Original subtitles

[RATTLING..]

♪

-SO I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WHY IS A RABBIT WEARING A

HUMAN SKELETON COSTUME?

BECAUSE A RABBIT WOULD HAVE A

RABBIT SKELETON COSTUME.

-NO, NO.

IT'S A HUMAN SKELETON

WEARING A RABBIT COSTUME.

-OH, ONE OF THE HUMAN

SKELETONS IS WEARING THE RABBIT

COSTUMES TO FOOL THEM?

-YEAH, AND THEN--

-JUST FOR THE, JUST FOR

THE ONE BIT? -YEAH.

-I DON'T THINK THAT MAKES

ANY SENSE.

I THINK YOU SHOULD CUT IT.

-WELL, IT'S JUST THAT--

-WELL, BECAUSE...

-YEAH, WELL, I'M THE

DIRECTOR, SO...

BUT THAT IS A GOOD IDEA.

-YES, SIR!

-SO, ACTUALLY THIS IS GONNA BE

TOO LONG, SO LET'S ACTUALLY CUT

THAT, 'CAUSE I DON'T THINK IT'S

THAT FUNNY.

-GOOD IDEA.

[♪...]

THIS IS HARD. -FUCK.

-HOW DO YOU DO THIS EVERY DAY?

-CAN YOU SEE, CAN YOU

READ THAT? THAT, THAT...

-WHAT? CAN I READ WHAT?

DUDE, I CAN READ THIS FROM LIKE

ACROSS THE ROOM.

-NO, NO. GET IT CLOSE TO

YOUR FACE.

-I CAN READ THIS FROM AN INCH

OR, LIKE, 10 FEET, MAN.

I GOT PERFECT EYESIGHT.

-I'VE BEEN DOING--I'VE NEVER

DONE THIS IN MY LIFE.

-WHAT, MOVING SOMETHING AWAY?

THAT'S WHAT MY MOM DOES.

-THAT'S WHAT MY DAD DOES.

I FEEL LIKE MY DAD.

-WE'RE ALL BECOMING OUR DADS.

THERE'S NO WAY AROUND IT.

-I USED TO HAND MY DAD, LIKE,

"SIGN THIS PERMISSION SLIP" AND

HE'D GO...

BUT NOW I'M DOING THAT.

-SO, THEN GET GLASSES.

-I NEED GLA--NO, I WENT TO

MY DOCTOR AND I SAID...

I THOUGHT I NEEDED GLASSES.

AND HE SAID TO GO TO THE

PHARMACY AND GET THOSE

MAGNIFYING READING GLASSES.

-THOSE ARE GOING TO BE

SO LAME.

YOU SEE MY NEW GLASSES?

[MAKES BLAST-OFF SOUND]

[♪...]

-WHAT IS THAT?

IS THAT SOME KIND OF POD?

-Man: IT'S MY NEW CAMERA.

-OH, IT'S ONE OF THOSE,

LIKE, UH, U.S.B. CAMS?

[ELECTRONIC LAUGH FROM KEYBOARD]

[BOTH LAUGH]

[ELECTRONIC LAUGH FROM KEYBOARD]

-WAIT, DO THAT AGAIN.

BUT, LIKE, YEAH.

LIKE, WAIT, I'LL TELL YOU

A JOKE AND THEN...

HEY, WHY IS SIX AFRAID OF SEVEN?

-WHY'S THAT?

-'CAUSE SEVEN ATE NINE.

[ELECTRONIC LAUGH FROM KEYBOARD]

[♪...]

-SO, AT THE ADVICE FROM MY

EYE DOCTOR, I'M GETTING SOME

READING GLASSES.

WOW.

[♪...]

[MUFFLED VOICES ON COMPUTER...]

[COMPUTER CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[COMPUTER CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[♪...]

-HOW'S IT GOING?

[♪...]

[MUFFLED VOICES FROM COMPUTER]

[♪...]

ALL RIGHT, ALMOST DONE.

HOLD ON.

-Voices from computer:

Wow... Wow... Yes!

[APPLAUSE]

[♪...]

[KISSING SOUNDS]

WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT'S THAT?

[KISSING SOUND]

[♪...]

[BUBBLING]

[♪...]

[KEYBOARD CLICKING]

[♪...]

[BIRDS CHIRPING...]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[♪...]

-HOW THOSE GLASSES WORK--

TREATIN' YA?

-THEY WORK, ACTUALLY.

LOOK, I CAN'T DRAW WHILE

YOU'RE DOING THAT.

THAT'S NOT GOOD.

[BOTH LAUGH]

JUST THE SHOULDERS.

JUST THE SHOULDERS.

SLOW IT DOWN, SLOW IT DOWN.

O.K.

[MOANS]

THE SKELETON IS GREAT, BUT I

THINK DAVE WANTS THE GUITAR

TO BE BIGGER.

HE DOESN'T WANT IT TO LOOK

LIKE A GUN.

SO, I THINK--

-DOES IT NEED TO BE LIKE,

LIKE A, UM...

-IT'S GOT TO LOOK LIKE THIS.

-LIKE AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR,

THOUGH?

THAT BIG?

-YEAH, LIKE IT'S ON HIS BACK.

HE'S LIKE RUNNING WITH IT ON HIS

BACK, 'CAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT IT

TO LOOK LIKE...

-OH, HE DOESN'T WANT IT TO

BE LIKE A MACHINE GUN BECAUSE

IT'S TOO VIOLENT.

-YEAH, SO, IT'S JUST...

-SO, IT'S, THIS IS TOTALLY

NO GOOD?

-RIGHT.

[LIGHTER CLICKING,

WIND BLOWING...]

-THOSE GLASSES ARE NOT COOL.

I'M COOL.

[♪...]

[♪...]

-♪ DA NA-NA NA, NA N--

-[SCOFFS] ARE YOU COMING TO MY

PARTY TOMORROW?

-UM, YES.

WELL, I'M GOING TO TRY TO.

-YOU GOTTA COME, MAN.

YOU GOTTA SEE MY TRAILER.

-NO, I WANT TO.

I HAVE A FRIEND IN FROM OUT OF

TOWN, SO...

-WHAT FRIEND?

-I MET HER ON CHATROULETTE,

ACTUALLY.

THE FIRST TIME I EVER WENT ON.

-OH, GOD.

-BUT SHE'S SUPER COOL.

SHE'S A JOURNALIST.

SHE WRITES ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT

AND, UM--

-AND YOU JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX

WITH HER REALLY BAD.

-AH, I DO, BUT SHE ACTUALLY

HAS A BOYFRIEND, SO...

-[SCOFFS] KENT!

-BUT, MAYBE SHE'LL HAVE

SUCH A FUN--

-OH, YOUR LIFE IS JUST A

WRECK, KENT.

[LAUGHS]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-HEY.

GOOD, YEAH.

O.K.

O.K., UH, JUST PARK ON THE

STREET, IT'S HARD TO FIND.

AND I'LL COME UP AND GET YOU.

O.K., COOL.

YAY!

ALL RIGHT, BYE.

[♪...]

UGH.

...KATE!

-HEY, KENT, HOW ARE YOU?

IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!

-LOOK WHO'S HERE!

OH, MY GOD.

-WHAT IS THIS?

-I JUST GOT THIS.

