All language subtitles for Still Standing s03e23 Exchanging

All right, I guess I'll have to call
earlier next year.

Yeah, bye.

Bad news. Too late to get Tina into
Mother Goose summer camp.

The fire marshal limits the amount of
children you can fit in this shoe.

Mother Goose camp?

Month ago, it was an Arby's.

Great. Who's going to watch Tina this
summer? Hey, I'm more disappointed than

you. I was going to spend my summer at
that Arby's.

Great news.

My teacher says I'm going to pass basic
math. What?

You see, I got a 72 on my midterm and a
68 on my final, which is like an average

of... Who cares? I'm past the basic
math.

Who told you to sit next to a smart kid?

Thank you, Daddy.

I can't believe it. No summer school
this year. I'm free. I'm going to do

nothing but lay out by the lake all
summer. Ooh, well, make sure Tina wears

plenty of sunscreen.

She burns easily.

Wait, I'm watching Tina? Well, we
couldn't find a day camp, and your

I don't want to have to come home from
work and spend every second of the

staring into that bored, pathetic
little... Angel face.

Tina, honey, bad news.

We can't send you to day camp this
summer. We're sorry. We forgot.

Forgot, huh?

But I'm sure there's plenty of beer in
the fridge.

I'm still in love with you to say Cause
you make me happy

Okay,

what about this camp, Tina? It says you
can learn how to square dance.

In fact, I went there one summer.

Next.

Well, you're going to have to pick one
because we're not spending a summer

together.

Hey, how do you feel about the circus?

Cool, there's a circus camp.

Well, no, but the circus is hiring.

It says must fit in canon.

I don't think that's going to work,
Lauren.

Sure it will, Mom. You just grease her
up, you stuff her in there. Yeah, keep

looking.

Hey, you mind if I borrow that camping
gear again? My son and I got that PFLAG

camp out this weekend. Oh, that annual
gay camp out with your gay son in the

woods?

Yeah. Do you learn arts and crafts from
that Indian from the village people?

Sure, they might get a little fancy now
and then, but it's still a bunch of guys

out in the woods roughing it.

Oh, you're going camping again? Do you
need to borrow my napkin rings?

No, we're going to hike to Crate and
Barrel the first day.

I'm just going to grab the camping gear
from the basement.

You know, I thought this was going to be
the summer that you and Brian finally

went camping. Yeah, we'll have to do
that one of these summers.

Come on, Bill. Your dad took you
camping.

Oh, yeah, that was a lot of fun.

I'd hide up in a tree while he stumbled
around drunk with his crossbow yelling,

Get down here, you sissy, and put the
apple back on your head.

That explains your fear of fruit.

Hey, guys, I got accepted into that
foreign exchange program, and I'm going

Italy for the summer.

Congratulations,

son. Oh, wow, it is so wonderful when
two cultures come together and... Wait a

minute, this doesn't mean we have to
take an Italian kid in, do we?

No, no, this requires no effort on your
part. Oh, just the way we like it.

So how'd you swing this? Dad, you were
with me when I applied.

We, uh, we went downtown with the
student model you're in.

We had our picture taken with the mayor.

You bought that giant pretzel with the
pizza filling? Oh, yeah, yeah.

From that vendor, Eddie. Yeah, he was
out of Sprite that day.

Yeah, I tried squirt, and I liked it.

What's going on? Oh, Brian is going to
spend the summer in Europe. Maybe it was

Slice.

God, that is so exciting. What country
are you going to?

Italy.

Italia. La bella countryside.

And a magical summer I spent there.

Hey, Bill, where are your lanterns? The
Coleman lantern's right next to the

bench. No, I'm talking about your
Chinese lanterns.

We're doing a campfire dim sum.

I know where they are, Fitz. Bill, give
me a hand.

Oh, I'm sorry, everybody. It was a
Sierra mist.

So, I never knew you went to Italy.

