Original subtitles

Hey. Hey.

I got those pictures developed from Brian's birthday party.

These are from Brian's eighth birthday party. That was six years ago.

Yeah, I got it. So you can quit bugging me.

But just here you are.

Where? In Mama's belly.

Just out of Daddy's belly.

We don't know, sweetie, but we're pretty sure it's going to have a long neck and

a foamy head.

Now, why don't you go wash up? I better start dinner. Linda and her new

boyfriend will be here any minute.

I thought I'd fire up the barbecue and grill tonight.

It's freezing out there. Are you going to be standing out there all by yourself

while we're in here getting to know Linda's new guy?

Oh, okay, I can see where you're going with this.

Bye, Bill.

Bye, Linda.

Oh, sweet freezing cold.

Hey, where's Trevor?

I had to get in here first and tell you something.

I'm 27.

You told him you were 27. Why do you want to start off a relationship on a

You know, a voice in my head asked the same question.

Fortunately, it was drowned out by a louder voice screaming, he's young and

Lie. Lie your 37 -year -old ass off.

Linda, that is so shallow. When are you going to... Sorry, Linda. I couldn't

find your lipstick.

Hey.

Hey.

When are you going to introduce me to your new boyfriend, Baby Sis?

You can call me your Baby Sis.

I'm with the Chicago Bulls cheerleader.

Yeah, we had a lot of fun on that squad, didn't we, Linda? Yeah.

I'm feeling in love with you today.

Trust you make me happy.

So, Trevor takes me to Club 31.

He's a VIP.

I end up doing a shot off his abs.

Your picture's wild.

Show your abs, sweetie. No, that's all right.

Wow, that's a lot of abs.

Touch him, touch him. No, I don't want to touch him. Go ahead. That's what

they're there for.

Oh, my.

What was that for, six -pack, huh?

Six -pack.

Who wants to tap a keg?

Trevor, this is my husband, Bill.

This is Linda's boyfriend, Trevor. Nice to meet you. You too.

Why are you all sweaty?

Oh, I was trying to get the grill out of the garage. I couldn't get the door to

open. Trevor, honey, could you open the garage door for Bill? Sure. I wouldn't

bother. It's frozen shut.

Maybe Trevor could melt it with his eyes.

You know, I don't mind taking a look. I'll give you a hand. Oh, no, Bill, we

don't want you to hurt yourself. Trevor looks like he can handle it. He lifts

weights. Yeah, and not just his own off the couch.

I work out.

Sure you do, sweetie.

Trevor, the garage is that way. Okay, I'll be right back.

I don't know about the new guy you're dating, but his son seems very nice.

Linda told him she was 27.

Okay, he'll find out my real age when the time is right. Trust me, he'll find

out when the light is right.

Oh, you gave up, huh?

No, I got it. I just threw a little shoulder into it.

Oh, come on now. I bet you haven't had a little shoulder since you were five.

Oh, it's not that big a thing. You know, my job keeps me in shape.

Yeah, Trevor teaches spinning at the health club. That's where we met. He's

a triathlete.

I'm more of a team sport guy. You know, football, basketball, hockey.

Until six o 'clock, and then he switches to game shows.

Wow, you play hockey.

Well, I don't play hockey as much as I used to, but I still pick up a stick now

and then.

Especially if there's a marshmallow at the end of it.

I haven't had a toasted marshmallow since I was 12.

What year was it when you were 12, Linda?

Oh, hi, honey.

Hey, Bill.

What's in the bag?

Oh, I joined that roller hockey league at the rec center. I had to buy some

equipment. Oh, this is so cute. You're doing all this because of Linda's new

boyfriend, Trev.

No, it's because I want to play hockey and maybe reconnect with my jock roots.

Yeah, well, while you're back there in the 70s, pick me up a can of tap.

Judy, I made up my mind. I'm playing hockey.

Okay, whatever, but don't you think you should work your way up to something as

strenuous as hockey? Like maybe you could start by walking past the couch?

Eventually go to the gym?

After a couple weeks, go inside, have a look around.

