Original subtitles

Pat, see that there? That's a hot bike. Oh, we could do the other one.

How do you convince a dealership to loan us a brand new bike?

Well, everybody knows about the Laredo Love Ride. It's like birth defects, you

know? So it's great publicity for them to sponsor us. I'm not asking any

questions. I just can't wait to hit the road.

Hey, Walker, are you going to pass this up?

Whatever.

Well, I really don't want to, but, you know, Alex is getting ready to have the

baby, and I've got to get the baby's room ready.

It must be hard to pick a color not knowing whether the baby's going to be a

or a girl.

Yeah, it is.

Aren't you anxious?

I mean, I'd be dying to know.

Well... You're curious.

I am telling you, I would have to know.

I just don't think about it.

You know, I've got to hand it to you, Alex. I'd be thinking about that, and

that's all I'd be thinking about.

Whitney, all it takes is willpower.

The same discipline I learned in the martial arts. It's not that hard.

I'm all right.

Me too.

Check her vital signs every 30 minutes.

Notify me immediately of any change.

Right, Doctor.

Dr.

Bates? Ranger Walker, you just missed Alex.

Yeah, I know.

Well, the sonogram went fine. Both she and the baby are perfectly healthy.

Oh, that's great. That's really good.

Dr. Bates?

Are we having a boy or a girl?

Well, I thought you and Alex wanted to be surprised.

Alex wants to be surprised.

The suspense is killing me.

Ranger Walker, I promised your wife I wouldn't tell you.

Oh, you did?

Well... If I saw the sonogram, you wouldn't be

telling me, right?

Well, that's true.

Can I take a little peek, please?

Okay.

what color to paint the baby's room.

Don't tell Alex I saw this, okay?

Believe me, I won't.

Who are these guys?

Keep going. Keep going.

Keep going. Keep going up there. Go, go, go, go, go.

What? Man, we're filming a movie here. Yeah, right.

Come on.

Yeah.

Cut, cut, cut, cut. Harley, you okay?

I hope you're okay, because that was incredible.

Are you stupid?

I'm the store this. How dare you touch me? Shut up.

What you did to me?

God. Look, I don't know who you guys are, but those stunts were absolutely

amazing. We're Texas Rangers. What is going on here?

Who are you? I'm Wes Tyson. I'm the writer and director of this whole thing,

man.

In the eyes of a ranger, the unsuspecting stranger had better know

wrong from right.

Cause the eyes of the ranger are upon you.

Anything wrong you do, he's gonna see.

When you're in Texas, look behind you.

Cause that's where the ranger's gonna be.

It's a movie shoot. Yes, it is.

Why didn't you stop it? I'm glad we didn't, because we got it all on film,

Really, you guys, that was great.

Oh, Frank Locke, I'm the stunt coordinator.

Aren't these kind of stunts usually really carefully planned out?

Well, this wasn't supposed to be a stunt.

I'm going to go check on the bikes. Okay, thanks, Frank. Yeah, you guys kind

changed all that.

Aren't you guys supposed to have cops monitoring the set to make sure this

doesn't happen?

Yeah, we do. They're right back there. But it all happened so fast, you know?

I'm on a shoestring budget over here and everything, and it turned out to be an

awesome stunt sequence.

Wow!

I had no idea rangers could be so beautiful.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Yeah, wait a second.

Have you ever thought about doing stunt work? Excuse me, I'm hurt here.

You think the star of the film could have a little attention?

Hey, I'm sorry about that, buddy. No, you're fine. Don't worry about it. You

right? Come on, Harley. Suck it up. My ankle's hurt.

Look what he did to my ankle. Well, you're always bragging how you like to

your own stunts. You know what? I'd like to see you fall off a motorcycle,

sweetheart.

This beautiful young lady, as you probably already recognize, is Lily

femme fatale of our little epic here.

You're drooling.

I love what you guys did here. It was absolutely riveting.

Hi. Hi. Are you staying for the day?

Oh, yeah.

Why don't you guys stay? Stick around. You can help me with the coverage. That

would be great.

Yeah, come on. Come on.