I'M TRYING TO BE A JOURNALIST.

-OH, MY GOD.

-WELCOME.

-THANK YOU SO MUCH.

HI! WOW.

-HOW'S IT GOING?

YOU'RE SHORT.

-YOU'RE TALL.

-I MEAN, SHORTER... THAN ME.

SORRY.

-YEAH.

YOU'RE TALLER THAN I... AM AND

ALSO THOUGHT YOU WERE.

IT'S REALLY GOOD TO BE IN

YOUR PRESENCE.

...THIS ONE?

-NOPE, KEEP GOING.

-THAT ONE?

-ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM.

-O.K....

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[LAUGHS]

-IT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

-CLOSET.

LIVING ROOM.

-UH, I'M GOING TO PUT

YOUR BAG... -PERFECT.

-HERE. -THANK YOU.

ON THE SHAG.

-YEAH, I THINK I'M GOING TO

PUT YOUR BED THERE. -O.K.

-THIS IS ALL YOUR AREA, SO...

-OH, MY GOODNESS.

BABY CAT.

[KISSING SOUND]

-UM, SO, KATE... -YES.

-WHAT WOULD YOU

LIKE FOR DINNER?

WHAT SHOULD WE MAKE?

-HMM, THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION,

MY DEAR.

WE HAVE OLIVE OIL.

WHAT WOULD WE MAKE WITH

OLIVE OIL?

-UM, PASTA?

-PASTA.

-WAIT, OH, I HAVE TO BUY

CAT LITTER.

[♪...]

...OH.

-[CHUCKLES] PARDON ME.

I'M SORRY.

-OH, HI.

SORRY.

-OH, EXCUSE ME.

OH, SORRY... HELLO.

-WHAT DID YOU THINK WE

WERE DOING?

-I, UM, THOUGHT WE WERE

FIGHTING OVER THIS

DELICIOUS BEER.

-Kent: WHAT WERE WE

TALKING ABOUT?

-Kate: UM...

-OH, YEAH, HOW LONG WERE YOU

GUYS TOGETHER?

ARE YOU GUYS TOGETHER?

-YEAH.

UM, LIKE FIVE YEARS?

YEAH.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

-HAVE YOU... IS IT O.K. THAT

I'M ASKING YOU QUESTIONS?

-YEAH.

-O.K.

'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING--

-NO, YOU SHOULD ASK.

-...FELT WEIRD, LIKE...

-DON'T WORRY.

-UM, I GUESS I JUST, I JUST

WANTED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.

JUST FOR ME.

LIKE, I'M FEELING WEIRD AND

I'M LIKE...

-YEAH, I APPRECIATE THAT.

I FEEL WEIRD TOO, AND...

[CAT MEOWS]

I REALLY LIKE YOU.

AND I, I DON'T WANT TO DO

ANYTHING TO, LIKE, MAKE YOUR

LIFE STRANGE.

OR JUST, I DON'T WANT TO FUCK

ANYTHING UP WITH ANYONE'S LIVES.

[CAT MEOWS, DOG BARKS]

AND I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST WANT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME

WHILE WE'RE HERE IN THIS MOMENT.

[DOG BARKS]

-HOW OLD WERE YOU?

-UM, LIKE 19.

IT'S A GOOD TIME TO...

-AND YOU HAD, LIKE, FOOLED

AROUND WITH ONE GIRL?

-A LITTLE BIT.

-AND THEN YOU CAME OUT

TO YOUR PARENTS. -YEAH.

-YOU SAID, "I'M GAY."

-YEAH.

-WHAT DID THEY SAY?

-"NO, YOU'RE NOT."

-THEN WHAT DID YOU SAY?

-I WAS LIKE, "WELL, I AM."

AND THEN THEY SAID, "WELL, IF

YOU'RE GAY THEN YOU ARE COMING

HOME FROM COLLEGE AND YOU'RE

GOING TO LIVE AT HOME AND YOU'RE

GOING TO WORK 40 HOURS A WEEK

AND GO TO SCHOOL, SO YOU WON'T

HAVE TIME TO BE GAY."

AND I WAS LIKE, "O.K., I'M NOT

GAY, SORRY."

-BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT

YOU WERE...

LIKE, DID YOU THINK YOU

WERE GAY? -YEAH.

I WAS JUST, I DECIDED I WAS GAY.

I WAS JUST LIKE, "IT JUST MAKES

MORE SENSE."

LIKE, WOMEN ARE A

GENTLER SPECIES.

I JUST WOULD PREFER THEM.

I MEAN, THAT WAS THE CONCLUSION

I CAME TO, I WAS LIKE TAKEN--

-THAT'S SO WEIRD.

'CAUSE DON'T YOU KNOW INSIDE?

LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOU SEE A

GUY AND YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, THAT

GUY IS..." RIGHT?

-I KNOW.

IT WAS ON A MORE INTELLECTUAL

PLANE THAN THAT.

-WE DIDN'T LIKE SET A DATE

OR ANYTHING.

WE JUST...

SHE MOVED TO NEW YORK AND

WE WERE STILL DATING.

AND THEN AFTER A YEAR SHE WAS

LIKE, "WE'RE NOT GETTING

MARRIED," AND I WAS LIKE,

"YEAH, I DON'T THINK WE ARE."

BUT THEN WE MOVED IN TOGETHER.

-WOW.

-YEAH, WE DATED FOR FOUR YEARS

BUT WE... IT WAS WEIRD.

WE WERE TELLING PEOPLE WE WERE

ENGAGED, AND PEOPLE WERE LIKE,

"CONGRATULATIONS," BUT IN THE

BACK OF MY MIND, I WAS LIKE--

-"NO, WE'RE NOT."

-YEAH, IT WAS JUST A...

IT WAS LIKE A TEMPORARY...

AND NOW, LOOKING BACK, I'M LIKE,

I KNOW THAT I WAS JUST...

I WANTED HER TO MOVE BACK

TO NEW YORK, LIKE, I WAS JUST...

SHE WAS MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND

AND...

-IT WAS NOBLE.

-I GUESS...

BUT IT SEEMS REALLY LAME.

NOW I LOOK BACK AND I'M LIKE,

OH, HER PARENTS WERE SO RIGHT

TO BE SKEPTICAL OF ME, LIKE,

"WHO IS THIS JOKER?"

-HOW OLD WERE YOU?

-LIKE 18... -WOW.

-OR 19.

...HI.

-HI.

-THANK YOU FOR PARTICIPATING

IN THIS INTERVIEW.

-INTERVIEW OR INTERROGATION?

-UM, I'LL ASK THE QUESTIONS.

-O.K. [LAUGHS]

-O.K., FIRST QUESTION.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

-I WAS JUST SHOWING YOU

MY PHOTOGRAPHS.

-YES.

AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

-AND THEN THERE WAS A

PHOTOGRAPH THAT YOU...

IT WASN'T INTENDED FOR PUBLIC

CONSUMPTION.

I APOLOGIZE.

-CAN YOU PLEASE BE MORE

SPECIFIC?

LIKE, LET'S NOT...

-THERE WAS A NAKED PHOTOGRAPH

THAT WAS NOT TO BE SEEN

BY ANYONE.

-OF WHO?

-OF YOURS TRULY.

-AND, AND...

BUT I SAW IT BY ACCIDENT.

