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All language subtitles for The Osbournes 2002 S01E01 There Goes The Neighborhood 1080p WEB DL AAC2 0 H 264-NTb

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:02,760 Meet the perfect American family. 2 00:00:10,660 --> 00:00:11,680 There's the mom. 3 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:17,280 I can't sit here and say, like, you know, I'm really the next Mother Teresa. 4 00:00:20,060 --> 00:00:21,580 Fuck no. 5 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:25,299 The son. 6 00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:30,160 Studies show a teenager's brain doesn't really become functional until past 10 7 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,160 .30, I think. 8 00:00:32,220 --> 00:00:34,240 The daughter. 9 00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:37,280 I don't really care what people think of my hair, if they like it or not. It's 10 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:38,660 not their hair, so I don't really care. 11 00:00:38,860 --> 00:00:39,860 Oh, that rhymed. 12 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,780 And of course, the dad. 13 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:43,240 Rock and roll! 14 00:01:07,730 --> 00:01:14,730 You know fucking man crazy Hey, but that's how it 15 00:01:14,730 --> 00:01:21,590 goes Millions of people live 16 00:01:21,590 --> 00:01:24,350 and ask for Maybe 17 00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:29,750 It's not too late 18 00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:34,470 So learn how to love 19 00:01:35,370 --> 00:01:37,070 And forget how to hate 20 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,860 Is that the swimming pool or a pond? 21 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:24,200 It's the fucking swimming pool. And the guy that's building it, I'm going to 22 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,260 drown the fucker in it. 23 00:02:27,220 --> 00:02:31,380 This has got to be the 24th house that my kids have lived in. 24 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:38,060 We've got crosses going everywhere. There's crucifixes. I'm having them 25 00:02:38,060 --> 00:02:40,820 on the wall. We've got crucifix door handles. 26 00:02:41,260 --> 00:02:43,060 We'll never be able to sell it. 27 00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:58,300 Oh, well, 28 00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:00,440 of course it's broken. 29 00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:02,620 Those fuckers packed it. 30 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,400 Dude, how did my sister's underwear just get mixed up in mine? 31 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,120 You know, that's just wrong. 32 00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:12,360 Look at it. There's a fucking big chunk out of it. That motherfucker. 33 00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:16,200 Where is he? The way I see it, the left shelf. 34 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:20,920 The less shit I'll put on them, therefore the less shit I'll have. 35 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,020 Okay, so is that good or bad? 36 00:03:23,260 --> 00:03:25,900 Good. Everything we open is broken. 37 00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:30,320 And he'll keep saying to me, I'll glue it. I'm going to glue his fucking mouth. 38 00:03:35,020 --> 00:03:39,920 Anything to do with, like, the history channel and the war channel, all stuff 39 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:40,759 like that. 40 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:41,760 Yes. 41 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,580 Weather in Afghanistan, 2 ,000 degrees and cloudy. 42 00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:49,300 What the fuck am I doing? 43 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,520 I'm stuck on the weather channel. 44 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:58,560 What the fuck is that? 45 00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:20,040 We didn't give the owners any written instructions. We gave them the remote 46 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:24,600 control, and then the owners figured out by themselves how to work it, so that's 47 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:25,600 how easy it is. 48 00:04:29,860 --> 00:04:33,780 Wake signal, that's a better one. What the hell is that wake signal? 