All right, Judy, it's a beginner league, and I've played hockey before,

remember? I used to be Killer Miller.

Yeah, well, if you do this, you're gonna have to change your last name to

Mingerd.

I'm not gonna get Mingerd. I got the helmet, pads, gloves.

God, and why'd you have to buy all this? Couldn't you have borrowed this stuff

until you found out if you're gonna do it more than once? I'm gonna do it more

than once. I was born to play hockey.

Oh, really?

Well, let's visit a place I like to call Bill's Quartet of Lost Dreams.

There was the summer you were born to fish.

Hey, hey, hey. In my defense, I only gave up because worms are icky.

And the winter you were born to ski.

I was born to ski. I just wasn't born to stop.

And that part of the afternoon you were born to scuba dive.

I don't care if sharks don't live in lakes. That was a shark.

Come on!

What are you doing?

Huh? We're playing a 3 -2 iron D. You can't play the point unless you get back

on D. I know that.

This is the beginner league, right?

guys, but we can't count on Phil to help. Phil sucks.

I know.

Let's take our game to the outside.

Keep the play away from Phil.

Okay, let's go.

Our conditioner out of Brian's room for you guys.

Wow, Bill couldn't get that thing to budge. So, Bill, how'd it feel to get

in the rink?

Oh, great, great, just great.

You know, I was just telling Judy I can't wait for the next game.

Tina, honey, don't play with Daddy's equipment.

But you said... Hey, hey, look at this. I have gum.

Oh, good.

Where do you want this, Judy? Oh, put it in the mudroom. Bill, give me a hand.

second rusty old thing he's taken out this week.

Hoo, hoo, hoo.

Getting some. Don't care.

Would you mind if I take away your house, boy?

What? Well, Judy's been having him do stuff around here all day.

Well, I figured since we had a young, strong guy around, I might as well take

advantage. I mean, that old fridge in the garage isn't going to get to the

on its own, Bill. I could have done that.

I don't think so. It still had the chain around it from when you tried to drag

it with the car.

So, tell me about the game, Bill. Did you guys win?

Barely. Some guy on our team named Phil accidentally knocked the puck into our

goal. Twice.

What an idiot.

Yeah. Well, did you score any goals?

Yeah, two.

All right, Bill.

You know, everyone does high five. That's why I'm bringing this one back.

Just doing some punches.

One hundred.

Are you feeling all right? I feel great.

Really? Because you were walking around and you were kind of sore. You sure you

didn't overdo it playing hockey? Not at all.

Come on, admit it. You're a little sore.

Stop it. No, you stop it. No, no, no. Seriously, stop.

I know you're sore.

Okay, maybe a little.

Well, if you can't make it down the stairs, I could put your hockey... stuff

the closet of locked dreams for you.

Nothing's in the closet.

You're right. We'll have Trevor carry everything out to the curb.

You know, it's easy to criticize, Judy, but when was the last time you saw the

inside of a gym? Once it'd been like 15 years?

What? I don't have to work out. I'm naturally thin.

There's a difference between being thin and being athletic.

At least I'm out there trying to be fit, trying to be youthful.

Who else is doing that here in this room?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's just me.

Start working out any time I want. Easy, Judy. Don't get that heart rate up.

It's not used to it.

You know what I think? I think I'll go with Linda to the health club tomorrow.

Great idea. You can sit at the juice bar and tell people how you're naturally

thin. No, I'm going to the health club, and I'm going to take Trevor's spinning

class. And after that, I might lift weights. And after that, I might take a

kickboxing class. Well, good for you.

Yeah, right, like you could handle that.

Ow!

Okay, maybe you can.

Ow! You definitely can.

Ow! I didn't kick you.

I know, I got a cramp.

Are you sure you want to come to spinning class with me? It's a pretty

workout. What is it with everyone around here? I used to work out a lot when I

was younger.

Running from the cops because they caught you with beer is not working out.

I think I can handle riding a bike that doesn't go anywhere, unlike your age,

which goes backwards.

For your information, I felt guilty making Trevor think I was 27.

This weekend, we're celebrating my 28th birthday.