-YOU DID, INDEED.

-AND...

BUT NOW I CAN'T SEE IT?

-RIGHT.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

...SURE, KISS.

[CHUCKLES]

-UM...

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

YEE-HA...

MMM...

IT'S LIKE WE'RE POSING

FOR A PHOTOBOOTH PICTURE.

WE SHOULD HELP A BROTHER OUT.

-YEAH, SHOULD WE KISS?

-O.K. -ALL RIGHT.

-JUST FOR YOU.

THIS IS FOR YOU.

-YEAH, WE'VE ACTUALLY

NEVER KISSED.

-WE'RE JUST DOING THIS FOR

YOU, TO HELP YOU, NEW FRIEND.

[BOTH LAUGH]

-THIS IS INSANE.

-OH, MY GOD.

THIS IS REALLY INSANE.

-RIGHT.

-WHY NOT? -O.K.

...I HAVE MEDICATION FOR THIS.

GOOD NIGHT.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[♪...]

-MY FEET ARE COLD.

-THEY ARE COLD.

-THEY'RE REALLY COLD.

-DO YOU WANT SOCKS?

-UM...

WHAT ABOUT HUMAN SOCKS?

[BOTH LAUGH]

-WHAT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT

YOU MEAN...

-YEAH, LIKE YOUR HAND

IS REALLY PERFECT.

-YEAH?

-THAT'S PERFECT.

-I HAVE WARM HANDS.

-YES, YOU DO.

-YOU KNOW WHY WOMEN, DO YOU

KNOW WHY YOUR HANDS AND FEET

GET COLD?

AND MEN'S HANDS AND FEET ARE

USUALLY WARM?

-BECAUSE WE'RE PROTECTING

OUR WOMBS?

-YEAH!

-I'M PROTECTING MY WOMB

RIGHT NOW.

[BOTH LAUGH]

THANKS FOR CARING FOR MY FEET.

[AIR PUMP WHIRRING...]

[WHIRRING STOPS]

-OH! [LAUGHS]

HI.

-HI.

THANKS.

-YOU'RE WELCOME.

ANYTHING FOR A PRETTY LADY.

-[LAUGHS] THANK YOU.

I HAVE TO GO MAKE A PHONE CALL.

[COMPUTER GAME BEEPS AND CHIMES]

-Game: Level complete.

[GAME BEEPS, PLAYS MUSIC...]

[BEEPING AND MUSIC CONTINUE...]

-HEY, KATE? [KNOCKS]

-YEAH?

-DID YOU GET A TOWEL?

-OOH, YES, I DID.

-O.K.

WHEN ARE YOU LEAVING

FOR THE MEETING?

-UM, I HAVE TO GO IN LIKE

HALF AN HOUR?

-O.K.

-SO, I'M JUST GETTING READY.

-O.K.

-YEAH.

[♪...]

-AH, FUCK! AH--OOH, OOH.

AH, SH...

[♪...]

AH...

[♪...]

[BUBBLING...]

-Kate: HOW DID YOU BREAK IT?

LIKE, I STILL DON'T GET IT.

-Kent: I WAS CLEANING UP

AND I SPILLED WATER ON IT.

-THAT SUCKS.

-I KNOW. -YEAH.

-I'M VERY CLUMSY.

-WHOA.

-YEAH, KEEP TALKING.

-UM, ARE YOU ENJOYING

THIS CAMERA?

DO YOU THINK IT'S THE ONE?

-I THINK IT'S A NICE CAMERA.

-DOES MY FACE LOOK GOOD

WITH DIGITAL LIPS?

-YEAH, KISS. KISS.

DO THE... YEAH.

[KISS]

[♪...]

[♪...]

-[LAUGHS] HA! WHAT...

WHAT IS GOING ON?

-WELCOME.

HEY, BUDDY.

-YOU HAVE A GATE.

-I HAVE A GATE.

IT'LL CLOSE BY ITSELF.

COME ON IN.

-WHERE ARE WE?

-[LAUGHS] WE'RE IN HOLLYWOOD,

BABY!

-HA!

WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS?

-UH, IT'S A PRODUCER.

THIS GUY THAT'S INTERESTED

IN ME.

-IS HE HERE?

-NO.

-YOU'RE ALONE IN HERE.

-YEAH.

-YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHO IT IS?

-NO.

-WHY?!

-HE LIVES HERE LIKE A COUPLE

WEEKS OUT OF THE YEAR AND THEN

IT JUST SITS HERE.

-IS IT SOMEBODY I KNOW?

-[LAUGHS] NO.

I MEAN IT'S SOMEBODY YOU'VE

HEARD OF.

BUT NOT SOMEBODY YOU KNOW.

-THIS IS AWESOME.

-YOU WANT TO SEE AN ULTRASOUND

OF MY UNBORN CHILD?

-YEAH. YEAH.

-CAN YOU SEE, SORT OF?

I PUT THE LITTLE ARROWS THERE

AS A...

-I CAN SEE THE ARROWS.

[LAUGHS] THAT'S...

-YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT'S THE

HEAD IS THIS SHAPE HERE.

AND THEN THAT'S THE ARM,

I THINK.

-HONESTLY, IF IT DIDN'T SAY

"BABY", I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT

THIS WAS.

IT LOOKS LIKE, LIKE "THIS IS OUR

NEAREST PLANET OUTSIDE OUR SOLAR

SYSTEM AS SEEN THROUGH THE EYES

OF THE HUBBLE."

[LAUGHS]

...OH, MAN!

I CAN GET USED TO THIS.

WANT TO EAT HERE?

...JOE?

-YEAH?

-HOW'S IT GOING?

-FINE.

-UM, WHY ARE WE EATING INSIDE

AND NOT OUTSIDE?

-BECAUSE THERE'S NO SUNSCREEN

HERE.

AND I GET SUNBURNED REALLY

EASILY.

-[LAUGHS]

-SEE, YOU'RE ALREADY LAUGHING.

YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN IT

CUT TOGETHER.

[JOE LAUGHS, WIPES HIS HANDS...]

-RIGHT.

I'M GONNA GO SWIMMING.

-O.K.

WHOO!

WHOO--

-I DON'T LIKE...

I GET OUT OF RELATIONSHIPS

BECAUSE I'M LIKE, I DON'T WANNA

FUCKING HAVE A DISCUSSION

ABOUT WHAT WE'RE GONNA EAT FOR

DINNER EVERY NIGHT.

THAT'S A PAIN IN THE ASS.

AND WHEN I'M ALONE, I'M JUST

LIKE... I CAN JUST SIT ON THE

COUCH UNTIL I'M HUNGRY AND THEN

EAT WHATEVER I WANT.

IT'S NOT LIKE, "HEY, WE NEED

TO COORDINATE.

WHAT ARE WE DOING

FOR BREAKFAST?"

I JUST WANT TO GO, "I'M GONNA

LIE HERE UNTIL I HAVE TO TAKE

A SHIT AND THEN I'M GONNA GET

OUT OF BED."

[BOTH LAUGH]

IT'S AWESOME.

IT'S THE BEST.

-YOUR VIEW OF MARRIAGE

IS VERY BLEAK.

IT'S A LOT MORE FUN THAN THAT.

-YEAH, YEAH, NO, I JUST THINK

I MISSED THE BOAT.