Folks, we've got to get to Laredo. Thanks. No, no, you know, we don't have

in Laredo until tomorrow morning, so we could probably stay for another couple

of minutes or hours. Sure, sure. A little while, maybe. Come on.

Time?

Yeah, all right.

That's fabulous.

You've got an action sequence that could turn my film into a huge epic.

What is your film about, anyway?

This baby is going to be a cult classic.

It's called 13 Coffins.

13 coffins. 13 coffins.

Vampire bank robbers. They suck you dry in more ways than one.

If it's called 13 coffins, how come you only have four vampires in your shop?

You know, it's amazing how quickly you figured out my budget problems. Thank

for pointing that out. I appreciate that.

We could only afford four motorcycles, but I've got that.

Problem covered.

Got everybody waiting over in Vampire Village.

What's a Vampire Village?

Oh, man, it's this great little town south of the border, Mexico.

Wheel me over there.

Come on, now. Come on. It's beautiful. You'd be so impressed. We're shooting

there tomorrow. You know what? Maybe you guys... Guys, I don't understand this.

I don't understand why everyone's falling all over these people after what

did. I'm practically crippled here.

Oh, Harley, it's a mild sprain.

Okay, I can't possibly film again today. Whoa, whoa, Harley, this is our last

day here. You have to shoot today. You have to.

She's an animal.

Wait, wait, wait.

Look at this face.

Look at this face.

It's uncanny. The resemblance is amazing. Look at this.

Can you see the resemblance? This is fantastic.

You could be Harley's stunt double. You could be his stunt double. That's

perfect. Yes, that's perfect.

Oh, this is perfect.

This is perfect. You know why this is perfect? It's perfect because I am

perfect.

Well, I can see you're ready to rock and roll with the baby's room.

Yeah.

And I don't want you going in there because I want it to be a surprise.

Well, are you sure you have the right colors?

Oh, yeah.

I've got the right colors.

So when do I get to see the room?

When I'm finished.

Oh, come on.

When I'm finished.

Walker, please.

When I'm finished.

What the hell is this?

Get back to work. I don't pay people to stand around.

Hey, Sam, you'll never guess what happened. This is great. Listen to this.

They're all about your ranges. What the hell are you thinking?

Sam, it's going to take the film to a whole other level. I don't need ranges

peeping around here checking to see if we have permits. Hey, Sam, don't worry.

Listen, they don't know anything about the movie business. I want them out of

here now.

If you ever make another decision like this without consulting me... Mr.

Cardinal, you have a call from a Harry Blacker.

No, wait!

Wait! Wait!

Oh, I'll protect you, stranger. Just relax. Get out of my way.

Come on. Now, come on.

Come on, now. Just play. Play nice.

Hey.

Don't cry. Not loud. Come on.

Don't hurt him. Don't hurt him, all right?

Relax. Relax.

Oh, I can't thank you enough.

All right, son.

Lily, I'd never hurt you. I love you.

Lily, you okay?

Yeah, thanks to Ranger Gage.

Ranger Gage, this is my brother, Doug.

How you doing?

If I'd known Johnny was back on set... Hold it. Just who are you?

He's obsessed with her. He writes her letters all the time. That's because I

love her.

And I told you before to stay off my set.

We'll turn him over to the sheriff.

Lily, don't let them do this to me.

It's all right. It's all right. Lily!

Stop them, Lily! I love you!

I'm Sam Cardinal, the executive producer of the film. Thanks for your quick

work. How are you? No problem. No problem.

Okay, everybody.

Okay, show's over.

Come on now, back to work.

You got something to do?

Yeah, well, Lily might need me.

You know, let's get something straight.

You may be new in the business. When the executive producer tells a lousy

production assistant to get to work, you do it. It's okay, Doug. I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm sorry, honey. Don't let these threats upset you.

You know, if he's done this before, you might want to get a restraining order.

Do you really think so? No, no, he's just a fan.

He's eccentric, but he's harmless.

He didn't seem harmless to me.

Well, maybe you're right.

Maybe you're right. I'll, uh, I'll help Lily with the process.

You should know something about the business, though. This is the third film

she's done for me. She's a star.

Give all of your fans gold at Territory, don't they, honey?

