Original subtitles

Bathroom's open!

I've got school.

I got work.

I stink.

You win.

Bill, why don't you just call Tummer to finish the upstairs bathroom? It's gonna

cost us a fortune, and this family has other needs, Judy. Don't forget the big

picture. And by that, I mean the TV I want to buy.

A working shower's more important than a new television.

I'm only thinking of the kids.

And how if we crank up that surround sound, we can forget we even have them.

Yoo -hoo.

Come in.

Hey, you guys. Sorry to barge in on you like this. Bill, go put something on.

Our neighbors are here.

Judy, they don't want any of this. They're gay.

Yeah, that's why we don't want it.

We are getting cable installed today, so will you please let the guy in? We're

not going to be home. Oh, sure. No problem.

So, cable, huh?

so that you guys can watch the L word.

L stands for lesbian.

But we're actually getting it for the news.

Did you hear that, Bill? They got their own news now.

Actually, we like CNN.

I bet you do.

I bet you do.

Hi, we just came by to get our key.

When you guys were at our house, did you happen to use our shower?

What makes you think that?

Oh, little clues like wet towels on the bathroom floor, razor stubble in the

sink. Oh, and your pants with your wallet in them.

Pretty circumstantial, if you ask me.

You are unbelievable.

Is that my French perfume?

I don't have nice things.

In our defense, we did do you a big favor by waiting for the cable guy. He

by and nobody answered.

If you want to tell him to try again tomorrow, we'd be happy to... Yeah,

Sorry, you guys. We've been waiting for three weeks for Bill to fix that

upstairs bathroom.

And as soon as I'm done, you two are invited over to shower.

And maybe a little CNN.

Hey, uh, where you been, Chris?

Oh, I drove Lauren and her friends to the mall.

Well, you're late for your cello lesson. The teacher's waiting at the house.

Cello? Let me do it for the workout.

I'm on my way.

Oh, Chris, don't forget. You're going to join me and my friends to Six Flags

tonight. I know. I can't wait.

See you later, Lauren. Bye.

I'm not thrilled about this. I don't think roller coasters are safe.

Oh, they're fine.

I rode on them during all my pregnancies.

what I'm not thrilled about.

Our son's chauffeuring your daughter all over town.

Are they dating again or is Lauren just using him?

What are you saying?

We didn't raise a user. We're good parents.

Well, she's had him take her and her friends out four nights this week.

She was out four nights this week?

Does she even have a curfew? Oh, yes. Of course she does.

I think.

Well, could you also ask her where she stands with Chris? Because he really

likes her, and we don't want to see him taken advantage of.

Okay, yes, I will get into that, because I don't want anything to spoil the

friendship we have with you wonderful neighbors.

Is that my necklace?

I had lunch today.

Oh, my God, Becca, he's so hot.

I'm going to go on all the rides with him.

Yeah. Yeah, and Chris is going to be there, too, so we can hold our purses.

Yeah, and then we can do our math homework.

Yeah, right behind me.

Okay, bye.

Hey!

I want to ask what's going on between you and Chris.

Oh, trust me, nothing. And it's not like all those other times when I said

nothing. I really mean nothing this time.

Because it looks to me like you're leading them on.

You need to be straight with Chris, okay? It's not nice to use people,

Fine, I'll talk to him tonight.

Okay, be home by 11.

You changed my curfew to 11? You do have a curfew, I know it!

Hey.

Hey, cool toy.

Oh, this isn't a toy. See, Tina was supposed to make an invention for

we made this. It's called the Answer Man.

I had a rocket fit, but someone couldn't figure it out.

Is Peanut going to get a good grade on this?

Yes. Can I try? Yeah, sure. Just ask it a yes or no question.

Okay, Answer Man, which one of these leftovers should I eat for lunch?

Yes or no question.

Really not that hard.

Okay, Answer Man, should I have the chicken for lunch?

Shows how much this thing knows, because I want chicken, and I'm having chicken

from Machine Brian.

Chicken is spoiled.

Oh, my God.

This really is the answer, man.

Oh, okay, I'm going to ask it where I should go on vacation.

Maybe you should ask it while you don't understand what a yes or no question is.

Hey, Mrs. Miller.

And you're soaking wet.

Yeah, I was just standing in line for some green day tickets that Lauren asked

me to get for her.

Oh, Chris, sit down, okay, sweetheart?

And I'm only saying this because I care about you.

But you are being a giant wussbag.

Excuse me?

You are a sweet, good -looking guy with a lot to offer.

But teenage girls can be kind of, um, whole -sucking witches.

Oh, not Lauren.

This morning, right after the wind blew away my umbrella, I got a call from her

on my cell phone saying, don't give up, Chris.