I THINK IF I'D MET THE LOVE OF

MY LIFE WHEN I WAS 20 AND

WE WERE MARRIED NOW, IT WOULD

BE AWESOME.

BECAUSE EVERY NIGHT I'D BE LIKE,

"I'M SO GLAD WE'RE TOGETHER.

WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER 20 YEARS.

I FUCKIN' LOVE YOU."

-YEAH.

-"YOU'RE THE ONE."

-YEAH.

-BUT THERE'S SOMETHING REALLY

PATHETIC ABOUT DATING WHEN

YOU'RE 40.

IT'S LIKE...

IT'S, YOU KNOW... JUST...

THERE'S A DESPERATION YOU CAN'T

SCRUB OFF.

[BOTH LAUGH]

AND MY, MY...

MY PENIS USED TO LOOK SO YOUNG.

BUT NOW IT LOOKS SO OLD.

-DO YOU FEEL LIKE ALL THE

WOMEN YOU'RE MEETING REALLY WANT

TO HAVE KIDS? -YEAH.

-AND THEY'RE FEELING LIKE

THEIR BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS

GOING CRAZY? -YEAH, YEAH.

-DOES THAT FREAK YOU OUT?

-WELL, IT'S JUST, IT'S HARD

BECAUSE YOU'RE ONLY DATING FOR

A COUPLE OF WEEKS AND THEN YOU

FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO HAVE THAT

CONVERSATION.

BECAUSE THEY'RE LIKE, "LOOK,

I DON'T WANT TO WASTE TIME,

LIKE DO YOU WANT TO HAVE KIDS?"

AND I'M ALWAYS HONEST.

I'M LIKE, "WELL, I'M NOT

PLANNING ON IT."

-AND THAT'S WHEN RELATIONSHIPS

END?

-YEAH... OR I SAID TO ONE

GIRL, I WAS LIKE, "IF I MEET

SOMEONE AND I'M IN LOVE AND SHE

WANTS TO HAVE A KID, I'LL HAVE

A KID WITH HER."

AND THEN SHE WAS LIKE,

"I LOVE YOU."

[JOE LAUGHS]

AND I WAS LIKE, "CHECK, PLEASE!"

[JOE LAUGHS]

AND WE WERE AT THE MOVIES, SO

EVERYONE WAS LIKE "SHH!"

[BOTH LAUGH]

-AH, KENT!

[♪...]

[CAR APPROACHING]

[CAR TIRE HITS CURB]

[♪...]

[KENT AND KATE TALKING FAINTLY]

-Kent: ...SO, LIKE I SAID,

I DON'T KNOW ANYONE HERE

EXCEPT FOR KEV.

-Kate: YEAH?

-SO WE DON'T HAVE TO STAY THAT

LONG, IF YOU DON'T--

-YEAH, LET'S DO WHATEVER.

I'M TOTALLY COOL.

[♪...]

[GENERAL CONVERSATIONS

AND LAUGHTER]

-Kev: AGHH!

TOES IS HERE!

MY TOES IS HERE!

-Kent: HEY! [GRUNTS]

HOW'S IT GOING?

-I'M GOOD.

-WELL, WELCOME TO THE TRAILER

WHERE I KIND OF AM SLEEPING

SOMETIMES. -YEAH.

-THESE ARE MY FRIENDS

AND UH...

-HEY, I'M KENT.

THIS IS KATE.

-WHAT'S UP? HEY, I'M KEV.

-Kate: HEY, KEV.

-Kent: I BROUGHT SOME BEER.

-Kev: YEAH, DRINK IT.

-Kate: THANK YOU.

-Kev: I DON'T CARE.

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DRINK,

JUST DRINK SOMETHING.

...TOES! YO! TOES!

YOU KNOW WHY I CALL HIM "TOES"?

WAIT, FIRST, YOU KNOW WHY

I CALL HIM "TOES"?

HE LET A GIRL SUCK

HIS TOES AND HE LOVED IT.

AGHH!

-Kent, mortified: OH, MY GOD.

-AND YOU KNOW WHY I CALL HIM

"TIES"?

BECAUSE HE WAS IN THE MOVIE

SCHOOL TIES WITH FUCKIN'

BRENDAN FRASER AND MATT DAMON.

TIES, TOES, T.K.O., TIES OZ...

[RAPPING] BA-BIB-BIB-BIB-BORN,

BE BORN, TIED TO HIS O-FACE

YO, KENT NEED A NEW CHICK

LIKE O.J. NEED A NEW CASE.

WHAT?!

[MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND...]

...SO KENT, ARE YOU GONNA DO ANY

COCK TRICKS?

-UH, I THINK IT'S A LITTLE

EARLY IN THE EVENING.

AND, UH...

-Kev: HE DOES COCK TRICKS FOR

CELEBRITIES AROUND THE WHOLE

NATION, MOSTLY L.A., BUT--

...HEY GUYS!

-Kent: YEAH, MAN, WAIT!

YOU'RE MISSING THE...

-HEY, YO-YO, GUTH-GUTH!

GUTH, LILS!

-Kent: KEV... KEV...

-LITTLE LILS AND GUTH!

COME HERE!

-LISTEN, YOU'RE MISSING

THE POINT.

[WOMAN COUGHING...]

-THE POINT IS THAT YOU'RE

THE BEST COCK TRICK MASTER

OF LOS ANGELES.

-YEAH, BUT IT'S...

-HEY, GUTHRIE!

[KENT SIGHS]

HEY, EVERYBODY, COME HERE!

...IT'S 'CAUSE OF THE GIRL.

AND IF YOU JUST--

-O.K., BUT JUST--

-SHE, BELIEVE ME, SHE ALREADY

LIKES YOU.

SHE ALREADY KNOWS THAT YOU DO

COCK TRICKS.

SHE'S NOT GONNA NOT...

SHE PROBABLY LIKES YOU BECAUSE

YOU'RE THE KIND OF GUY WHO WOULD

DO COCK TRICKS FOR EVERYONE.

-SHH--HEY, HEY...

-SO, JUST DO THEM.

IT'S SO GOOD.

EVERYBODY WILL BE LAUGHING AT IT

AND YOU KNOW HOW YOU LOVE THAT.

IT GIVES YOU LOVE, YOU'RE LIKE,

"YES, EVERYBODY'S LAUGHING

AT ME! I'M KENT OSBORNE!"

-KEV! KEV! KEV!

STOP. STOP. STOP.

JUST HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING.

YOU'RE MY FRIEND, RIGHT?

HELP ME OUT. -MM-HMM.

-STOP, STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.

-STOP TALKING ABOUT

COCK TRICKS?

-YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

-O.K., FINE, FINE.

-O.K.? -FINE, FINE.

...[ITALIAN ACCENT] 'SCUSE ME

LADIES AND GENTLEMALINI!

[LAUGHS]

GENTLEMALINI.

I NOW WILL PRESENT TO YOU

A SIGHT YOU WILL NEVER FORGET IN

YOUR WHOLE LIVES AS LONG AS YOU

LIVE AND HIS NAME IS KENT

OSBORNE AND HIS PENIS IS A

GLORIOUS THING.

HE WILL NOW PRESENT THE COCK

TRICKS FOR EVERYONE TONIGHT.

I PRESENT KENT OSBORNE.