Yeah, I was there out of college.

I think it's so great that you were not
afraid to do something like this. Well,

I think I am a little nervous. I've
never been so far away from home for so

long. Oh, Brian, come on. It's going to
be wonderful. You're going to have an

adventure like mine. God.

I went all through Europe with just the
money in my pocket and the clothes on my

back. Oh.

Because my luggage was stolen at the
airport.

Really? Yeah.

God, it was beautiful.

I mean, it was Europe. One rainy night
in France, I spent a night in a 300

-old barn where I got Lyme disease.

You got Lyme disease? That's horrible.

If it wasn't for that, I never would
have met Jacques, that handsome French

doctor who helped me with my... Oh, God,
how do they say that in French?

Légions.

What a whirlwind romance that was.

He introduced me to the Parisian
nightlife, then he introduced me to his

then they robbed me.

What? Oh, my God.

Yeah, but it's Europe, you know?

So beautiful.

Wish I could show you the pictures, but
I had to sell my camera for antibiotics.

Ryan, you're late.

Yeah, I'm two hours past my curfew and I
will understand if you want to punish

me by making me cancel my trip and...
Dad.

Brian, you're late.

I know, I know. I was supposed to be
home two hours ago and...

And this is the third time this week.

It's past midnight. If you're going to
stay out this late, you should call us.

That's it? That's how you're going to
handle this?

Yeah, it's no biggie. You guys, I've
shown a wanton disregard for your rules

regulations, okay? And this is some very
iffy behavior I'm getting into here.

It's normal.

You're finally catching up with other
boys your age.

What's this? I dropped something.

It's a pack of cigarettes.

I am so busted.

Goodbye, Europe.

I'm not going to bust you for holding on
to someone else's cigarette.

Well, how do you know they're not mine?

We know you don't smoke. Your throat
closes up when we burn toast.

You know what, Judy? I don't think he's
ready to go to Europe.

Really? No, I wouldn't feel right
putting you on a plane.

Not without this brand new backpack.

There's a pocket for your inhaler and a
zipper compartment for your allergy

medications.

You can keep your cigarettes wherever
you want.

Great, guys. After I die from Lyme
disease, I can shit my body back in it.

Thank you.

Gee, he doesn't seem too happy. You
think he's having second thoughts?

He was acting a little weird.

I bet he's scared and he's afraid to
admit it because... will make fun of him

like we always do.

Like calling him crying Brian, too
scared of flying?

That was way too easy.

I don't blame him for being scared.
Italy is really far away from here, you

know? A lot could go wrong over there
with the different languages, the

confusing subways, the euro.

Uh, that's a little racist, Judy.

No, Bill, euros is what they call their
money.

Oh.

Stupid foreigners.

Well, if he doesn't want to go, I'm not
going to make him go. You know, maybe

he's just not ready. No, no. Brian's got
to get out there and spread his wings.

Otherwise, he might end up like Tacklin'
Ted McGee.

Who? Tacklin' Ted.

He played defense on my junior high
football team. We called him Tacklin'

because he liked to tackle people.
Clever nickname.

What'd they call you?

The nickname giver.

Which I changed to Nicky G.

The night before football camp started,
Ted chickened out and his parents let

him stay home.

Well, maybe that was for the best. No,
it wasn't. Ted's parents coddled him, so

Ted never left his parents' house. Never
did anything.

You know, we should go upstairs and talk
to Brian. We don't want him to end up

like that.

Yeah, poor Ted gave up football, never
tackled anyone again.

Well, until the president came to town,
then he made the news.

Hey,

that's the spirit. You're practicing
Italian.

Yeah, I just learned how to say, here's
my wallet, please don't shoot.

Honey, you know, it's okay to be a
little scared about going far away from

Who says I'm scared?

No one. And if you were, I'd tell you
not to be.

You're about to fly across the ocean to
a beautiful, exotic part of the old

world.