Stay away from the set.

Or else.

Hey, Swells.

Hey, Pam.

Thanks for calling me about the Rangers.

That idiot director.

Yeah, don't worry about it. I'll keep my eye on him. Cut a million dollars right

on tomorrow's transaction, and he brings Rangers in on the picture.

Could blow the whole deal.

All right, all right. Get the cut. Say what?

Say what?

Action!

Cut!

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Why do you have bangs if you're wearing a helmet, man? I'm trying to get into

character, okay?

Don't you know anything about method acting?

rainbow before we do it again.

Again? Again?

Yeah, you can.

Welcome to showbiz.

Ow.

Hey,

do you want some lunch?

Yeah, sure.

You guys mind if I sit with you?

Sure.

Handed that stalker over to the police, did you?

Oh, yeah.

Back pretty fast.

They didn't make you wait around to give a statement?

They said we could do it later.

Police can't book him if you don't make a statement, though.

So you didn't turn him in, did you?

Which means you guys aren't really security guards.

Look, we're just extras.

Playing guards.

Cardinal paid us to wear these uniforms so we look like security.

So what did you do with the guy?

I dropped him off outside of town and told him not to come back.

Where's Lily?

I thought I had 15 more minutes.

No.

You're mine, Lily.

Nobody's going to take you away from me.

Johnny, don't do this.

It's the only way, Lily.

We're meant to be together.

You're mine, Lily.

Forever.

Hey, Johnny.

Help me.

Leave us alone. She's mine. You can't take her away. I just came to talk to

Lily. Leave us alone.

I'm not trying to take her away from you. I just came to talk to Lily.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

I'm going to leave.

Lily, you should tell him what we talked about this morning.

She really cares about you.

Don't lie to me.

I'm not lying to you. She loves you.

Lily, tell him.

Tell him.

Really?

I wish I could believe you. I saved all of your letters right over here. Let me

show you.

You want to

see

a doctor? I'm fine, Doug. Really, I'm fine.

Louie.

Lily, I'm so sorry.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Oh, God, you're such a trooper.

You should be very proud of her.

Look, we got a lot of work left to do today.

Work?

No, Lily should go back to the hotel and rest after what she's been through.

Thank you for your input, Doug.

But, honey, we gotta get this one scene done today, and I know what she's been

through, but you gotta remember the old saying, show must go on.

You're right. I agree.

Well, guys, you were right about Johnny, and I was wrong.

And I'm wrong, I admit it. You were also wrong for not hiring real security

guards. Yeah, I realize that, you know.

Trying to save some money.

Foolish. Won't happen again.

You know, according to the officers, if you contact DPS right away, you should

only be shut down for about an hour or so.

You want to give me that again?

You'll only be shut down for about an hour.

But that's really the least of your problem. What the hell are you talking

about? She's saying you don't have the permits for what you're doing here.

Oh, come on. Give me a break. This is a low -budget production.

Permits are a needless expense.

Police and permits are safeguards against the very thing that happened

today.

You can't do this to me.

I'm shutting this place down until you get the proper permits.

And real police.

I

can't

wait to see them.

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

Tibet promises to bring back pictures of Gage dressed as a vampire.

Well... I've heard that life on a movie set can be melodramatic, but it sounds

like they've had more than their fair share.

Yeah, actually, they are.

Trevette subdued some crazed fan who attacked the female star.

Wow. Lucky all three of them were there today.

Yeah, but according to Trevette, the executive producer, Sam Cardinal,

feel quite that way.

Why not?

Well, I guess he's using fake security and no permits.

Well, that doesn't sound like a legitimate production company.

No, it doesn't, does it?

Maybe I'll check into the Sam Cardinal and his production company.

Okay.

You know if they have any more of those oranges?

Oranges? Are you kidding me? You're asking me about oranges?

You're talking to me about oranges? Here, take these, please.

Cardinal, man.

It's our last day here. If I don't get this shot with Lily being kidnapped, I

don't have a movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, hey, hey. And this is my big scene today, too.

Well, Gage, looks like that's the end of your acting career.

Would you guys come with me tomorrow to Vampire Village? Please.