PLEASE STAND BEFORE ME, KENT.

BEFORE THIS TREE!

-Crowd, chanting: COCK TRICKS,

COCK TRICKS, COCK TRICKS,

COCK TRICKS, COCK TRICKS...

-GET IN THERE! GO!

-Crowd: WHOO!

[APPLAUSE]

-I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE

THAN TO DO IT.

AND I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE

THAN TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO

VANISH RIGHT NOW BECAUSE, UM,

THIS HAS BEEN BUILT UP WAY

TOO MUCH. -Kev: WHAT'S WRONG?

-I CAN'T DO COCK TRICKS

ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE SCAR

TISSUE AROUND MY TESTICLES AND

I WENT TO MY DOCTOR BECAUSE I

THOUGHT IT WAS CANCER AND HE

SAID, "DON'T DO STRENUOUS THINGS

WITH YOUR SCROTUM".

-ARE YOU SERIOUS?

-YEAH, AND I'M SORRY, THAT'S

WHY I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU TO

KNOCK IT OFF ALL NIGHT.

AND YOU JUST FUCKING LOOKED ME

IN THE EYE AND SAID, "O.K.,

LET'S TALK ABOUT IT ON MONDAY."

AND I'M SORRY, I KNOW THAT I...

THE MUSIC'S OFF AND I'M THE

ONLY ONE TALKING.

-I'LL TURN THE MUSIC ON, THEN.

-AND I'M NOT, I LOVE YOU, OF

COURSE, I APOLOGIZE TO EVERYBODY

BECAUSE...

-LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THE HAMBURGER!

[CROWD CHEERS]

[♪...]

[♪...]

-HEY, KENT.

-YEAH?

-WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

-UH, NOTHIN'.

-ME EITHER.

YOU WANNA DO NOTHIN' TOGETHER?

-UH, SURE.

-OH, GOOD.

-WHEN YOU MASTURBATE, YOU JUST

USE YOUR IMAGINATION?

-YEAH.

FANTASY TIME.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

DO YOU LOOK AT PORN?

-MM-HMM.

-WERE YOU LOOKING AT PORN

JUST NOW? -MAYBE.

-WHAT? REALLY?

-MAYBE.

-WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

-JUST GETTING READY FOR BED.

[LAUGHS]

-OH...

-YEAH, WELL--

-A LITTLE NIGHTCAP?

-I USUALLY MASTURBATE ONCE

A DAY.

-WHAT TIME OF DAY?

DID I INTRUDE?

-NO, NO, NO, NO, I...

NO, I WASN'T GOING TO, I WAS,

JUST, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW...

-RIGHT, I WAS RIGHT THERE.

-YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU HAVE A

HOUSEGUEST, YOU DON'T...

-SMACK IT, LOUDLY?

-AS MUCH, YEAH.

-UM, THAT'S PROBABLY PRUDENT.

-BUT, IT'S NICE.

IT'S NICE, 'CAUSE WHEN YOU

LEAVE, IT'LL BE A NICE LITTLE...

I MEAN, IT'LL BE SAD, BUT--

-WELCOME HOME.

-BUT THEN I'LL LIKE...

GET TO MASTURBATE, SO...

-YOU CAN MASTURBATE.

I'M NOT GOING TO STOP YOU.

I'M ONE OF THOSE COOL

HOUSEGUESTS.

LIKE, JUST DO WHAT YOU NORMALLY

DO, PLEASE.

-REALLY?

-MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

-O.K.

GOOD TO KNOW.

-YEAH.

GO RIGHT NOW, I'M FINE.

-YEAH?

YOU'RE GOING TO WATCH?

-ALL RIGHT.

[SNORTS LAUGH]

-YOU... YOU WOULD WATCH ME

MASTURBATE?

-WHY NOT?

-ARE YOU JOKING?

-I DON'T THINK SO.

I'LL WATCH YOU MASTURBATE.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

-YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE THIS?

-YES.

-O.K., SO I TAKE A PILLOW.

-YEAH.

-PUT IT UNDER THE SHEET.

-VERY NICE.

-AND THEN I JUST LIKE,

THERE...

-WOW. -YEAH.

AND THEN I'LL PUT SOME...

MY COMPUTER OR...

-ON THE BED?

-YEAH. -YEAH.

-AND THAT'S IT.

-AW, HE'S A PILLOW HUMPER.

-YEAH, PILLOW HUMPER.

-I MEAN, SO SOMETIMES, PILLOW

DOWN LIKE THIS.

OR JUST LIKE NO PILLOW.

SORRY, PILLOW.

AND THEN JUST LIKE, YOU KNOW.

YEAH, JUST KIND OF WRITHING

AROUND, AND LIKE...

-BUT NEVER ON YOUR BACK?

-NO, I JUST CAN'T.

WE'D BE SO INCOMPATIBLE.

WE'D BE LIKE TWO TOPS,

NO BOTTOM. [LAUGHS] -YEAH.

-I KNOW.

[MARKER SCRAPING ON PAPER]

[♪...]

[BUBBLING]

[COUGHING]

[COUGHING]

-WOW, I'M, I'M... O.K.

MAYBE I'M WALKING TOO FAST,

I'M OUT OF BREATH.

MY... LIPS ARE CHAPPED.

I'M HIGH, BY THE WAY.

I'M TOTALLY BAKED.

I'M GOING TO GET EGGS.

WALKING DOWN A VERY STEEP HILL.

[TRAFFIC PASSING]

MY LIFE IS A BIT OF A WRECK.

AND I'M THE ONE DRIVING, I'M THE

ONE GETTING INTO THE WRECKS.

♪ GETTIN' INTO THE WRECKS,

GETTIN' INTO THE WRECKS. ♪

[WIND BLOWING]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[MUSIC ENDS]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[♪...]

-THAT IS A GREAT PICTURE.

I MEAN, THAT'S LIKE A REAL,

IT'S NOT LIKE...

-IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

-IT LOOKS LIKE A PROFESSIONAL.

-YEAH, IT'S GORGEOUS.

-THIS CAN'T BE REAL.

"HI, I HEAR THAT CRAIG'S LIST IS

GOOD FOR FULFILLING OR DASHING

FANTASIES.

I HAVE A FANTASY OF MEETING A

BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT, FUNNY

WOMAN WHO ALSO MAYBE HASN'T HAD

MUCH EXPERIENCE WITH OTHER

WOMAN--WOMEN--BUT WHO WANTS

TO EXPLORE LIKE WE'RE

TWO NEW BOOKS OPENING EACH

OTHER'S PAGES.

OR MAYBE THERE'S A LIBRARIAN

WHO OPENS OUR PAGES AT THE

SAME TIME."

WHOA, THAT'S SO HOT.

[LAUGH]

"IS ANYONE OUT THERE

A LIBRARIAN?'

-DARN!

-WOW, SHE'S--"WHO IS GOOD AT

TURNING ON TWO WOMEN AT ONCE.

I'M MOSTLY JUST CURIOUS TO MEET

ANOTHER BI GIRL WHO ISN'T GOING

TO JUDGE ME FOR HAVING

LOOSE-KNIT FANTASIES THAT MAY OR

MAY NOT INVOLVE LIBRARIANS.

LET'S TALK ABOUT TITS AND THEN

DOSTOYEVSKY.