I really want those pickets.

She's a doll.

You should be dating someone a little bit more mature.

Mature? Yeah.

Someone who appreciates all the stuff you have to offer.

You think?

Yeah, I mean, it would serve Lauren right, you know? If you found someone a

little older, then she'd be sorry for the way she treated you. You know what

saying?

Yeah, I'm getting a pretty good picture.

What do you mean that part's not in?

I've got a family waiting for a bathroom to be finished, and they are more

important than anybody in this... Oh, it's just you.

I thought it was your mom. She's been busting my hump about... Hey, there's

than one plumbing supply company in this town, you know.

Yeah? And I'll tell you another thing.

Yes, that's with sausage.

Well, my work here is never done.

Well, it better be done soon or you can kiss your big screen TV goodbye. I'm

calling the plumber if the work's not done in 48 hours. 48 hours? Judy, one

is not enough time to fix a bathroom.

Fine, Bill, I'll give you two.

That's all I'm asking.

What are you doing?

Helping your mom carry groceries.

Why, we don't.

Chris saw me pull up and generously offered to help me with these heavy

Oh, not too heavy for me, thanks to these cello arms, you know.

Well, um, now that you're here, you can drive me to my dance class.

But only if you want to.

No, I'm having a blast helping Judy.

A blast?

Judy?

I mean, Mrs. Miller.

Unless you don't mind if I call you Judy. We're all adults here.

I think Mrs. Miller would be more appropriate.

Gotcha.

Don't say anything. It's practically done.

You mean done being the bathroom?

You gave me two days. A lot can happen in 72 hours.

Yeah, you might even learn how to tell time.

Look, I might have made a little mistake with Prith. I was talking to him about

not letting Lauren push him around, and now I think he kind of has a crush on

me. You think Lauren's pushing him around? Wait till he lives with you for

years.

Look, I want you to talk to him. Set him straight. He's downstairs. I think it's

better coming from a man than, you know, a person he considers a goddess walking

the earth.

If you're a goddess, what does that make me?

The luckiest son of a bitch on the planet.

Hey, Mr. Miller.

Hey, Chris. Oh, can I have a swig of your beer?

Oh, actually, Mrs. Miller sent it up for you.

I'm too young to drink.

Well, you're missing out.

You know, I, uh... I notice you've been hanging around my wife a lot lately.

What? No.

Nope. No, I don't. Not that much.

No, it's okay. It's okay. Everybody loves Judy.

You know, people come from all around to visit and appreciate her like a

national park or a beautiful rainbow.

Yeah, she's awesome.

I mean, her personality.

Yeah, of course. Of course, but... You should know, you know, Mrs. Miller is a

grown woman, and... Damn it.

Mr. Miller, it's none of my business, but that might be easier if you use the

slipknot wrench.

John, I realize that, but where in the world am I going to find a slipknot

wrench?

In your toolbox.

Here, let me show you.

See, with this you can get a really good grip on... Wow,

you're pretty handy with this stuff.

You know, my Uncle Jack's a contractor, and he used to let me help out on jobs.

Really?

But a job like remodeling this bathroom, that'd probably be out of your league,

right? No, it's easier than you think.

I could help you finish in, like, two days, easy.

Really?

72 hours.

Oh, but wait, Mrs. Miller thinks I'm hanging around too much. No, no, no,

Miller loves having you here.

She does? Yeah, yeah, she, uh...

She thinks of you as part of the family, the part she rarely covers up in front

of.

And if you help me finish this bathroom, she is going to jump for joy.

Up and down.

Up and down.

There's a genius on hand with all the answers.

I did get a 15 -port on my SAT. Brian, shh.

Answer man. Should I buy a new bedroom unit?

Oh, good.

Wait a minute. You're not actually basing life choices on a plastic toy.

Aunt Linda, this machine is random, okay?

You've made all your decisions your entire life without the use of this

and look how well you... Go with the toy.

Okay, now, uh, you know I don't really have the space for a king -size bed, so

would it be crazy if you moved for a new bed?

Wait.

Perry and I can't afford one unless I get a raise.

And I can't get a raise unless I threaten to quit.

Oh, you're saying I should threaten to quit my job?

Oh, damn it, where'd it go?

I lost my marble.

Oh, honey. the one left, huh?

Hey. Oh, you're wearing that, huh?

Don't worry. If we go out later, I'll put on my tiara.

Yeah, sis, you might want to strip off a few layers.

Huh? I need you to be hot. The house to be hot.

To dry the grout in the bathroom. I've turned the furnace way up. You know

It is a little warm in here.

Oh, that should do the trick. You know what would be great now? If you came up

and brought me and Chris a snack or something.