Seriously. You could save my movie. Come on. It really would. Please.

Laredo. You gotta get to Laredo. Laredo, man, you're killing me with the Laredo

thing, man.

Here's your dad permit.

Got the real police?

In the back of you.

Satisfied?

Back to business. Back to business.

Okay, back to work. Everyone, back to work. Come on.

Action.

Come to me, my love.

Yes.

Oh, cut. Please cut. Please.

Harley, thanks for doing the close -ups. That was some really good acting. Yeah,

I'm here for you, man.

Yeah. Where's my chair?

Gage, could I please get Gage on the set?

Andy Cameron, today.

Mr. Cardinal.

What? Look, I really appreciate the opportunity that you... Look, I'm a

busy kid. I really am.

I think I saw Swale stealing from you.

What?

I saw him slip into your office and take a load of cash out of the safe.

You sure?

Yeah.

Pretty serious shots.

Just you? Nobody else saw him?

No, I was alone.

I came straight here.

Good boy.

I'll tell you what you do.

We keep quiet about all this until we find out what Swells is up to.

And when production's over, we'll have him arrested.

Okay? Yes, sir.

Oh, don't say anything to anybody yet.

Right.

We got a problem.

Hey, remember, you're the stunt double, so we don't want to see your face.

Right, right, right.

Okay. Oh, listen.

Where's Lily, anyway?

She doesn't do this stuff. She has her own stunt double.

Oh.

Okay.

Oh, my.

Sidney, you look great. Let's get you on the bike, and we'll get going.

Yeah.

Okay, why don't you move in a little bit closer?

You know, put your arms around his waist.

Even closer. I want you to really snuggle up with him.

Supposed to be in love, so... That's great. That's great. Okay.

Come on, sir. Get in character.

You're supposed to be madly in love with me.

Madly? Not quite that mad.

Let's roll!

And cut.

Perfect.

Come on in.

You wanted to see me, Mr. Cardinal?

Yeah, Doug, yeah.

Sit down. Sit down.

Well, you were right about the money missing from the safe.

I talked to the Rangers about what you said about swells, and they're checking

into it, so we'll see what happens.

Good. Listen, I had to make some changes in the script so we could finish

shooting tomorrow.

But you know how bad Harley is about memorizing lines?

Yeah, it's terrible.

Okay, I had a good idea.

What we'll do is, well, you will, write one or two lines in separate sheets of

paper. We'll tape them all around the set, use them like cue cards.

That's a good idea.

You can work right here on my desk.

When you're done, leave everything here, all right?

I'll be out in a second.

In

the

trailer, the way he comes out.

Don't make it down

That

was awesome gauge,

you know

I kind of like having you on the back of my bike.

Well, don't get used to it. I've got my own bike.

Thank you, everybody. That is a wrap for today.

I will see you tomorrow at Vampire Village.

Have you seen Doug? He was supposed to run lines with me. No. I saw him talking

to Mr. Cardinal a while ago. Maybe he knows where he is.

It's not like Doug did not show.

Should have minded your own business, boy.

You had no business sticking your nose where it don't belong.

What are you going to do?

You know that expression about curiosity in the cat?

We're going to find out.

Hey!

Let go of the wheel!

You go around back.

Can't get out.

All right.

Did you check his room?

Yeah, they haven't seen him at the hotel since this morning. Lily.

I didn't want to upset you while you were working. It's about Doug.

Did something happen? No, no, no. He took off. He quit.

What? The only reason I hired him was because it's her brother.

It's the thanks I get.

Wait, I don't understand. I mean, he wouldn't leave without telling me.

Baby, there's a lot of things he wasn't telling.

Look, he is complaining about the pay, about the hours, you name it, he's been

complaining about it.

I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to upset you.

Something wrong?

Yeah, looks like Doug left.

He came to me this afternoon and he said if I didn't give him a pay raise and a

co -producer credit on my next picture, he'd make sure you never worked for me

again.

Doug isn't like that.

Honey, come on. You know the business. It makes people crazy.

Take a look at the note he wrote.

Fools like you never listen. I've wasted enough time here.

Goodbye.

Isn't that Doug's handwriting?