49 00:04:34,420 --> 00:04:35,420 Jack! 50 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:40,260 Can you get this fucking television to work? 51 00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:45,070 I'm a very simple man. You've got to have a lot of... computer knowledge to 52 00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:46,750 the fucking TV on and off. 53 00:04:47,170 --> 00:04:48,170 Jack! 54 00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:53,870 Fucking thing. Why can't I get a normal fucking TV, man? 55 00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:58,610 I press this one button and the shower starts. I'm going, what is this? Where 56 00:04:58,610 --> 00:04:59,289 I, man? 57 00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:00,810 It's fucking space, that shit. 58 00:05:01,150 --> 00:05:02,430 And the nightmare continues. 59 00:05:03,230 --> 00:05:04,550 Nightmare in Beverly Hills. 60 00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:05,770 Take the satellite. 61 00:05:06,370 --> 00:05:07,570 Yeah, and? 62 00:05:09,790 --> 00:05:11,310 That shit, come on. 63 00:05:11,830 --> 00:05:15,470 With all these buttons, you could use your fucking blowjob as well. Let's go 64 00:05:15,470 --> 00:05:16,249 the television. 65 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,290 Press blowjob. 66 00:05:22,310 --> 00:05:24,630 The coyotes are going to eat you. 67 00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:28,330 Mmm, yes, I think you're a nice guy. 68 00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:33,930 Lightning fast fighters to shoot down enemy planes. 69 00:05:35,590 --> 00:05:38,990 Deadly bombers to flatten German and Japanese warplanes. 70 00:05:39,690 --> 00:05:44,770 Tough, reliable cargo planes to airlift troops and supplies into battle. 71 00:06:11,650 --> 00:06:13,090 Oh, Dad, this is going to fit. 72 00:06:14,410 --> 00:06:15,410 Yeah. 73 00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:25,470 What are 74 00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:28,550 you doing? 75 00:06:29,050 --> 00:06:30,270 I'm trying to bend it. 76 00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:31,930 What? 77 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,800 This what you want to wear to the Tonight Show though? 78 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,280 Yeah. 79 00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:57,160 Very Jackie O, Kelly. 80 00:06:57,420 --> 00:06:58,780 What is? This outfit. 81 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,500 What a pleasure to meet you, man. 82 00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:08,380 I've been a fan for a long time. The first concert I ever saw at the Grand 83 00:07:08,380 --> 00:07:11,100 Railroad opening for you guys at the Forum. At the Forum, yeah. 84 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:12,860 71, that was. Absolutely. 85 00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:14,159 Greatest show. 86 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:15,160 Thanks a lot. 87 00:07:15,340 --> 00:07:19,280 No, see, the thing is, is that if you do want to go to the Tonight Show... 88 00:07:20,620 --> 00:07:21,960 You're going to have to get cracking. 89 00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:24,460 I won't go then. 90 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:27,320 Simple as that. 91 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:32,720 He's very nervous. He doesn't like doing any TV at all. He likes Jay a lot. He 92 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:33,720 watches the show. 93 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:38,100 Not that it's selling out, but it's just too mainstream for him. 94 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:41,260 I mean, I make him do it. He doesn't want to do it. 95 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:45,720 Hi. 96 00:07:47,230 --> 00:07:49,790 What I mean, you're talking about dude looks like a lady. 97 00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,430 Don't you want to see your dad? 98 00:07:53,870 --> 00:07:56,090 I'll see you tonight. That's for tonight show. 99 00:07:56,890 --> 00:07:57,890 Oh, really? 100 00:07:58,030 --> 00:08:00,330 I didn't know. 101 00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:02,190 Oh, you are blonde. 102 00:08:02,710 --> 00:08:03,569 Fuck off. 103 00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:04,570 Get a real job. 104 00:08:08,630 --> 00:08:09,890 Hey, how's it going, Ozzy? 105 00:08:10,370 --> 00:08:11,370 I'm Robert. 106 00:08:12,590 --> 00:08:14,010 Oh, big fan too, huh? 107 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,740 Sorry, you're not watching a movie that's about marijuana smoking. 