Matt. We're leaving. And you know that ski trip -a -thon.

Whatever.

Okay.

See you, Bill.

back. You need to stand up to him and tell him if he's going to be in this

relationship, he needs to take responsibility.

Mom, would you get off the phone?

Tiffany called to talk to me.

She's trying to give her a little advice. Todd's treating her like crap.

If you want someone to talk to, why don't you call Aunt Linda?

It's been like four days.

I have nothing to say to your Aunt Linda. She called me a meddler.

Tiffany, you have got to learn to stand up for yourself.

Hey, Mom, did Brian tell you that he's dating a 17 -year -old girl?

What? Yeah, he is, and plus, I think she might smoke.

Oh, my God, I gotta go, Tiffany. I'll call you later. Brian!

Brian, I need to talk to you.

Again? I thought we had a talk this morning.

I do this because I care.

Your sisters don't mind these talks, and neither should you.

So, uh, who is this 17 -year -old girl you're seeing? I'm not seeing a 17 -year

-old girl.

Why did a 17 -year -old girl ask about me?

No, Lauren told me. Why would she make something like that up?

You know what? I bet she's just trying to distract you from noticing her

Oops, I wasn't supposed to say anything.

Lauren!

Thank God you're home.

Why? Maybe I'm not.

Well, it's just that Mom's been... Bye. No, wait.

Please, you have to help us. She's driving us crazy.

Hey, hey, nobody helped me before you kids came along.

Uh, where's Mom?

She's upstairs with Tina. I told her that she's sucking her thumb again.

Dad, do something.

All we do is stick our nose into everything we do.

I guess that's because she doesn't have anybody to bug now that your Aunt

Linda's not around.

Well, then we have to get Aunt Linda back.

No, no, no. See, it's a trade -off.

You're unhappy because your mom's bugging you.

But I'm happy because your Aunt Linda's not around to bug me.

How is that a trade -off? What do we get? Your daddy's happiness. Isn't that

enough for you?

That's cool.

Oh, look at you with that sad face I could care less about.

Dad. I'm sorry, but as long as she's bothering you, she's not bothering me.

as long as she's not bothering me, there's no problem. But you're the head

the family. Exactly.

Which is why I declare this conversation over. Be gone.

What are you doing here? I thought you were skiing with Matt.

Oh, well, you know, we came back early. It was snowing.

Is it no good for skiing?

Not always. Are you a skier? No, you are not.

What are you doing here? I wanted to drop off this note that Judy wrote you

really wanted you to have.

Dear Linda, I feel so bad about meddling in your life. I want to apologize and

pretend this never happened.

So please never mention this note, especially to me.

Your sister, Judy Miller.

Hmm. I wonder why she typed the note.

Because she felt so bad. She, uh... Typing makes... Okay, I wrote the note.

Does it really matter who wrote it? Uh, yeah.

Linda, Judy really cares about you, and it hurts her that you're not around.

Yeah, I'll bet.

No, really.

She misses you.

She loves you.

She does?

Yeah.

And the kids love you.

And even I... The fact is, right now...

Judy thinks you're rushing into things with Matt, but once she realizes he

really is a great guy... No, Matt is a jerk, okay? Judy was right. I was just

moving too fast. I didn't see it.

Well, did something happen?

Yeah, but I don't want to talk about that.

Oh, good.

Why does this always happen to me?

Oh, God.

Why do I always do this? I mean, what's wrong with me, Bill? What's wrong with

me? There's nothing wrong with you.

Yes, there is.

There's got to be something.

What is it? What's wrong with me?

You're a wonderful woman.

You're smart and nice and attractive.

Nice.

I think I'm nice.

Yeah.

How? How do you think I'm nice?

Well, remember that Christmas we had you over and you let me finish your turkey

leg? You took it off my plate when I wasn't looking.

Oh, I thought you were done. But there were a lot of people there and you

point it out to anybody. That was nice.

I was shocked. We were still saying grace.

The point is, you're nice. Now, you should go see Judy.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You can't tell her anything. I mean, she'll just go on

and on about how she was right and how I don't listen. I'll never hear the end

of it.

No, that's just the heartbreak talking.

I'm not telling her, Bill, and neither are you. Swear.

Okay, okay. I swear.

Hey, uh, before Matt left, did he bring you any brownies or anything? Bill, I

just got dumped. Do you think there's any sweets left in this house?

I guess not.

Oh, my God. I ate all those sweets.

What is all this?

Oh,

there you are, Bill. I got a whole Tupperware party going on in there. Can

give me help with the coffee urn?

Lyndon, Matt broke up.

broke up. You were right. She was moving too fast with Matt, and I didn't get

all the details, but she was crying on my shoulder, and she's out of cake.

Baby sister was crying on your shoulder? Oh, that desperate thing.

Why did she call me?

Because you would have, and this is coming from her and not me, you would

told her what she did wrong, like you always do, and how she should have done

differently, like you always do. Again, Linda's words.

I'm going over there right now.

You can't go now. Living room full of women.

Bill, it's just a Tupperware party. I think you can handle it till I get back.

What in the world would make you think that?

You're a salesman. Do what you do at work.

Watch the clock and wish I went to college?

Oh, hi. Hi.

Bill told me that you and Nick broke up, honey.

Matt. Me and Matt.

I'm sorry. It's hard to keep up.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Damn allergies.

Come on, talk to me. What happened?

Turns out the lodge we were staying at is run by an ex -playboy bunny.

So Matt suggested the three of us have drinks in the hot tub and... You were

night thief. Oh, my God.

Smacked him, and she smacked him, and then she drove me to the airport.

Nice girl.

Gail said she'd give me a good ride if I ever wanted to come back.

I'm so sorry, honey. I can't believe you didn't think you could come to me.

So my baby sister's been here crying all by herself.

Sometimes I can be bossy, kind of like Mom.

Yeah, sometimes and kind of.

I still think of you as my kid sister, and I've got to let you make your own

decisions, and the only thing I need to do is to be there for you, no matter

what. Oh, Jude, that is so great.

You know, for the first time, I feel like you really respect me because

treating me like another adult.

Come on, get dressed and come back to the Tupperware party with me.

Okay.

And I promise from this moment on, I'm not going to meddle in your life

Okay.

I'll get it.

Oh. Hi, Judy.

Is Linda around?

I acted like an idiot, and I feel horrible. I really need to apologize to

Oh, you don't need to apologize. Linda's not angry. She just wanted her first

three -way to include her sister.

Really? Yeah, right. Get lost, pervert.

Who's that?

Oh, just someone trying to sell you a bunch of crap.

I just want to let you know that from this moment on, I'm not going to meddle

your life anymore.

Didn't you already say that?

Yeah. Uh, you might hear it a couple more times, though.

And lastly, the two -quart.

which is different from the one -quart container because it holds twice as

Okay, if anybody wants to make a purchase, there's order forms on the

Nobody... Well, looks like nobody wants to buy any Tupperware.

Tina? But, Daddy, you said if we didn't sell anything, we could lose the house.

Well, that may be true, honey, but that's not these nice people's problem.

find a way.

Come on, I'll teach you how to make ketchup soup.

Ain't biting, Tina?

Wouldn't have it any other way.

Cause you make me.