Looks like it.

Doesn't pay to be Mr. Nice Guy.

Listen, thanks a lot.

I hate to rush you. I've got to leave, though. You have a good trip and take

care of yourself, okay?

It's going to be okay.

He sure seems anxious to see us leave.

He's just a little, whoo, personality thing.

I'm sure he's just as appreciative as I am, so.

You know what, Wes?

It's been such a harrowing day, I think we're just going to spend the night.

Great. Great.

Listen, I'll get you some rooms at the same hotel we're at, and meet me in the

Bar 7. We'll buy y 'all a drink. How about that?

It's a deal.

Hey, listen, Gage is really gung -ho.

And, boy, if you guys could see it in your heart to be gung -ho, too, I could

really, really use your help tomorrow. What do you say?

You betcha. We'll see ya.

The Empire Village.

Hi. Hi.

I thought you were anxious to leave.

I think there's something going on here.

I think you're right.

All right.

One more time.

Is he dead?

He's got to be.

I don't hear a straight answer.

I don't know.

Sam, I hit him at least once.

Let me clarify.

You two better pray that this kid doesn't show up. Because if he does, two

those coffins will be stuffed with more than just drugs.

Looks okay to me.

Thanks, Gage.

I know it's silly now that Johnny's in jail, but... No, no, no. It's better to

be safe.

Oh, what a day.

I can't wait to step into a hot shower.

I'd better go.

I am in room 516. If you need anything at all... Don't leave before I have a

chance to thank you properly.

Well, uh, good night.

You don't have to leave so fast.

I better go.

I'm sorry.

I didn't realize there was someone else.

Oh, no, there's nobody else.

I mean, really.

Whatever you say.

Thanks again.

It looks like Sam Cardinal always films in small towns in Mexico.

Small towns appreciate extra business, ask you pure questions. But the big

question is, why is he making these films? They go straight to video, they

hardly make a profit, if a profit at all. I don't think making movies is his

only business, Walker. What do you think he's up to?

I don't know.

I don't know. But I think we should stick around and try to find out.

Okay. Keep me posted.

Everything okay?

Well, I'm not sure.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

Did you paint the room or did the room paint you?

Alex, this is not my profession.

All right?

Besides, I can't get this paint off.

You look adorable.

Yeah, right.

Final sound.

See anything?

No, nothing.

Lily! Me!

Oh, my God, Doug, what happened?

Swales and Richie tried to kill me.

What? Look, I think Cardinal might be in on this, too, so we've got to get you

out of here right now.

Who is it?

It's the Rangers.

What happened to you, son?

Swales, the prop guy, tried to kill him.

He and Richie pulled a gun on me and took me out to shoot me, but I got away.

Why would he do that?

I saw Swale taking money from Mr. Cardinal's safe, so I thought he was

from him. So you told Cardinal, and he said to keep quiet because he would take

care of it, right?

Yeah, how'd you know that?

That's probably the cash I saw him hiding in the coffins. What cash?

What's going on?

We think Cardinal's involved in some kind of smuggling operation.

He's using those coffins to move cash across the border.

They're probably smuggling drugs back in. We were just coming here to warn you

that Doug's disappearance probably had something to do with that.

Well, so you can arrest him then, right?

No, not yet. We don't have enough evidence against Cardinal.

We'd like to wait and nail everyone involved.

We're going to need your help, Lily.

Our hunch was right.

Cardinal's definitely running a smuggling operation, Walker. What are

to do?

We're going to follow him to Mexico. That's where they're shooting tomorrow.

Well, whatever his plan is, he'll be keeping a close eye on you three.

You got that right.

I'll call you first thing in the morning. All right.

Thanks.

So can I take a look and see what you've done with the baby's room so far?

Nope.

Just a peek?

Nope. Oh, Walker.

No.

Fine. I'm going to bed.

And don't peek.

Can I talk to you for a minute, privately?

What's up, honey?

I just wanted to apologize for the way Doug acted.

Don't mention it.

I mean, I'm embarrassed.

I mean, you hired him because of me, and... I guess he's just got a lot of

growing up to do.

I guess so.