108 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:37,019 Turn it off. 109 00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:38,020 I'm serious. 110 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:42,679 Fuck off. I'm serious. You're not watching films about marijuana use. 111 00:08:43,260 --> 00:08:44,280 Shut up. 112 00:08:44,510 --> 00:08:49,790 Leave my room now. I don't need your help. You sent it to Rick? To Rick. 113 00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:50,749 -I -C -K? 114 00:08:50,750 --> 00:08:52,430 He wanted to Rick be cool. 115 00:08:53,110 --> 00:08:54,410 How old is he? 116 00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:56,250 He's like 28. 117 00:08:58,210 --> 00:09:01,270 I'm thinking like 60. No, he's a huge fan. 118 00:09:02,090 --> 00:09:03,350 Don't you want the Eagles? No. 119 00:09:03,790 --> 00:09:04,790 Throw it. 120 00:09:04,890 --> 00:09:06,730 Why? Just throw it. 121 00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:10,830 I don't have to answer every question for everything I do. 122 00:09:11,070 --> 00:09:11,929 Fuck off. 123 00:09:11,930 --> 00:09:12,930 Oh, bugger off. 124 00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:20,380 So, are you nervous before you perform or what? I don't need a laxative. 125 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,440 I thought you were funny. 126 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:27,440 Want a thing on your lips? 127 00:09:28,180 --> 00:09:32,000 No, we're not getting through. We don't go there, do we, huh? 128 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,420 Put this one here. 129 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:38,240 Hold on, wait. 130 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:41,300 That'll be all right, too. 131 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:42,760 Thank you. 132 00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:48,790 My next guest, legendary rocker, tonight he's performing a song from his first 133 00:09:48,790 --> 00:09:52,590 solo album in six years, Down to Earth. Please welcome Ozzy Osbourne. 134 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:07,570 He was really 135 00:10:07,570 --> 00:10:11,810 good. I could tell that he was a little bit uncomfortable, but he did good. 136 00:10:12,230 --> 00:10:13,990 Now you come back and talk to him. 137 00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:15,350 Who? 138 00:10:15,650 --> 00:10:16,650 Next time. 139 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:22,170 What? I said next time you'll come back and talk, you'll be a talking guest 140 00:10:22,170 --> 00:10:23,510 instead of a singing guest. 141 00:10:23,850 --> 00:10:24,849 Oh. 142 00:10:24,850 --> 00:10:26,210 Right? When's that, next week? 143 00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:30,010 A little later. 144 00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:34,450 Why are we married? 145 00:10:35,830 --> 00:10:37,550 I bet you do when you go out. 146 00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:38,770 No, I don't think so. 147 00:10:39,230 --> 00:10:41,250 Oh, yes, you do. 148 00:10:41,610 --> 00:10:42,610 I'll let you go. 149 00:10:43,150 --> 00:10:44,470 Please spare me, seriously. 150 00:10:46,930 --> 00:10:47,990 What's wrong with it? 151 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,150 You're too old. 152 00:10:53,370 --> 00:10:57,270 That's very nice. You wasted your 50, 50. Am I wrong, you said? 153 00:10:57,830 --> 00:11:04,190 Jonathan, it makes you really feel good. I didn't feel nervous at all. 154 00:11:06,010 --> 00:11:07,010 Do it now. 155 00:11:12,989 --> 00:11:13,989 What? 156 00:11:15,450 --> 00:11:18,910 Why can't you... Why do you start these things? You never tell me you're 157 00:11:18,910 --> 00:11:22,990 going... Because everyone else had what we said and you're the only one that 158 00:11:22,990 --> 00:11:26,610 didn't like... Darling, let me explain to you. You have not been standing in 159 00:11:26,610 --> 00:11:29,730 front of 30 billion denticles for 35 years. 160 00:11:30,910 --> 00:11:32,230 Just write me a note. 161 00:11:47,650 --> 00:11:48,650 Oh, 162 00:11:53,810 --> 00:11:54,910 hi, Michael. 163 00:11:55,270 --> 00:11:58,350 How you doing? This guy got a delivery for someone. 164 00:11:58,590 --> 00:12:03,390 My name is Michael, and I was hired as a security to watch the Ozzy Osbourne and 165 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,330 Mrs. Shannon Osbourne house. I walk around the perimeters. 166 00:12:06,710 --> 00:12:07,790 I walk outside. 