It's Florida, Dad.

Where you'll change planes and continue
on that -a -way.

This -a -way.

Ryan, a lot of times in life, a lot of
things are scary, but you need to

overcome your fears and just go for it.

Otherwise, you'll end up regretting the
things you could have done but never

did. It's a big world out there.

Just look at it.

And we're not even seeing the other
side.

Actually, Mom, that is the whole world.

Well, excuse us, son.

We don't know flat maps. We learned
geography the old -fashioned way on a

ball.

All I'm saying is it's better to go out
there and see the world instead of

sleeping underneath it.

This is an opportunity your father and I
never had.

It would be a shame for you to miss out
on it.

Well, maybe you're right, Mom.

It's kind of like what John Greenleaf
Whittier said. Of all the words of

or pen, the saddest are these.

It might have been.

Sounds like your friend John was
enjoying a little of the Greenleaf when

wrote that.

Maybe it would be good to spend a summer
away from here.

looking forward to spending the summer
with you and your family, Signore di

Gazzulo. No, I've always dreamed of
going to the opera.

No, my parents aren't really opera
people. They're more soap opera people.

I do love my stories.

Is he on the phone to that Italian guy
again? He's been blabbing to him every

day for the past three weeks.

Oh, it hasn't been every day. And with
the language barrier, I'm sure they find

Brian fascinating.

In Italian, he's probably not a nerd.

Okay, we'll just give everyone there my
best, senorita.

Papa.

Okay, Papa.

Okay, I'll leave it at that.

So, how were the gazoolos? They're
great. They just called me from their

house on Lake Como.

Sounds like he does pretty well on a
cobbler's salary.

He's a lawyer.

He works in Milan all week, which is why
he likes to get out into the country.

We're going to go fishing and hiking in
the woods. Oh, I'd be careful. In my old

neighborhood, if you went into the woods
with a couple of Italians, you never

came out.

Well, don't scare him like that.

But seriously, while you're over there,
never start your own car.

Okay. The important thing is that I'll
be learning about the Italian culture,

which you two might want to take a crack
at all.

I'll have a family that I can really do
stuff with. You know, Papa's even going

to take me camping.

Brian, you know, you don't have to call
him Papa.

No, I kind of like it. It makes me feel
like I'm really part of their family.

All right, well, I'm going to go see if
there's any football on.

It's not football season.

No, Dad, football is what the Italians
call soccer. It's Papa's favorite sport,

so I thought I'd learn about it. I'll
tell you everything you need to know

it in two words.

Boring!

Brian's going to have the time of his
life over there.

Yeah? Yeah, he's going to come back a
different kid. Not even a kid. He's

to come back a man.

I guess you're right.

You know, I think I'm going to take
Brian on that camping trip.

What? You know, the one he and I have
been talking about forever.

Wow. Well, you better check with the
Weather Bureau because I think hell just

froze over.

So we'll go to Wisconsin.

Just wait till I tell Brian. Oh, I
better go air out that tent.

Didn't Fitz return it clean?

Yeah, but it always comes back smelling
like potpourri.

Hey. Hey, Mom, I think I finally found a
summer camp for Tina. Look.

Miss Palmer's Etiquette Camp.

Come on, Tina doesn't need to go to an
editor.

Tina,

what do we say when we burp? Better out
the front door than out the back.

I don't know.

You making an earth ball?

I'm just waiting on Brian. I don't know
where the hell that kid is. We're going

to lose our campsite.

Well, it's great you want to take him
camping, but Brian has a lot to do. I

mean, he is going to Europe.

Oh, my God, I can't believe my baby
boy's going to Europe. It's really

happening. Europe, Europe. I'm tired of
hearing about it. He's not the first one

to take a big trip. I went all the way
to Indiana to get fireworks, and you

didn't see me planning my trip for
weeks.

Well, maybe you should have. You forgot
your money and ran out of gas.