Chris is here again? I thought you were going to talk to him about not hanging

around and drooling over me.

Judy, why do you assume that every man who steps into this house is here to

stare at you like you're a national park or a rainbow?

Then what's he doing up there?

Learning some plumbing from me.

Turns out the kid needs a father figure. He needs a real man in his life.

Tell him to get in line behind me.

Ah, it's playing my song.

I should be getting home. You can probably do the rest of this without me.

No, no, no, no. Hang on. Mrs. Miller's going to want to come and check on our

work. She's just across the hall trying on bathing suits.

I'm staying.

Why is it so hot in here?

Hey, Kurt.

Haven't seen you in a while.

Yeah, I've been kind of busy.

Well, can I get you something to drink? It's really no trouble.

No, I'm fine.

Hey, guys, I brought some refreshment.

Ooh, lemonade.

All right, you've read my mind.

So how's it going, Mrs. Miller?

Good, a little hot.

Yeah, totally.

when the toilet's done. I need to come back and puke in it.

Phil, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, after I finish my lemonade.

Let's go.

Okay, admit it. You didn't talk to Chris and he's hanging around here because of

me. Yeah, that's right. He's here because of you. And you turned up the

I'd strip down.

That's right, Judy.

I turned up the heat so you'd strip down.

So he does have a crush on me. I knew it. I am a freaking rainbow.

When it comes to plumbing, this kid is a genius. But I didn't tell you what I

was doing because I knew you wouldn't want me using him the way Lauren did.

I'll tell him to go home. Are you insane?

I want a bathroom, too.

Tell him I'll give him a lap. if it gets me an upstairs toilet.

Honey, if you still have that tube top, I think we can get his and hers synced.

I'm looking. I'm looking.

I'll be right back up with your lunch, Chris.

Bill, did you make him his lunch?

Yep, right here.

Hey. Hey.

That's for my special boy.

And what am I?

We've been working on that one for 17 years.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. He likes a pickle with a sandwich.

So, after lunch, he's scheduled to finish working on the bathroom with me.

Yeah, we're going to have to push that back till after the weekend. We've

decided to install some track lighting in the bedroom. Oh, he does lighting,

too?

Why couldn't lesbians have raised Brian?

Yeah, why couldn't anyone have raised me? I would have gone with wolves.

Oh, here's your sandwich, Chris.

And a pickle.

Why don't you go into the living room and relax?

Thanks. You know, I was looking in your bedroom closet, and if you want, I can

install a revolving shoe carousel.

Revolving shoe carousel.

He makes it sound like a carnival.

So if you want, you could go to the dance with me.

I'll think about it.

Yeah, we could go driving afterwards.

Just you and me. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Is she bothering you?

No, it's okay.

Hey, what's up, lady?

We're looking for Chris. He's a little busy right now. Mom, is that you?

Chris, what are you doing? We've hardly seen you the last few days.

Well, I've been busy.

That's it. You've been spending way too much time over here doing stuff for

Lauren. He hasn't been doing anything for me. Then what have you been doing

here? Chris, I have your lemonade.

Let's say you and me go back up to the bedroom.

So you've been flirting with our son to get him to finish your bathroom?

And the track lighting?

And there was talk about a shoe rack.

Just a little talk.

At least they let me do stuff.

What? All you ever let me do is read or play the cello. The Millers let me build

stuff with my hand.

It makes me feel like I'm my own man.

And there it is.

What we were trying to do all along, mold a young boy into a man.

All right, maybe we should loosen the reins a little bit.

But that doesn't excuse you two. I mean, luring him with your beauty?

Look at your smoking hot body.

You know, you're so fine. Terry, we got it. She's pretty.

You can't tell people not to look at a rainbow.

Actually, I don't have a crush on you.

Excuse me?

I'm sorry, Mrs. Miller, but you said if I found someone more mature, it would

make Lauren think twice.

And you were right. Hanging out with you made her totally jealous.

You were using me? How dare you?

I mean, come on, Mrs. Miller.

You're nice and all, but Lauren's 16 and you're, like, 50?

40, which happens to be the new 30, which is really the new 28.

Yeah, maybe I'd better go find Lauren and tell her I'll take her to the dance.

Yeah, you better hurry up. You're not getting any younger.

Well, there goes getting our bathroom done.

Yeah, I guess we're just going to have to finish it all by ourselves.

You know, I once took a class at Home Depot, and I'm really good with my

You like lemonade?

We're leaving.

First you ask a yes or no question.

Then you drop the marble down the slot.

Aunt Linda, what are you doing here?

Honey, I got fired. So, um, I'm gonna need you to ask the marble thingy if I

should beg for my job back, okay?

I wouldn't have it any other way because you make me happy.