167 00:12:08,030 --> 00:12:12,670 I check the front house, the doors, the windows, the back house, make sure just 168 00:12:12,670 --> 00:12:14,850 everything is okay around here. 169 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:22,160 It's a blood clot. 170 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,480 It's a blood clot? 171 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:24,720 Yeah, feel it right here. 172 00:12:24,860 --> 00:12:27,300 I have fun over here. 173 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:34,440 My next guest, a legendary 174 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,720 rocker. Tonight he's performing a song from his first solo album in six years, 175 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,300 Down to Earth. Please welcome Ozzy Osbourne. 176 00:13:48,149 --> 00:13:52,630 It was on the stove too Kelly. 177 00:14:02,410 --> 00:14:07,030 Ever since Kelly was born, she has what we call a wobbler. 178 00:14:07,310 --> 00:14:08,169 Leave it alone. 179 00:14:08,170 --> 00:14:09,330 Dad, it's not hot anymore. 180 00:14:09,570 --> 00:14:10,590 Darling, leave it alone. 181 00:14:10,870 --> 00:14:11,990 It's kind of like a freak out. 182 00:14:14,010 --> 00:14:16,430 Forget it. It's not hot anymore. 183 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:17,730 Leave it alone. 184 00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,450 Daddy! Oh, but nothing. 185 00:14:19,870 --> 00:14:21,870 Why are you so sarcastic towards me? 186 00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:24,230 I'm not. I'm in a bad fucking mood now. 187 00:14:24,590 --> 00:14:27,750 What? I nearly set the kitchen on fire. Oh, shut up. 188 00:14:28,010 --> 00:14:29,030 Is that your fault? 189 00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:31,330 Wait till your mother starts with me. 190 00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:35,200 She's had a wobbler every day since she's been living. So when you say, what 191 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,080 caused it to storm out? It's Kelly. 192 00:15:10,670 --> 00:15:13,470 I'm really, really, really, really serious about Kelly, Mum. 193 00:15:13,970 --> 00:15:16,010 I'm about to snap at her. 194 00:15:16,870 --> 00:15:20,810 She's tired. You're all so tired and you're snapping at each other the whole 195 00:15:20,810 --> 00:15:24,010 time because you're tired. It's not that I'm tired, Mum. She's always got this 196 00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:26,450 attitude towards her. 197 00:15:27,410 --> 00:15:29,650 Jack, I'm not disagreeing with you. 198 00:15:30,950 --> 00:15:34,610 We've got to sit down and everybody's got to talk and get it sorted, Jack. 199 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,780 Jack is a pretty cool guy. 200 00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:03,600 Very, very mellow, very easygoing. 201 00:16:03,940 --> 00:16:08,700 It's been pretty tough for him because he's kind of the oddball at school. 202 00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:15,060 He is friendly with kids. 203 00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:19,610 but he doesn't socialize with them. Jack isn't one of these kids that'll hang at 204 00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:21,410 the mall and go see movies. 205 00:16:21,650 --> 00:16:22,970 That's not his life. 206 00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:44,360 If they believe you, then it's like one thing. But if they feel like you're 207 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:49,000 lying, which we usually are, then it's like you don't really do anything the 208 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:49,919 next day. 209 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:50,920 Just to lay low. 210 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:52,440 Who's it is? 211 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:53,620 Fucking dick. 212 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,940 This shit will kill you faster than crack. 213 00:16:56,880 --> 00:17:00,180 You know what? I think tobacco is the most addictive shit that I've ever eaten 214 00:17:00,180 --> 00:17:00,799 in my life. 215 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:04,359 And the funny thing is, you don't have a cup of buzz. 216 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:06,660 You do it first, apparently. 217 00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:09,160 No, you fucking don't. So I heard. I smoke. 218 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,400 Heavily for 40 fucking years. I've just quit seven months ago. 219 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,960 Well, I can't stand the smell of this shit anymore. 