LET'S RELATE ABOUT ALL THE GUYS

WE'VE BLOWN WHO DIDN'T GO

DOWN ON US.

LET'S MAKE UP NATION STATES RUN

BY SAPPHO AND BEETHOVEN."

-"LOOKING FOR A COMPATRIOT".

WOW.

MAYBE SHE'S A VEGETARIAN.

LOOK, LIQUID AMINOS.

I EAT THOSE.

-REALLY?

-YEAH.

-UM... ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE GOING TO WRITE IT.

YOU SHOULD WRITE BACK.

YOU SHOULD.

HMM?

-I JUST FEEL LIKE WE HAVE TO

IMPRESS HER, A LITTLE BIT.

SHE'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.

-SHE'S PRETTY SMART.

I DON'T KNOW ANY OF HER

REFERENCES.

-OH... WHERE DO WE--

-JUST GO AHEAD.

YOU'RE SMART.

SAY, LIKE... JUST BE HONEST.

JUST SAY YOU'RE OUT HERE

VISITING A GOOD FRIEND.

I MEAN...

-AS A BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT,

FUNNY WOMAN I CAN... THAT I...

TOO ENJOY EXPLORING.

-YOU, YEAH, I THINK

THAT'S GOOD.

AND THEN ASK, SAY...

SHOULD WE JUST TAKE A PICTURE

OF OURSELVES?

LIKE, WITH, WITH...

I THINK IT SHOULD, YEAH,

THAT'S...

-ALL RIGHT. READY?

-WE HAVE TO LOOK THERE.

-O.K.

-O.K.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

-BE SEXY.

-I CAN'T. [LAUGHS]

THIS IS TERRIBLE.

-OOH.

-THIS LOOKS TERRIBLE.

-IT'S REALLY LIKE OUR WORST

FEATURES.

I CAN'T EVEN SEE IT.

HOLD ON.

-LET'S MOVE THIS BACK.

WHAT IF I SLOUCH A LITTLE?

YOU SHOULD--

-YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.

I SHOULD GO UP.

O.K. -ALL RIGHT.

-ARE WE GOOD? -YEAH.

-I THINK WE LOOK GOOD. -O.K.

-O.K.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

[COMPUTER CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[BOTH LAUGH]

-YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

THAT'S O.K.

I'M WAITING FOR THE COUNT.

[LAUGHS] -O.K.

-THIS IS GONNA...

-THREE, TWO, ONE.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

[COMPUTER CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[BOTH LAUGH]

-OH, NO, IT'S TERRIBLE.

-WE TOTALLY SAW WORSE

THAN THAT--THAT'S FINE.

WE HAVE TO JUST SEND THIS.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A

PERFECTIONIST.

-BUT, I'M NOT EVEN HARD.

-THAT'S FINE!

-WAIT, CAN WE TAKE ONE MORE?

I'M SORRY, CAN WE JUST TAKE

ONE MORE, PLEASE?

-IMPROMPTU... O.K.

-I JUST DON'T WANT TO BLOW

THIS BECAUSE I'M NOT STRETCHED

OUT PROPERLY. O.K.

...ALL RIGHT.

I'M ROLLING.

-YOU'RE ROLLING.

-YEAH, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

-I'M NERVOUS AND EXCITED AND

WE'RE ABOUT TO GO MEET

JOSEPHINE.

-YEAH. -YEAH.

-HAVE YOU EVER DONE

THIS BEFORE?

-NO, NOT THIS.

LIKE, I MEAN, MEETING SOMEONE ON

CRAIG'S LIST?

-RIGHT.

-NO.

-Kent: HI.

-Josephine: HI.

-Kate: HI.

CAN YOU SEE US?

-Kent: BARELY.

I CAN SEE THE CANDLES.

-MMM.

-Josephine: CAN YOU SEE US

NOW?

-Kate: WE'RE LIKE TWO BRIGHT

LIGHTS IN A DARK, DARK BAR.

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING IN BAR...]

-Josephine: SO, KENT?

-YES?

-WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

-I LIVE HERE.

-I MEAN, WERE YOU FROM HERE?

-OH, OH, I GREW UP IN VERMONT.

-OH.

OH, YOU'RE A FARM BOY.

-UH, SORT OF.

WELL, I WAS BORN IN NEW JERSEY.

-O.K.

-AND THEN I MOVED TO VERMONT

WHEN I WAS FOUR.

-SO AND UM, UH, SORRY, I'M A

LITTLE DISTRACTED. [LAUGHS]

-Both: OOH, UH!

[KENT LAUGHS]

-I'M KIND OF A LIGHTWEIGHT.

I'M ONLY GOING TO BE ABLE TO

HANDLE ONE MORE DRINK BEFORE

I'M GOOD.

-YEAH.

WELL, THEN.

-Kent: WHY IS NO ONE LOOKING

AT ME?

-WHAT?

-OH, SORRY.

-YOU'RE THERE? HI!

-WE WERE...

-I'M HAPPY WITH EITHER ONE.

-SHE'S HAPPY WITH ANYTHING.

I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE...

[GLASS BREAKING]

OH, MY GOD.

OH, OH, NO.

HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?

-Kent: I BACKED INTO IT.

I HAVE TO PUT THIS AWAY

RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

DO WE GO TO THE FRONT AND SAY

WE BROKE--

-Kate: YEAH, LET'S JUST

CONFESS. -O.K.

-AWESOME. THANKS. SORRY.

-Man: NO PROBLEM.

-I'M SORRY.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

-Kate: BYE.

-Josephine: BYE.

-Kate: LOOK, HE'S CARRYING

EVERYTHING.

-Josephine: OH, HE'S SUCH

A MAN, HE'S TAKING CARE OF US.

-Kate: I KNOW, LOOK AT THAT.

-Kent: ALL RIGHT.

-Josephine: OH, THANKS.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

[CORK POPS]

-Josephine: OH, NICE.

SO PAINLESS!

GOOD. [LAUGHS]

...AWESOME.

-O.K., CHEERS.

-CHEERS.

-CHEERS.

-THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

-OH, MY GOD, THIS IS FUN.

-Kate: YEAH, THIS IS GREAT.

-Josephine: IT'S SO GREAT TO

MEET YOU. -WANT A TOUR?

-Josephine: SURE. -YEAH?

-UH, KITCHEN.

-AWESOME.

O.K., COOL.

-PANTRY.

-Josephine: MM-HMM.

-Kent: BATHROOM.

-GOTCHA.

-THIS IS THE HALLWAY.

-O.K.

-THIS IS THE FIRST PIECE OF

ART I EVER BOUGHT.

-OH.

[LAUGHS]

WOW.

-IT'S JUXTAPOSITION ART.

THIS IS THE LIGHTS!

LIVING ROOM!

-NICE.

THIS IS A GOOD PLACE YOU HAVE.

-THANKS.

-I LIKE YOUR STATE OF THE ART

VIEWING MATERIALS.

-YES.

-OOH, GOSH.

-SOME BOOKS.

-Kate: BOOKS.

-Josephine: YOU HAVE SOME

SERIOUS STUFF.

-I CAN MASTURBATE

TO A PRAYING MANTIS.

-Kate: REALLY?

-LIKE... WELL, JUST A FEMALE

LIKE, AT... -RIGHT.