Hey, guys. Where have you been? Your
mother's been climbing the walls. Isn't

that right, Judy?

No. See?

I'm sorry, Dad, but you kind of threw
this camping thing at me at the last

minute. I've got a lot of important
stuff to do before my trip. Oh, well, if

you've got important stuff to do, I
wouldn't want to waste your time with a

stupid camping trip. Forget it. It's
canceled.

I said I'm sorry, Dad. Why are you so
upset? Because I planned this trip, and

was looking forward to it. Since when
were you ever looking forward to this

trip? Every year you promised to take
me, and then every year you make some

excuse not to go.

There was always a very good reason I
couldn't go.

Like the time you were too shook up over
Princess Di?

Judy, she was England's rose.

I can't believe you. I'm leaving and now
all of a sudden you want to be super

dad? Well, I think it's a little late.
That's it. You're grounded from Europe.

What? You heard me. I forbid you to
leave this continent.

You can't do that. Watch me. This sucks.

That was incredibly childish.

I know. Do you believe that, kid? I am
talking about you.

Crazy? You can't ground him from Europe.
What's really going on here? I just

wanted to go camping with him. A son
should want to go camping with his

You said you hated it when you were a
kid.

I did.

Well, then why is this so important to
you?

Well, there was this one time, when I
was about Brian's age, my dad called me

over to the campfire, popped open a
beer, and told me I could have a sip.

Then we sat there for a while.

It was nice.

It was the first time I really felt like
he thought of me as a man.

Bill, you could still have that with
Brian, but you better hurry up because

is getting on a plane to Italy. Ah,
forget it, forget it. Going camping with

obviously isn't that important to him.
Let him go camping with Papa.

He can give him his first sip of vino
barbarino or whatever.

Yes, Mom. I'm all set. There was no need
for you guys to come with me to the

gate. You're an unaccompanied minor, and
my baby boy, you're lucky I'm not

folded up in your suitcase.

I'll call you when I land. Go and have a
wonderful time.

And remember, if anything happens,
please, please practice safe sex.

Mom, could you please not whisper that
in my ear while you're hugging me?

Sorry.

It's just so hard to let go.

Goodbye, Mom.

Bill, your son's leaving for the rest of
the summer. Isn't there anything you

want to say to him?

See you, kid.

Don't forget to write.

Well, I'll be sending you emails, plus
I'll be blogging every day. Don't worry,

you'll get used to the food.

Okay, well, I'll talk to you soon.

What kind of goodbye was that?

I'm not his mother. Guys say goodbye
differently. Well, I guess this is

I love you, son.

I love you more, Dad. Nah, I love you
more.

Ah, get a room.

I want to watch the plane take off.

Go into the ladies' room. Order me an
overpriced beer and an undercooked

Brian, I need to talk to you.

What is it now? Just take a minute. Come
on.

I've got a bottle of beer, please.

Look, uh...

I'm sorry I got so mad at you about the
whole camping thing.

It's okay, Dad. No, no, it's not okay.

I just felt guilty I hadn't made an
effort to spend more time with you when

were growing up.

You know, you assume there's going to be
plenty of time to do things with your

boy, and next thing you know, you're
watching a man hop on a plane and fly

We'll have plenty of time to do stuff
when I get back.

Well, I want to do something together
before you leave.

Dad, the plane's boarding. Here, here.

It'd be a damn shame if your first sip
of beer was with anyone but your old

Aren't we going to get in trouble?

Oh, airports are like international
waters. They're not subject to American

values.

Really? No, just drink up.

What do you think?

It's good.

You are my son.

I've never been so proud of you.

You know, there's a good chance that
next year I'll be valedictorian.

Great. After that deal he's done, we'll
have another beer.

I, uh... I better get going.

Well, uh...

Have a great trip, son.

Better go before your mom gets back.
She'll get all worked up. You know how

women are. What are you, slicing onions
back there?