220 00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:17,920 You know what? I'm an ass -kicking fat kid. 221 00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:19,480 What? Nothing. 222 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:21,800 You got money for me? 223 00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:23,619 Yep. Thank you very much. 224 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,880 Fucking crap on you guys. 225 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:34,680 I had a guy pull chicks in his fucking mouth. Please don't get drunk or get 226 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,940 stoned tonight. Because I'm fucking pissed off because I can't. 227 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:42,060 Don't be, don't drink, don't take drugs. No, no, I don't do that. Please. 228 00:17:42,340 --> 00:17:43,840 If you have to take drugs, cut them. 229 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:08,950 Kelly has this thing about leaving us when it comes to going to the standard. 230 00:18:09,050 --> 00:18:10,750 It's her thing. She tells me to fuck off and all that. 231 00:18:11,230 --> 00:18:13,330 Kelly's in my... She's a little bitch when it comes to that. 232 00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:18,370 Kelly was a big -ass mall rat, and I just started taking her clubs and then 233 00:18:18,370 --> 00:18:19,970 of just told her to fuck off, and that was it. 234 00:18:22,910 --> 00:18:26,390 He's been running around talking crazy shit about me, and I found out. And I 235 00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:30,510 think it's more that he feels guilty about doing it, to try to be mean, and 236 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:31,590 he gets in a bad mood. 237 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:39,120 What's going on? 238 00:18:39,260 --> 00:18:43,340 Jack can do anything he wants to, say anything he wants, talk all this shit, 239 00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:46,020 if it comes back to him, he just freaks. 240 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:50,700 Dad, I... Why don't you ask your mom? Dad, I have. She won't do fuck all. She 241 00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:54,000 goes, oh, I will, I will, but she hasn't, and she won't. 242 00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:58,860 Dad, I'm just, I'm really about to lose it with her. She ditched Sarah, who's 243 00:18:58,860 --> 00:19:02,980 supposed to be her best friend, and just left us. If it wasn't for me, she'd 244 00:19:02,980 --> 00:19:05,080 still be at a fucking mall with a dumb friend. 245 00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:08,960 See, it was me who said... Hey, Kelly, when she used to hang out at the mall 246 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,480 with her little stupid friends, I'm like, Kelly, come and meet us in class. 247 00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:15,560 We'll hang out. Jack, I really understand, but you've got to understand 248 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,500 I'm coming from. I love you all. 249 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,840 I love you more than life itself. 250 00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:21,620 You're all fucking mad. 251 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:23,960 Stop. 252 00:19:24,420 --> 00:19:25,420 Shit. 253 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,540 Life can be so sweet. 254 00:19:28,780 --> 00:19:30,920 Love can be so fine. 255 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:36,120 I know I'm complete when I hold... 256 00:19:47,390 --> 00:19:49,610 As we stand there. 257 00:20:08,490 --> 00:20:10,210 Mike and Kelly are still fighting. 258 00:20:10,490 --> 00:20:14,090 My husband's still moaning because he still can't work the remote control. 259 00:20:14,310 --> 00:20:17,610 But at least we finally moved into the house. We're home. 260 00:20:17,910 --> 00:20:21,430 Can you imagine the neighbors when they see that by the door? 261 00:20:21,830 --> 00:20:28,490 Some think that I'm a son of a gun, but I'm out to have some fun. 262 00:20:32,070 --> 00:20:33,070 Crazy. 263 00:20:33,910 --> 00:20:35,910 Hey, but that's how it goes. 264 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:43,200 Millions of people live in Aspo. 265 00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:51,980 Maybe it's not too late to 266 00:20:51,980 --> 00:20:57,920 learn how to love and forget how to hate. 19364