Look, don't let this get you down. You got your big scene today.

Let's get back to work and forget all about it.

Okay?

Here, big hug.

That a girl.

That was incredible.

Really?

Yeah, I don't think he suspects a thing.

Good. Okay, I'll see you later.

Yeah.

She was really convincing, don't you think?

She's an actress?

Well, yeah.

How's it going today?

Good to see you again.

What do you got today?

Ah, the usual.

Props. Hey, we're running a little late, so, you know, more your rapido.

All right, everybody, listen up.

This is our final battle scene, so it's got to be huge.

Let's see.

You, pay attention. Director talking.

Lily here is being held captive by the vampires.

And they are about to make her one of their own. But I'll be saved by the

vampire who loves me.

Oh, yes, sweetheart.

I'll battle all the other vampires to save your soul.

Yeah, anyway.

In the close -ups, maybe.

Okay, it all looks good.

Gage here, who's our new hero and my new best friend, will handle all the

action. All right?

Count on me, boss.

Yes, I can.

Yeah, whatever, man.

Yeah, whatever, man. Get these coffee cups off my set!

Okay, Gage, this is the big motorcycle jump stunt. You've just pulled up to

block the path between Lily, who's tied at the stake behind you there, and the

approaching vampires.

Okay, everybody, let's do it! Got it?

All right, let's do it over here.

I love it. Okay, let's get set up for the vampire jousting sequence.

Come on, guys. Shake it up. I don't want those three rangers seeing anything.

Relax. They got no juice. They could still cause trouble. I want that coke

loaded before we finish shooting.

Ready?

Me, Martin?

Okay, Gabe. Lots of energy now.

Action!

You must be Sam Cardinal.

And who the hell are you?

I'm your fourth ranger, and you're all under arrest.

You don't have any jurisdiction here in Mexico.

Really? Gentlemen,

these are all yours.

Get him, you idiot!

Hey, the camera!

Let's go! Let's go!

So what happens now?

Huh, pal?

They won't let you forcibly extradite me.

Who said I was going to?

Come on, guys! Move, move, move! We gotta get this! Push in close! Come on,

Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go!

Walker, good to see you again.

Fernandez? Are these the drug smokers you told me about?

Sure. Fernandez, these three are all yours.

They have no jurisdiction here.

I demand to be released.

Whatever you want, Walker. You have our full cooperation.

But we'll be more than happy to have him rot in one of our jails.

We know how to handle drug dealers.

Well, Cardinal, looks to me like you have two choices.

One is to rot in jail, like he said, or American justice.

Which will it be?

I'm a U .S. citizen. I demand to be sent to my own country.

That's what I figured.

We'll take him to the border. Okay, thanks.

Hey, guys.

Hey. I have to get home and finish the nursery, so I'll see you at

All right.

See you.

Hi.

Hey. We both just wanted to say thanks.

Yeah, thanks, man. Oh, you're welcome.

Hey, Gage, can I talk to you for a minute? Sure, what's up?

Well... Well...

You're the best.

I'm sorry things couldn't work out between us.

Uh, well... She's very lucky.

Who? Come on.

I can see you have a thing for her.

You really want to make her jealous?

Make her...

Thank you. I mean, you're welcome.

Bye. That was it.

That was some kiss.

I've had better.

Hey, Gage.

Yeah? Want to start on 14 coffins?

I'm thinking 13 coffins is plenty for me. Thank you.

Well, thanks, man. You saved my movie.

You guys be safe.

You bet. Bye.

Let's go home. Let's go home.

Hey, wait a minute. What are we going to tell the charity people about why the

bikes are all banged up and dirty and everything?

Why don't you tell them we got chased by a bunch of vampires?

Okay.

Okay.

Close your eyes.

Keep them closed.

Okay. I'll guide you.

That's so much fun.

Hey, can I open my eyes yet?

Okay, open them.

What do you think?

Oh, it's beautiful.

I can't believe you did all this.

I mean, it's absolutely perfect.

For a girl, but what if we have a boy?

Cause the eyes of the ranger are upon you.

Any wrong you do, he's gonna see.

When you're in Texas, look behind you.

Cause that's where the rangers go.