No present.

Bill, is that you?

Yep, Purdue.

So, you're heading out to your spinning class, huh?

Yep. Good luck.

Oh, I don't need luck. I have muscles.

But you better watch yourself playing hockey.

I can't watch myself. I skate too fast.

Come on, Judy. The bike's in front. Phillip Burley in Trevor's class.

Okay, let's go. Bill, your shoe's untied.

Thank you.

Hey, Bill.

Hey, Carl.

Can you do me a favor, buddy?

What's that?

Help me up.

Oh.

That's the thing.

Here we go.

Hey, Bill, that's the stuff you asked for.

Heat rub, Advil, ice pack.

Did I forget anything, Grandpa?

Shut up.

Either stop making that noise or give me a handful of that, too.

If you're so sore from hockey, I can hardly move.

If you're so sore, why don't you just quit? I can't quit. I opened my big

Now Judy's working out.

I can help you, Bill. You?

Yeah, I used to coach my nephew's league. I know a lot about hockey.

All right, what's in it for you?

You did say there were some ladies playing, right?

Yeah, but they're pretty big and brawny. Hey, I said I'd do it. You don't have

to sweeten the pie.

Now, remember everything we worked on. Stick to the boards, hustle up to the

point. Got it. And most of all, when we try to score, we shoot on the other

team's goal.

Right. Now, go get in that game.

You're an animal.

Thirsty, can I have a sip of your water?

Yeah, sure.

Go ahead.

Do you mind handing it to me?

What, do I have to drink it for you, too?

Are you okay?

Yeah, why?

You're not sore, are you? Because you haven't really moved at all since I got

here. No, I'm fine.

in worse shape than he is.

You just tried to slap me, didn't you?

Yeah.

I'm gonna go try to find a bottle of aspirin, and if it has a childproof cap,

help me God, I'll chew right through it.

What's so funny?

Just telling you guys you're both working out and doing so great.

You're both champions!

Yeah, thanks.

Don't you have to go pick up your boyfriend from his play date?

Yeah, I should get going.

See ya.

Sorry.

Better get that before the ants do.

Teach her.

I'll go see what's on TV.

Me too.

You know what's fun?

Just kind of strolling through your house.

Yeah, we paid for this place. Might as well enjoy it.

Where's the remote?

Yeah, we watch too much of it. We're jocks now.

You bet we are.

So, is spinning going well, then? Oh, yeah, I live for my spinning class. I

don't know what I'd do without it. I feel the same way about hockey.

I'm hungry.

Can I have dinner?

Sure thing, sweetie. We'll be there in a minute.

Okay.

So, you gonna go get her something?

Yeah, I'll get up and get her something.

If you want to.

Okay, I'll do it.

Then again, there are cookies in there.

Ah, she loves cookies.

Okay, okay, this is ridiculous. We're feeding our child food off the floor.

When I say go, let's both admit how we really feel, okay? Together.

Okay.

Ready, set, go. I hate working out! Uh -huh!

I know. I haven't been able to bend my legs for days.

What were we trying to prove, Bill? I didn't want to be old. I wanted to be

young like Trevor.

Bill, when we were young, we weren't even young like Trevor.

I know, but we weren't old like this. How did this happen? It happens to

everyone. We're not even that old.

Someday we're going to look back on this and want to feel this good.

Oh, my God, that's depressing.

bad. I mean, we may have peaked physically, but age has given us a lot

wonderful things.

You're right.

Like what? Wisdom?

Uh, no.

Success.

Please.

Oh, we must have something to show for our time on this earth.

Keys. We have a lot more keys than we used to.

That's right. We do have a lot more keys.

And you know what else? After all these years, we're still hot for each other.

You're right.

And someday we'll have sex again.

Not today, Ronnie. Oh, God, no.

Sweetie. I can't believe I'm 28.

Before you know it, you'll be in your late 30s.

Bill, come help me get the plate.

Linda, I forgot I couldn't get tickets to that play.

Oh, no. I was really looking forward to that.

What are we going to do now?

Well, we could go back to my place and you can eat the cake off my abs.