-LIKE EATING ME AS I'M...

-BUT THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN FANTASY AND REALITY.

-RIGHT, LIKE... -YOU DON'T

REALLY WANT THAT BUT IT'S

FUN TO THINK ABOUT.

-RIGHT. I CAN FANTASIZE ABOUT

BEING RAPED IN PRISON...

-RIGHT... HOT!

-BUT IF IT WERE TO REALLY

HAPPEN... -NOT SO HOT.

-IT WOULD BE THE WORST THING

THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

-YOU DO OR YOU DON'T HAVE

RAPE, MALE RAPE FANTASIES?

-NO, I MEAN, LIKE, O.K., ONE

NIGHT I WAS REALLY BORED AND I

FANTASIZED THAT I WAS RAPED

BY A BUNCH OF MEN.

-WHILE MASTURBATING?

-IT'S A FANTASY.

-YEAH, LIKE I... YEAH.

-BUT YOU GOT OFF

ON THAT... IDEA?

-IT WAS A, IT WAS ACTUALLY, IT

WAS A CRAIG'S LIST POSTING.

AND IT WAS LIKE, "HEY, ANYBODY

WANT TO COME OVER?

WE'VE GOT THIS GUY TIED UP AND

WE'RE, LIKE, WE'RE FUCKING HIM

IN EVERY HOLE" AND... AND THAT

TURNED ME ON--I WAS LIKE,

"OH, THAT'S TURNING ME ON."

BUT I REMEMBER THINKING, LIKE,

IF THAT WAS... REALLY HAPPENED,

I WOULD... IT WOULD BE AWFUL.

-YEAH. -WOW.

-WELL, THERE'S A DARK PLACE

THAT HAPPENS, I THINK.

I MEAN, I'VE HAD...

I THINK MOST YOUNG GIRLS...

LIKE, WHEN I WAS, LIKE, 11 AND

HADN'T STARTED MASTURBATING

AND I WAS LIKE... I REALLY,

REALLY, REALLY WISHED SOMETHING

WAS GOING ON IN THAT AREA AND

WOULD HAVE RAPE FANTASIES, BUT

I... I THINK IT WAS, I DON'T

KNOW... YEAH, IF IT REALLY

HAPPENED, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN

REALLY MESSED UP AND SAD.

-RIGHT. -BUT, UM... -YEAH.

-A LOT OF WOMEN HAVE RAPE

FANTASIES--I JUST NEVER TALKED

TO A MAN WHO DID.

SO... YOU'RE A FIRST.

...I DIDN'T START MASTURBATING

UNTIL, LIKE, REALLY RECENTLY,

LIKE THE LAST FOUR YEARS.

-Kent: REALLY? -YEAH.

-Kate: WHAT CHANGED THINGS?

-UM... A VIBRATOR. [LAUGHS]

-Kate: WHAT KIND OF VIBRATOR?

-A VERY SIMPLE ONE, BUT...

ACTUALLY IT WAS A MINDSET

THAT CHANGED, BUT IT WAS ALSO

THE VIBRATOR.

I THINK I JUST WAS... WHEN I WAS

YOUNG I NEVER DID IT BECAUSE IN

TEXAS, LIKE, YOU JUST WERE

TAUGHT, LIKE, "DO NOT TALK ABOUT

SEXUALITY, IT'S GROSS,"

AND THEN, UM... I MEAN,

WHATEVER KIND OF SEXUALITY.

IT DIDN'T MATTER IF IT WAS,

LIKE, HOMOSEXUALITY, BISEXUALITY

OR HETEROSEXUALITY, LIKE, YOU

JUST DIDN'T TALK ABOUT WHAT WAS

GOING ON, AND THEN... SO, I

WOULD ASK MY FRIENDS, "LIKE, SO

DO YOU GUYS MASTURBATE?"

'CAUSE I KNEW GUYS DID IT,

AND MY GIRLFRIENDS WERE LIKE,

"NO... UGH, THAT IS SO GROSS.

I WOULD NEVER, NEVER DO THAT."

AND THEN I FOUND OUT, YOU KNOW,

LIKE, 10 TO 12 YEARS LATER THAT,

YES, OF COURSE THEY WERE ALL

MASTURBATING, EVEN THOUGH...

BUT NOBODY WAS TALKING ABOUT IT.

-Kate: THAT'S PRETTY

FASCINATING. -Kent: YEAH.

-AND SO, I WAS JUST LIKE,

"WELL, NOBODY DOES THAT,

THAT'S GROSS, SINCE..."

-Kent: HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW?

-29.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

-OH, OLD. [LAUGHS]

-700 YEARS OLD?

-HE'S VERY IMMATURE THOUGH...

[JOSEPHINE LAUGHS]

SO IT CANCELS OUT

A LOT OF THE TIME.

-NO, I JUST... I RECENTLY

TURNED 40.

-OH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

-THANKS.

-SO YOU... THAT'S NOT OLD.

WHY DO YOU FEEL OLD?

-I NEVER DID UNTIL I TURNED

40, BUT... YOU KNOW, I'M

HANDLING IT. -O.K. -O.K.

[ALL LAUGH]

[BONG BUBBLING,

WOMEN TALKING IN BACKGROUND]

-Josephine: ...I LOVED IT AND

I FELT SO CONNECTED TO HER.

I WAS LIKE, I REALLY NEED

TO PUT MYSELF OUT THERE MORE

AND MEET MORE GIRLS.

-YEAH. -HENCE, TONIGHT.

-YAY! -SEEMS LIKE A VERY...

BRAZEN WAY OF DOING IT, I GUESS,

BUT, LIKE, SOMETIMES YOU JUST...

-YOU GOT TO TAKE A RISK.

-YOU MAKE YOUR...

YOU MAKE YOUR, UH, DESTINY.

-YES, YOU DO... YEAH.

-KENT, ARE YOU GONNA...

COME JOIN US?

-UM... YEAH.

[HEAVY BREATHING...]

[KENT MOANS]

[WOMEN MOAN AND GIGGLE]

-YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.

-MMM, THANK YOU.

[WHISPERS]: SO ARE YOU...

[♪...]

[♪...]

-Josephine: THAT WAS

DIFFERENT.

I'M GONNA RUN TO THE BATHROOM.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[♪...]

[KATE SIGHS]

-Kent: [LAUGHS] WHAT ARE

YOU...? WHAT'S GOING ON?

KATE?

-I MEAN, IT WAS GOOD, RIGHT?

I'M JUST WAITING FOR HER.

I DON'T WANT TO LIKE...

IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU'RE WATCHING

A MOVIE--SOMEONE HAS TO

GO TO THE BATHROOM, YOU JUST

PAUSE THE MOVIE.

-Josephine: WOW, IT'S REALLY

HOT AND HEAVY IN HERE.

-Kent: YEAH. [LAUGH]

-SORRY TO BREAK IT UP--

I JUST HAD TO...

-Kate: HI! HI, HI...

[JOSEPHINE LAUGHS]

I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK.

COME HERE, COME HERE, COME HERE,

COME HERE, COME HERE...

OH, DON'T GO ANYWHERE

EVER AGAIN.

-WAIT, YOU PUT THIS BACK ON?

-I... WELL, I WAS JUST...

I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU

A BIT OF A SURPRISE.

HERE, I'LL TAKE IT OFF.

COME HERE...

HI... WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY

LIFE? [LAUGHING AND SIGHING]

...YEAH, IT WAS AWESOME MEETING

YOU TOO.

ENJOY THOSE.

-THANKS... YEAH, THANK YOU

SO MUCH FOR THESE.

ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT

THIS ONE? SLING BLADE?

-YEAH, YEAH... NO, I'M GLAD...

YOU'RE DOING ME A FAVOR.

-THAT'S A REALLY... THAT'S

LIKE... I APPRECIATE IT.

-YOU HAVE GOOD TASTE.

-GOOD NIGHT. -BYE.

-NICE TO MEET YOU.

-YEAH, IT'S BEEN AWESOME.

-YEAH. STAY, STAY WARM.

HEY, LOOK, THE SUN IS COMING UP.

-Kate: WOW... OH, MY GOD.

NIGHTY-NIGHT.

GOOD MORNING.

-Josephine: GOOD NIGHT.

[WOMEN LAUGH]

SEE YOU... IN THE FUTURE.

-Kate: YES.

-Josephine: BYE.

-Both: BYE.

[AIR PUMP WHIRRING...]

[PEN CLATTERS ON DESK]

-Kent: ARE YOU O.K.?

-I'M FINE--ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

-I'M TOTALLY FINE.

-BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEEM IT,

LIKE, YOU DON'T SEEM LIKE YOU.

[THROATY GROWLING]

DID YOU FEEL THAT?

-YOU'RE KILLING ME.

-HOT AIR! HOT AIR!

-YOU'RE KILLING ME.

-[THROATY GROWLING]

DID YOU... DID YOU HEAR THE

SOUND OF, LIKE, HELL?

LISTEN.

[THROATY ROAR]

O.K., LET'S, LET'S RIDE

AROUND ON THE CHAIR.

♪ RIDING ON THE CHAIR...

-KATE, KATE, WHAT IS GOING ON?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-I DON'T KNOW.

I WANT TO BE NEAR YOU.

-O.K., YOU'RE RIGHT THERE.

SERIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU...

YOU SEE, WE'RE... THIS IS

LIKE WE'RE BOYFRIEND AND

GIRLFRIEND, BUT WE'RE NOT

HAVING SEX, WHICH IS...

THAT'S THE BEST PART OF BEING A

BOYFRIEND AND A GIRLFRIEND.

-NO... I MEAN, IT'S A GREAT

PART. -WHAT DO YOU WANT...?

-I JUST... -REALLY? LIKE...

-CAN I SIT ON YOUR LAP?

-REALLY? -CAN I SIT ON YOUR

LAP? -NO! -PLEASE? -NO.

-PLEASE? -NO.

-ROCK ME LIKE A BABY. -NO.

-ROCK ME LIKE A BABY, JUST...

PAL?

-WE'RE PALS, RIGHT?

REALLY? LIKE, YOU NEED ME TO

HELP YOU RIGHT NOW FEEL...

I, I... MY MIND IS BEING BLOWN

RIGHT NOW BECAUSE YOU SAID,

"GO WORK, I'M GONNA SIT HERE,"

AND NOW.... I DON'T...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? LIKE...

-[PURRING]

[CHUCKLES]

[PURRING]

[MEWING]

[HISSING]

YOU WANT TO BE KITTIES?

LET'S BE KITTIES.

LET'S BE KITTIES...

-KATE, YOU'RE... O.K.,

NOW I ACTUALLY AM STARTING

TO GET A LITTLE MAD.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS.

I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND.

-WE'RE JUST KITTIES.

WE'RE JUST BABY KITTIES.

-CAN I... I GOTTA WORK.

I GOTTA GET THIS...

-I'LL JUST BE RIGHT HERE.

I'M JUST GONNA BE REALLY...

I JUST WANNA BE NEAR YOU.

KENT?

WHY ARE YOU SO MAD?

[KATE CRYING AND SNIFFLING...]

[KATE SIGHS]

-HEY... HEY, LISTEN.

I'M, I'M SORRY.

I'M REALLY SORRY, O.K.?

-[SNIFFLES]

-HEY, KATE, I'M REALLY SORRY.

I'M, I'M, I'M JUST HUNG OVER

AND I'M TIRED AND I'M JUST...

I DIDN'T TAKE MY WELLBUTRIN

YESTERDAY AND I'M... I'M JUST

BEING A... A BABY 'CAUSE WE'RE

NOT... WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX.

[LAUGHS] YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LIKE, I'M... I'M SO SORRY.

I'M NOT... COME HERE.

[KATE SOBS, SNIFFLES]

COME HERE.

HEY, DON'T CRY, O.K.?

THIS WAS SUCH A FUN WEEKEND.

THIS WAS, LIKE, AWESOME.

I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME.

[KATE SNIFFLES]

LIKE, SERIOUSLY.

I'M SO SORRY--I WAS, UM...

I WAS BEING A DICK AND I'M,

I'M REALLY SORRY.

LIKE, I, I'M...

YOU'RE SO...

YOU'RE AWESOME, O.K.?

-[SIGHS, SNIFFLES]

[GRUNTING]

-ALL RIGHT.

DRIVE SAFE.

-THANK YOU.

-HAVE A SAFE FLIGHT BACK.

-THANK YOU.

THANKS FOR THE WEEKEND.

-YEAH, YOU TOO.

THIS WAS FUN.

-IT WAS FUN.

SUN'S BRIGHT.

-YEAH.

HOW'S THAT?

-GOOD.

YOU GOT IT.

-YOU GOTTA GO.

-YEAH, I GOTTA GO.

I DON'T WANT TO MISS MY FLIGHT.

-O.K., WE'RE GOOD?

-YEAH, WE'RE GOOD. -O.K.

-THANKS.

-YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

-O.K.

-BYE.

[KISS]

-WRITE ON MY WALL.

BE IN TOUCH.

[♪...]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[KISSING SOUND]

[CAT MEOWS]

[DIAL CLICKING]

[MUFFLED CONVERSATION ON VIDEO]

[KENT LAUGHS]

[BUBBLING]

-Bow, bow, bow.

Bow, bow, bow.

See, he knows something's up.

Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow.

[LAUGHTER]

-Woman: You have to do it,

Uncle Kent!

-Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow...

[LAUGHTER]

[BABY LAUGHS]

-Baby: A ba ba.

-Bow, bow, bow...

[LAUGHTER]

-Baby: Ma ma.

-Bow, bow, bow...

[BABY LAUGHS]

[LAUGHTER]

-Baby: Ba ba ba ba.

-Bow, bow, bow...

[LAUGHTER]

[CAT MEOWS]

[KENT CLICKS HIS TONGUE]

-COME HERE.

[CAT MEOWS LOUDLY]

WHAT?

[CAT MEOWS]

WHAT?

[CAT MEOWS]

WHAT?

KITTY, HEY, CAT.

[DISGUSTED] AH...

NO, NO, NO.

HEY, COME HERE.

[CAT MEOWS]

[CAT MEOWS AGGRESSIVELY]

[CAT MEOWS AGGRESSIVELY]

[CAT HISSES]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[♪...]

-Josephine: I JUST HAVE TO GO

TO THE BATHROOM, I'LL BE

RIGHT BACK.

-Kate: WHAT?